Chapter 12: Stowaways
Shepard sighed as she stretched out on the bed in the crew’s quarters. She had mixed feelings about being in space again. On the one hand she was heading someplace that would hopefully clear up many of her questions. Plus the feel of being on a ship again had some nostalgic comfort with it.
On the other hand she was leaving Equestria behind. She hadn’t in a million years imagined such a place could exist. While she was still piecing together her life up to her arrival on the idyllic garden world, the scars on her body alone told her quite the story. The collectors were still around after they’d supposedly been wiped out, by her no less.
Then there was the other thing bothering her. If Elezzia wasn’t exaggerating it sounded like she was very nearly worshipped by the galactic community as some sort of immortalized amazing hero. Right now she felt anything but. Luna’s sister had been taken, and who knows how many other ponies with her. Now they were on their way to the Citadel… the hub of the galactic community. Also the location of the Commander Shepard Memorial Museum. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that little gem.
One thing was for sure. Sitting here alone with her thoughts wasn’t doing her any good. She’d been keeping to herself and stewing for days. According to Elezzia they’d hit the mass relay sometime tomorrow. “Legion?”
Her A.I.’s voice crackled over the intercom in the quarters. “Yes, Commander?”
She swung her legs off the bed. “Where’s Luna?”
A holographic map appeared, a glowing dot pinging in the room she was in. A second dot appeared down the hall in the room at the far end of the left side of the ship. “Princess Luna is currently within the observation deck.”
“Thanks Legion.” She looked down at her armor clad form, then to the rows of lockers against the far wall. “Legion, can you connect me to Elezzia?”
“One moment.”
There was a pause before the asari’s voice spoke. “Yes, Commander Shepard? Is there something you need?”
“Are there any spare clothes on the ship? I’d kinda like to wear something that isn’t combat armor and I left my clothes back in Equestria.”
“Oh! Absolutely. Legion, will you guide the Commander to the storage facilities? I’ll meet you there, Commander.”
The map formed again pinging a new location. With a sigh Shepard trudged down the opposite direction from Luna. As far as ship’s went, this was definitely a nice one. She assumed. It’s not like she had a ton to compare it against aside from the less than spectacular collector ship. The walls were sleek and shiny, almost new. A pair of doors at the end of the hall hissed open revealing a large storage bay. Boxes of supplies were stacked against the far wall, and a large, unusual tube like device stood in the center of the room.
Elezzia approached from behind, purposefully making sure her footsteps were loud enough that Shepard could hear her approach. “This is a replicator, Commander. It was developed about sixty years ago so you’ll likely not have seen one. It’s an amazing device. You feed it omni-gel and enter in what you wish it to fabricate and… it does.”
Shepard eyed the machine with more interest. “Anything?”
“Well nearly. Anything omni-gel can create at least. So nothing organic unfortunately. Food is still a concern but clothes, armor, weapons, ammunition, furniture even. Really there’s not much it can’t do.”
Moving carefully along the replicator, Shepard ran her hands over the controls. “Well, can it give me something casual to wear?”
Smiling now, Elezzia stepped up to the device and rapidly tapped across the holographic keypad. “Certainly, Commander. Simply step up onto the platform there. It will read your measurements and fabricate an outfit.”
Shrugging, Shepard leaned against the wall of the tube as the device hummed to life. A disc of light drifted down from overhead, scanning the woman’s body before disappearing as quickly as it came. “That it?”
“Yes, Commander, you can step down.”
Shepard did so and turned to face the machine. “Is there anything specific you prefer?”
“Yeah. No diamonds.”
***
The cargo hold Twilight Sparkle was tucked away into was hot, cramped, and loud. All this was making her more than a little irritable. Some sort of cacophonous noise was causing the ground to shake for Celestia’s sake! The familiar curse brought a different sort of frown to the young Princess. Thoughts of her beloved mentor in the clutches of those horrible aliens twisted her stomach into knots.
Shuffling a bit in between the crates she’d hidden herself in she sighed. The physical discomfort she could deal with. It was the crippling, mind numbing boredom that was killing her. “I should have brought a book.”
Without warning a panel similar to Shepard’s omni-tool panels formed before her. “You should not be here at all, Twilight Sparkle.”
With an alarmed whinny Twilight reared back, banging her head on the crate above her and dropping to the floor looking dazed. “Ow… L--Legion? how did you find me?”
To her relief the A.I.’s response was hushed. “I am residing within every system of the Vanguard. Monitoring the life signs of the crew is a simple and basic task the life support systems conduct. Captain Elezzia is with Commander Shepard, and Princess Luna is alone in the observation deck. I detected several other life signs within the ship.”
Twilight listened intently, then frowned. “Others?”
“Yours was the first I came to investigate. When the Commander and the Princess learn of your presence they will be… cross I suspect. Are you not an integral part of the defense of your homeland?”
Twilight sighed softly and fidgeted with her hooves. “Yes. But Princess Cadance is very capable. And she has Discord there to help look after things. Who I admit isn’t the most reliable of defenders, but I know Fluttershy will keep him in line. But I couldn’t just sit by while you all got to go to the stars without me! A--and I’m worried about Princess Celestia, of course.”
“Mm. Scientific curiosity has driven many organic beings to foolish action. Your behavior is not atypical for an organic life form. I suppose I can overlook your presence for now, though if directly asked I will not lie to the Commander.”
Heaving another sigh the mare closed her eyes in a slow now. “I understand. Thank you Legion, you’re a good friend. I’ll go confess to Princess Luna… as soon as I figure out what to say.”
“Very well, Twilight Sparkle. I will leave you to your thoughts. Before I depart, would you perhaps enjoy some reading material?”
“Oh very much so! But I didn’t bring any books.”
“Ah. Yes I see how that would be a problem. Allow me then, to extend the courtesy you gave me when you allowed free access to your library.”
The panel vanished and was replaced by another. A large screen nestled in the cargo bay before Twilight’s eyes, with a keypad large enough to be used with her hooves. “Princess Twilight Sparkle, allow me to welcome you to the extranet. MY library.”
Twilight Sparkle’s eyes widened and she suddenly felt like a filly on Hearth’s Warming morning at the myriad of subjects that flashed across the screens. “Oh Legion…I hardly know where to start!”
“I believe ship maintenance and upkeep may be of interest.”
Twilight’s grin only grew. “I believe it may.”
***
Elezzia shook her head in amusement. “I assumed the request for no diamonds was some sort of jest. Gemstones are so plentiful there that they can simply attach them to their garments so frivolously?”
Shepard didn’t miss the asari’s sharp intake of breath as she got a view of the Commander’s heavily scarred body. Still, long talks with Luna had gone to great lengths to help her get over some of her self-conciousness. Trading Rarity’s flimsy diamond studded silks for the firmer sports bra and undergarments she rolled her shoulders settling them comfortably about her body.
The rest of her new casual outfit looked incredibly familiar. Shirt and pants were a dark navy blue, and fit like a dream. She’d have preferred something with long sleeves to cover her arms, the less of her skin showing the better she felt. Still, all in all it was a very comfortable set of clothing. Exchanging her armored boots for simple walking ones she sighed, tossing her thick mane of hair behind herself, letting it fall in cascading waves of fiery red.
“More comfortable than wearing your armor all day I assume?”
Shepard chuckled. “You assume right.” She gathered up her gear before heading back toward the barracks. “Thanks for this, Elezzia. I don’t know how far you plan to travel with us, but even getting us to this Citadel is going to be a huge help. Legion says your Council is kinda in charge of the galaxy?”
The alien woman kept pace with Shepard easily. “I wouldn’t say in charge, per se. Every race in council space has representatives on the Citadel. The five most powerful have councillors who make the large decisions for the galactic community as a whole. The asari, salarians, turians, humans, and krogan are council races. The individual species still largely dictate their own laws on their own worlds, but they’re strongly encouraged to follow the Citadel’s laws.”
“Hm. Sounds like a complicated hassle really. So what’s going to happen? We get there, go in, tell them what’s up and they round up an interspecies posse to hunt down the collectors?”
A look of apprehension formed on Elezzia’s face. “The problem we have is that you’re dead. Or supposed to be. Even now I’m not entirely convinced you’re not an extremely elaborate clone.” She raised her hands at the look on Shepard’s face. “I mean no disrespect, Commander. You must understand even with the fantastic circumstances of your arrival on Equestria, you should be dead of natural causes twice over.”
Shepard opened her mouth to comment, but snapped it shut as Elezzia continued. “Toward the end of the war it was revealed Cerberus, a renegade human supremacy group, had cloned a second you to use in case an organ transplant became necessary. This clone escaped and tried to kill you and your crew, and steal the Normandy. You succeeded in stopping her, but there is precedent for this sort of thing happening.”
The human gave a noncommittal grunt as she stashed her armor in the footlocker at the end of her chosen bunk. “I guess that makes sense, stupid as it sounds. So what do we do?”
“I go to the council and explain the situation. You and your associates may remain on the Vanguard. Once the collectors are being seen to, we can reveal your presence to the council. I’m sure there will be tests to confirm your identity, but assuming you are the real you… it shouldn’t be too difficult.”
“Sounds good. This won’t take too long, will it?”
Elezzia shook her head. “I do not believe so, no. The collectors are a dire threat. Add the discovery of the Equestrians to the mix, and this will be the council’s number one priority.”
“Alright then. Thanks, Elezzia. I’m gonna go check in on Luna.”
“Of course, Commander. I’ll be on the bridge or in my quarters if you need me. I’m sure Legion can locate me easily enough.”
“Right. Okay then, I’ll see you later.” Shepard left the small bunk room and made her way through the corridors to the observation deck. Luna was standing still, gazing out the window to the stars beyond.
“Truly it is a more beautiful sight than I had ever imagined, Shepard. To think your people have been travelling the stars for years now.”
Shepard moved to stand next to Luna, leaning against the rail. “Hundreds of them apparently.”
Luna was in her mostly-human guise. Only her wings and horn showed she was anything but an ordinary woman. “Astounding. I cannot help but feel I am doing my sister a disservice, however. She is missing, possibly being tortured at the hands of those monsters, and I am stargazing.”
“Hey… hey.” Shepard laid a hand over Luna’s. “Don’t think like that. Celestia wouldn’t want you beating yourself up over something you had no control over. We’re doing all that we can. Standing around fretting about it isn’t going to help anyone.”
Luna placed her other hand over Shepard’s, clasping it tightly. “Thank you, Shepherd. You are a good friend as always. You know precisely what to say to ease my tormented mind.”
Clearing her throat a little uncomfortably now, Shepard stepped in closer. “It’s nothing, really.”
“It is though. Do not sell yourself short, my dear friend. For all your coarseness you have an amazing way with words.”
Shepard’s cheeks flushed brighter at Luna’s words and she moved to turn away, but the Princess held her fast. One hand remaining atop Shepard’s, while the other delicately touched her cheek forcing her to face Luna again. “I cannot overstate what your friendship has meant to me these past months, Shepherd.”
Shepard had to fight down the urge to break Luna’s gaze again. “I just… y’know… you and all the girls have… really helped ME a lot is all.”
“Twilight Sparkle and her friends are truly among the most upstanding, stalwart, responsible young ponies I have had the honor to meet. Ordinarily the thought of both I and Celestia being away from Equestria would fill me with dread. But, I left confident that our Kingdom is in good hooves.”
“Yeah… they’re good kids I guess. I can see how Twilight and them are all big heroes on your world.” Both women paused in their conversation at a sudden noisy clang from overhead. The pair looked up to the ceiling as a ventilation pipe gave way and Shepard caught a sudden face of furry, cyan butt as the pipe Rainbow Dash had been crawling through gave way dumping the mare onto the Commander’s head.
Luna leapt back eyes wide first in shock, then outrage. “Rainbow Dash! What are you doing here?!”
Shepard flailed her arms before getting a firm grip on the pegasus and shoving her off her face, sucking in a huge gasp of air. “Wh--what she said!”
Dash looked from one furious woman to the other, her ears splaying before their combined anger. “Well I mean… how could I not come?! You guys are on your way to save Princess Celestia. I can’t just letcha run off on your own! You need me!”
Luna’s ordinarily pale complexion was taking on an alarming red as her fury grew. “Equestria needs you, Rainbow Dash! Without you the Elements of Harmony no longer function!”
“Really? It’s been glowing pretty good the whole time we’ve been up there.” Rainbow Dash looked down at her neck, her element of loyalty hanging from it pretty as can be. The small red lightning bolt glimmering with a warm inner light.
If possible, Luna’s eyes widened in further outrage. “You brought your element of harmony with you?! How could you possible be so irr… wait. We?!”
Applejack peeked out of the broken pipe offering an awkward wave. “Uh… heya, Princess. Shep. Mighty fine ship y’got here.”
The temperature in the room was dropping at an alarming rate as Luna’s fury grew. Shepard scrambled to her feet interposing herself between the incensed Princess and the errant element bearers. “Luna! Luna, deep breaths. Just bring it down about five notches alright? What they did was stupid and irresponsible, but it’s not the end of the world right? You have that Princess Cadance and Discord guy watching over your Kingdom.”
Luna’s eyes darted from Shepard, to Rainbow Dash, and up to Applejack who was eyeing the long drop from the vent to the floor warily. With a grunt of annoyance the Princess gently levitated the farm mare to the floor. “M--much obliged, Princess.”
“Do you two understand precisely what you have done? My sister may believe Discord is reformed after one afternoon in your friend Fluttershy’s company. And perhaps he is. Perhaps he is not however. Perhaps Discord will seize this opportunity to take the throne once again. With the Elements of Harmony broken up, it would be a simple matter for him to do so. Furthermore with four on Equestria and two here, he could potentially destroy those within his reach. At the very least he could hide them away where nopony would ever find them.”
The more she spoke the lower the two mares’ heads drooped. “Though perhaps Discord has been properly reformed. Perhaps the spark of friendship given to him by Fluttershy has caused him to change his ways. There are evils greater and more malevolent than the chaos spirit dwelling in our world. With my sister and I away, sinsiter forces may see this as an opportnuity to return. The gates of Tartarus are vulnerable now. Tamblemon could resurface, The dragon queen may awaken. Ancient enemies long sealed away could become free and wreak terrible vengeance upon our nearly defenseless home. Evils only the elements may have stopped.”
The foursome glanced toward the door as Elezzia entered, coming to investigate the commotion. Seeing the fury on Luna’s face she kept silent.
Applejack swallowed heavily, pulling her hat from her head in contrition. “Princess, we weren’t thinkin’.” Luna and Shepard both suspected that Applejack had been thinking, specifically how much trouble her pegasus friend would get into wandering around on her own in the ship. “If ya wanna turn this thing around an take us home we’d understand.”
Rainbow Dash looked like she wanted to protest but Applejack slapped a hoof over her muzzle. “I would like nothing more Applejack. However according to the good captain we have nearly reached our destination. It would take us four days to return to Equestria, then five more days to reach this ‘mass relay’ again. I am afraid you are with us for the duration. At least until we can reach this Citadel. Perhaps some other means of transportation may be found for you.”
Elezzia finally spoke up. “It’s possible. Certainly the introduction of a new species would be a momentous occasion. Once the fleet is mobilized to deal with the collectors a diplomatic party could be formed to meet with your government.”
Luna’s expression didn’t soften. “A splintered government with Celestia and myself absent. Cadance and Twilight Sparkle are good, level headed mares, however. This seems our best course of action for now at the least.”
Dash brightened a bit. “So can we get something to eat? We ran outta the apples AJ had in her saddlebag yesterday and we’re both starving.”
Seeing Luna’s face tighten up again Shepard hastily stepped between her and the ponies. “Sure! I’ll uh… show you guys the kitchen. They have all kinds of weird alien fruit, it’ll be an adventure.” Sparing Luna a backwards glance the woman hustled the two mares from the room with all haste.
Elezzia looked torn between following Shepard or remaining with Luna. Eventually she approached the fuming Princess. “Princess Luna, I know my words might bring little comfort, but we can have your people back on your world in a matter of days. Once the council begins hunting the collectors it will be a simple matter to see them back to Equestria.”
“Assuming it is not too late already. Thank you however. I will simply have to trust that Twilight Sparkle and her friends will keep things running smoothly.” With a weary sigh the Princess sunk into a seat. “This is not what I needed today. More problems piled onto the already near insurmountable ones. Things were going to turn around for me. I was on my way to finally becoming my own mare. And now this. Potentially the greatest disaster my people have ever faced.”
Gingerly, Elezzia took a seat opposite Luna. “Princess, I realize your concerns are great, and by no means do I wish to trivialize them. That said I believe you are worrying more than is necessary. Your sister is certainly in danger, but if my own experience is anything to go by than the collectors don’t plan to kill her. The fatalities aboard their ship came when their power went out when the ship crashed.”
“I suppose the worst that can happen is Celestia must recuperate for a century or two should they destroy her body.”
Elezzia furrowed her brow in confusion. “I’m afraid I do not understand.”
“It has to do with magic, I’m afraid. A subject I believe those not of Equestria have trouble comprehending. Incredibly powerful beings like my sister and I are not easy to slay permanently. We have a deep connection to specific locations that we draw our magical power from. For myself it is the moon. For Celestia the sun. The further we get from our places of power the weaker our magic becomes. Already my strength is waning. I am still capable of incredible feats of power by the standards of Shepherd for example, but not as grand as a few days ago. Even so, should something happen and our bodies are destroyed we are still connected to these places. Our spirits will return to them and over time a new body will form.”
The asari looked like she was having trouble accepting this. “So you are truly immortal? In the literal sense of the word?”
Luna shrugged. “As near as anypony can be, I suppose. If my moon were destroyed THEN my body slain, I would have no place to recover. In time my spirit would be drawn to the Fields of Elysium like any other.”
Now Elezzia looked intrigued. “Fields of Elysium? This is a religious belief? A paradise one goes to after death?”
“Of a sort, I suppose. It is not a matter of faith, but simple fact. I have traveled to the Fields on rare occasion to speak with my mother. Please bear with me because the concept is incredibly complex magical theory. My parents, King Eternum and Queen Galaxia created a pocket plane of existence parallel to ours. When a pony passes their spirit is drawn to this plane. It is an infinite world that is ever expanding, growing larger each day. There a pony may reunite with long past friends and family. They may remain indefinitely or choose to be reincarnated to a new life on Equestria.”
The Princess glanced toward the door before leaning closer, her voice lowered. “There have been numerous Rainbow Dash’s, Applejack’s, and Twilight Sparkle’s over the centuries. Always there are small differences but that circle of friends has existed for a very, very long time.”
Elezzia was shaking her head slowly. “This is astounding. I cannot even completely wrap my head around these concepts. Are you of comparable power to your parents? Could you create one of these… pocket planes?”
Luna shook her head with a soft laugh. “No, I cannot. Celestia perhaps. She has always been far more powerful than I. I simply use my magic in a more ruthless manner than she when forced into a situation that calls for it.”
“Even so this magic you wield is astounding. When we have more time I’d love to study it in depth. The potential applications are limitless.”
“Literally, yes. Such is the way of magic. It’s potential is limited only by the caster’s mana pool and ability to formulate the necessary mental equations to cast a spell.”
“Could anyone wield magic?”
Luna narrowed her eyes focusing her magical sight on the asari. “You possess trace amounts of mana. A similar amount to Shepherd when she first arrived in Equestria. Mana is ever present even this far from Equestria I am relieved to find, but it is not nearly so concentrated. The amount you have within you could perhaps learn to conjure a light or levitate small objects.”
“Could you teach me?”
Slowly the Princess nodded. “I do not see why not. They are harmless enough cantrips and perhaps the distraction would do me some good…” She trailed off as something caught her eye. The bright silvery aura a few rooms over mingled with a fierce red and more even orange. That would be Shepard, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack.
What was drawing Luna’s focus now however was the blazing magenta aura coming from somewhere below her present location. A massive corona of magical light… one that could only belong to one pony. “...will you please excuse me? I must have a word with another stowaway.”
***
“Excellent work, Twilight Sparkle. Your grasp of ship mechanics has progressed with startling speed.”
Twilight wriggled out from beneath the engineering panel she’d been occupying herself with. “Well a lot of science stems from many common base concepts. Once you have a firm grasp of those, learning new ones isn’t terribly difficult.” The young alicorn levitated the tools back into place.
“Even so. Your assistance has increased our fuel flow’s efficiency by thirteen percent. If you tire of being a Princess you have a bright future as a ship’s mechanic.”
Twilight laughed at the idea. “Well thank you, Legion. To be honest the whole Princess thing wasn’t my idea. I’m not terribly comfortable with everypony treating me like royalty.”
“That is most fortunate to hear, Twilight Sparkle. Because when we return to Equestria you very well may lose your crown.”
Twilight’s wings flared in alarm as Luna abruptly materialized before her. Dark mist coalescing to reveal her in her full alicorn form once more. The smaller Princess’ ears drooped. “...ponyfeathers.”
***
“How long have they been at it now?”
Shepard glanced down at Rainbow Dash before checking the time on her omni-tool. “Hour and a half now.”
Initially Luna and Twilight’s bellowing had been audible throughout the entire ship. So much so that the noise was actually causing some pain to the more sensitive ears of the ponies with the massive sound waves reverberating within the tight confines of the ship. Legion had activated a sound screen to seal the noise within the engineering deck.
Applejack gave a low whistle. “Whaddya reckon they’re fightin’ about?”
Shepard gave her a look. “Really? You really don’t know what they might be fighting over?”
The earth pony snorted. “Well I mean, Princess Luna I get. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen Twilight get so riled up at anypony. She sounded just as ornery as Luna did when she started yellin’ back.”
Dash heaved a huge sigh. “Well this is boring! I’m gonna go see if Elezzia’ll let me fly the ship!”
Shepard highly doubted she would, so didn’t bother trying to call the pegasus back. Giving Applejack a little nudge she nodded toward the hall. “C’mon. It’s late and us standing around out here isn’t doing anyone any good. Lemme show you where the beds are.”
Applejack spared the sealed door a backwards glance. “Reckon I could do with some proper shut eye. Sleeping up in that uh… ventilation shaft weren’t exactly too comfortable.”
“No I don’t imagine it would be. C’mon, cowgirl, we’ll get you in a real bed.”
Both whirled around as the door hissed open. Luna stalked passed the pair without sparing them a backwards glance. Twilight came after her, looking nearly as upset at Luna. Her face softened a little when she spied Applejack. “Guess you couldn’t resist either?”
“Heh. Wasn’t me, sugarcube. You know how RD gets. I couldn’t let her run around up here on her own.”
Twilight nodded with a soft sigh. “Oh, I know. Still I’m glad you girls are here. I feel a little better knowing I wasn’t the only one who snuck on.”
“It was a surprisingly stupid move for someone so smart, Twilight.”
Twilight sighed again at Shepard’s words. “Not you too. Not right now, please. Right now I’d really like to lay down if that’s alright? Preferably not in a storage crate.”
Quirking a faint grin Shepard nodded. “Sure. C’mon, I was just showing Applejack where I’ve been sleeping. There’re plenty of bunks. Luna’s kinda claimed the observation deck for herself so it’d probably be a good idea to steer clear for now.”
The young Princess could only nod in agreement, following Shepard as the woman led she and Applejack to the bunk room.
damn it... I really wanted reunions... I miss Grunt.
Might be considered filler but extremely fun to read nonetheless. Great job!
I would have to agree with Princess Luna on all counts here. Let's hope something that doesn't need the elements doesn't open up while they are away. The same circle friends thing does make sense. Hasbro did recycle a lot of names and colors each generation.
Oh! I just love stories in which Twilight has no common sense! I'm not joking either, this is entertaining and I hope she gets more than a earful.
Just a couple of quick edits. Look at sentence one.... I think you something out.
Either I'm dumb, or you're putting yourself down too much. This wasn't bad at all. I would never have known it was forced if you didn't say so. Keep on truckin.
3216747
Indeed but I'm sure the reunions will be awesome when they come.
So... Grunt or Wrex as Krogan Councillor?
To the Citadel!
In other news...
Discord has opened a new chain of schools under his name, promoted Fluttershy's animal sanctuary, improved and expanded Miss Rarity's boutiques and have made Pinkie Pie worldwide pastry master... And what of Cadence?
She's busy in the Crystal empire as the letter given to her moments before Luna's departure was that she stay in the Crystal Empire while Shining armor mobilizes the troops for any civilian backlash...
Now who could have done that?
Well you keep stressing that's something is going to return so at this point I'm going to be incredibly surprised if nothing does.
Nice chapter!
You know I'd gladly edit for you and provide potential suggestions. My door is always open if you want an editor. I already edit for several other people.
I know exactly how you feel about being displeased with a chapter, but having to push it out anyway because you can't think of anything better. At least in this case, it doesn't seem to be nearly as bad as you think. Somewhat filler-y, sure, but it had some nice moments. Luna talking about magic and spirituality brought up some interesting ideas. A lot of high fantasy to be bringing into the Mass Effect universe, but I think that the contrast works like oil and vinegar. They don't quite mix, but work well together in the right proportions.
Also, the Krogan are on the Council now? Wrex must have dragged them kicking and screaming through a freaking renaissance to get there.
Seems good to me. However I would say you should have inverted the perspectives. Have the whole thing from Legion's perspective observing the actions of the different beings on the ship. Might have been more fun like resource micromanagement in an RPG.
I didn't see any errors so you should be fine. And it's understandable why Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight snuck on board. Applejack and Rainbow . . . (I'm going to take so much flak for this) aren't the sharpest tools in the shed. I'm not saying their stupid but they certainly aren't geniuses. They're only looking at the problem in front of them, the abduction of Celestia. The two have a very strong tendency to ignore long term consequences of their actions. Plus, they believe they could help in a matter that would require diplomacy, stealth, and eventually killing the Collectors. And who knows, maybe they will but I see them causing more problems than solving them. And Twilight I understand her with Celestia being her mother figure and all but her duty is to Equestria first, not her personal feelings. Abandoning her subjects is not going to look good for her future as a ruler.
Yeah, not getting why Twilight was so upset. Even though yeah I get alot of things that would upset her, but seriously what you did was stupid beyond reason. Also I thought Twilight was behind Rainbow and Applejack stowing away. Oh well.
Didn't see any real issues that needed an editor, but people may just have already corrected them to you? Or maybe I'm just not observant. Who knows? :P
Anyway, this was interesting. Luna flipping a shit was predictable, but I wasn't expecting Twilight to actually argue back. I'll be interested in seeing how that animosity develops over time.
Also, dat reincarnation. Did you just make G1-3 canon for this? Because I'm not sure if that's what you were trying to do there.
The only thing that really bothered me in this chapter was the lack of time references. I didn't feel at all that several days had passed before the stowaways were discovered.
Well that and this sentence :
Other than that, it was a really nice chapter ! I'm liking this story ! A lot !
3216840 Maybe Wrex and Liara will show up. Not gonna lie though no Garrus or Tali makes me sad.
Maybe we can make a calibrations joke as a way to remember him by.
As for Tali well she prefers her alcohol to be served through an emergency induction port.
...
...
... Oh god I miss them already.
I just want to see what happens when RD meets the Turians and Krogan. Story is still awesome either way though.
Twilight has access to the extranet. Just, try to stay away from Fornax.
Basic engineering studies is probably a safe enough topic.
Holy shit. Kind of a do-it-yourspecies afterlife, huh. I wonder if it works galaxy-wide.
Well now. Make that advanced engineering studies.
I don't really see anything wrong with this chapter. Sorry it was hard on you, but it sounds like your enthusiastic about the next chapter so that's something for everyone to look forward to. Cheers!
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Well, the quarians used to have a huge repository of incredibly sophisticated VI simulations of their ancestors. It got destroyed in the Morning War, but I wouldn't be surprised if they started a new one. And they would have gone to extreme lengths to make their "Tali" perfect. They might have even gone behind the Council's back and made it sapient, like "Legion".
3216846
Im going to vote for the female krogan that Shepard rescues. Or Wrex I suppose, since those two are the only krogan who will talk things out before killing them.
Krogan councilor? well its about time they got someone to balance out... well crap, i just realized that Sparatus would be long dead by now... lets just hope that the current Turian councilor doesn't have as large a stick(well more like concrete pole, amirite? ) up his anal cavity
3217430 or Grunt, because he more than likely grew up with Shep and Wrex as role models
3217043
Maybe so, but on the flipside you could say the same about Luna, and she basically said "fuck duty, I'm going to save my sister." Let's face it, there isn't really any pressing need for Luna to go with Shepard to the Citadel; she could have sent Twilight or Cadence to represent Equestria. She just went because she wanted to and no one was going to tell her no. She's being every bit as selfish as Twilight.
3217766 In a sense you are correct. However if I were to face an enemy that possesses multiple powerful ships I wouldn't mind letting a being accompany who can take them down with her mind. Besides, if Luna had stayed and it was Twilight and Cadence that left instead ponies would more than likely hold her responsible for Celestia's abduction in an attempt to take over Equestria. Another guess of mine of why she went would be that they could use Luna to track Celestia's magical essence. Sure she's being selfish but if I just lost a sibling after reuniting after a thousand years due to my mistake I would do everything I could to get him/her back. Plus she did entrust the nation to both Twilight and Cadence, and it is better to have one of the two main leaders represent instead. Twilight is still inexperienced and new to the ways of politics, plus she's a bit to 'innocent' for the harsh reality of life outside of Equestria. Sure she's seen some things but nothing compared to how things are operated outside of her country's borders.
It reads fine to me, I don't see it as any less quality than the previous chapters as it helps develop the characters a bit more.
Krogan councillor, Place you bets: Wrex, Grunt or Bakara (She's the Krogan shaman rescued from the Salarian Homeworld)
3217829
Assuming she can still do stuff like that once she's thousands of lightyears away from her moon. Honestly, Twilight would be a better choice from the perspective of combat; sure she's less powerful, but she also doesn't have to adapt to having just lost access to the bulk of her power.
Running Equestria is her job, together with Tia, and she pawned it off on someone with, as you said, little political experience. If the country truly came first, she should have stayed and sent Twi. It's not like there's going to be vital negotiations with the Council; first priority is the Collectors, once they're sorted Celestia will be available for any talks.
I don't blame her for wanting her sister back. It's just she's being a tad hypocritical blaming Twilight for doing the exact same thing she is: putting her feelings before her duty.
3216747
Reunions are coming. And they will be big. At least three in chapter 13, maybe four.
3216789
Thanks. :x
3216799
Yeah I thought it would be cute to put a little nod to that in there.
3216811
Ha ha, well thanks. While Twilight does show SOME common sense, it's also shown she's prone to monumentally bad decisions.
3216812
Oop, thanks.
3216829
I appreciate the kind words. Just to me it feels lacking compared to my other chapters. Maybe I AM just being too hard on myself.
3216840
I want the Luna and Shepard relationship to build slowly, over time. While they have feelings for one another it's still pretty weird at least from a physical stand point. But as they start to see some of the more unorthodox relationships in the galaxy it's going to become clear that theirs isn't totally insane. (I'm looking at you asari with elcor/hanar)
3216846
I personally think the reunions WILL be awesome, and I hope folks like it as much as I do. Though they're probably not going to go as folk expect. :x
3216861
Haha, DIscord turns out to be a better ruler than Celestia. That'd be funny.
3216919
Mmm, might be a good idea really. My skype name is Jenniza00 . Hit me up and we can chat. I'm writing five different things at once so taking on a second editor would probably help poor Opacare a lot.
3216994
I didn't just want to go "They get to the ship. Then they get to the citadel." Like I wanted stuff to happen en route. Normally when I write the flow is REALLY Good, and I get bang out a few thousand words in an hour or two. This one was a struggle for every paragraph.
3217003
That's actually a really interesting idea, and one I might use for a later chapter.
3217043
Thanks! While they each had good reasons for going, it was still a poor decision. XD
3217068
The 'why' of Twilight being angry is discussed at the beginning of 13.
3217074
Haha, I did make G1-3 canon for this.
3217099
Yeah it was sort of a mess. I might go back and rewrite it later to try to make it more acceptable by my standards. Honestly I wanted it done and out of the way to get to the GOOD stuff coming in 13.
3217255
Thanks! And when she meets them it's safe to assume punches will be involved.
3217313
Twilight must learn everything. :o
3217574
To me, based on the 'good' ending of ME that I got, it'd make sense the krogan worked their way onto the council. The epilogue painted the picture of Wrex and Bakara leading their people into a new age of enlightenment.
3217331
VERY enthusiastic about the next chapter, yes.
How could Elezzia cast magic without a horn?
If magic really didn't need a horn then pegasi and earth ponies should be able do it as well.
3216829
Totally agree there .
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130820154203/theevilliouschronicles/images/8/8a/Meme-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg
Sorry, couldn't resist.
...
Wait they're in space, how can Shepard tell it's getting late? There's no night and day in space right?
3218092 A ship will have its own day-night cycle, probably synchronized with the last planet they left.
I'm more surprised that it took Legion 5 days to find the stowaways.
3218092
Internal clocks
3217829>>3217925
No right answer situation. All four them have forsaken their responsibilities. All four of them were driven by some emotion and emotions are illogical.
On Luna's side she's essentially leaving a teenager, with no training, on the throne. Her only real support being another princess who has some training, but barely any experience (Cadence didn't even exist until the end of S2 so i'm saying that she has been a princess in training up until the Sombra was defeated) plus her own empire to rule over. She only now brings up all these possible past threats... Why wasn't Twilight informed of these past enemies beforehand? So basically Luna left Equestria and the CE in the hooves of two inexperienced leaders (I'm not really counting Discord atm), and the threat of enemies that could resurface in Her and Celestia's absence are a real concern (she just got on the ship, didn't tell anyone). This was spur of the moment, no one was thinking. Luna should've took a few days and planned this out. Not to mention that she still doesn't trust Discord and with them actually gone, he could decide to not play with them, because really the EoH aren't much threat to Discord anyway should he chose to be serious so any plan that involved her not being there is a bad choice.
But she just didn't care.
Same with the Twilight, RD, and AJ.
Honestly, If i was there this situation is more Ideal than not. Even it wasn't integral to the plot that AJ, RD, and Twi come. I'd rather have them with Shepard than on Equestria.
1) Discord is crazy, but he's not violent. At worse upon return, Equestria or the world would be like Disneyland on a sugar rush (make no mistake Discord is alpha and after the comment about how he wasn't cruel, I doubt he'll let any truly malevolent force wreak havoc).
2) Half the elements of Harmony are out of every villains reach. So at best only half can be stolen, scattered, hidden etc... You can probably track them with the three in the ponies possession.
3) Only one Alicorn to fall. Celestia, Luna, and Twilight will be returning.
4) New Diplomatic Ties. By Celestia's own admission, they can't even make it past the moon with a bubble of air. True siege initiated by a galaxy spanning civilization would be unstoppable. Other than Discord and Sombra, no one else would be able to fight back long enough for it to matter. And yes, the Council would get involved.
Ha, the volus and elcor still don't have seats on the council? Hmm.
Also the museum better be the Normandy SR-2.
3218131 I have a feeling that he knew they were there, but just didn't say anything about it because no one on the ship asked.
It might be just me, but for some reason I have enjoyed the chapters without combat more than those with it. It could be just me giving a higher priority to character and world development than action scenes, but in all honesty you seem to good on both fronts.
Keep up the good work.
Its not filler if its world building.
Plus Twilight is now an engineer.
th04.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/068/5/9/my_little_quarian_by_c_cain-d4s7zie.png
3218939
Thanks! And no it was just a sort of convenient way for me to get gear for Shepard and the ponies. XD
3218773
It's not so much that it's a filler chapter. I really dunno how to explain it. Most chapters are easy to write, this one was a huge struggle.
3218765
Thanks, I like the slower slice of life chapters more too.
3218547
I hope not, it's supposed to be weird. XD
3218393
No one likes the volus or elcor.
3218148
Good points all around. Mostly stuff will get fleshed out in 13.
3218092
What other folks were sayin, internal clocks set by standard galactic time or something. I mean they have to have a basic out there in the galaxy or everyone would be resetting their watch everytime they travelled.
3218076
:P
3218058
See: Chapter 13
3218012
Well enjoy them then! Make sure ya get the Leviathan and Citadel DLCs for 3. :o
Tiamat? Interesting. I don't see many references to her in a pony context...
In any case, not much was done this chapter, but there's a wealth of information in what was said. Both royal sisters are a bit like liches, only their phylacteries are a sun and a moon. Reincarnation is fact in Equestria, and the Mane Six have existed several times in the past. No wonder Celestia knew who to look for.
Also, teaching the biotics user magic seems like a very bad idea. We don't want more biotic-thaumic explosions, not on board a ship.
In any case, looking forward to more.
3219041
I assumed it was just RL stuff. All that jazz comes first y'know? A friend who likes watching me write in gdocs has been making little corrections as I go so it hasn't suffered TOO badly I don't think.
3218982 do the councillors have assistants? If so grunt should be wrexes. Also please...please find some way to make garrus alive please.....
3219053
It's been 300 years. Turian's have a lifespan of 200 MAX. Garrus died of natural causes like... 150 ago. XD;;
3219097
I was gonna start shopping around for a second honestly.
3218773 It's Twilight'Zora
3218058 She is a biotic, guessing it has something to do with that.
3219103 plot devices.....artifact.......he has some kind of destiny....DNA stuff....magic please....plot device him alive
considering that this chapter can be considered filler, it's actually pretty good filler chapters are depressing things to write as far as I'm concerned, so you managing to get this written in this little of time is doing quite well
Meh - its still a good read