The area was dark, covered in silver mist. Shades of gray mingled with the black atmosphere. The ground was hard. It felt like marble. Not a single tree, blade of grass, flower, or any type of greenery could be seen. Neither were there any houses, town signs, even corners of something to lean or lay back on. This was not something found in the average map. It seemed endless like a desert… or a void.
As for the sky – if there was a sky in this place – it was hard to tell whether it was day or night; the same dilemma could be said on which way was north or south, east or west. No sun, no moon, no stars, no streetlight, no lantern, no fireflies, no house light shone to show whatever direction anypony was taking.
But all of this mattered little in comparison to the horror chasing Fluttershy.
The pale gold Pegasus with the long, light pink mane and tail, moderately cyan eyes, and cutie mark of three butterflies – bodies in the same color as the eyes, and wings matching the mane and tail – was running like she had never run before. She panted hard. Drops of water flew from her eyes onto the floor. She didn’t care if either she was losing breath so rapidly, if her legs were hurting, or if she was going to get a stitch. She just wanted to be as far away as possible from the most frightening, most painful, most dangerous experience she had ever encountered in her life.
Suddenly, Fluttershy lost her footing and dropped to the ground. She was so tired. Sweat trickled down her face. Placing her front hooves close to her body, she managed to raise herself up a little bit before hanging her head down. She wanted to keep going, but knew she needed to catch her breath.
Perhaps the horror was a long distance behind. At that moment, Fluttershy felt safe. Yes, she was sure of it… Nothing could harm her now.
“Fluttershy…”
Fluttershy gasped. Her pupils shrank as her eyes opened wide. Her body began to shake. She felt like her heart stopped beating for only a second.
It was that voice; that sultry, almost velvety, smooth mare’s voice, mixed with a dark tinge; that very voice that had haunted her since she was a filly. And she was calling out to her. Toying with her, like this was just a game of Hide and Seek.
“Oh, Fluttershy…”
Fluttershy shut her eyes tight and placed her front hooves on her eyes. “No!” she cried, kneeling on her hind legs. “Keep away! L-l-l-l-l-l-l-leave me alone!”
She wanted to take off on her wings, but somehow, she couldn’t. They just wouldn’t work. It was almost as if they were clipped, yet they weren’t. They were sticking like glue on her body.
Finally getting herself back on all fours, Fluttershy resumed running in the direction she was taking. The tears in her eyes continued to drop. She was trying her best to stop crying.
She had to get her wings unstuck, or else her doom would be at hand.
Then, an arctic chuckle sounded through the air. “Where ya goin’, Fluttershy?” asked the voice, amusingly. “This isn’t the Annual Running of the Leaves, you know. You can’t get away from me, not matter how far ya trot…”
After running for about twenty meters, Fluttershy could feel her wings unfolding. “Thank goodness,” she sighed. One moment, they were in a situation close to paralysis. The next, they were usable again. It was a miracle.
She lifted herself off the ground with all haste. The air rushed by her as she climbed higher and higher. It was still dark and there was no wind to help increase the speed of flight. But that didn’t matter. She had regained the ability to fly.
Fluttershy felt a spark of hope inside her heart. Her sobbing ceased. Her face was dry. After all those years, after everything she had been through – physically, emotionally, and mentally – she was beginning to fight the surrounding shadows. There was light at the end of the tunnel, as the saying went. If she could just make it…
“…or fly, for that matter.”
All of a sudden, two eyes appeared out of the gloom, right in front of the fleeing Pegasus.
Fluttershy let out a shrill scream of fright. She screeched to a halt in midair. Her wings were locked back onto her sides. Then, she began to fall. This was just like when she stopped in the middle of flying towards that dragon’s cave last year.
The hope had completely evaporated from her. There was no escape. No chance of freedom. No rest. No peace. Not as long as there was the demon lurking.
The fall was quicker… and softer than Fluttershy had anticipated. All her bones were intact. No bruises were visible. Whatever made the ground seem like a mattress at impact was beyond her understanding.
Her physical condition, however, was not what she was worried about.
The eyes were still staring at her from the sky, the evil glimmer they held unchanged. They never lost track of her descent. And Fluttershy never lost track of them, either, unfortunately. Even if she couldn’t see the body, she recognized the eyes’ shape, the color, everything.
“See what I mean?” asked the voice, smugly.
Slowly, the eyes dipped towards the floor. Fluttershy could hear wings flapping as the eyes went lower. The movement was far more graceful, probably more practiced than how she could normally fly. It was exactly like Rainbow Dash’s, except this wasn’t the best flyer of Equestria looking at her.
The sky was starless and darker than the misty ground level. It would be hard for anypony to recognize a figure in the fog, but not for Fluttershy. There was only one being she had ever known living in this environment. She knew who it was.
She knew all too well.
Out of all the foes she had faced in her life – Nightmare Moon, the now reformed Discord, Queen Chrysalis, and the late King Sombra – none of them were as horrible as what was before her. This was her worst fear, even more frightening than dragons.
“I’m really disappointed in you,” spoke the demon, in a manner almost as lavishing as Rarity’s. “Do ya really think that all that learning how to be assertive and more self-confident can keep me away? That only hurts you even more, prolongs the suffering you’ve had all these years. Your pathetic pals can’t save you from what’s inside, deep down. Not even the Princesses. I’ll always be there. Nopony knows that better than you… and me.”
Fluttershy tried to pick up courage. “Stay away!” she croaked, barely keeping herself from stammering. “I don’t want any part of you!”
“I’m afraid you already are…”
A small shaft of sky blue light penetrated the darkness, as if a single light bulb was being turned on. It stopped just a few inches ahead of the shadowy demon. A front leg was drawn forward into the beam, where the illumination revealed its fur tone: yellow. Light, but pure gold.
It was just like Fluttershy’s fur and flawlessly so.
On the hoof lay a silver bit. But this wasn’t just any silver bit. It was a silver dollar. Bright and bold as polish, it was larger than the average bit. The surface looked a little worn, yet it still looked inseparable to any other coin of the same brand.
Fluttershy couldn’t escape the sight of that coin. It looked all too-familiar.
Suddenly, without warning, the demon’s foreleg tossed the coin into the air. The coin switched from side to side over and over again as it ascended. Then, it began to go down.
Fluttershy flinched. She couldn’t take it anymore. “No!” she cried, getting down on her hind knees. She placed her front forelegs over her head and pressed them on her ears. She didn’t want to hear the wind blow with each of the coin’s rotations. They had been haunting her for every single nightmare she’d ever had.
A coin toss would take only a second. But to Fluttershy, this particular toss was like six seconds; to say that it took ages would be too much to bear, overstated as it sounded.
The coin landed back on the demon’s hoof. Fluttershy knew it wouldn’t last for a minute. One moment’s pause and the coin had been tossed again.
Water formed once again in Fluttershy’s eyes. “S-s-s-s-s-stop it!” she sobbed, letting the tears run down her cheeks. “Just stop it! Please!” Yet she knew, in her heart, that this would never stop.
“It’s time, Fluttershy,” said the demon, her hoof catching the coin. “It’s time…” And so, she threw the coin up again.
“NOOOOO!!!”
For one moment, Fluttershy was screaming in hideous darkness.
But now… as she opened her eyes, she found herself back in her cottage, in her bed, under the covers, feeling all sweaty and panting heavily. Everything was bright. She turned her head left and then right, viewing her surroundings. All was still. There was not a sound to be heard, save for the birds chirping from outside.
Fluttershy let out a long, heavy sigh. It was all just a dream. No. Not a dream. More like a nightmare. There was no telling when it would come again in her sleep.
The Ponyville clock chimed at one, then two, three, four, five, six, and stopped at seven. It was seven in the morning for sure.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, followed by a familiar voice. “It’s time, Fluttershy!” called Rainbow Dash. “It’s time!”
This. Is. AWESOME!
Colour me the colour of intrigued.
I have a question, since this is based off of the animated stories... and is a Two-Face story... will "The Judge" make an appearance (if you don't know what I am referring to watch Batman TAS "Judgement Day")
Videos not uploaded by me.
Tell me soon please ... also instant fav.
ok..... im sold.
and two face is best batman villain by far.
2970431
Well, I'm glad to hear that.
2970508
I remember that very well.
Of course, Fluttershy isn't a D.A. or any other kind of lawyer. That's the difference between her and Harvey Dent.
2970628
Well, I respect your opinion.
Is The Fanfic Named After Batman Villain TwoFace?
4.bp.blogspot.com/-tK3iP8OkkRQ/UZKEeRQjyyI/AAAAAAAAAIE/OiDhNy3uWpI/s320/shut-up-and-take-my-money2.jpg
2971024
Well, you can have a third personality similar in concept later on in the story, depending on if Fluttershy is saved or falls into becoming two face permanently. Like how she is able to use the stare, the third personality can be one who uses the stare, but to an extreme and has a very loud, commanding voice that brings discipline
mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=3e2c18a1be&view=att&th=140376dfac298d46&attid=0.1&disp=emb&realattid=ii_140376dae48f6938&zw&atsh=1
Just an idea
2971257
Yep.
2971331
How so?
2971309
Well, I'm not so sure about that.
2971355
Well... okay... (Turns around and walks away, flips a coin........)
KILL HIM BOYS!
2971440
Good one!
Hmm...I'm on the fence about this one.
First, I'd just like to say it's fairly well written, although you need to proofread it again because there are a number of glaring errors of the kind that tell me you didn't read back over your own work.
As to the story itself...
I like Two-Face, and I loved the way B:tAS portrayed and developed him, but...
For this to work, you have to take a long, hard look at your idea and ask: "Is this just Harvey Dent with ponies, or do I have a substantially different story here that's different from just replacing Batman characters with ponies?"
Because right now, this looks very much like the latter, and the latter doesn't make for a good fanfic.
But as this is only the prologue--and honestly, you should've posted a bit more than this before shipping it out into the world--I'm taking a wait-and-see approach.
2974938
Believe me, this is the best I can think of. By the way, which errors would they be? I'm curious.
Anyway, I'm working on the first chapter. Wait and see...
2974952 There are quite a few; one I recall is "hoofs" instead of "hooves", and the word "always" used inappropriately in place of something else at one point. There are quite a few, but just reread it yourself twice and you should catch them.
2974962
Thanks! I'll get all those fixed soon. And where would "always" be, exactly?
2974971 Alright, I'll give you detailed comments. I'd have done so in the first place except I'm trying to do several things at once this afternoon.
On a second readthrough, it stands out to me that your writing style is VERY stilted, suggesting you are either very young, or English is not your first language. You need to work on making your writing flow more naturally, but I have neither the time nor the inclination to attempt to teach you how to do that. But these are the worst of the errors and mistakes:
shone
hooves
to raise
Nothing about this is right. Suggest:
She screeched to a halt in midair.
descent
There's the "always". And it's in the middle of a particularly badly constructed sentence. Suggest:
Slowly, the eyes dipped towards the floor.
This is not a grammar nitpick so much as a story nitpick:
This was my biggest problem with this whole thing. I know that the double-sided coin is Two-Face's motif token, but you need to find some other way to express this particular character trait in Fluttershy, because for the character AND the setting, it's wrong. Equestria doesn't have silver dollars. Or even silver bits. It has gold bits and no other form of currency. Find another way to express this concept that matches the setting.
Heard, not uttered. The two are not interchangeable.
2975070
Actually, there are silver bits, as shown here:
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/5/55/S3E13_Silver_Bits.png
Anyway, thanks a lot!
2975214 That was an animation error.
2975958
How can you be so sure?
2975977 Animation errors abound in FiM. If something only appeared one time and seems out of place, chances are it was an animation error.
2976745
Can't hurt to try it out on a fan fiction, can it?
2976881 I guess not. After all, the entire brony fandom was BORN from an animation error. Still, dial back on the blatant copying of Two-Face's coin motif.
2977219
Well, Two-Face was famous for that coin as well as his deformity.
2977292 But a coin doesn't make sense for Fluttershy. If you're going to copy a character tic, you need to repurpose it for the character it's being grafted onto.
The coin was an important part of Dent's character because it was his good luck charm, and for Two-Face, it was a representation of the "ultimate equalizer" that is chance, where one event has two possible outcomes and it all comes down to a flip of a coin.
To put it simply, Fluttershy needs something that is recognizable as equivalent to Two-Face's coin flip but is her own thing.
If you're determined to keep the coin motif, that's fine, do whatever you like. I'm just trying to point out that there's a way of handling it that lets Fluttershy own it instead of just copying it.
2979021
Well, I'm determined to explain everything on where that coin came in a later chapter.
2979734 Fair enough.
Kinda interesting. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.
I love this!
3004035
Thank you very much.
My heart is still pounding! Plus, strangely, I kept reading the demon's voice with Blackfire's (a villain from the late TV show Teen Titans) voice. Wonder why. Can't wait for the next chapter though!
2970508 Wow! I came to read and found a great BTAS episode as well! AWESOME! And it would be interesting to see the Judge within Flutters.
3042880
True it would be interesting, but the author has said no on the idea of a third personality in general.
3042763
Well, actually, I was planning on putting in a voice similar to that of Asajj Ventress:
3044770 Genius! I haven't watched Clone Wars in a looooooong time.
3045916
Glad I could help you there.
This is an awesome story! Keep up the good work!
3306216
Thanks a lot!
What do you like so far in this prologue?
This is a compelling start. Admittedly I've not watched the Batman thing you're basing this on but that isn't stopping me!
3659821 Well, then I suggest you watch it sometime. Great show.
3667189 Wouldn't know how to do that unless pay-TV or finding DVD collections.
3669754 Try this.
3670700 wow that was- I can't even think what to say, like before with the first chapter.
I love this story, even though I have only read the prologue.
3693621 Thanks! Means a lot!