• Member Since 16th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 5 minutes ago


Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords and reviews. New reviews posted every Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"



This story is a sequel to No Heroes Part III - For Dreams

This story is a sequel to Lightning's Bolt.

An ancient enemy from the princess's past has arisen, seeking to re-establish a forgotten empire. With Canterlot under this new villain's sway, the princesses compromised and the Element-Bearers under the enemy's control, it's up to Luna's team to find a way to save Equestria. This is what they were chosen for, the reason they have been brought together.

Can six noponies really make a difference? Are they mere shadows of the light?

The time has come to show that you don't have to be the best to be the heroes.

Cover art commissioned from the awe-inspiring Eosphorite!

The No Heroes Series
Chronological from Top to Bottom:
Shadow Pony
Reddux the Tyrant
No Heroes Part I - The Roster
No Heroes Part II - The Journey Home
Lightning's Bolt
No Heroes Part III - For Dreams
No Heroes Part IV - The Crystal Empress
No Heroes: Beyond the Everfree
No Heroes: Life of Pie
No Heroes: Hot Chocolate at the Isekai

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 142 )

Iv been reading for 3 hours and can't stop....what have you done to me!

I'm sorry? :unsuresweetie:




Not really. :pinkiehappy:

Finally done. After seven long hours of reading I can stop. I know I could've stopped at any time but you had me wanting to read more as I continuously wondered what would happen next. Great job!

The fourth and final iteration of this series....
Well, the main series, I'm still holding on LD's story... Maybe Uppity's, if the idea is sound enough....
I still would've loved to see Tazel more....

Ok, I did make notes two days ago, but this is the first chance I've had to actually post them for you... Since doing so on a phone would be torture...

The start I found rather abrupt...
It was like... BAM conflict... BAM antagonists... BAM both antagonists hate each other.... Which I actually thought was a nice touch FYI... then "Hey, let's take over Canterlot..."

I remember you saying something about requiring Discord to be out of the picture... But I mean, really... What could he have done in that situation....

When I first read that the Elements didn't work, I kinda expected that, since the entire point of the story was like "These ponies are normal, but they're like, awesome at their own thing..." Mind you, you did give reasoning as to why they didn't work, which I thought was well done... Just a shame that the origins of the elements is now a tree under the old castle...

Oh, yeah... The three stones....
can't help but feel that they're just the actual reason to be able to defeat Silma and co... And I knew you'd have to make your own mythical artifacts to counter them... But, the obvious lines of light -> Celestia, Dark -> Luna, and Earth.... Who the hell is Earth?
I don't know, that's the connection I made with the rocks... Either I missed their origin stories completely or it wasn't explained well... Probably the former...

By the way, finding the Shades of Night... With Luna and Nye sharing a moment.... Perfect... Take all of my applause! If there was a single scene that explained more about Luna and her history... I mean, I like to think of Silma's mind-control like being drunk.... You listen to orders without question, you remember everything that happens in the mid-way... You speak your mind with no form of regrets... And to end it all someone gives you another drink...
Sorry, obligatory comedy line is now over, so we can move on...

Fine vs Pinkie was like, nuts.... I know, it made sense and all that, but, really... It was just nuts... Not much else to say...

Since we're on the fight scenes, Luna vs Celestia was also well done... Luna's defence was well reasoned... But I will say that you're making Celestia not only appear completely stupid... But her complete ignorance to the 'darker' side of society? I mean, come on... She may see things in one direction only, but she's not blinded by her vision of the "Ideal" world...

And on that note, How the hell can a country run with two governments in power?
Will half the population work during the night and the other half during the day?
Will there be a giant class-war between those who are in the Lunar republic or the Solar empire?

And even if ALL ponies in government do understand the change no ruler can be ignorant enough to believe that such issues WOULDN'T arise from extremists on both sides of the fence....
Sure, give Luna her elements of backup... But an entire proclaimed nation within the same country as the original government still rules?
I mean, Riptide caused complete destruction across the entire globe, and a month after millions were wiped out, you're going to create civil unrest with THIS!? I'm all for Celestia apologising to Luna given her past in this story... But REALLY?
WHEN did you think that was a good idea? Equestria would need to unite to repair the damage left by Riptide... If the body would take 20 years to clear away, then it would take longer to repair and... for lack of a better term... REPLACE the millions that had died...

Seriously, in terms of Luna's life, what's another 50 odd years of "shadow" governance...?
yeah, no... Not buying it...

Sorry, I really didn't see the logic behind that choice... I didn't mean to sound offensive, but... surely you can at least understand where I'm coming from....

In closing; there really isn't much more to say...
I have spent countless hours at night before bed reading this story (The complete story)
The plotholes were few,
And inconsistencies were ironed flat at a later part in the story...
Characters (as annoying as some of them were... NYE!) worked out completely likeable, their actions were justified and almost everypony got equal viewing time...

But everything worked out fine... Which is fine I guess...
My only issue (besides the dual government thing) is that you put so much effort into building this hyper-realistic world with tragedy, struggles, light romance through character progression and a full Light vs Dark mentality... Only for everypony to finish the story as perfectly as they could...

Fine was cured of his Bloodmane-ness
Lightning will fly again
Upper Crust realised her true potential

I'm not saying that everypony had to die, or something horrible had to strike against them all... But in terms of the finale, everything went off without a hitch...
Sure, Fine couldn't fight Archon because he had an ancient amulet thing but the backup plan worked without a hitch.... And Silma, the main villian you built up over the entire series was beaten in less than a paragraph from a giant sea-monster who we didn't even believe was real until it actually emerged in the final book!

Leave Riptide as Fine's dream...
Turn Silma into a worthy fight... (Although her lack of urgency when Cele vs Luna was classic villain... that was well done)
Have somepony play sacrifice for the greater good...

Sure, it's nice to have everypony perfectly fine at the end of a series, but the ending didn't fit the theme of the rest of the stories...
(On to my final page of notes... not long left)

Somewhere around book 3 you started to lose me... I don't know where, I don't know why... But books 3 and 4 didn't have the impact of 1 and 2...Setting such high stakes might've been the issue... Creating more magical McGuffins to toy with could've been it too... Everything just turned so surreal with the trip to Nildia...

Or maybe it was just Riptide... Leave him as Fine's fantasy childhood demon to fight... Wiping out half the world, shooting lasers to disintegrate the REAL main villain (And not damage anything else for that matter) and being so big that it was able to run over Los/Las Pegasus, Nildia, Canterlot AND reach Trottingham or Manehattan or wherever the third place was...
Yeah... I'm going to put my blame on Riptide...

Right, now that I've whinged myself inside out, let me say that anything not mentioned here was brilliant...
You have definitely gained a fan, and I wholly intend on going through your entire library and tearing them apart like I have this one...

Again, I don't mean to be rude, and I apologise because I have said a few things in here that may've crossed lines... But, this was a great read... I might even come back to it one day...
But for the record: Despite my complaints, this is still an excellent story... And it shall be recommended to any who cross my path...

Wow I spend too much time writing these....

Let me hit upon the Stones..

There was no explanation. There wasn't meant to be one in the first place, because they pre-age even the princesses and written history. They are meant to be mysterious in the first place. Will I someday explain what they are and where they came from? Maybe. I am considering a distant prequel regarding Silma and how she turned evil, which might discuss the Stones' origins, but I can't be certain as I kinda like them being 'unknown entities'. That said, the prequel would also reveal the 'Unknown Princess', who is that mysterious third figure you're probably looking for who has been mentioned off and on throughout the series.

I do love the Luna /Nye scene. I came up with the small bit of Luna's history on the spot, but I might expand upon it later. I dunno, I'm nervous about doing the whole 'history of the princesses' thing, just because it seems so overdone.

I've long been thinking on Celestia's side of things. I know it seems stupid of her to behave in such a manner, but I feel I need only point to our current (U.S.) administration as proof that these kind of people exist in the real world. Regardless, I agree that I need to come up with some sort of proper reasoning behind Celestia's 'ignore it and it will go away' over the centuries.

At any rate, I'm glad you liked the fight between her and Luna! I was fretting over either having not done enough or, alternatively, going too far. Speaking of fights, I'm still rather pleased with the Pinkie/Fine fight. It brings to mind my plans for the future, including a curious triangle I'm trying to flesh out between those two and Fluttershy. I have both a sequel and a quasi-sequel/prequel in mind for that very subject.

The New Lunar Republic is another major oddity that needs to be addressed, and I knew that as I created it. More work needs to be done to legitimize its existence. This is one of the many things I'd like to tackle in the sequels, though they may be a while in coming. I'm not at all offended by your viewpoint on this, they actually (somewhat) mirror my own, but the nature of the situation was devised for conflict. At any rate, you overestimate my intentions, which is probably my own fault for how the idea was described in-story; the New Lunar Republic is still technically a 'shadow government'. I haven't worked out the details yet... but that's the whole point of Luna's new 'Order of Shadow': to figure those details out.

Sure, everything came out perfectly fine... except for the death of millions, entire cities wiped off the map, loved ones lost, new responsibilities they might not be ready for, national boundaries rewritten, and – let's not forget – an entire world full of unforeseeable challenges of both personal and societal nature ready to make the future a terrible place due to their actions while trying to achieve the ultimate good. Yes, all the main characters are doing okay... because I intend to do more with them.

That said, I get what you mean about things deviating from the overall theme. I knew Silma's defeat was too easy. I actually seriously debated having Lightning lose her ability to fly, but with nobody out there to encourage me one way or another I went the other way (and somewhat regret it). Curing Fine of the Bloodmane and his fear of Riptide makes him less interesting, I'll grant.

About the only thing I don't feel the least bit guilty about is Upper Crust. I am very happy with how things turned out for her. But I want to write a side-story focusing on Jet Set's side of things, because I've had too many people complain that his decision in Book II came too quickly (they all think I didn't convey the passage of time properly). Before you jump the idea as, know that it would focus on the three days when Upper Crust was evacuating Canterlot, which I think has a lot of potential for character growth for both her and Jet.

Book III... I keep wondering about Book III. It seems like I lose a lot of readers there. Maybe I did take the whole fantasy bit too far, I dunno. I can't imagine Nildea being an issue, save that it was unfamiliar territory, but I'm trying to expand upon the world by showing Equestria isn't the only thing out there. At any rate I mostly don't intend to go so far out for the sequels and prequels, with the exception of an Octavia-focused sequel that will have her traveling through Nildea.

But regardless of all the flaws, I'm glad you enjoyed the overall story! I'm also glad to finally have somebody give me a proper review of No Heroes, which had been going on a year old without one. It was my first story for FimFiction and I like to think I've improved some, but I'll leave that up to you as you read through my other material (I happily await more reviews!).

You never crossed any lines. I welcome the criticism, it helps me to see what people do and don't like. I don't expect you to like everything I do and I don't want you to sugarcoat it when you don't like something. Thanks for being honest and taking the time to go through the whole thing, I appreciate it more than you know.

This was a very amazing and engaging series. I enjoyed it all the way through and I hope that you continue to write more greatness like this!

Glad to hear it! But this is by no means the end. I've got a side story in progress and an alternate universe or two. Feel free to indulge. :rainbowdetermined2:

4230420 I've begun to read Lightning's Bolt, and I'll start reading Trixie vs. Equestria later.

Always glad to see they earning some attention! Especially No Heroes; sometimes I think it's withering away in obscurity.

Yeah, made me tear up a little. Loved Fine's speech as he was facing down Riptide.

So, nearing the end of this little quartet of stories now, just the rest of this one to go. I'm excited to see where it takes me, but I don't want it to end either!

Well, I'm sorry you're closing in on the epic last battle(s). I guess there's not much I can do about that... except remind you that there's a whole ongoing side story that helps deepen the plot a bit. :rainbowdetermined2:

PS - there's no shame in liquid pride. My stories make me cry. :twilightblush:

In fairness, I can't say I blame Cadance. :)

Out of character? Ehn. Everyone has a breaking point. Like Cadance said, she was betrayed, backstabbed, trussed up and offered as sacrifice to someone trying to bring down Equestria as we know it. Love and tolerance is one thing, I can forgive her being a mite peeved at this point!

Wait. A box. Asking what's most precious to Fine....

You magnificent bastard. I see what you did there.

~Hums 'One-Winged Angel'~


How curious, I received no notice that you ever commented on this chapter. Huh.

But yeah, I think anyone would be a touch... upset after what Cadance had to go through.

Do my eyes deceive me? Someone actually figured it out? :pinkiegasp:

Have a moustache. :moustache:

Wow. That was certainly not what I expected. It was good, but way not what I thought what would happen. I guess based on the title, I expected that to be way more low key, with a finale occurring in the shadows.

SPOILERS below. Didn't realize this would show up on the main story page.

Sorry I can't put this together more coherently, but here is a pile of thoughts, in an equally nonsensical order.
1) I didn't realize that Mane Archon had introduced the Midguard Serpent/ Riptide to Equestria, I kinda just figured it was present as part of the world already. I'm not sure, it just seems odd that massive beast somehow slipped through a portal with Mane, before he + Silma could control it.
2) The New Lunar Republic? Ruled over by Luna and her council of six. That isn't really a republic. I'm also not sure Luna + Celestia would think this was a good idea, considering the circumstances.
3) When Pinkie's Pinkamina :pinkiecrazy:side was revealed when Verity Fine was being treated for Bloodmane, I thought you wrote Pinkie very well. Subtle breaking of the 4th wall, it was great. On a related note, I was very surprised to see Pinkie as a Bloodmane, I just have never seen that as part of her.
4) I felt a great deal of the fighting might have been avoided by giving the potion to the indoctrinated ponies how it was given to Luna. They all knew each other, and Nye had a reputation as a drink mixer and was posing as one of Silma's allies. I can certainly see this not working, but it might have been something to try?
5) I liked Tazel. Especially when she was pretending to be the priest at the old temple to Riptide. It was sad to see her go.
Overall that was an enjoyable read. Keen Arrow + Lightning is adorable and I'm going to go read Lightning's Bolt.

Thanks for writing!

1) The hints are there, but kept vague enough that it's pretty hard to grasp if you don't already know the background. The saving grace (I hope) is the fact that Mane Archon openly admits as early as book II to how long he'd been trying to control it before Silma offered her services... which just so happens to coincide with Fine's age at the time of the incident that killed his mother (and yes, I planted that timing).

2) Calling it a 'republic' doesn't guarantee that things are handled by voting, even if that actually defines a republic. Even so, I have plans for all of this, including a system of voting in leaders. But before any such votes can take place, the government's form needs to be defined, and they haven't even started on that yet. I have a few sequels in mind that would involve their debating over the exact design of the Republic – and the specific timing of its public announcement, might I add – but those may be a little while in coming.

3) Pinkie being a bloodmane was part of the plan from the very beginning. The only reason I didn't work with her more is because I'm always nervous about portraying her; I don't consider myself very skilled at humor and randomness. That being said, one sequel/prequel is planned that will show Pinkie essentially telling Fine the story of how she discovered her condition, what she went through and how she cured herself.

Also, the Pinkamina = bloodmane thing is meant as a nod to all the 'psycho-Pinkie' stories that exist out there on the web. I just wanted to find a way to somewhat legitimize the idea.

4)Absolutely not! Pinkie's ability to break the 4th wall meant she was already aware of what Fine intended, so there was no convincing her. Lightning most certainly wouldn't have been able to convince Rainbow, and since they were fighting and Fluttershy was charged with shooting LD down Nye wouldn't have been able to convince her, either (although an argument can be made that he could have just force-fed it to her before she even knew he was there, what with him sneaking up on her and all). Applejack, being stubborn as a mule, would most certainly not have taken to Octavia's attempts. Jimmy we don't need to discuss, because he technically did handle Rarity through talking. The only question mark in my mind is Twilight; I'm not sure if she could have been convinced to drink the potion or not. Celestia, on the other hoof, probably could have been via Luna.

But if I'd taken such an alternate route, would we have had the fights? No. And that makes my method better. :rainbowdetermined2:

5) I love Tazel. I wish I could do more with her, but she's gone for No Heroes and won't be making any more appearances in the TvE universe thanks to her particular circumstances. That said, I've considered writing some 'way back when' prequels that could feature her and even show how she was created.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story! I wish more people would discover it. Lightning's Bolt has been fun to write, I just wish I'd finish the dang thing! Soon... yes, very soon...

1) Now that you point out that detail, it makes sense.
3) The Pinkie-pyscho stories that exist elsewhere made me expect it less in your work, as you clearly make an effort to be original. (Which is great by the way) (Also not accusing you of being unoriginal here)
4) I meant they could have tried slipping it in drinks, sneaking it to them while they were sleeping or something. I suppose with the urgent timeline, or nature of the potion those could easily not be viable options. Though the fights were cool so I certainly wouldn't have tried to hard to resolve it in other ways...

How many of your other stories are in this world? I thought it might just be Lightning's Bolt, but I notice Fine Crime, and Fleur the Illusionist in the descriptions of some of your other works.

Thanks again!! (Side note, how is there no Luna emoticon?)


Ah... well I suppose some of them might have been convinced in some touching scene to drink a toast in Silma's name or something like that. I can almost guarantee that I could have arranged it. Rather than seek out some argument against the idea (which I'm sure I could find), I'll just stick to my 'do you want to see kick-ass fights or not?' defense. :rainbowwild:

I like the 'psycho-Pinkie' trend enough that I just had to try it (you may have noticed my slight favoring of 'darker' material). I thought that I might be able to approach it in a fresh way, which would hopefully keep an original feel to the story.

As of right now, Lightning's Bolt is the only other story set in the No Heroes AU. I have a large number of concepts planned for expanding the NH universe, but there's no telling when I'll get to most of them.

The Challenge of Fleur, A Challenge for Fleur, The Weed and the upcoming Ordinary World are all set in an AU very similar to No Heroes, sharing characters and world history and even some of the events from No Heroes, though where No Heroes canon ends and this new AU's canon begins has yet to be clarified by yours truly. I can only say with confidence that Book I and most, if not all, of the events of Book II are canon to both AUs. These stories all feature Fleur de Lis in some way (although one only has her as an unnamed cameo) and I plan to continue writing stories featuring or focused on her for their world, thus I refer to it as the Fleur AU.

The cast of No Heroes also appear in the Trixie vs. Equestria AU, although most of those are only as cameos.

Also: I long for a Luna emoticon, myself.

I'm really enjoying this Book and the others were really good too. The only thing, millennia is the plural of millennium. Millennium is what you want when you describe a period of 1,000 years. It's a significant typo and it just bugs me personally. I get that you're going back and editing these so I just figured I would point this out here before moving on to the rest of the series.

Yes, this particular typo has been pointed out to me, albeit only recently for a different story.

Now's the point where I gripe and groan about people putting my stupidity on display in a public forum instead of telling me about it in a PM so I can quietly change things without anyone else being all the wiser. :unsuresweetie:

But thank you for the information, regardless. It's one of my things to watch out for. I hope you find the conclusion satisfying!

Oh, I didn't think PM'ing you was an option since it was just a small thing. If I come across another annoying typo I'll let you know in private. :twilightsheepish:

I thought this conclusion was very good. The Republic thing threw me off a little bit, but that's mostly because of the history behind that whole phrase in the fandom. What you're doing with it seems to be pretty interesting and I'll probably get around to reading your other stories too. I just really like your writing style.
Honestly, I'm shocked this doesn't have more attention as a whole series, since it's very well-written. This is probably a dumb suggestion, but have you tried putting any of them in a group like Twilight's Library? They show off good quality fics.

I doubt Twilight's Library would accept these – they're loaded with minor grammatical mistakes that 99% of the world don't care about, but places like the Library put on a pedestal and shine big beaming lights on. I've learned that lesson the hard way.

Still, it's something worth considering. Maybe after the cover art (all four of them) are finished in the next few weeks I'll submit them for the good old college try.

This reminds me: I still need to submit Twilight's Inferno. I wonder if they've opened the submission folders yet?

This story....This story... I'm touched. I'm so happy you wrote that journal about Lightning's Bolt, because I was able to read this beautiful series! It's such an intricate world, filled with conflicts and convoluted futures, and I love every second of it! This is definitely top 3 for the best stories I've read, fanfiction and books alike. Thank you so much for writing this amazing universe! :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :heart:

And thank you for the praise. No Heroes isn't perfect - that fact is made increasingly clear as time goes by - but I do think it serves well as my first story and I'm very pleased with it.

And oh, what timing: the prequel just got published not even an hour ago. :ajsmug:

Will Riptide be appearing in the universe of Trixie Vs Equesrtia?

No, because the history of Equestria changed before Mane Archon had his teleportation accident, which means he never gets the opportunity to travel to the Norse universe, so he can't bring Jörmungandr into Equestria.

Can six nopony's really make a difference?

Should be noponies. "Pony's" is the possessive of pony. Ponies is the plural of pony, thus it would be "Can six noponies". (With six quantifying how many noponies there are.)

Edit: Sorry for double-post. College internet sucks.

Comment posted by Magical Trevor deleted Nov 3rd, 2014

Funny thing, I spotted it pretty much at the same time you did on DA. :twilightblush: Thanks, though!

OK, finished this, took me what? A week to read the entire series? Got to say I really enjoyed this as well. Took the Elements of Harmony out with a reasonable history of why they didn't work and when they awoke they were themselves just enough to believable and not themselves enough to be creepy. And that's just what we saw of them! Especially like how when they first began to serve Silma and she makes them her personal guard then just sends them off to do whatever to keep them out of her hair. Twilight your a librarian? Go look in the library for something and take the hick with you. Rainbow Dash, go fly around on patrol or something. The Mane Archon came off as just crazy enough to be somewhat sane and nuts at the same time. Especially when he wants Silma's attention. And was that a Half Life 2 reference when it came to his super weapon? No for our erstwhile heroes. Fine Crimes entire panic attack was almost hilarious. Goes running out of town, through the woods, up the stairs (even through a secret door?)and then hides under a bed of all places! The dream sequence for him to wake up though was almost heartbreaking. Man literally had to face his fears or never wake up. Especially enjoyed how his mother complimented him on his choice of Fluttershy. His final fight though seemed to be right out of Dragonball Z of all things. Octavia seemed almost underused but was still a strong contributor for all of that. She might have run, but she didn't go far and at least tried to organize a counterattack. Didn't help everyone was still panicking at that point though. Then she walks all the way home only to find one of the ones who had panicked so hard earlier had taken charge. Did like the scene though where they were prepping for the counterattack and Fleur had tried to get her to take a spin on the runway as a model! One way to take her mind off things. Jimmy was fun, I loved the scene with him and Rarity. I actually had to reread it because I thought it was so good. Nye was fun as well, man is loyal. Nuff said, even when it hurts him. Lightning also seemed underused at times but here duel with Rainbow Dash was almost nail-biting at points. I know its very hard to write flying scenes as events happen on a 3D board rather than a level plain but you did pretty good with it. Any scene with her and Keen are just adorable though. And finally Upper Crust. Now this I think became my favorite character as things went along. Goes to the castle to fight, loses and panics and runs home to the husband and gets a second wind and then remembers just what she is doing and starts fighting back and really doesn't stop from there. She took on all comers and still didn't stop. And she did all for loyalty to Luna and to her friends, something at the beginning of the story she didn't have and couldn't understand even having. And finally Luna. Now that's a girl with a valid grudge, a very valid grudge. Her crime was minor, and her sentence was hugely harsh and in the end it was for nothing as the ones who reported the crime were traitors anyway. That girl deserves her revenge.

Arghh. And just noticed, you never did tell us if they ever unstoned Discord! Poor guy is probably still in the garden with birds pooping on him.

*Stares at wall of text*

The "Enter" key is your friend. Learn to take advantage of it.

Though it was a trial to read through, I thank your for the lengthy commentary. I'm continuously disappointed in just how few people actually bother to comment on this particular story. A few things of note:

And was that a Half Life 2 reference when it came to his super weapon?

Yes, but that's not the only game referenced, and there were shows referenced as well. Pretty much every move Mane Archon made was a reference to something, which is actually indicative of where he's been for the past 700 years.

Especially enjoyed how his mother complimented him on his choice of Fluttershy.

I have a sequel story planned that will focus on Fine's relationship to both Fluttershy and Pinkie. I'm dying to get to it. All I'll say is that one of them is going to get the short end of the stick and not be happy about it.

His final fight though seemed to be right out of Dragonball Z of all things.

No no no, not Dragon Ball Z. Ick. It's actually right out of this. Jump to 3:10 for the good stuff.

Octavia seemed almost underused but was still a strong contributor for all of that.

She's got a sequel coming, too. I have big plans for Best Background Pony.

Jimmy was fun, I loved the scene with him and Rarity.

Still debating exactly what I'll be doing with these two. If you follow the clues ever since Book II, you'll find that their relationship isn't so clear-cut.

Any scene with her and Keen are just adorable though.

Read Lightning's Bolt. Seriously, it's all about Lightning and Keen.

And finally Upper Crust. Now this I think became my favorite character as things went along.

I concur. The NH Upper Crust is awesome and I'm proud of how she grew.

And finally Luna. Now that's a girl with a valid grudge, a very valid grudge.

I'm seriously considering writing a prequel that shows exactly what went down... and the long war that came after because of it.

And just noticed, you never did tell us if they ever unstoned Discord!

Nope, still a lawn ornament, and that was an intentional move on my part. The Fine/Fluttershy/Pinkie sequel will actually be about them trying to cure him.

Funny I also had Advent Children in mind for a second, but its not exactly all that well known which is hilarious in that I only played Half Life once. I've replayed Final Fantasy 7 a dozen times. And yes, I just finished Lightning Bolt, took four hours when I should have been sleeping, but I read it.

And NO! The enter key is the enemy! Fight the enemy!


Jesus Christ Luna! I swear to god. That entire dialogue at the end.

Glad somebody found it interesting.


“Will do for what?”

I'm not sure if this is correct.

Fuck yeah, Keen Arrow and Mama Lightning are back!


If R-Rainbow say me n-now I’d never hear th-the end of it!”


Anyways, I love seeing more Lightning Dust anyday.


Another clap of hooves, another change. This time it was Lightning Dust, Keen beaming from her back. “Don’t bury your guilt. Face it.”
Clap; there was Rainbow Dash and Applejack. “We’re willin ta help ya, sugarcube,” Applejack told him.
“Yeah,” Rainbow added, “but you have to let us know you need it.”
They spoke in unison. “Even if you don’t think we can help, you can still ask.”
One more clap, and there was Jimmy and Nye. They spoke as one. “If you want us to be your friends, you have to make an effort. We’ll help you along.”

This is awesome. This entire chapter is so completely awesome. I mean really, you have surpassed all expectations. I love this even more so than the ending speech against Tazel. Incredible trials and representations and lessons. The only one I didn't feel to great on was the lightning Dust scene. It could have been done better to show him confront it. Anyways, The highlight of this series right now.

Nope, it's correct.

The information we glean about the relationship of Keen, Lightning and Fine in this chapter and a few others played a big role in how Lightning's Bolt developed. Essentially, some parts of L'sB were written specifically to explain the things we see in scenes like this.

Also: writing any scene with Keen and Lightning is always a treat.

Especially when she gets sappy 'cause of Keen, right?


Welll... I... yeah

Hmm, I suppose Lightning's did feel a little less... I dunno. Regardless, this was one chapter I couldn't stop writing once it started. It's one of those times were you just have to keep writing 'cause you want to know more.

Comment posted by PaulAsaran deleted Nov 30th, 2014

Are you on to me?

Or are you thinking your on to me in a way that let's me let you think you're on to me?


Jet Set. That was very unnecessary, yet necessary. I don't really want him in there, but I understand why he should act. I remember a scene from Filli Vanilli, when everypony left the screen to go to Zecora about Big Mac's problem, but when they all left off screen they left the other two Ponytones just standing on the stage doing nothing. The writers pretty much said," these are the important characters, ignore everyone else." and that really peeved me. So props to you for going the extra mile.


Clever trick thinking I'd tell you how I'm on to you, yet not realizing how on to you I am now.


He spotted the tiniest of cracks in the wall on his left and, taking a deliberate step back, banged the side of his hoof against it.

The thin wall shattered like glass, revealing a startled Pinkamina on the other side. Her surprise swiftly changed to frustration as she swung the axe she was holding at him, but he ducked and her aim went high.

This was a wonderfully done visual gag done on paper. It looks so cartoony, yet so befitting of Pinkie Pie.

Login or register to comment