Nightmare Moon defeated and Luna back to normal. The End.
Nope. Somewhere in Luna's heart still has a hole and the only one that can fill it is none other than the Princess of the Sun, Celestia.
Chapters (3)
Moonlite
Joined 12th Jul, 2013 ·
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rushed but good.
why three chapters? The story it self was... meh, it seemed like there should have been much much more
Since you asked if we could point out the mistakes, here are some that I noticed.
Chapter 1
"I`m here to catch you up" It should be without the "you"
"We no longer server you and you're not our sister anymore!" Just serve not server
Chapter 2
At that time, we're did everything together. It should be: we did
Hope this helps. And good story, have a like.
The main grammatical problem I noticed is the confusing of thee/thy/thine/thou. You would use 'thou' in place of 'you' when it's the subject of the sentence (e.g. "Thou punched Spike!") and 'thee' when it's the object of the sentence (e.g. "I'll punch thee!"). You would use 'thy' and 'thine' when you're talking about possession (e.g. "Thy punches are weak!" or "Thine cockiness shall be thine own demise!"). Also you should use 'thy' when talking about possessing several things and 'thine' when possessing one thing (this isn't a rule, but it's something I've noticed and like to follow). I hope this helps with future stories.
Overall, it's a pretty decent story. Nice job.
2955524 Dang, you got me good. I'll try to fix it. xD
2955234 Lol, the server one I thought I fixed it O.o Either it didn't save or something. Btw I'm using an iPad.
2955045 I can't denied that but I only have so much time. When I get home, I'm going to have better stories.
2955054 This is something like a short story :3
Uhg, feelz.I liked it, I think everyone already hit on the few errors, so I enjoyed it for what it was.
2956643 um cool
2956136 Correction,my Ipad Mini
Ain't half bad.
2969238 Why thanks.
You has a couple errors in the second chapter where you used present tense when talking about past events, so I'd take a fine-tipped comb through it.
The story itself was pretty... I dunno... un-adventurous. I don't feel like I know these characters any better than I would if i had just watched the Pilot. Try to think about what you are trying to portray in your story--specifically at the lake which is obviously your key scene--and what that means and how it affects the rest of what you've written.