After a spell gone wrong Twilight learns that a famous singer is coming to preform in Ponyville. Ever curious Twilight begins to research the singer. But as her investigation goes deeper she learns that the singer may not be what she appears. Dissapearences and strange behavior among those that have seen her live quickly surface. Just what is going on with this singer and is Ponyville in danger as well?
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More?
You have my attention; great mystery!
2933209
Don't worry I will be writing more. It will probably take a while though.
It will be worth the wait
Can't wait to read more!!
Alright, so first off. The general structure and flow is great. It wasn't hard or annoying to read and I kept wanting to see what was going to happen next and strangely enough, it's one of the very few first person fics I liked. It's fun and enjoyable and the character's seem to stay well... in character. xD
Now, a few things I noticed.
I personally feel that a slash does not fit here and this piece could be better represented with only my friend and helper Spike.
I noticed you had two character's dialogue in the same paragraph when you had them split up throughout the fic.
Missed a comma here.
Punctuation.
Spacing issue.
Honestly, punctuation seems to be the most common thing, which is how it is for a lot of writers. Same goes for me, but I also end up skipping words in a sentence sometimes.
All in all, a very good read. ^_^
EDIT: Just realized I gave part of the story away in my comments. Edited to de-spoil. ^_^;;
Loved it! This was an intense chapter in quite a few ways. I especially enjoyed Rarity's very calm demeanor and her slow progression towards anger. Nice amount of conflict, making the chapter very engaging to read. When that one shocking scene happened, I actually leaned in a little for a better reading position.
This could be written differently. Such as 'two newspaper articles; I needed more proof.'
Issue here with the transition from speaking to action.
Another big issue I see is the lack of commas throughout this chapter, like when you're addressing characters.
A comma between 'sorry' and 'Twilight' would be appropriate.
The first chapter seemed to be okay with it, but something changed with this one. Maybe the concentration on the tone of the fic would have somewhat distracted you? It was very strong this chapter, which is a good thing.
All in all, still very good! Looking forward to chapter 3!
Ohhhhh, SHOOT! I think Sweetie Belle was brainwashed at the last concert she went to. (Why couldn't it have been Countess Coloratura coming back to Ponyville for a visit?)