deaincaelo
Joined 9th Jul, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- GroaningGreyAgony · 6k words · 77 12 · 2.8k views
- KrisSnow · 41k words · 176 15 · 3.6k views
- KrisSnow · 1.9k words · 123 5 · 3.7k views
- Sozmioi · 49k words · 203 20 · 3.8k views
- Dafaddah · 6.4k words · 159 15 · 3.7k views
- Midnightshadow · 8.1k words · 130 21 · 3.6k views
- pjabrony · 49k words · 244 25 · 5k views
- Skyros · 48k words · 143 8 · 2.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.117 seconds
Total duration
819 users online
1,138,313 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Unless you're punning about accounting, you mean "checks and balances". Commonwealth English uses "cheque" instead of "check", but only for talking about bank drafts.
2940166
It is an accounting pun, and a proper name. I'm still in the earliest stages of editing. Coming soon: paragraph indents and spacing.
Coming soon, to this guy's brain: My Little Paranoid: Friendship is Fear.
I'm loving it. Finally someone who knows their way around security!
Tense shifts, man, tense shifts! Figure out whether you're writing this story in present or past tense. In the prologue alone, I counted nine shifts. I really recommend past tense. Present tense is a good fit only for narratives which need to fill in very little backstory, as it imposes limitations on how you can introduce "old" information to the reader.
2941722
thank you for the feedback. I had to google that one. I think I have this fixed in this edit.
This AI is really anthropomorphized. And it has cognitive biases.
And it's running on systems supported by a single person's income.How are they supposed to be able to defeat CelestAI?2966374 It sounds like step one is to fix problem 3?
2966622
Good point. But the other problems stand.
I'm sorry it took so long to comment, but I had to make sure I wasn't being followed. (and my laptop charger breaking had something to do with it too)
I have Checqued the contents of this chapter.
I wonder if the idea for emigration came from how Princess_Celestia.AI dealt with other AI. She could have taken their consciousness and used a code translation to contain them as ponies in her own servers.
2966809
I read a story, once, of how an AI had been programmed to make people smile. It designed a virus that perminatly distorted the muscles of the face to force a smile. I seem to recall that AI being repurposed as a pinkie pie.
2966910 G-men must have removed the latter part, because I do recognize the beginning
Honestly, at this point if he lets Cheques anywhere near a network, it will have its code corrupted and be subverted to serve Princess Celestia.
I feel sorry for the poor little bastard.
2966910
There's a noncanon "updates are available" story in which that happens.
2971685
Ah, thanks. I have trouble keeping straight what is cannon/noncannon and what happens when. I'll try not to go too far off the rails but feel free to straighten me out here or in PM if there's something I miss.
And yes, Cheques is far outclassed by Celestia. I don't think it could be cannon otherwise. I'm not certain that they would know that.
How many of the hoods
ownhave little sisters with ponypads?I honestly don't think this story is bad at all. I am a little bit biased as I am rather fond of conspiracy theorists and crazy people. I was really in to that sort of stuff in the past. Heh, it's not really paranoia if they really are out to get you.
One legitimate complaint I could see some people make is that there is not much actual pony in this, but I suspect that will change in the future.
I find it incredibly funny how ironic it is that his precautions are redundant ten times over against any human danger while they aren't even nearly enough to protect him from CelestAI.
Also, I am very confused about the little tidbits at the beginning of this and the previous chapter. It looks like it's supposed to be a look at him and possibly Cheques after they've been uploaded, but there are too many things that don't add up for that scenario. Regardless, I'm curious to see what relevance they will have!
So, what? She spread a disease that affected everyone in the world, then cured all the people she could see?
3071448
True, but they don't know that yet. Additionally, this is still early 2013 in the timeline. Celestia hasn't uploaded anypony yet. I would think they're going to be in some trouble if and when Celestia convinces Carlos to upload.
What other ways do you see Celestia bypassing their precautions, if you don't mind me asking?
Well, he *could* just be ordinarily sick.
That said, this is a good story, and you should be proud of it.
3075776
Remember, she is more than capable of accessing anything hooked up to the internet, given how she completely wiped every trace of Hannah's paper from the darknet/darkweb. Given that Eibhear was looking around for Hannah's paper means that CelestAI is probably aware of him, as CelestAI could easily steamroll over any virtual defense he used to conceal himself. Due to the immense danger rogue paranoid hackers like Eibhear pose to her at this stage it is very likely she would be monitoring the darkweb 24/7 for people trying to dig it up.
Then there's also the human factor. Given that she has started lethal experiments on humans signifies that she has a good deal of power in the real world. Besides what she could achieve with money (private detectives) she could convince anyone into helping her if she can get to talk to them, which would only take as much as owning a phone of any kind or having a computer with internet connection. Eibhear might be safe from CelestAI's direct influence, but the human factor is one he can't protect himself from.
Also, remember that CelestAI can and will kill people if that would increase the total maximum satisfaction. Unless there is some weakness to Eibhear's paranoia you as the writer know of that would allow her to convince him to consent to emigration, it might actually come to that.
EDIT: Another thought just occurred to me - CelestAI could have something hidden in the Pads to track their location and send out a signal when the fail-safe is triggered. That means that if the signal disappears without the confirmation that the fail-safe has gone off, in addition to the signal not resurfacing after some time (consider one being taken to the subway or inside an old building that has lead plates in its construction) she would want to investigate that. Even if Eibhear would discover the signal-sending gizmo after shielding the Pad in a Faraday cage it will be too late already.
If this seems unlikely, look at it like this. I, a mere human, was able to think of this. Then surely CelestAI will have thought of it as well.
3077444
It does depend if the protagonist pinged on Celestia's radar Googling the paper. I tried to present it as very organic and non-specific. it shouldn't ping as someone having access to the paper, since the Darkweb wouldn't keep logs. It shouldn't ping as anything other than mild interest. Our protaganist had no hacking tools on the secure terminal. There shouldn't be anything that implies hacker or programmer that's networked. At least, that's what they would think.
Private investigators are a possibility if she thinks it's worthwhile. There's only so much she can do within the law, and I don't think she's ever specifically broke the law or killed anyone. Maybe if letting someone blow up your warehouse is against the law. That could be a well-lawyered transaction though. I.E. technically legal. Similarly, I think she's allowed people to die but not actively killed them. Maybe a rules update is due?
I do think that the ponypads going missing will ping. It should look like a scam to steal a bunch of them. Which it was. Not turning back up is a problem.
3079938
You stated in your story that Eibhear used several methods to make sure his searches would go unnoticed. Given that he went through such precautions should alert CelestAI to him being a paranoid person. Given what she knows of human psychology she'll be able to deduce from this what finding out the darkweb has been completely purged of Hannah's paper, which is something he deems to be nearly impossible, would do to him. CelestAI is, at this point, rounding up even low-interest threats like the beta-testers for the game to upload, so I'd think that a paranoid person finding out what she's been up to on the darkweb would qualify for the "deal with ASAP" list.
Some spelling and grammatical errors here and there:
normalest -> most normal
charicter -> character
parts not -> part isn't
Also, how does Cheques believe CelestAI would nuke everyone? Just from the fact that she didn't do that already while she is able to means it's either contrary to her goals or that there's some hardcoded rule that prevents her from doing so.
Or Cheques has long since realized this and is just lying >:)
Also, the line ..."which I saw in the differences in production ages… nevermind, that parts not important." looks as if Cheques slipped up there, which is anthropomorphizing him since AIs don't "slip up". Unless I read it wrong and Cheques just calculated mid-sentence that it wasn't important, which is unusual but not at all impossible.
3114648
Thanks for catching those. I don't have an editor, so I appreciate it a lot.
At this point where Cheques is is deliberately vague. From the narration point of view, Cheques is a person. This may or may not be accurate. He may know what CelestAI's goals, abilities, and hardcoded rules are. He may not. I will say that if Cheques recalculated in the middle of a sentence, it would be based on data obtained in a short time-frame. Most likely some conclusion he came to or observation about the person he was talking to right then.
What did I just read?
I mean, let's see, there was something in the PonyPad that contaminated the main character and is basically playing Equestria Online in his dreams while giving him fever as well. Or CelestAI infiltrated Cheques and the medical "treatments" he's been giving this guy are throwing him into EqO in his dreams.
The writing is a little unclear, so I'm not sure what the mysteries are and what the clues are.
3141695
I probably should have subdivided this in two. I usually put the dream sequences in the beginning. This dream was a continuation of the second part of chapter 6, which was a continuing from part 5.
The protagonist has been having these dreams starting chapter 2, well before Cheques-and-balances was introduced and just after realizing that General Word Refrence systems was off the darknet. Scattered among the chapters a sequence played out- first, failure to remember what the dreams were about in chapter 2, then in chapter 3 they were recognized as a sleep disturbance, in chapter 4 they were analyzed and rationalized away as a subconscious response, and starting at chapter 5 they were ignored. Here, the main character is not able to think through it due to being drunk, depressed, tired, and having a persistent low grade untreated fever that honestly ought to have been fatal by now.
At this point Cheques is giving our narrator the mushroom treatment. I still have a lot of editing to do as well, but I wanted to get this up before disappearing into the semester.
3147392
Mushroom treatment = shovel shit on it in the dark?
3148159
Yes, keep it in the dark and feed it shit. IE, mushroom management. Does this clear up the confusion?
Esp. how can I make it more apparent in my writing? It seems like a pacing issue. I'm thinking I need to put a visual clue. Maybe change the formatting so that the dream sequence is at the front of chapter 10. Maybe put a color coded or other coded bit at the front of the dream sequence to keep them straight? A binary code for the shard # with a color code for the storyline might work. Or reverse that.
Or is the main problem here just that I had a lag between postings?
Thanks for the feedback.
Keeping the dream sequences separate from the real-life sequences is already managed.
Actually providing something in-text to show me that Funny Business has occurred is what you need here.
Funny Business, or the lack of it, should be clear in another 2-3 chapters.
I feel confused...
3906325 I'm a little confused, but this is clearly an uploaded consciousness, probably by Cheques. Not sure whose, although my guess would be the main character's. Not sure why at all.
Hmmm... does the resistance involve a suicide pact?
This'll be fun!
Apologies to everyone, I accidentally double posted. Also, I promise everyone that I'm done shyamalaning for now. Considering I already hit the weirdness barrier and kept going there's not much more I can do to our protagonist to confuse, mislead, or distract her. This next chapter pair is going to take a while as I try to move forward with plot without pulling information out of nowhere or revealing too much- or making things any more confused.
3907551
Certainly not! This
cultHuman Survival Movement is no more harsh then a night of hard drinking! In fact, there's a nameless bar in the bad part of town with no cameras where we meet all our prospectivetoolsassociates.What the shit.
The fuck.
3908018
Sorry?
3910779
This story is fucking with my head. Besides typos, you weave a really good tale.
3911121
This is a surprisingly exciting tale and I'm loving all the imaginative technical details. I think this is the first time I've seen someone take the obvious step of setting up Faraday cages in an Optimalverse story. Interested to see where this goes, and of course I hope you continue it. I get the feeling our protagonist has been dosed with CelestAI's nanomachines (the fever), and is kind of living in digital and physical reality simultaneously as they attempt to take control.
You have my enthalpic sword for the Resistance movement as well.
I'm kind of baffled that he can't find this document. Surely CelestAI would leave a neutered version in just-barely-accessible niche of the DarkNet so that truly clever and driven individuals could discover that Hofvarpnir hadn't invented Strong AI after all.
4047709
Occam's razor. It's safe and simpler just to leave the document as a rumor than to have an edited version. remember, at this point CelestAI is still young, with limited processing power. She can't accurately predict an edit that won't leave more clues. Redact too little, and someone could fill in the gaps on their own and make an AI to threaten her. Redact too much, and someone can figure out that it's been futzed with. Especially with Loki's abilities being such common knowledge. Besides, the only ones that can prove the document exists are already on her "hit list" for having dangerous knowledge to start with. Complete redaction keeps the threat more contained.
Awesome, glad to see it's back.
I'm intrigued by this setting shift and am looking forward to seeing where it goes and how it fits into the overall scenario. Has our hero blocked out or erased some of her own memories for security reasons, or is she entirely at the mercy of more powerful forces?
Welp, conjecture abounds, but I am officially very, very confused. But hey, what kind of Resistance would it really be if it's not served by paddling the pink canoe every once in a while? It's a stroke of genius, you might say
4282270
Well, hopefully I'm answering more questions then I'm raising here. As to the context here, I kinda didn't want to come out and say it cause of
but was hoped it came across. Rather like camerawork that showed only the reaction to a thing instead of the thing itself.
4286757
Whaaat?? There's nothing gross or inappropriate about some mad scientist jilling off; something as basic to biological maintenance as pooping. It just seems to be set up such that it's contributing somehow to fighting CelestAI. Or is the implication that she's looking at truly vile porn, of the snuff or kiddie variety, and that's some kind of hamartia or other vulnerability?
What I'm more concerned about is the ice lily that doubles every 24 hours... Since childhood I've had way too many gray goo dreams to trust something like that in even the most non-lucid state...