• Member Since 15th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen February 1st

Livingdeath


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All was once peaceful in Stable 47, one could even say that it was too peaceful, all up until their delusion of peace is shattered when a group of well trained militarized ponies invade and begin slaughtering anyone that gets in their way. After narrowly escaping, former security officers Chance and Amber embark on a journey to find out the reasons behind the invasion. Along the way they'll meet new friends, make powerful enemies, and uncover a secret that was meant to die along with the rest of the Old World.

(Special thanks to Turtledude for the awesome cover art. Here's a link to his account link, and his Deviantart link.)

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 13 )

Hopefully the stable can fight back. Anyways good fic but change the way you do paragraphs :yay:

2969883 Thanks for the feedback, and how would you suggest I do paragraphs?

2971870 Ah, I see what you mean, thanks for the advice.

2D

I spotted a few errors here and there but otherwise it was a very good chapter, however you should probably stop relying so heavily on commas and such. If you'd like I would happily go through this and fix any errors I find, a friend in need is a friend in deed! :pinkiehappy:

Also welcome aboard the FoE crew, I'm Vocal~ The one guy who wrote a terrible spin off, then a bad one, and is now trying again with one he hopes will be at least semi mediocre! Fallout: Equestria is a wonderfully expansive universe to write upon and it's always nice too see a new member!!

3000168 Well, thank you for the feedback, and please feel free to fix any errors you find, just let me know if there's anything you need from me, since I'm relatively new here I wouldn't really know. Also, thanks for such a warm welcome.

While this fic seems to have a good start, the description needs some work. One long sentence won't cut it for most people. A few seconds of editing gives this:

All was once peaceful in Stable 45, one could even say that it was too peaceful, all up until their delusion of peace is shattered when a group of well trained militarized ponies invade and begin slaughtering anyone that gets in their way. After narrowly escaping, former security officers Chance and Amber embark on a journey to find out the reasons behind the invasion. Along the way they'll meet new friends, make powerful enemies, and uncover a secret that was meant to die along with the rest of the Old World.

2 less words, two more periods. Not that much changed, but to me, it looks a lot better. Hopefully, if you do change the description, it gets you more views.

3000431 Thank you for the advice, I will edit the description immediately.

2D

3000246

Oh hey! :twilightblush:

Sorry, your notification didn't pop up right away for me! I just got it, haha. Sure I'll go through and fix the errors I can see in a bit, then send the chapters back over to you - hopefully that's okay! :pinkiesmile:

And it's all good, everybody deserves a warm welcome to the site! Plus you're writing FoE, which makes you AWESOME!! :rainbowkiss::heart:

3000812 Hey, no problem at all. I'm just glad that someone took such an interest as you have in the first place.

Comment posted by Livingdeath deleted Sep 24th, 2013

I hope they don't get that Stable open anytime soon

You've piqued my interest. I'll get to this asap when I'm not doing other things.

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