emILY the Omelette • Reader • Amateur writer • Heavy shipper • All hail fanfic!
After being defeated in Canterlot, Chrysalis finds herself stranded on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest. The attack had left her and her soldiers critically injured, and without any help, they may not return to their kingdom.
Will Queen Chrysalis ever climb out of this depressing state and maybe even discover the true power of love for herself?
I'm bad at writing descriptions, so please don't judge the fic by the summary S: My first fanfic! For the EqD Flash Fic event
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Not bad, strangely for so much stuff happened i didn't felt it rushed, more like i fell there is much more waiting and that just start
Felt a bit rushed to me. The part where Trixie stormed the cave was particularly uneasy for me. You simply used a horizontal rule to take up an entire day. I would have liked it better if you put some more description as to what was happening before Trixie stormed the cave, and, generally speaking, slowing down a bit will help you I feel. Just my opinion!
According to Perteks, this story is not rushed. Accodring to Anonymity12, this story is a bit rushed. So I decided to investigate the case myself!
I think that it has a good pacing up until the last section, when two important events occur: Trixie learning about the Changelings' diet and Frizagon's demise (cool name, btw!). Because of that, there is no real depth to any of them, and neither the characters nor the reader have time to ponder on it. Hopefully the next chapter(s) will build on this one.
The more I think of it, leaving Trixie's charge unanswered is a nice and proper cliffhanger. But does the chapter really ends with "she got up and faced Trixie who stiffly said"? It feels like the ending of a paragraph is missing.
3021316 3026602 3027186 Oh my Luna guys, thanks for your comments ^^
To be honest, I haven't even finished writing the first chapter (and that paragraph), I just had a deadline which I didn't meet.
), you'd hopefully see a more... well-rounded ending.
You can see who's a faithful student hereBut if you could kindly watch this story or whatever you do on this site to catch up with it (I'm new, and just kinda lazy to explore...Thank you also for reading it (:
{EDIT: I've emitted the last part of the sentence (where it was incomplete) so it simply forms the end of the chapter}
3026602 In my head, the daily 'going-ons' are a bit 'boring' (quotation marks are fabulous, okay), but if I have time, I'll take writing a replacement for the horizontal line into consideration (:
Fantastic! Love the Trixie X Chrysalis parts. Update soon please!
3244796
Naw, thank you (: I'll get working on it
3246459
I don't mean to be a bother, but when are you going to update?
3440461 Oh my, I kind of forgot about my fanfic... I'll get on it!
3758021 Hurry up then.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
4786709 Hi, I'm afraid that I'll no longer be writing more of "Fireworks in the Night Sky", mostly because I am not proud of my work anymore. You can PM me and I'll tell you what I had in mind for the rest of the story, but no formal updates will be added, terribly sorry ):
4787840 In that case...
Go die
Wait, that was rude, let me rephrase that...
Please go die
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
4790528 Well, we all will one day. Nothing is permanent.
4790528
Some of us actually like these two. You Sun lover.
4787840
Aw! And there are few fics that are like this already!
9815892
Did you actually read the whole comment thread? The author said he had no plans to continue, so I jokingly told him to die. I fully support Trixalis.
9815901
Yes I know. I'm not dumb. Just saying my piece.