Friendship is Chaos

by Word Worthy

Chapter 2: Discord and the Mad God

Canterlot Palace, Canterlot, Equestria

It was not long after Discord's disappearance that the Mane Six arrived in Canterlot to deliver the strange, but seemingly good, news.

"The Elements acted just as they should have, but instead of turning Discord to stone, he just...vanished." Twilight explained to Princess Celestia.

The Sun Goddess reacted with a concerned look on her face. "I see. This is most troubling news Twilight. We will have to look into this, but for now at least, Discord is defeated. You and your friends have done a brave thing this day, and Equestria deserves to see its heroes in person. We shall celebrate for now. Go my student, everyone is gathering in the Royal Ballroom. I and Luna shall meet you there.

"Yes, Princess." Twilight responded.

As the six friends departed, Celestia turned to Luna. "This news leaves me troubled sister." Luna said.

"As am I little sister. Never have I heard of such a thing happening with the Elements before. We saw what it did first hand when we last used them on Discord, he should be imprisoned in stone again."

"It was over a thousand years ago, perhaps the effects the Elements have on Discord have changed since then." Luna suggested. "An interesting possibility little sister, bur what effect might that be?"

"Considering how suddenly he vanished it's possible Discord could have been teleported somewhere. Which would also leave open the possibility someone tampered with the Elements." What Luna was suggesting alarmed Celestia. "That would mean Discord could still be a threat. As for tampering, that's impossible. I, we, have kept close watch over the Elements of Harmony for centuries!" Celestia exclaimed.

"Stranger things have happened before, my sister." Luna concluded, while her sister nodded tentatively. "I suppose so Luna. What with the Crystal Empire disappearing, and the strange reports we have of goings-on in the Everfree Forest. We shall discuss this with Twilight and her friends in due time. But for now, we must honor their actions this day."

If someone tampered with it, please, don't let it be him. Anypony but him. Discord is more than enough for Equestria to have to deal with. Celestia thought to herself solemnly.

Canterlot Palace, Ball Room.

Celestia cleared her voice in preparation for the short royal speech she was about to deliver.

"We are gathered here today to once again honor the heroism of these six friends who stood up to the villain Discord and saved Equestria from eternal chaos." At this the crowd cheered in applause for their heroes. The Elements of Harmony looked upon the cheering crowd, their faces beaming with pride. Each of their Elements gleamed with great power.

The Princesses were an aura of pride and confidence as they regarded the heroes and their subjects. But anypony who was a master of body language would have seen right through it. The Alicorns were worried, very worried.

New Sheoth Palace, Shivering Isles, Oblivion

"Oh yes, ma dear Haskill does indeed enjoy messing with the decor every few decades. Speaking of which, where is that little man? I need ta make an important phone call in a few moments!" Sheogorath exclaimed as he twirled his staff around irritably.

Discord looked at the staff, finally recognizing it as he just had its owner. "Ah I see you still carry that little tool of chaos and madness with you." Sheogorath looked at his staff like one would a cute little puppy. "The Wabbajack! To tell ya the truth, I have no idea where I would be without this little guy. It really keeps an old mad god entertained when he's stuck in the Isles. Without it, I probably would'a gone sane from the boredom!" At this both Immortals burst into laughter.

"So tell me Discord, how's our fair Sun Goddess Celestia doing?" The Mad God inquired.

"About as goody two shoes as I remember. And twice as annoying. And that student of hers, Twilight Sparkle, oh man what a bore! Always going on about 'friendship this, friendship that'! Bleh!" The Draconequus squinted his face in distaste at the thought of that annoying unicorn and her meddlesome friends.

"I tell you, I had Ponyville the chaos capital of Equestria before they showed back up, with those Elements of... Harmony. Ugh! Ponies these days have no appreciation for some good, old-fashioned chaos!" Discord said dramatically. He then summoned up a chocolate milk of glass.

Suddenly Sheogorath broke into an evil grin. Discord looked at him curiously. "What?"

"Well, about those Elements, I predicted you would be free from your prison sometime soon, so I tampered with em' so that instead of turning ya to stone, Poof! Ya get teleported here!"

"What!? You knew they would zap me with those blasted trinkets!" Discord said with a jokingly hurt look on his face.

"All part of being a Daedric Prince ma dear Discord. We have our many perks, and not to mention the free airfare miles for an eternity to boot! " The Mad God chuckled. "Oh but I was having so much fun in Ponyville!" Discord said.

"Don't worry, I have some very...exciting plans ahead for you and I. Oh and some new friends I'll be invitin' along too!" This piqued Discord's attention. "Hmm new friends. What, may I ask, are you planning Sheo?" Before the Daedra could answer, suddenly a purple mist erupted and out of it strode a short balding man in a ridiculous black overcoat with a large silver medallion around his neck.

"Haskill? It's about bloody time! I told ya I needed to make a call!"

The Chamberlain had a bored look on his face as he gave his response: "Yes, my apologies my lord. I had to deal with an..erm..incident between a group of Golden Saints and a Dark Seducers getting into a duel. My, such a mess it was." His monotone voice echoed across the throne room.

"If ya keep this up Haskill, I'll have to start teleporting ya back and forth again at will for my amusement." Sheogorath said, clearly irritated. Then he turned back to Discord. "Yeah, about my plans, let's have a nice word with our new guest first eh?"

"By all means, go ahead." The Draconequus responded.

Sheogorath summoned an old rotary telephone out of nowhere and dialed in a number. A visual of their imminent guest appeared in a portal right next the spot Haskill appeared moments before. Seeing his target, Sheogorath began laughing maniacally. Bringing the phone to his face he said, "My my, you're certainly taller than I expected. Hmm, but I think you'll do little mortal. I hope ya like cheese, you'll find plenty of it, or maybe ya wont. I have things in store for you ya might enjoy, or..they might just kill ya. I even have some brain pie I might be willing to share, if ya ask nicely. Ah I just love brain pie."

Their would-be guest said something to which Sheogorath made a tsk-tsk sound and said "In due time little mortal, in due time.". He began laughing again for no obvious reason, Discord joining in. The mad god then snapped his fingers and their quarry appeared before them, collapsing to the ground in an awkward heap.

He was a massive one, Discord had to give him that, he was almost as tall as he, and the creature was heads taller than Sheogorath or Haskill. The being began to move, and pulled himself up with a groan. As he trained his fierce eyes on the other beings around him, his expression quickly changed from one of surprise to one of anger.

"What is the meaning of this insult? Only the Didact decides where he stands or goes!" The being declared.

"Oh come off it Didact, maybe you should take a look at who it is yer talking too before ya go off the deep end."

The massive warrior turned towards Sheogorath. "And who might you be... Human, to seek to address a Forerunner in such an insolent manner? Are you not aware you have agitated a being far greater and evolved than you?" The Promethean General retorted.

"Oh, how precious! You hear that Discord, this one thinks I'm a mortal!" Discord and Sheogorath both broke into laughing fits, Discord spitting out his chocolate milk in the process. The Didact had seen and heard enough. "If not a Human, then pray tell, what in the name of the Mantle are you creatures?" He especially directed the question at Discord, who gave him an amused look in response, leaving it to the insane Daedra to explain things.

Surprisingly, it was Haskill instead who spoke first. "You stand before the Daedric Prince of Madness, Sheogorath. He is the ruler of the Shivering Isles, and Lord of the never-there."

"Why thank ya Haskill, for killin' my steam." Sheogorath said irritably.

"Sincere apologies, my liege."

"Indeed, I'm the God of Madness, but you already knew that. This here is Discord, God of Chaos, and responsible for more mayhem than Mehrunes Dagon, Clavicus Vile, and M'aiq the Liar combined! Ah M'aiq, I do miss that crazy Khajiit!"

"Charmed, I'm sure." Discord said. The Didact only stared blankly at the Draconequus.

"Well mortal, pleasantries aside lets get to the meat...and cheese, of things. I've spent many a century looking for people like you." Sheogorath stated. "I don't understand." The Didact replied.

"You know I've watched ya for a long time Forerunner. I saw your people's war with Humanity, and against those nasty fellows, what do you call em'? Popcorn? No, no. Ah yes, the Flood!" Your kind were always the ones in all the other mortals' business. I saw they way you tricked your own comrades to turn them into them nasty Knights. Oh! And the way your own wife, the peaceful, pacifist Lifeworker, ended up having to shoot you in order to stop your plans. Ah, just priceless!"

Sheogorath and Discord shared a laugh at the Promethean's expense. "And then, you had this Bornstellar whatshisname, running around impersonating you, Oh I just can't take it!" With that, Sheogorath casted a spell at the Didact, causing him to shrink to the size comparable to Spike the Dragon. They were laughing uncontrollably now.

The Didact could feel the rage wallowing up inside of him. "YOU DARE INSULT A FULL RATE PROMETHEAN!? Gods or not, in the Ecumene you would have been put to death for this sacrilege! Are you not aware that we exterminated our own god-like creators for their arrogance?" Didact's anger coupled with his new tiny, high-pitched voice was finally enough to force Discord to the floor, his laughter was so intense.

Sheogorath's laughter died down however, as he had yet to finish his speech. Still with the twinkle of amusement on his face, the Daedra continued. "Bornstellar, such a good-natured fellow he was. He reminds me of Martin Septim!"

Then immediately, Sheogorath's face went from pure mirth to one of a dangerous, dark sort. The sudden dead seriousness in his eyes was enough to not only cut Discord's laughing fit short, but also strike fear into the ancient Forerunner, an emotion he had felt only once before in his long lifetime.

"But then he had to fire those Halo rings. Those creators as ya call em, little mortal, were responsible for those vile, boring, soulless Flood, and they were meant to be a way to punish your race. When those rings were fired, Forerunner, let's just say they had consequences that reached far beyond your little Milky Way."

The spell's duration then wore off and the Didact grew back to his original size, his powerful voice returning as well.

"The Halo Array was our ultimate weapon, and our greatest disgrace. Yet you speak of it as if it did more than just kill off the Parasite and it's food." The Didact said, suspicion flooding his face. "Ya know only what ya need to know little mortal. The truth would be too much for your tiny mortal brain to grasp at the moment. Fear not, in time ya will be ready for it. But that time is still to come." The Daedra's face then regained its usual cheerful countenance.

"So anyways," Sheogorath continued, "I've been looking for individuals, much like yourself to play a role in our plans."

The Didact paused for a moment to shake off his brooding suspicion and to take all this information, and insults, in. No matter how he put it, it all still confounded him. Finally, Didact again found his voice. "So you mean for me to believe I'm in the presence of two chaotic deities, who may or may not have watched my people for millennia, and claim to know the true power of a Halo. Just when I thought I saw the most shocking things our Galaxy has to offer, fate throws me this. A mad god who has witnessed my greatest triumphs and my lowest failures, and some spirit bent on causing Chaos. And now It seems our victory against the Parasite costed more than the Ecumene Council realized."

"Oh my dear Didact, don't be so glum over things ya don't need to know now! I have a most intriguing proposition for ya, if you'll just hear us out." Sheogorath declared.

"Very well 'mad god', since I now find myself with little choice, I will hear you out...just this once." Although it was still dead clear to the Didact that there were many secrets being kept from him.

"Splendid!" Sheogorath exclaimed with a chuckle. "I will spill me guts. But first we have to wait for our other guests to arrive. Don't worry. They wont be long! For as ya see, dear Didact, our plans span many worlds, but only one specific world holds the key to it all!" Sheogorath finished, his maniacal laughter echoing across the palace.

"Now, on a lighter note, would ya like some cheese?"

Comments

[monkeyXtypewriter]

needs some editing, but this is friggen haylerious! i can totally see em all at a garden party sipping tea and muttering 'quite' while they explain the big plan 9.5/10 easily

[Ember Q Discordia]

i believe you mean a chocolate milk of glass.