The Elements of Harmony get a well deserved and much needed vacation to one of Equestria's newest summer resorts. When Applejack challenges Rainbow Dash to a swimming race, Dash declines. The problem? Dash doesn't know how to swim. Rarity then takes it upon herself to teach Dash the art of swimming, but can Dash learn to swim fast enough to beat Applejack? (Hinted Rarity X Dash)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I really like this story. Minus the shipping, it felt exactly like an episode. Very cute.
A few complaints...
1. The first scene had a bit too much describing. It just kind of dragged on. It's good to set up a scene, but eventually it becomes fluff.
2. "'What.' Dash stated more than asked."
A better way to say this would be: "'What?' Dash asked flatly."
3. "...magical flair..."
The correct word is flare.
4. The shipping felt out-of-place, and was really unneeded. It didn't do anything for the story.
Also...
"She looked like a filly on Hearth’s Warming day that got the bunny pajamas as a gift and was forced to try them on and wear it for the day."
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE
256336
Hey thanks! It's good to finally get some constructive criticism from somepony.
This was a Feb write off entry, so it was a little rushed, but that's no excuse. I would really like to go back and spend more time on this and just might. I agree that the shipping was really out of place and now that I'm not on a deadline, I'd like to expand on the shipping aspect, make if feel more natural.
I'm a sucker for shipping
This was my favourite story from the whole competition. It felt like an episode, fitted perfectly into the whole MLP universe, and the shipping worked perfectly. I read a lot of romance stories, and too many of them are obvious and predictable. The best part about this story was that the shipping wasn't too overt - it didn't just end in the two of them confessing their feelings, Harry-Met-Sally style. Really great job!
298677
Hey thanks!
I really have to agree with you on the romance story comment. I love shipping fics to death, but they are starting to seem formulated and re-hashed. The biggest problem I see nowadays is one character just so happens to have feelings for the other. There's rarely a reason for it, that's why I tried to introduce the shipping in little bits at a time. </rant>