• Member Since 28th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen November 6th

Trevor Rain


Inspiration of character from afar can only last so long, and it takes more than tricks and an attitude to win the continued love of those we care about. Scootaloo has been under the wing of Rainbow Dash for some time now, and Dash is learning that it takes more than just a passive effort to continue to earn the admiration of the flightless filly. With a desire to see Scootaloo be truly happy, Dash uses inspiration from reading the latest Daring Do book to grant Scootaloo one of her greatest desires.

To Fly.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

I'll admit, this is pretty amazing. If I was reading it while I wasn't feeling ill, it would probably be better :pinkiesick: Haha, so, take a like and a fave, and keep writin' stuff like this :3

2971188 Thank you for reading and thank you for your words :twilightsmile:

I've not been all that well myself as of late, Beatrice. I do hope you will make a speedy recovery.

I should have more soon. Thanks again!

Good story, but I still fucking hate you for making scootaloo flightless.

2978551 Although I'm happy you enjoyed it, why the ire? The more that a character has to overcome, the more that they can grow and become stronger. The intricacies of a character aren't just what we hope for them to become, but also what they have done in their past to make them who we love. :scootangel: It also goes along with some of Faust's original plans for Scootaloo.

Keep in mind, this is a one-shot. Characters can change with the imagination in the future.

Thank you for reading, Crimsony.

Comment posted by InsertCleverNameHere deleted Sep 22nd, 2013
Comment posted by Crimsony deleted Sep 22nd, 2013
Comment posted by InsertCleverNameHere deleted Sep 22nd, 2013
Comment posted by Crimsony deleted Sep 22nd, 2013

Beautiful story! A few editing mistakes here and there, but beyond that, I loved it. I finally get a warm feeling instead of tears while I read your story.

Could use a little editing, but otherwise a great read.:twilightsmile:
Glad you recommened it to me.

Ok, ground rules. Unless you want me to, I'm not going to bother with grammar/spelling mistakes. Also, here I'm just going to post general feelings about the work, but I recognize that it's not super useful without indicating individual examples. If you like, I can go ahead and mark it piece by piece to show you what I mean.

Daring's personality definitely works. Her scenes have a very Indiana Jones feel, which is what they should feel like. You're quite good at describing the environment.
I'm VERY intrigued by the concept. It's creative, original, and, since I have a weakness for the CMC, this is something that's already caught me. Side note - if pegasi feathers regrow at the same rate as normal bird feathers, it could be months or a year before Rainbow gets her old skills and flying ability back. This is a BIG deal.) The scene where Scoots first flies is very heartwarming. I love the dynamic you have between the two.

Bad: Clunky, overly wordy writing. You're using six words to say something you can in three. Dash, Scoots, and Cherilee don't really sound like themselves. I'd recommend spending more time familiarizing yourself with how they talk before writing their parts. Minor nitpick, but you really should have Daring explain what cyanoacrylate is right up front instead of waiting for later.

Overall? Recommended.


Thank you for your words, and I do acknowledge these flaws. However, I do believe a piece is only overly wordy when the words are clunky, as you said. If they flow, and if the pacing isn't sacrificed, then the description can add to the overall scene. I do believe I've failed in many cases here, but things such as grammar and other mistakes in diction will be improved as I continue writing and practicing. I'm learning to recognize these errors more and more as I go on. I also understand the need for cutting out whole paragraphs at times, if they don't suit the narrative's flow. Man, you should have seen my original draft of Life-Led's first chapter. It was as if it were written in a different language. The purplest of prose!

For me to get across every emotion I want from the characters, I have to change their speech pattern a bit from canon (If that's what you mean by how they 'sound'). I could argue creative license here by not wanting to make the characters too trope heavy in use of familiar phrases, but this is one of the first fictions where I had to juggle as many diverse characters as I did. I believe I do a better job in Long Way from Tall Tales. Still, I manage to have that dynamic between Scootaloo and Dash, right?

The Daring Do scenes felt very awkward for me to write, so it's funny that you compliment them so much. Suppose that extra worry about getting them just right actually paid off with the effort. The addition to her sidekick is actually a cameo from another fiction. There was no way I couldn't include her after gaining permission from the author.

If you are interested in the inspiration behind the concept, and other thoughts behind the fiction, let me know! I may do a blog series detailing them if there's enough interest.
Thanks again for the feedback!

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