• Published 6th Aug 2013
  • 1,109 Views, 33 Comments

What is loss? - auramane

Applejack likes Rainbow Dash. But does Dash even notice her? Maybe Dash only has eyes for somepony else.

  • ...



Big Macintosh watched his sister as she walked up the stairs with worry in his eyes. Applejack was completely closed off to him. When she was young she had brought all her problems to him never wanting to hide anything from her big brother. But she had grown up, and not all of her problems could be solved with kind words and a hug. Still, he had gotten very good at gauging what was wrong with his sister over the years, but now… He had no idea what was wrong with her. Even so, he had never seen her act like this. Sure she had been sad when their parents had died, and she had bawled her eyes out but this was different. She was just numb. He wondered what rainbow could have said to make his sister like this. She had left in a hurry after the cloudburst.

As he was thinking he heard Applejack's door click shut. He wanted to follow her and ask what was wrong but he knew she wouldn't tell him anything. She would just tell him nothing was wrong in that strange dull voice she had use when she came in. He decided that tomorrow he would see if Applebloom asking her would be much different. She was usually much more relaxed around the filly than she usually was with others, although until today the same had been true of Mac.

His Train of thought was interrupted as Granny Smith called him. "Eeyup" he called out to her, only half listening. She wanted him to finish up checking the animals and then to get in and lock up. He hurried to obey hoping that the night air would help to clear his head. Come on Applejack, he thought, tell me what’s wrong.

When she woke up Applejack looked up at the ceiling. She sighed, her eyes tired and bloodshot. Groggily she got out of bed and wobbled out into the bathroom. After splashing some water into her face and running her hooves through her mane she both looked and felt closer to normality. She wondered why she felt so awful this morning.

The memory hit her as she was walking down the stairs. How could she forget? She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt tears pricking them. She wanted to buck something very hard. It was then she heard a crash at the front door, accompanied by a muffled curse.

"Rainbow" She murmured to herself quietly as another memory rose up from the depths of her sleep-addled brain. Now she just wanted to get bucked. What was she thinking last night!? Agreeing to help Rainbow with Twilight was just asking for trouble. She had never been in a relationship herself, hell she had never even kissed another pony and she wasn't even sure if she could trust herself around Rainbow and Twilight. She groaned and went out to face Dash.

"Hey AJ, are you re… Wow are you okay? What happened? You look exhausted".

Applejack grimaced. "Ah jus' had a bad nights sleep Rainbow, don't worry 'bout me. Ah'll be out in a few minutes."

With that she shut the door in Rainbows face. She stepped back from the door, slightly puzzled. Why was Applejack acting so weird? Rainbow had seen her tired before and she was not like this when tired. She seemed more like she was annoyed at something. Now why would Applejack be angry? Was it what she wanted to say last night? Rainbow suddenly felt guilty about dragging Applejack into her relationship problems.

She stood thoughtfully at the door, wondering what could be wrong with Applejack. She had nothing. Rainbow had know Applejack for years but had never seen Applejack acting like this before. Shrugging, she resolved to ask her what was wrong.

She stood outside the door for another five minutes fidgeting before Applejack opened the door again. She looked better, but something was definitely wrong.

"So…?" Asked Dash curiously, "why did you have a bad night sleep? Anything wrong?"

Applejack sighed and pulled her hat down over her eyes.

"Naw it's not important."

"Aw come on", said Dash, grinning "it has to be something. You wanted to tell me something yesterday, has this got anything to do with that?"

Applejack groaned inwardly. Being the element of honesty could be a real pain sometimes. "Really Rainbow it don't matter. Ah think that right now we should be worrying more about you"

Rainbow's face fell.

Applejack continued, "Ah just don't know what you hoped to accomplish by bringing me along with ya. Ah mean ah have no experience with romance mahself and ah have no more idea than you of what to do, probably even less. Why wouldn't you just go to Rarity or Fluttershy? They've both been in relationships before, they both could give you much more helpful advice than me".

Rainbow looked at Applejack sheepishly. "Yeah it does sound kinda stupid when you put it that way… But I did pick you for a reason. Yeah, I could have picked somepony else but Fluttershy would be too embarrassed to do anything at all and Rarity would just keep going on and on about the 'proper social protocols' for 'romantic endeavors' all the time, and nothing would ever get done. Also, I've known you longer than anypony else around here apart from Fluttershy, and like I said I can't really go to her. You were the first pony here who was actually nice to me, and you even helped get me onto the weather team. You've been with me for a long time and helped me so much. I don't think there's anypony else who I would rather have with me". Rainbow looked down at her hooves self-consciously. "So uh… yeah".

Applejack gaped at Rainbow, completely shocked by the sudden burst of almost-eloquence from her usually rather terse friend. "Be that as it may", she said, trying to regain her composure, "ah still don't know what you expect me to do when we get there. If you wanted ah could push you into the library and block the door but apart from that ah have no idea what else I would be doing. Me standin' there when you confess your feelings for Twilight would be mighty uncomfortable for both of us".

Rainbow grinned. "Well I was thinking maybe just moral support but the door thing might be good as well. I'm felling pretty confident right now but I think that'll change pretty soon".

Applejack attempted to grin back. "Well how could anypony refuse the super awesome Rainbow Dash if she asks them on a date"? The grin was more of a grimace but Rainbow didn't seem to notice.

She laughed. "Yeah, I am pretty amazing aren't I. I just hope Twilight has the same point of view as you".

"Ah come on Rainbow, Twi would never hurt you on purpose. Sure she'll probably be a bit surprised but she won't do anything stupid to upset you".

Rainbow's face fell again. "Yeah I know she'd never hurt me on purpose…" She paused and thought before continuing. "But still I don't know what I'm doing. I told you yesterday, I don't even know if Twilight even likes mares. That would be so embarrassing if I just went and asked her and she doesn't even swing that way".

"Rainbow, Twilight strikes me as someone who wouldn't really care. Ah have never seen her show interest in a stallion or mare since she got here, and from what she told us about her life at Canterlot ah doubt she was ever in a relationship while there".

"Yeah but-"

Applejack gave an exasperated sigh. "Rainbow if you ain't gonna do this today may ah please head back to bed. If you want help spyin' then go to Pinkie Pie. She'll definitely help and right now ah just wanna sleep".

Rainbow stopped walking. Applejack cringed, realizing that she may have been a bit hard on her friend. "Rainbow, ah'm sorry. Ah just-"

"What do I do if she says no"? Rainbow was looking down at her hooves, her hair covering her eyes.

"Rainbow ah'm sor-"

"What do I do if she says no? Am I just meant to go 'okay cool', fly off and act like everything's normal? Because from where I'm standing that seems like a terrible idea." She looked up, her eyes watering. "I'm scared Applejack. What if I say something stupid and scare her off? Even if I don't scare her off, what if she says no? That would just make things awkward between us forever and I'd still lose her. I just don't wanna mess this up".

Applejack bit her lip. Rainbow was in exactly the same situation she had been in. These were the reasons she had gone so long before attempting to tell Rainbow how she felt, and she had left it too late. Even if she couldn't have Rainbow, she deserved to be happy with somepony.

Why couldn't that some pony be you? Why does Twilight deserve Rainbow and not you?
You've known her longer, she only lives here because of you dammit.
Why won't rainbow notice you?

Where had those thoughts come from? She shook her head in an attempt to clear it. "Ah'm sorry Rainbow, that was pretty thoughtless of me". "Come on, lets keep going".

Rainbow looked down and trudged forward, her ears plastered to her head and her mane hanging over her eyes.

"Rainbow? You okay?"

She sighed, "Yeah… I still don't know what I'm gonna say or do though."

"Look Rainbow, ah probably know less about this stuff than you but if you want my opinion you should just walk in there and tell her how you feel. Don't need to be anythin' fancy. Just… ah don't know… tell 'er how you feel. If it goes well, then great but if it goes badly then at least you haven't driven yourself crazy with worryin' or nothing. Come on you're meant to be the superultraextremawsomazing Rainbow dash, you've helped defeat nightmare moon and you helped to defeat Discord to of the greatest threats Equestria has ever known. Give yourself some credit. Ah'm tellin' ya, the one time your enormous ego would actually be helpful is the one time it's not here."

Rainbow grinned at that. "Don't talk about that name. I meant it as a joke, I didn't think those kids would actually use it… Thanks Applejack I needed that. I think… I think I know what to do now."

"And what would that be?"

"I'm gonna go tell her. You can probably go back to bed now if you want."

Applejack smiled. "Naw, you need me to go and hold the door for you so you don't chicken out.

Rainbow laughed at this. "I still don't think that's a bad idea, but I'm feeling a bit more confident now. Hopefully that won't be necessary.

She walked on ahead leaving Applejack wondering where that voice in her head came from. her thoughts weren't usually so self-centered or angry. She cantered after Rainbow still mulling over what these thoughts meant.

Author's Note:

Hey guys.
Well this took a while... Expect this to be the normal wait time for chapters. I am extremely lazy but I still thought that I would be able to make myself do something that I enjoy doing. My writing process seems to be sit down, delete line written last time, write new line, get writers block, shrug and leave.
On another note, still no editor and probably never will unless someone volunteers. I am sorry but even though I grew up speaking it my grasp of english grammar and punctuation are very loose. If bad grammar bothers you that much though I would suggest leaving. I will try to improve but seeing as I struggle to find grammar mistakes in my ten year old brother's english homework (I'm still not sure if amn't is a word or not. It makes sense but no one over the age of eleven uses it and I've never seen it written) I wouldn't hold out much hope.
Still if you enjoy this then hey keep going, I'm not complaining. Nice to know I'm not completely talentless (maybe?) and some people other than myself are getting some enjoyment out of the random plot lines that come spewing out of my brain on an almost daily basis. Thanks for giving me a chance because if I were you I don't think I would have.
Also more criticism, that's always good.
Thanks for reading