• Published 2nd Nov 2013
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The Journals of Silas Sombra - DreamWings



Follow the adventures of young Sombra and Discord as they make their way through the mental institution they're forced to call home.

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Chapter Nine- Shockers

Silas was in the living space talking to Siren. He looked to the door anxiously during random periods of conversation and Siren didn’t fail to notice it. To his annoyance every time Silas turned Siren spotted a piece of dust sitting on the top of his ear and it was bugging him like crazy. He was getting woozy just trying to fight off the urge to jump on his friend and give him a thorough cleaning.

“Silas, can you please stop moving?” Siren begged.

Silas looked away from the door and noticed how pale the colt had become. He looked like he was about to faint at any moment. “I’m sorry, Siren,” Silas said. “I just can’t help it. What if Diddy comes back in and I’m not there to greet him? He’s going to feel awful enough as it is without having anypony to give him a smile when he comes back in.”

“I still can’t believe he’s gone this long without having the treatment,” Siren said, flinching slightly as he caught a glimpse of the dust again. “I first had the shockers on my second week.” He shuddered as he remembered the tight straps that had cut into his body, holding him down on the table and messing up his perfectly symmetrical and brushed coat.

Silas shuddered as well. It was the electricity that he hadn’t liked. Every time he’d even had an inkling of thinking like Sombra they’d sent a zap into his brain, making him jump and sending him into screaming fits of pain. The sad thing was every time he screamed they saw that as another Sombra attack and shocked him again. It went on non-stop for half an hour. He hated it.

Petie walked up to the two colts. He had a large, goofy grin on his face—quite unusual for the usually dower gryphon. He’d just been having a nice conversation with Chrysi about comic-books and superheroes. They both had a love for them and Petie, whenever he was in a good mood, would go and talk to her.
Silas could tell from his expression that the doctors had attempted to put him on stronger medicine again. They did this every now and again in the hope that it would help him, but in the end they always went back to the less affective ones. They didn’t want any of their patients to become dependent on the drugs.
“So, what are you two cheeky chappies talking about then?” Petie asked.
Silas weighed up in his head whether he should talk to Petie about Diddy’s treatment today. He still remembered what Petie’s reaction had been the last time he had come back from the Electric room. He’d yelled and screamed the place down, and attacked an orderly, and all in the defence of Silas—who was too far out of it to know what was actually happening.
You see, Petie had had a really bad experience with the shockers. He’d had more treatment in this way than anypony else in the entire ward. Everypony often wondered why the doctors hadn’t given up yet. The treatment had only ever worked for a short time and whenever Petie woke up out of it he’d go on a mad rampage and become even more depressed than before. The problem was that Petie had got so used to having the treatment that he’d given up on believing he was ever going to escape it. There was no point trying to hide his fury or depression if he was just going to be electrocuted anyway.
Siren didn’t think this through like Silas had been doing. He was still gritting his teeth from the dust on Silas’ ear and couldn’t focus on anything else. “Diddy’s having his first taste of the shockers,” he said.
Silas watched Petie warily but his face didn’t change. Whatever the doctors had him on, it seemed to be working.
“Ah, I remember those times. Poor chappie, he must be feeling awful right now,” Petie said. Silas had forgotten that when Petie was in a drugged up, happy mood he called all of the colts chappie and all of the fillies chappettes. It made him want to laugh which was, of course, Petie’s aim. When he was in a good mood he loved to make ponies laugh and, quite often in these moods, he was proved a clever comedian.
“I suppose you know more than anypony what shockers feel like,” Silas said, dancing carefully around his words. He held his breath, just in case Petie should take this the wrong way and the drugs wouldn’t help.
“I sure do, I sure do,” Petie said, shaking his head. “It’s like getting your talon stuck in a cloud filled with lightning—if you multiplied the strike by a thousand.”
Silas was a unicorn, and Siren was an earth pony, so neither of them knew what it was like to get your hoof stuck in a cloud. What they really needed was Bow Wow, who was a Pegasus that just so happened to live permanently on earth. She might know if Petie’s comparison was correct.
“How do you think Diddy’s going to take it?” Silas asked.
Petie shook his head slowly. “Poor little chappie, doesn’t even know what’s wrong with him. How’s he supposed to understand why he’s being treated that way?”
“You really think he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him?” Somehow this made Silas even more concerned about Diddy. He hadn’t even for a second thought that Diddy didn’t know his condition. Silas had known his before coming to N.E.M.I., but then again Silas had already dealt with mental health and hospitals before he’d moved into one.
“Well, the majority of the chappies and chappettes in here didn’t know what was wrong with them until it was explained to them,” Petie said. “I know that I didn’t. I thought I was a perfectly normal gryphon with perfectly normal problems and perfectly normal reactions to those problems.”
“Didn’t you attack your half-brother?” Siren asked, puzzled. He was playing with his mane, thinking that if he fixed himself it might make him feel better about not being able to fix Silas.
“Yes, I put him in hospital, but that’s beside the point.” Petie sat down and leant against the wall. The drugs might have made him happy but they also made him tired and prone to exhaustion. He needed a break from being on his feet. “The point is that I didn’t know that there was anything wrong with that. I was too stuck in my condition to realise that hurting a baby, no matter how annoying his crying is and how much I hate his father, is just wrong.”
“You know, Diddy killed somepony,” Silas said, sliding into the seat next to him. Siren refused to sit down.
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Petie said. “We know from our experience by now that magic and mental health doesn’t mix. It never ends well. I mean, think about it Silas—what if any of these non-unicorns in here had been born magic?”
They looked around the room at the strange mix of patients. There were all types of ponies there, from changelings to unicorns to crystal ponies to chimeras. Each one of them was suffering in some way and Petie was right, if any of them had been given powerful magic (at least the non-unicorns anyway) there was no telling how many problems they could have started.
“If I was magic,” Petie said, “I would have killed my half-brother, my stepfather, my mother and probably me as well. Anypony that came after me would have been instantly dead. I wouldn’t let them come close to me.”
“Well, I am magic,” Silas said, “so I can tell you now that it’s just like you say—except that it also isn’t.” Silas thought about it for a second. He thought about all of his friends, his family and all of the bad things that had happened leading to him coming to N.E.M.I. He thought about Cinders, the first pony he’d hurt. It hadn’t been magic that had hurt him, it had been Silas’ hooves bashing into his face—but still, if it had been magic it would have ended even worse than it already did. It definitely just wouldn’t involve a trip to the local doctors for stitches. “I was born a unicorn, even though my mum was a crystal pony. I never needed to use my magic, ever, so I never did. But Sombra was different. I think he wanted me to learn. I think he still wants me to learn—but I don’t really want to. I’m bad enough without it. I’d rather just stick to my hooves and live like an earth pony.”
Petie nodded his head and his grin grew wider. “Just imagine what Siren would do with magic. Equestria would be germ-free and dust-free forever.”
Silas laughed and felt a tug on his ear. He looked up to see Siren clinging to it and scrubbing it fiercely. He couldn’t fight it any longer. He’d just wanted to clean it so badly. Silas jumped to his hooves and tried to pull away. Usually he just let Siren finish what he was doing and move on but this time he was actually hurting him. Eventually Siren let go and Silas fell down onto the floor with a bang.
“Sorry, it was bugging me like hell,” Siren said, blushing. The blushing was a good sign. It meant he was making progress with fighting his urges. At least he knew that he was wrong when he was doing it.
Siren just about to tell Siren not to worry, even though there was a thumping in his head from how fiercely he’d rubbed, when the door to the living space opened. Diddy walked in and everypony turned to look. They didn’t mean to of course, but nothing really that interesting happened very often in there so it was a matter of instinct to look at everything vaguely new. Petie smiling had garnered just as much attention before Diddy.
They quickly looked away again and Silas ran up to Diddy with a big smile. He didn’t feel like smiling and he knew that Diddy didn’t either. He was staring, pale-faced and with pale, lifeless eyes at a place just past Silas. Siren and Petie were walking up to greet him as well. Petie shuffled on the spot, feeling uncomfortable just staring at the draconequous. He wouldn’t have come up had it been anypony but Diddy or one of his friends. He would have just left them to their own problems.
“How’re you doing, chappie?” Petie asked.
Diddy’s mouth was constantly open, and he was drooling unashamedly onto his front. Siren was just about to reach forward to clean him up but stopped himself. No, he couldn’t do it. Not now. Cleaning wasn’t what Diddy needed. Instead he reached around Diddy’s shoulders and gave him a hug. Silas and Petie took their turn as well. Diddy just needed to know that they were there for him. Bow Wow and Nana would have been there too, but Bow Wow had been taken for a walk and Nana was having speech therapy in another room. Siren knew that Nana was going to be sorry she’d missed comforting Diddy. It was her latest dream to look after him.
Diddy looked just as tired as Petie felt. He walked stiffly and slowly, the electricity still zipping through his brain and making him jump every now and again. Silas moved his shoulders around awkwardly. Seeing Diddy had reminded him of his last time on the table. There wasn’t anypony in the room who wasn’t remembering their last time with the shockers. No matter what happened you always remembered it—even if you forgot a lot of other things.
“How many hooves am I holding up?” Siren asked Diddy, holding up his front two perfectly manicured hooves. He held them straight so that they were symmetrical. Siren had an amazing ability to remain steady and balanced through any kind of problem. Even a blizzard or a hurricane wouldn’t have knocked him off balance.
Silas hit him in the side. Diddy was barely listening. There was no way he was going to be able to concentrate enough to count hooves. “Just sit down, Diddy.” Silas and Petie both helped to guide Diddy to the floor and leant him against the padded wall.
Petie was feeling more and more uncomfortable the longer he stood around the zombified colt. He tilted his head, telling Silas that they should leave Diddy alone whilst he recuperated. He wouldn’t be able to comprehend that they were there with him for at least another hour, if not longer. Silas reluctantly nodded. He was close to shuddering every time he even thought about looking at Diddy.
The three of them made to go and Petie suddenly came to a stop. Diddy’s paw had reached out and grabbed hold of Petie’s leg. He was holding it softly. Petie could have easily pulled away but he didn’t.

He looked at his friend pityingly. Diddy and him hadn’t been the closest colts in the hospital. Siren was Petie’s closest friend, actually, closely followed by Bow Wow and Silas. Even Nana was before Diddy and Petie and Nana didn’t always get along. But looking down at Diddy now Petie could feel something inside.

He’d gone to see Diddy at the door when he didn’t have to and didn’t want to. He’d suffered through remembering his many treatments with the shockers just to give Diddy a smile when he needed it most. He couldn’t leave him now. Being stuck with no memory was the loneliest part of N.E.M.I.. Diddy needed him now more than ever. He needed to be able to create a new memory to replace the ones that he was going to take a while to recover. On Petie’s first treatment it had taken him two months to remember that he’d once played with a girl-gryphon that he’d really liked. He hated that he’d forgotten the memory of her. It was one of the happiest memories he had.

“Actually,” Petie said, turning to Silas and Siren, “I think I’m going to stay here.” He unwrapped himself from Diddy’s paw and slid down next to him. Silas and Siren looked at each other, shuddered slightly, and then walked back and slid onto the other side of the floor next to Diddy.

It’ll only be a few hours, they thought. And what were a few hours for a friend.