My Little Spike

SuperPinkBrony12

SuperPinkBrony12 #1 · Jul 27th, 2013 · 3 · ·

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This should be an episode.

Also no wait I'm allergic to adorableness. *Squee*. Aw. *Dies*.

The Descendant

The Descendant #2 · Jul 27th, 2013 · 2 · ·

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Okay, I want to Upvote this so much... oh, so very, very much, but here's what you have to do for me first:

1.) Go back and make sure that all the proper nouns, the names, are capitalized. You've got "Twilight" and "Spike" as "twilight" and "spike" in about a dozen places.

2.) Check your ending punctuations. You leave "said" as a dangling participle, without punctuation. Move Celestia's line to before the said, or attribute it as coming after her sentence.

“Spike!” Twilight said with great joyPut a period here!)

The Princess Closes her eyes while smiling and said
“I know you won't twilight. You'll soon see how much you and spike care for each other.”

Ugh!

The princess closed her eyes, and with a smile said, "I know you won't, Twilight. You'll soon see how much you and Spike care for one another."

3.) Don't capitalize the common nouns! "Princess", "Filly", and "Promise", among others, don't need to capitalized.

This could be something really nice. Please take the time to go back and look these issues over. I promise that there's an Upvote waiting for you if you will.

+500 points for the Secret of N.I.M.H. reference, even if I'm not a fan of inserting videos and music links in stories!

Crisis Novastar

Crisis Novastar #3 · Jul 27th, 2013 · 2 · ·

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2945393 Well It should be a Celestia and Spike episode...Because of it canon that The princess raise Spike.

All and all...freaking adorable fic.

GunsNRoses365

GunsNRoses365 #4 · Jul 27th, 2013 · · ·

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2945439 Thank you for pointing out what needed to be fixed, I had no idea I made those mistakes. I'll fix those mistakes right away.

CaptainSanchez

CaptainSanchez #5 · Jul 27th, 2013 · · ·

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This gets a fave and upvote on principle.

By which I mean that I've favorited, and shall read this in a week or three.

The Descendant

The Descendant #6 · Jul 27th, 2013 · 5 · ·

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2945451
In actuality, it is "Word of Faust" that Celestia raised Spike, not canon. Keep in mind that "canon" is what actually happens in the medium, and like many things that Ms. Faust pictured, it has changed since she left. Lauren Faust said that she pictured Celestia raising Spike, but in Dragonquest Twilight says that Spike was "given to her", implying that she raised Spike. Furthermore, Celestia hasn't interacted with Spike in any way that suggests that she has a motherly relationship with him. She hasn't said two words to him in the series, and in Lesson Zero she calls him "Your Friend Spike", as though she only knows him in that context.

I think it is fair to say that Celestia did play a part in his upbringing, but Spike has no "mother", and Twilight is the one he looks to for support, guidance, and affection.

TheMyth

TheMyth #7 · Jul 27th, 2013 · 6 · 1 ·

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2945509
They should make an episode where Spike is alone on a family day, and Twilight spends time with him and Spike calls her 'Mom' just for that day:

Moral of the Episode, Family is determined by love not blood

The Descendant

The Descendant #8 · Jul 27th, 2013 · · ·

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2945523
Heh, that reminds me of this great story that I read once called Longing... ...

TheMyth

TheMyth #9 · Jul 27th, 2013 · · ·

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2945528
I'm sure it does, there was also one called Project Ascension

GunsNRoses365

GunsNRoses365 #10 · Jul 27th, 2013 · · ·

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2945393 Hah, Thank you I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Crisis Novastar

Crisis Novastar #11 · Jul 27th, 2013 · · ·

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2945509 Well I'm going off the episode Look before you Sleep Where Twilight stated that Spike was in Canterlot on "Royal Business" Which kind of implies that Spike and Celestia do have a mother/son relationship. I don't know if there hiding it or something but that what I'm going with. Plus she only gave Spike to Twilight because of the bond they share. Unless the writers said something different.

The Descendant

The Descendant #12 · Jul 27th, 2013 · · ·

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2945572
It's all up to interpretation and discussion, of course. That's what fan fics are for!

TheMyth

TheMyth #13 · Jul 27th, 2013 · · ·

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2945580

The Dragon Warlock

The Dragon Warlock #14 · Jul 27th, 2013 · 1 · ·

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There are some grammar and capitalization errors, but I found this story to be very sweet and full of d'aww. Good job.

GunsNRoses365

GunsNRoses365 #15 · Jul 27th, 2013 · · ·

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2945650 Thank you I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm trying to fix those errors.

APoeticHeart

APoeticHeart #16 · Jul 27th, 2013 · 3 · ·

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Lovely and touching story my friend. I agree with TheMyth, they should really do an episode where Spike calls Twilight mom, but the situation could be Spike being all alone during the day or very sad about something, and Twilight comes to comfort him. I loved this one-shot my friend. So cute and adorable every moment, but the final one with her going to bed with him in her arms topped it.