• Member Since 25th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 5th, 2018

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Virginibus puerisque canto. - Horace | O tempora, o mores! - Cicero | Ex Africa semper aliquid novi. - Pliny The Elder

T

A Weird West yarn with Applejack as the unwilling anti-heroine, beginning in the mysterious Appleloosa town.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 22 )

Why is applejack in prison?
More?

2933222
SOON.

Watch this space! :pinkiehappy:

I like it. Very wild westy. You have caught my eye.:ajsmug:

Okey dokey lokey

Getting better. Just try to make the chapters a little longer, and you're good to go.

...:rainbowhuh: what am i reading?

so this is a cowboys vs aliens crossover that make sense. but it wasn't very clear on how AJ got in trouble, if you did, sorry. I'll watch this story but its a little confusing.

I like the story so far! can't wait to read more :pinkiehappy:

Well that certainly happened. This is not a bad story per se; in fact it's fairly well written. There's just no context. Applejack's in jail, gets hanged, comes back to life, apparently has some kind of affinity for darkness, and then suddenly aliens happen. All for no apparent reason.

Anyway, by all means keep going. I find myself bizarrely driven to see how this ends.

Well, I can say that I'm hooked. Excellent story! The way you describe everything brings it all very much alive. I really can't wait to see an update for this... :pinkiehappy:

4474343

Soon. I already have an entire overarching story planned.

Originally, though, this was going to be a very small, fun story. But then it swelled into something many-layered and complex. The people who are complaining about its disjointed nature? Sorry. It is glaringly obvious, the transition from ficlet to Serious Business, isn't it?

This will be a gigantic story when it's finished. I actually ended up having to draw a map of the Continent of Equestria, among other things.

I plan on making a Wiki for this story and possibly a Formspring so that I can properly document it.

4474371 Ambitious, I like that.

Not disjointed at all - at least, not in my mind. The exposition to me is almost akin to how a dark western might frame the opening shots of a movie. That being said, you do an excellent job crafting all these wonderful characters and giving them a voice and a soul. I love love love it. <3

Though, I'm tempted to ask, if it's so big, why not just change the characters and make it a real sci-fi/western novel? I'm already hooked on the premise (and this story could already shed it's pony framing device, since it seems superfluous to the plot anyway). It could make for an excellent read! :D

4474386

Because then I'd hafta actually research what Frontier Western life was like.

Not that it makes a diff, because, in fact, I ended up researching it anyway, in order to improve the realism. I have also been reading Western literature such as Cormac McCarthy's Border Trilogy.

Also, this story has political/conspiracy elements that will be expanded on.

Trixie and the twins killing the old Appleloosans? An allusion to similar massacres in American History(Tulsa Race Riots, Trail Of Tears, etc). Notice how they ingratiate themselves to Applejack and attempt to smooth over the incident , as well. Hmmmmm.

Someone asked me what Applejack got in trouble for. A hint: the unfair laws Trixie, Flim, and Flam implemented might get you sent to the gallows simply for being in the Wrong Place at the wrong time.

This fic is also an Attack On Ayn Rand; Trixie is Dagny Taggart with a horn and magic powers. Flim and Flam are copies of Hank Rearden.

4474386

Originally, I was going to put this on the Wiki for this story, but, seeing as you mentioned it... :raritycry:

>The exposition to me is almost akin to how a dark western might frame the opening shots of a movie

This, in fact, was what I was attempting to convey all along.

Ideally, in my mind, this story could be made into a movie. I could probably even draw storyboards and write a script for it. I also already identified a Cast for it. Here, let me show you my 'Played By' list. Let me show you my pokemons..

Trixie, the Unyielding Financier:
s15.postimg.org/jr9xdotkb/image.jpg

Flim, the Conniving Crony Capitalist:
s12.postimg.org/htelxjlwt/image.jpg

Flam, the Opportunistic Engineer:
s12.postimg.org/jh95ygael/image.jpg

Applejack, an ordinary farm-girl:
s12.postimg.org/vlt0t6cod/image.jpg

This will never happen, seeing as 'Capitalism Is Bad'* would NOT fly in America, these days. I'd probably get run out of my own home country for being a sedition-ridden Pinko Communist, the way they did with Michael Moore. *sigh*

______________________________________________
*The central theme underpinning this fic?

1) Capitalism Is Bad.

2) Capitalism Is Still Bad.

4475262 All economic systems that exploit people are bad - communism and capitalism alike. But that's just my take of it.

The more you describe it though, the more I want to see this happen. I think you underestimate the American public too - I think a lot of Americans are fed up with crony capitalism and the extravagant lifestyles of the rich. I believe if you artfully show how these robber barons manipulate the levers of power through a high-stakes, shoot em up western where the good-guy triumphs, I bet it would be a roaring success.

Like I said before, this idea has the potential to transcend the pony-fandom, and be an awesome piece of fiction, in it's own right.

4475651

Oh, I don't disagree with your analysis.

But have you noticed the Right-Wing Reactionary sector in the United States, and their tendency to exhort the virtue and values of 'Free-Market Capitalism'?

Not a day goes by without Republicans and their little internet friends bellowing at us hideous Leftist types about how MUH INVISIBLE HAND OF MUH FREE MARKET would solve all our problems. Also, if you're poor? You are 'lazy', a 'taker', and should probably just commit suicide in a quiet corner somewhere.

They also show a proclivity to shouting dreck about how the Banking Cartel and the Military-Industrial Complex - oh, and our oversized, overfinanced, overwrought Military Police(currently in the fourth decade or so of the War On American Citizens Drugs)* - are all necessary and important.

I am of the opinion that Free-Market Capitalism is not nearly as pleasant, or safe, as they would like to imply. The answer is not to swing totally in the opposite side by way of Communism, but I believe a serious re-evaluation of our economic mechanisms is called for.


_______________
*Not just today I was reading about a SWAT Police team in Georgia that threw a flashbang at a baby. An infant in a playpen. What were they afraid of? That the baby would cry very loudly in their direction?

And people say that the miscarriages of justice in my fic are unrealistic...they're meant to mirror the real and very present abuses of Law Enforcement powers in our society.

Women and men are executed wrongfully in this country, every day.

After skimming the comments: I don't know anything about the political angles in the story, if any, and I won't comment upon them myself.

Overall, I feel like this story is a little too incomplete to give much high-level criticism, so this review may be a little short.

I loved the breakneck pace (heh) of the opening chapters and frankly expected it to continue. Oddly enough, I thought that the initial shootout with the changelings was over a little too quickly, if anything. Then, once they boarded the alien ship, I felt a sudden slowdown. For whatever reason, that scene seemed to drag, and then the bar scene with Flim and Flam also went on a little long.

I was really grabbed into the story by the awesome opening. Surviving the hanging is just great. Then the exchanges between the sheriff and Applejack felt like they really captured the mood and mannerisms of an old Western. You kill a man, he oughta stay dead, dammit! It ain't natural! And then whole stoic and frank talk about executing her on a pyre is pretty damn funny.

And then on top of that, effing aliens out of nowhere? Hooked. Sold. Ya got me.

Now, though, I'm worried by all the financial talk and wining and dining. I know old westerns aren't all shootouts, but I got a (lovingly) parodic vibe from the opening and dammit, now I want more aliens and explosions than a Power Rangers marathon. I didn't sign up for this story to hear about about compound interest! And I hope it doesn't take that angle.

I was also slightly disappointed to find that the aliens were changelings. Since it's a ponyfic and all, I guess I should have expected it, but I thought for a brief second that we were going to cross over into some real esoteric shit, and I was hyped for the journey.

Tight prose as before, and after a couple or three longfics it's a nice change of pace to see a concise style. I like the character voices, though I don't really get any particular vibe from Trixie—southern belle? Burlesque dancer? I don't know what I'm supposed to be getting from her.

Regarding the changeling shootout that I mentioned before, it stuck out to me the way that most of the action paragraphs were basically the same thing: changeling moves, someone shoots it. I realize there were some other things happening (taking cover against a counterattack, shooting too close to Applejack's ear), but... eh. You know. Just one of those things.

I was confused by the fight with the Intelligence. I thought it was a hologram, but then it was made of glass. I'm also not sure what the "wubwubwub" represented, whether it was the pulsing of the Intelligence's energy shots or whether it was the beating of Applejack's heart.

The mention of rye twice in quick succession, once at the end of one chapter and again at the start of the next, stuck out.

Edit: there were a couple of other weird, sticking-out lines that just sounded weird. The only one I remember is "the extreme right of her cell".

Finally, I won't begrudge you the standard Derpy jokes, but don't you dare start leaning on them.

So yeah, overall solid but the main thing is that the pacing is just weirding me out a little.

Peace!

-

The Cringe Review

7841672

I actually like this review a lot. I will explain things in more detail in a little; I'm so tired I can barely think straight. For now I shall go to bed.

I bet her neck hurts, though.:pinkiehappy:

This is well written. I upvoted it for that reason, and because you have accurately captured the flavor of a Western. Including some of the literary cliches of the interwar era pulps.

"Boss! That lady ain't wearin' no clothes!" Grimes yelped.

Grimes instantly grasps the most important aspect of their situation. :rainbowlaugh:

I like your story and I like your Applejack. Her behavior under the circumstances wasn't unreasonably ruthless, given her knowledge and lack thereof. This is a good story.

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