- Member Since 3rd Nov, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 28th, 2023
Jazzaman
"How hard can rocket science be anyway?"
Jazzaman
Joined 3rd Nov, 2012 ·
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I noticed a few small errors that an editor could have fixed.
But ERMYGOD I LOVE THIS STORY
SEQUEL
SEQUEL
SEQUEL
When I first saw the title (until I saw the July 16th date) I thought this would be about Luna peeking out from among some rocks to see Neil Armstrong taking "one small step."
You get a thumbs up, though. I think you captured the weight of the moment here.
When the first Saturn 5 test launch occurred I was 5 miles from it on a Coast Guard cutter. The sound alone made our shirts flutter as if there was a breeze blowing. The sand that we had tracked onto the deck danced in an inch thick cloud over the metal plates. Your story has brought all that back, thank you.
B.D.
Inspirational.
The road to the stars is long and impervious...
A like and a fave for you, my good sir. You deserve them.
I WANT MORE
Fun story. A few errors I noted as I read this:
"Clouds of white fog rolled off of the rockets skin, as the insanely cold innards condensated when it met with the warm sun that bathed Cape Canaveral." Condensate isn't a verb. Use condensed.
"Equestria had first made contact with humanity years ago in the early fifties, and while that was a momentous occasion for both parties, the ponies stories of sending one of their own to their moon had inspired the residents of Earth. Now, almost three decades later, after countless failures and sadly, sacrifices of life as well as the competition from the Russians. It was Earths’ turn." ponies' and Earth's.
"From the concrete pad at the center of two worlds attention the single most ambitious and downright amazing feat had just begun." worlds'.
"Just sixty two years after they had first achieved real flight, they had already long surpassed pegasi and were entering the annuals of legend." You want annals there.
"The sonic Rainboom she had created as a filly was the paramount of her entire life." Paramount as a noun means supreme ruler. Not sure what word you wanted there.
There are a few more apostrophe errors as well.
"One small step from a man One giant leap for Mankind" - Neil Armstong
Fuck me that was powerful.
Nice job, dude. Nice job.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I was listening to "A Space Oddity" by David Bowie when I came across this.
Coincidence? I think not.
Well written, and beautiful pictures.
9/10 Brostaches
24.media.tumblr.com/856cd79de6fd8fd938b2d4b28fd04ef3/tumblr_mk8ss7kMMK1ranhnao1_500.gif
Huzzah for Humankind!
Wow, that was just great.
I don't know about that
Modern humans have been around for about 200,000 years. Who's to say Ponies have been around for any longer than Humanity has. Flying for longer? sure.
2979120 head cannon
2979219
K
Very nice. Your passion for space flight shines through.
Flesh out this universe you describe!!!!!!
Tiny errors but holy shit, just...just the pure, powerful emotions...Wordless.
...Beautiful...Just beautiful.
Please, I beg of you, flesh out this world where peaceful First Contact occurred.
You have my admiration and considerable respect in a short piece you landed the hammer on the nail as to why the exploration of space was so important in so many ways
I'd love to see more written on this idea and I love how you captured RD's resolve
There needs to be a sequel showing Dash's reaction to them landing.
That. Was. Beautiful. You captured the moment in a powerful way that I can only dream of doing, and you kept it powerful without getting dramatic.
11 out of 10 brostaches.
Ah, that was just awesome.
Now, all Dash needs to get to the moon is go say "hi" to the Soviets. They might not be the first on the moon, but with the suitable kick in the pants of "put the first Equestrian pony on the moon" they might actually go and fix all the problems in their N-1 moon rocket.
Or they might not; but then again depends on what propaganda race the Soviets want to win first. First space station? (Salyut 1) Or first pony on the moon (that wasn't punted there by an angry alicorn)? Then again, they could probably do both.
Might also "encourage" the Americans to not cut NASA funding. ("Hey, the Soviets are providing space flight to the ponies! This makes us look bad. Let us prove we are the better space program! BEGIN BUILDING MORE SATURN Vs, our moon base is calling and wants to know when we'll start building it, and the AAP says we need to make a flyby of Venus with a peasus aboard.")
Simply by striving to achieve and improve and discover means you have already succeeded, Rainbow Dash. Being human is an ideal, not a matter of genetics.
Actually, I would say that humans are terrified of those things. But what makes us so great is that we do it despite our fear. Courage is not a lack of fear, it is acting in-spite of fear.
All humans play a game, the game that is life itself, and certain players will become a seem less cog in the huge machine that is Mankind, and others will be on the surface showing their colors for those to look upon the machine. Humanity is fearful that this machine will fall, but it will always move forward until the last cog dies. This is the feeling that makes me happy to be human.
Part of me wonders, what would Neil's one small step line be with ponies as allies?
I want more but I DON'T WANT TO TAKE AWAY FROM THIS BEAUTIFUL WORK!
Honestly that was some powerful feelings you got going in me: pride, optimism and weirdly awe. This is why the race to space (As a species as a whole, lets not bring in the whole "showing off the the Soviets" bit of this period of history too) is so... I think romantic would be the best word. Still it continues today, as it always has and will to the end, with the signs of humanity's desire to push into the unknown and the impossible be it just for it's own sake, "FOR SCIENCE!" and/or curiosity with it being all around us in all we say and do.
I feel this is probably the best way to remember Neil Armstrong, not as a man, but a symbol to gain strength from of Humanity's determination.
....I never thought I'd say this, but damn you Shining Armor. This makes you less awesome.
Shining Armor doesn't like us? What the hell did we do to him? Oh well, I love this story, and xenophobic Shining Armor will not rain on my parade.
I really liked this new chapter, but there are some things you may want to edit. For example:
That should be "Whether" instead of "Weather".
That should be "Rainbow's" instead of "Rainbows", and this sentence should be ended with a period instead of a comma.
I'm pretty sure that this line should be,
I really loved this story, and I hope this helps in some way.
3140493
And don't forget Twilight too. She made the comment as well.
I just love that last line.
Nice ending, dude. Very nice indeed.
~Skeeter The Lurker
This was awesome. And screw Armor he couldn't even tell that his fiancée was a bug... friggin xenophobe.
This hit me in the feels harder than any other fanfictions I've read.
As a child, and still to this day, I have fascinated with space and the universe; I've always wanted to go to space.
Thank you for re-opening the Nostalgia Vent to my Childhood, and capturing the wonder of the first moon landing.
If I could be in Dash's place, I would.
(I'm only sixteen, but I freaking LOVE Astronomy, and I read all about the moon landings and the 9 planets- of which Pluto is still a part of- from 5 years old onward.)
3150235 brother? Hehe I'm also 16 and i've always had a passion for the final frontier. The 120 dollar lego space shuttle and about 6 models of a saturn V i have testify to that.
But thank you for the comment, i've been told im really good at poking people in the feels but I don't quite believe it myself.
What i'm happiest about though is that space travel is not dying like we thought it was. NASA may be down for the count, but we've now got SpaceX and MarsOne to look forward too!
3151660
(Sister, actually; I'm a girl.)
I wanted those Lego models SO BADLY...
And you are very welcome.
So True! Let's hope we land someone on Mars soon...
3158274 You and me both, the best I ever got were the crappy Megablocks, or some other cheap rip-off.
Roger, Tranquility, we copy you on the ground. You got a lot of guys turning blue here, we're breathing again, thanks a lot.
Good on you for this story.
FWIW, an annotated NASA Transcript is available at: http://www.hq.nasa.gov/alsj/a11/a11.landing.html Enjoy.
[< softly sings, "And there was One Small Step, and a Fire in the Sky!" as he hits the Add Comment button]
Th? I don't think that is a mistake because "the" wouldn't make sense either. Now I REALLY want to know what th stands for if it isn't.
Welcome to Humanity Rainbow Dash! You feel that burning desire in your chest and hear a little voice telling you to push forward? Both telling you to jump off a cliff into the abyss just because it's there? Enjoy it, it is never going to leave and even in death it will say "push forward into the greatest of unknowns".
I liked this, not as powerful maybe as the first chapter but the feels are there. Plan to do more? You just set up a great universe and story arc and with some planning, you could get it done. I made a comment on the last chapter a week or 2 ago saying I was unsure if you should continue this as having it short with just the feels and a open ending was acceptable. Opinion still stands. (Please excuse mistakes and grammar due to posting this with a tablet)
'Beacuse it's there.' Three of the most powerful words in any language. Good on you, Dash. And you too, Twilight. But Shining... ooh, bad vibes, there!
"Because it's there." The only reason anyone realy needs.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
LOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
3316903 thank you for that valuable input. I'll be sure to take it into consideration.
Seriously though...
wut?
3317705anyway when I was reading.. I read the parts were the astronauts talked in there best voice.
Yay Parks station gets mentioned
3377438 well of course, I am an aussie after all
"Am I afraid?
Am I afraid to possibly be the first civilian to die in space?
No. I am not.
I am afraid of being the last."
3377447DUDE!!!!!! PLEASEEEEE maake this a longer storyyyyy my dog is asleep on my foot till u will
WOW, man that's some good writing. Also who made the pictures