• Published 29th Jul 2013
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Pinkie's Trio of Tales for Tots - Metool Bard



Only Pinkie Pie and Discord would combine brainstorming with bedtime stories.

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The Petrified Pastry

The Cake twins liked the second story just as much as the first, and they were eager for another one.

"Alright, you two. Settle down," said Pinkie with a giggle. "I promised you three stories, and three stories is what you're gonna get. After all, I never break my promises! But after that, it's time for you two to go to sleep, okay?"

Pound and Pumpkin nodded and grinned.

"Good," said Pinkie, turning to Discord. "And if you try to make them stay up past their bedtime, I'm gonna get Fluttershy in on this. Clear?"

"Oh, Pinkie. Would I do a thing like that?" asked Discord as a halo appeared above his head.

"Yes. Yes you would," said Pinkie sternly.

Discord sighed. "You know me too well, Pinkie Pie. Alright, fine. We're clear."

With that, he snapped his fingers, and both he and Pinkie turned transparent. The twins looked around, wondering where Pinkie had gone. Pinkie folded her forelegs and tapped her foot.

"Very funny, Discord," she said. "No seriously, it was. But there's a time and place for this kinda thing."

"Alright, don't get your tail in a bunch," said Discord. "Where's Pinkie Pie? Here she is!"

With another snap of his fingers, Pinkie reappeared. Thinking that Pinkie was just playing a game with them, the twins giggled and cheered. Pinkie had a bit of a chuckle herself.

"Okay, okay. Calm down and let me tell my story," she said. "This one's also about the rock farm. Don't worry, it's still a fun story. It wouldn't be like me to end on a dull note. Anywho, I call this one..."

Story III: The Petrified Pastry

Now, you two probably don't know this, but working on a rock farm is hard work. You have to break rocks, rotate rocks from field to field, tell the rocks stories so that they're happy (not exciting stories, either. I mean boring rock stories), and a lot of other stuff that's not all that fun. My dad always said that work isn't about fun, but I never understood that. I mean, what's the point of doing something if you don't enjoy doing it? Oh, right. Because you have to be responsible. Never mind.

Anyway, on this particular day (which was a Tuesday, by the way), it was time to rotate the rocks from the South Field to the West Field. So Dad sent Marble Pie to do the job.

Now, Marble's a good worker, but she doesn't like working alone. Unfortunately, everypony else had other things to do. Mom was reading to the rocks in the North Field, Dad was making dinner, and Pinkie (there I am again!) was bouncing ideas off of Limestone for the next We Finished Our Chores So Let's Have Fun party. Dad didn't like it when I planned for parties while I was supposed to be working, but I can't help it if rock farming is boring! I mean, I love my dad and all, but sometimes he needs to lighten up. Well, that's not fair. He does lighten up sometimes. But that's because I can always make him smile with my parties! Just as long as those parties are more substantial than my Marble Found A Pretty Rock party. Yeah, that was embarrassing.

Anyway, moving on. Marble walked out to the South Field all by her lonesome. She wanted to get the job over with as quickly as possible so that she could spend time with her family again. She nudged a rock one pace forward, when all of a sudden, a Diamond Dog came running up to her!

And boy oh boy, was this Diamond Dog nasty. He was a large fellow; larger even than most other Diamond Dogs. Not as large as a minotaur, though. But still pretty large! His fur was a dark midnight blue, and he stared down at Marble with nasty yellow eyes.

"Hey there!" he growled. "You move one rock in this field, and I'll break you into two pieces!"

Marble tilted her head. "Why? This isn't your rock farm."

"That's what you think, little pony! We Diamond Dogs have claimed this field for our own, and that means all the rock here are ours! So there!"

"Why?"

"Because, we claimed this territory. I just said that to you."

"Why?"

"Because you, asked."

"No, I mean why did you claim this territory?"

"Because we happened to find a lot of pretty gems here, that's why."

"Why?"

"I don't know, we just did!"

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'why?!'"

"What do you mean what do I mean?"

The Diamond Dog let loose a frustrated howl. "Shut up! Shut up and go away before I break you into three pieces!"

"Didn't you just say you'd break me into two pieces?" asked Marble. "Make up your mind."

"Go!"

"Alright, alright! I'm going! Goo-bye~!" Marble said indignantly. She then stuck her tongue out at the Diamond Dog and headed back home muttering to herself. "Sheesh, I was just asking a few simple questions. Why did he have to get mad at me?"

You got me, Marble. Maybe he just doesn't like you.

"What? But what did I ever do to him?"

Eh, I dunno. What matters is that the rock farm apparently has a Diamond Dog infestation. You'd better tell Mom and Dad.

"I was, just about to."

Oh. Cool. We are so in sync.

"Has anypony ever told you that you're weird, Pinkamena?"

More times than I can count, Marble.

***

"Diamond Dogs?" said Dad, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, Father," said Marble. "They said they had claim to the whole South Field."

Dad snorted. "If we don't get them rocks to the West Field, then they won't form right," he said. "We have to get those Diamond Dogs off our land."

"I think I have an idea," said Limestone. "Let me go to the South Field. I'll fix that Diamond Dog's little red wagon."

"I didn't know the Diamond Dog had a little red wagon," said Pinkie. "Besides, are you sure that's enough to get him off the farm? I mean, it'd be a nice thing to do, but he probably could fix the wagon himself."

"There is no wagon, Pinkie," said Limestone, rolling her eyes. "It's a figure of speech."

"Ooooh~. I get it," said Pinkie (although she kinda didn't. I mean, I get it now, but I wouldn't have back then). "So, what's your big idea?"

"I'm gonna use this," said Limestone.

She then walked over to the cupboard, and took out a big piece of cheese. Pinkie blinked.

"You're gonna bribe him?" she asked. "I always thought cheese was bad for dogs. Are Diamond Dogs different?"

Limestone sighed. "I'll explain later, Pinkie. Right now, I'm off!"

"Okey-dokey-lokey, Key Lime! Good luck!" said Pinkie.

So off Limestone went, carrying the cheese in a satchel wrapped around her shoulder. She then found a good rock to roll, and...

"Actually, hang on a minute, Pinkie."

What's up, Key Lime?

"Didn't we do this before?"

Um, nnnnnnno.

"No, we did! This is the same plot as the first story!"

No, it isn't.

"Yes, it is! A Diamond Dog comes in and causes trouble, and Marble, you, and I get the better of him in increasingly comedic ways! It's the exact same story!"

You're being silly again, Key Lime. This story's way different.

"Oh yeah? How?"

You weren't carrying a piece of cheese last time, were you?

"Seriously?"

Well, that and Dad wasn't in the last one. And we're doing work, not going to the meadow. And...

"Okay, fine. I get the point. Just, promise me it doesn't end with the Party Cannon again."

I wasn't planning on it, Key Lime. After all, it's called "The Petrified Pastry" for a reason. Now let's get back to the story.

"Yeah, sure," said Limestone. She then walked over to a single rock. She barely rolled it two paces when the Diamond Dog came running up to her.

"Hey there!" he snarled. "You move one rock in this field, and I'll break you into four pieces!"

"You just try!" said Limestone, taking the cheese out of her satchel. "And if you do, I'll crush you into jelly just like I can squeeze the water out of this stone!"

The Diamond Dog laughed. "What kind of fool do you take me for?! Rocks don't have water in them! Every Diamond Dog knows that!"

"Really?" said Limestone. "Well, that's alright then. This is just a piece of cheese, anyway."

She then threw the cheese at the Diamond Dog and ran home as fast as her little legs could carry her.

***

"Yeah, so it turns out the Diamond Dogs know a thing or two about rocks. Go figure," said Limestone.

"I think it was a good idea, Key Lime," said Pinkie. "But, it needed something else."

"Like what?"

Pinkie then went over to the fridge and pulled out a slice of birthday cake.

"Wait, your leftover birthday cake?" asked Limestone. "But I thought you were saving that for dessert tonight."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it," Pinkie said with a wink.

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, Pinkamena. What are you planning to do?" asked Marble.

"You'll see~," said Pinkie. She then hopped on over to the South Field and got to work. She barely moved on rock three paces when the Diamond Dog came running out again.

"Hey there!" he roared. "You move one rock in this field, and I'll break you into five pieces!"

"Oh yeah?" said Pinkie, taking out the piece of cake. "Well, if you try to hurt me, I'm gonna eat you up; just like I can eat this petrified pastry (see? I told you there was a reason for the title, Key Lime)!"

With that, she took the cake in her hooves and gobbled it up in one gulp. The Diamond Dog's eyes went wide.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" he exclaimed, jumping up and down. "I don't wanna end up like that cake! Just spare me, and I'll let you move all the rocks you wish! I-I'll even break them into smaller pieces and haul them back to your house!"

"You will? Oh, that's great!" said Pinkie. "Let's get started right away!"

Sure enough, the Diamond Dog was as good as his word. To celebrate, Pinkie threw an I Outsmarted A Diamond Dog And Made Him Do All Our Work For Us party. The Diamond Dog would've been invited, but as soon as Pinkie offered him a piece of cake, he ran off like the dickens. Silly Diamond Dog.

And from that day forward, no Diamond Dogs ever bothered the Pie family's rock farm ever again. At least to my knowledge. Which I think is pretty good, since by now, they probably know better. Tee-hee~!