Epilogue - Life Goes On
A week is far too little time, but better than nothing. Even if we’d had one or a hundred years, all good things must come to an end. Life goes on.
We parted in tears at one of Ivory’s huts, a strange contrast to the first march that really kicked off our struggle. They say that friendship forged in the trials of fire is among the strongest things in the world. On that day, I felt no statement could be truer. We said our goodbyes, knowing that they wouldn’t be our last; the other would most certainly survive until next time.
And so she returned to her guardianship and I, to Ponyville.
I kept tabs on Pasture, watching for any sign of an opening. But it quickly became clear that even with what we had, going against Prideful was playing the long game.
So I kept Ivory in my heart and waited. Life went on.
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Sequel? A sequel!?
!!!!!!
YES!
4539025
I'm interested in this sequel you talk of.
Finally! A necromatic fimfic that actually updates....
Good story, you created some interesting oc's and was able to make them compelling to follow. I felt like you made the main character a little too competent in fighting but she was still fun. Ivory was really interesting and so was Blaze, I'm hoping they show up in the sequel, which I'm sure they will, but I don't read half finished.
Really the main problem I had with this story was that your descriptions seem kind of half there, there were multiple times when I wasn't sure what was going on and it turned out that there was another character in the room, but the earlier description didn't mention that so it ended up being confusing.
5749423
Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed the characters despite the competency issue. If you don't mind me asking, was there any particular part that stuck out as a step too far or the like?
And I totally understand the not reading unfinished fics. I tend to lean toward finished too, although it's not a hard and fast thing (I've had multiple people explain why they stick solely with finished, though).
As for the complaint about the description, again, if you don't mind me asking, is it a general thing? Or was it more prominent in certain types of scenes (such as action or non-action)? Anything that struck you as especially confusing?
Thanks again and sorry about the question barrage. >.>
5749695
It just seemed a bit odd to have the main character take out two griffins and be able to deal with their pony body guards like that. I tend to be rather hard on action scenes since they are really easy to mess up and its very simple to make it so that the opponents just look incompetent instead of our hero looking badass. You did better than that, but it was approaching having her be a bit too good. One very skilled fighter verses 3 or more kinda bad fighters where everyone has weapons doesn't make the best situation for our hero.
I've had a few stories I started on but then got abandoned. The one that hurts the most was Daring Doo, the sequel to Siren Song since they are soo good but no idea when the writer will finish.
There were a few parts I noticed, the one that I remember the most was this one though.
"I glanced at Blaze, whose ever-so-slowly drooping stance told me her mind had also turned to less-pleasant thoughts. Since we were at least safer among the rocks, I let her be. She needed all the time she could get.
And truth be told, I needed a distraction. So my eyes combed the ground, across each crack in the walls and through the skies above. My ears followed not far behind. I lost count of how many times my senses completed their patrol. But given that my thoughts hadn’t wandered so much as an inch, it didn’t really matter.
The soft crunch of hoofsteps nipped at my ears and they swiveled to meet the sound.
“Caw! Caw! Caw!” Ivory’s imitation echoed among the crags.
“Hoo!” I stepped out of the shadows.
Ivory turned the corner, a subtle stiffness to her step. A long, angled slash divided the side of her cloak. Red splotches, where the weapon had actually bit in, dotted the upper half. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, the awkwardness of her gait betrayed her."
Just the way its described with Ivory showing up was kind of confusing, changing it so that it was just "caw caw caw" then main character turns and sees Ivory approach or something would have read a bit better.
Oh, also, you had a habit of putting internal dialog in "" That kinda made things confusing too, maybe change the "" to '' or italics. Something to differentiate the spoken dialog from the internal.
5750864
I did try to soften that by making it consecutive fights instead of a concurrent three versus one (where the third wasn't even a real win), but I can see how that might still be stretching things a bit.
Okay, yeah, looking at the part of Ivory entering the scene, I can see where my word choice might fall apart. I had envisioned it as her appearing from around the corner, but with how ambiguous I made the words, I can see how it could be confusing. Thanks for pointing that out.
As for the internal dialogue thing, are you talking about when I do stuff like the below quote?
Or is it direct thoughts? If it's the second, I definitely goofed on editing, since they're all supposed to be italics.
Thanks again for your time.
5751503
As I said, it would have been bad if you had her take on multiples of them but one fight after another like that is still really hard, on top of having to deal with a griffin who somehow got magic. I know that you established the shadow walker earlier, but it would have been nice if that stayed just a myth, but you did make it work in the story.
There were a few other points where it was ambiguous, but I don't remember where they were.
Hmm, maybe I was thinking of the story I read before this, since I pretty much went straight to this from it. Sorry about that.
5752839
Yeah, that's why I acknowledged it might still be a stretch.
All right, thanks for the info. Now that I know what to be on the lookout for, I should be able to find the others.
Ah, yes, pretty sure I know what you're talking about now, then. I did a lot of strange and unconventional things with that story, since I didn't really know what I was doing.
Well, bittersweet, but it really does give off a "life goes on" feel. And at least the story doesn't end here, and the characters are all fleshed-out enough to make it all work.
...I don't think it was even explained what the mayor was trying to use those bandits for, though. Was it all about drawing out Ivory?
5883336
I'm glad you feel that way. I have to admit that I'm always uncertain how people will react to a partial resolution.
As for the bandits, I was trying to hint that they were essentially conscripted by the mayor to sully Ivory's name and, if possible, dispose of her. Basically, an "I'll turn a blind eye to your existence if you do me this favour" type deal. >.> Sorry if it was particularly unclear.
6138053
Thanks, but that's actually Dusky trying to be inclusive of other races, such as griffons, that she's met.
6141016 6141220
Because Dusky has met enough non-ponies that her wording tends to be more inclusive.
6141284
Sorry I keep pointing that out.
This just makes me very uncomfortable when I see this in fanfiction...I've never used 'people' for non ponies, the word just makes me think of humans whenever I see it. Sometimes I see it used for humonoids or elves or dwarves on occassion but never for animals, ponies, etc. It's almost automatic for me to comment on this.
6138333
Jeez, why do these not pop up in my notifications? Is something broken?
6141330
I think I get where you're coming from. I had to think pretty hard about what term to use, because I was kind of afraid "people" would be associated with humans to prospective readers. While I was never fully satisfied with the term, I wasn't able to find anything that could define "all intelligence races" without being really clunky.
6141332
I'm not sure. I get notifications for your replies just fine. Might be worth poking the site staff about it.
Sorry it's a bit late, but have that review I promised.
6512624
Mostly sitting around on the Internet. >.> And I think part of that problem comes from not too many people writing stories about necromancy in general. I know I can't think of many of the top of my head.
6513394
I'm sure she'd appreciate it.
6513656
Yeah, that just happens with some stories. Not entirely sure why. Can't really complain, though, since it's not like I have no comments at all.
6513736
She was not. And that's all the detail I'm going to give. >.>
6513779
Well played. Well played.
4565503
Um... my fic updates. = )
6514045
Regarding the notification bug, I've found that while the author can see any comment, readers only get alerted if the reply is written in the same chapter.
Ex. I got nothing, but if you replied to a Ch 2 comment in Ch 2, then I'll get notified. Yes, it is annoying.
Regarding Necromancy based fics, off the top of my head there are
1) Foal Necromancer, and a few spinoffs. The main story appears to be dead. Colt Necromancer is updating once a blue moon, Foal Necromancer Reboot is a bit disappointing, to me)
2) Split Second
3) Necromantic Adventures of Lyra Heartstrings (updates once an apocalypse)
4) Dusk Guard, Book 2 (though its the main skill of the bad guy)
5) Undead Robot Bug Crusaders (A parody of Scootaling, Apple Gloom, and Sweetiebot. For some reason, this is the only one with all of them in the same fic at once. Seems to have stalled)
6) The Trials of a Necromantic Equestria (YMMV)
7) My Life as an Ironically Bad OC (A parody of black and red OCs, but author accidentally made it good. The protag's son is a "Drowned Dead," a zebra (or whoever takes the test, really) who becomes an undead through a rather traumatic drowning experience. Volunteers only. I've seen a few of his notes. I'm his editor. Plenty of fun undead stuff if only he would get his ass into gear. Mostly because he's focusing all his tome on something else.)
8) One Pony's Curse is Another Man's Blessing (Technically vampires, and it happens a lot later. He hasn't written to that part yet. I know because I'm his editor.)
9) Sufficiently Advanced (Necromancy happens in Chapter 14 or so. He's on chapter 4. I know, because I'm his editor.)
(In case it wasn't obvious, I'm the number 1 fan of the guy who wrote 7,8,9)
10) Diary of the Dead: (I got bored of waiting for those half of those fics to update, so I wrote my own. Its about a small group of various species who decided that dying is for scrubs. Those who end lives needlessly are worse than trash)
6515905
I see. That's a really annoying bug, then. I'll have to keep in mind to reply within the chapter. Makes me wonder how many of my own comments got replies that I've missed out on because of that. Anyway, thanks for the heads up on that.
6788384 Oh you know, Lilith's funhouse...
Sometimes you're browsing for stories and you come across nothing but shit.
Sometimes you find your favorite one has update between clicks.
Sometimes you find something interesting and tag it for later.
Sometimes you look up two hours later and wonder where the story went...
(I'm saying this was really good!)
6931835
Hehe, thanks. Glad to hear you enjoyed it. Are there any aspects of the story you particularly liked or disliked?
6936309
I was thrilled to find that, even though I would consider many of the chapters "short," you packed in a lot of quality concise descriptions of places, feelings, impressions, character actions... etc. It took you very few words to lay out the surrounding world and draw me in to the action, and then kept it up to keep me going.
You sometimes seem to get carried away with this, so some secondary things like explanative flashbacks can feel a bit longwinded.
Interesting premise, interesting characters (I hope Ivory keeps showing up), engaging and dramatic plot... I'm a bit disappointed that the overall rating of your story isn't higher.
6937741
All right, I'll try to keep a more critical eye on the tangential ramblings in the future. Thanks for taking the time to lay out your thoughts!
And yes, Ivory will definitely be back. She and Dusky have many tasks ahead of them.
6983635
No...I just only use people for humans and this story has none (yes I know the word has other uses but I'm picky with certain aspects of diction.)
7238003
See this, it might explain things.
I like this very much! Not that my opinion matters much, but I had to say it.
7238061
I value the opinions of anyone who cares enough to comment on my story, so thanks for taking the time to do that! Is there anything you'd consider your most or least favourite parts of the story?
7241320 I love how you represent the Necromancer. Even if their special talent is something undesirable shouldn't mean that they should be cast out and demonised. Its like the changeling prejudice. Every fix i read shows the general public seeing changelings, who feed on love, as evil soul-sucking monstrosities. Just because everyone says something about an individual or a species doesn't mean its true. I love this story for that. Also, the antagonist is deliciously evil
7555928
No confusion. Juat had to do a bit of research to figure it out.
Just by looking at it, someone can easily deduce what it means. After all, it looks/sounds like "Office Odour"
7630398 A dog's head was brought back to life so, it's not the closest thing that we have to necromancy.
Guess who finally got around to finishing this?
I have to say, Dusky's head is a real treat to get into here. She does a very good job showing off the strengths in both first-person storytelling and OCs, thanks to the sharply illustrated differences and connections between her thoughts and actions, and how her backstory is perfectly explanatory of how she is without even being explained itself. She manages to be extremely genera-savvy without being sassy about it, and her information payoffs to the readers are very well paced and never quite give the full story.
Quibbles, of course, because it's always possible to learn even from stuff that's years old:
-There's a lot of really cool "minor worldbuilding" here- stuff like wingblades, the way the healing spell works, shadow walkers, etc. But in a story this fast-paced and tightly-wound, I find myself glossing over their coolness in my inevitable search for Chekhov's Guns. Kind of like how if you were looking for a secret passage hidden behind a painting in an art museum, you'd never notice any of the art.
-Similarly, the tagging and setting say Adventure, but this is really more of a Thriller. Dusky's journey is characterized less by her desire to test herself and accomplish goals than it is to stay out of trouble (and when that fails, stay alive).
-Also on that note, you might be overestimating how good average readers' memories are. When every tiny detail turns out to be important later on, it's sometimes a bit much to keep track of, especially with so many OCs in such a (comparatively) short story: I know I had to stop and take a minute to remember who Prideful was when they were putting the evidence together in the cave.
Either way, this was an enjoyable and well-constructed read, and now I can get around to the sequels. Thanks for the story, Kuroi!
7971204
Thanks for the review and glad you enjoyed it!
The whole glossing over of the minor worldbuilding stuff is... well, not exactly intended, but kind of a function of how I utilized it. A lot of it is stuff that Dusky herself would find fairly ordinary or not worth dwelling on in the heat of the moment, so I think your reaction being what it was was almost kind of inevitable.
Funny thing about the tagging: Thriller was never a thing back when I started this (or, even during From Dusk to Night's inception). I guess you could say that I'm from a time when the fandom just had 5-6 very general umbrella categories for things.
You wouldn't be the first to point out the memory issues. I've taken steps to have more kind of reminder-y things in in From Dusk to Night and keep trying to improve from there. Whether it's sufficient or not... Well, we'll find out when you read it, right?
I must admit, you did an amazing job with this story! Now it's onward to the sequel for me!
Good story, but that ending is super weird. A reference to a different story of yours I guess?
8719473
Sort of. There is a significant time gap before the situation at Pasture can be fully resolved and what Dusky eventually brings to the table is a whole lot that would be very confusing for me to just dump in straight after a time skip. The story that I've been writing as a sequel to this is both there to explain why these elements aren't materializing out of thin air come the finale, as well as executing the finale proper.
You can has review!
Reread this. Thank you for writing, this was a really good read.
Nice