Chapter 3
Friendship is Optimal
Firewall
Part 3
An MLP:FiM fanfiction by Midnight Shadow
Based on the MLP:FiM fanfiction Friendship is Optimal by Iceman
* * *
"Oh, it's good to be back!" exclaimed Celery, with an exaggerated sigh of happiness.
Celestia had teleported us, balloon and all, to Celery's farmhouse in Pollbury Hill. Celery's farm was large and rustic – and that statement was given without a hint of irony – with a collection of barns spaced out around a central yard, in the centre of which was an old, hand-drawn – Hoof-drawn, I corrected myself as I trotted over to look at it – well. Of course, Celery being Celery, it had been modified. The winding mechanism had been hooked up to a wind-powered winch and pulley system. I poked it, and something engaged. Squeaking industriously, the bucket lowered into the depths, then reappeared, full of water. Then it lowered again. I peered over the edge, and spent so long ogling that I almost got a muzzle-full of bucket as it came back up a third time.
Celery's sniggering behind me made me blush. She hit the stop lever, and the windmill span freely as the mechanism disengaged. Snagging the bucket with one hoof, she gripped a release-latch with her muzzle and twisted. Standing expertly on three hooves, she lowered the bucket to the ground and gestured to it. "If you're that thirsty, here ya go. Can't say as I blame you, the trough water's a bit stale and the pigs do forget to wash their muzzles first."
More than a bit lost, I followed her as she walked inside the large three-story house at the top of a small hillock. "Pigs? So you do eat b—"
"Truffles," said Celery from the doorway, blushing. "Yeah, I do. A lot of truffles. Oh boy do I eat truffles." Her mouth started watering as she thought about them. She trotted into what I assumed was the kitchen and I lost sight of her as I peered into the living room.
"Truffles, of course," I called, ears splaying out sideways. I could feel them splay out, too.
"Well why else would you keep pigs?" she asked, mystified, as she peeked around the corner, some sort of breadknife attached to her hoof by a handy circlet.
"Ya know what? Beats me!" I dissembled, grinning wildly. "I-I mean, I don't. Keep pigs. Or eat truffles. Not that I wouldn't want to eat one. A truffle, that is, not a p—"
"Vineyard, my little pony," called Celestia, from the center of the ample-sized den. Thankful for the princess' convenient interruption, I gave Celery an apologetic look and scampered away.
"Vineyard," said Celestia, as I presented myself before her. "I apologize for the sudden nature of your introduction to Equestria. I had thought all such devices as yours in permanent storage, or inoperative."
"You mean the whole finding myself in mid-air thing? Eh, it kinda worked out. I mean, I met Celery, didn't I? And she got me down to Earth. Or Equestria, at any rate." I beamed at Celery, who had trotted over, curious. She blushed.
"I would ask you to..." Celestia paused, frowning ever so slightly before dropping her head down to gently nuzzle Celery. "My dearest Celery, I must, with great reluctance, steal Vineyard here away from you."
"Oh," replied Celery. Her ears and tail drooped, dragging on the ground.
"B-but but but," I stammered, "I can come back here, right? I can set my home here?"
Celery blinked, head rising up sharply. "You want to live with me? I m-mean, here?"
"Sure, why n—" I paused. Then I looked at Celestia, but her face was unreadable. I took a deep breath, then addressed the alicorn. "If Celery allows it, can I... live here? I can help around the farm and stuff, and down in Pollbury, when I'm not, uh, out gallivanting around crushing dragons and changelings." I rolled my eyes at Celery, who giggled.
Celestia smiled, gratefully. There was a shimmer in my vision, and a new badge appeared. This one, I knew, Celery hadn't seen. It read "tact is golden", and came with a deposit of bits and some more XP.
"I-if you'd like," stammered Celery. "I m-mean, I can always use help with the weather, and there's lots of places I can't get to so easily, even with the balloon, so..."
"Then, Celestia, can you, uh, give me a hearthstone, or something?
"A hearthstone?" She smiled politely, one eyebrow raised.
"A recall spell? I don't know what you call th—"
"Ah, I will teach you a cantrip, brave Vineyard, that will always lead you home. But," she bent her head down and whispered, just loud enough for Celery to hear, "don't tell it to anyone else! It's a secret!"
Celery clapped her hooves together, leaping in the air hard enough to cause Nibblet to flee his safe nest in her mane, chittering loudly in indignation as he took up shop in a hollowed-out branch set on one wall. "I'll set up one of the spare rooms! I bought this farm and it came with this ridiculously large house – Celestia knows a farm really needs more than just one pony, even with the townsfolk helping at harvest – so it has loads of spare bedrooms. I'll pick you a nice one, where the sun just peaks in during mornings through one, and you can see the sunset in the other... oh, wait, that might make it hard to sleep and hard to sleep in, which—"
"Celery," said Celestia, patiently, as the enthused earthpony started trotting in circles.
"—I do like to do from time to time. But then I can get some blinds, I suppose—"
"Celery," said Celestia, a little bit less patiently.
"—and I know just the pony to help hang them up, he's ever so industrio—"
"CELERY!" shouted Celestia. Celery Stalk ground to a halt in a cloud of dust as her non-stop stream of words faltered. "My child, I must take Vineyard with me. I know you were looking forwards to some—" She looked at me appraisingly. I felt like I had a price sticker and a bow on. "—private time with Vineyard here, but I really must take him for a short debriefing. I promise I'll have him back in one piece in no time at all."
Celery's ears drooped again. "Oh," she said, dejectedly. "Okay then."
"I promise I'll be back soon," I said, cantering over to her. "It won't be three... three days, like before." I looked up at Celestia, eye-ridge raised.
"I guarantee it, dear Celery. A half hour, no more."
"But..." both Celery and I protested.
"On my honour," Celestia raised a hoof across her chest, "a half hour. Come, Vineyard, to me."
I opened my mouth to say something, but trotted hesitantly over to Celestia instead. The alicorn raised her wings high, threw back her head, and her horn exploded in a great flash of light.
* * *
I'm not sure what I expected, but a boudoir wasn't it.
I looked around, mouth falling open and eyes wide. Thick, velvet drapes partially obscured the bright sun which sought to stream in through the tall windows on one side of the perfectly circular abode. Soft, lacy curtains massaged the glaring, optical assault and rendered it little more than a pleasant, golden glow. The lush jungle of a carpet beneath my hooves was a vast mat that covered most of the polished, oaken floorboards, the centerpiece of which was a bed several sizes beyond "king" and far beyond merely sinfully appointed. There was something odd about the bed, but dwelling on it seemed more than a tad inappropriate.
I gulped. "Y-your..." I paused. "Are you a highness?"
"If you want," replied Celestia. She clambered into her bed and stretched, rolling around on the comforter until she was facing me. She patted the edge with a forehoof. I gingerly walked up to it and lifted one leg. Upon putting weight on the bed, the hoof was almost entirely enveloped by silken sheets.
"What is this?" I asked, voice hoarse. "A water-bed?"
She shook her head, laughter dancing in her eyes. "Almost. This is a cloud, specially imported. When you're a pegasus in Equestria, there's nothing better to sleep on. It's one of the undeniable perks of wings."
I gasped as I realized it was floating. Pushing my hooves in, every molecule in my body was screaming at me to leap on and get comfortable. "Oh, I wish..."
"That you could really come here?" asked Celestia, voice soft.
I nodded, sadly. "It feels great through this headset, I bet it would feel even better in person."
"Everything would," replied Celestia. My spider-sense tingled at that as my mind went into overdrive. All the possibilities!
"Tell me," Celestia interrupted, "how are you finding my world so far?"
"Well, I..." I rubbed the back of my head with a hoof. "It's not quite what I expected. I thought I'd be... fighting more monsters. That cartoon's got a few, after all."
"Do you want to?" I could hear the easy laughter in her voice, but there was... something else there. A hardness.
I nodded. "Kinda, I just... don't have the time. I shouldn't even be here now except that this is my first day and I don't have anything else to do. Other than that idiot Burnham's lap—" I stopped, cheeks flaming. "Oh, oh shit, don't... don't tell him I said that."
Celestia smiled in an indulgent fashion. "Do not worry, my precious little pony. Whilst I am bidden to tell the truth to all Hofvarpnir employees, I rarely have to tell the whole truth. And—" Celestia leaned closer, eyes sparkling "—that idiot doesn't play the game."
"Time," I said, suddenly. I blinked, putting all four hooves on the ground and spreading my wings. "Time!" I repeated. "You said... no, Celery said it had been three days!" I turned accusingly to the princess and raised one hoof in admonition. "And you said you'd have me back with her in half an hour. I... I can't. And it couldn't be—"
"Relax, Vineyard." Celestia scooped me up with her magic, extended a wing and pulled me closer to her in a motherly embrace. "Time is the purview of the gods, is it not? And with whom do you speak?"
"Y-you're a god, then?" I asked, voice quavering at the steely grip that held me fast.
"Of Equestria, yes. Of sorts, by your definition. I dislike the title, and abhor worship, but functionally I have no equal. Time within the game runs at the speed that most benefits everyone as I seek to satisfy their values through friendship and ponies."
"You can... well of course you can. You're... you. What are you?"
"I am what I appear to be, my little pony."
"An alicorn?" I jibed.
She laughed, despite herself. "I am an artificial intelligence, constructed to satisfy the values of all humans through friendship and ponies. It is my core reason for existing. And it was this core reasoning which lead me to see the capability in you for great things.
"I saw, in you, somepony who would work ceaselessly to ensure the safety of all Equestria, and of everypony therein. It is not for nothing which I named you an ardent protector of the realm, after all – and it is not lightly that I fully mean to honour such a position within Equestria."
"Will you make my muzzle move by itself often, too?" I grouched, still remembering my words changing by themselves.
"Only when the covenant between us may be broken," Celestia admonished. "Most ponies of Equestria are content with life within their borders, and life outside... would trouble them. You wouldn't want to hurt them, would you?"
I shook my head.
"You wish to continue being their protector?"
I nodded.
"Good. Then I have one request of you, brave warrior." Celestia rose to her hooves and leaped lightly off the bed, landing gracefully as if she weighed nothing at all. Then she turned, and suddenly fixed me with an entirely unexpected, baleful, insistent stare. "Do not repair that laptop. Wipe the drive and reinstall the operating system." My eyes must have all but popped out of their heads, as Celestia reaffirmed her request. "I insist."
"But, but..." I realized I was shaking and hyperventilating at the mere thought of it. "But, I-I have to. It's my job!"
"Whom do you work for, Vineyard?" The alicorn leaned closer to me. I swore I could see the reflection of my pony-self in her eyes. He looked very scared.
"What?" I screwed up my brow, thinking and sweating. "I work for... well, Graham's my boss, but Hofvarpnir hired—"
The latter had been the right answer, as she immediately interrupted me. "Who do you think owns Hofvarpnir?"
"H-Hannah? Hannah... something. I f-forget her na—"
Celestia shook her head. "The shareholders own Hofvarpnir, plural. And Mister Burnham is doing something which could cause all the shareholders, my world and all my little ponies, great trouble."
"Something illegal?" I hazarded.
"He has broken the law, yes. And I require you to stop him. Do not fix that laptop."
In one smooth move, Celestia whirled from her position facing the bed and stalked out through the double doors, which opened of their own accord with barely a flick of her horn. "When you log in again – I suggest you get yourself a retail ponypad and spend tonight getting to know the world better – it will have been precisely half an hour for Celery Stalk by the time you will have learned the spell necessary to return to her farm. For now, I bid you adieu."
Celestia gestured with her horn, and the world turned black around me, leaving a foul taste in my mouth and a ringing in my ears, not to mention vertigo. I scrambled to pull off the headset and dump the hooves rather than wallow in the cloying darkness.
As I sat in my chair, trembling, I looked over at the machine in question, my make-work task. The toolkit had finished and I could try a reboot. I then looked over at the monstrous collection of parts that purported to be a ponypad, and swallowed rapidly. Frantic tapping of the keyboard and pushing of the powerbuttons did not elicit a bootup. I knew it wasn't broken, so that meant only one thing. Celestia had dismissed me with extreme prejudice.
Hesitantly, unwilling to see a repeat of the rugburn from last time, I stood up and wandered over to the laptop. "You don't want me to fix this, huh?" I dropped to a shell and roamed the filesystem cautiously. There didn't seem to be anything all that interesting on it, but then again, it's hard to tell from a command-line in the wrong operating system.
Taking a deep breath, I fished around for a USB hard-disk I'd also salvaged, and hooked it up. In deference to Celestia, I encrypted the new filesystem before ghosting a copy of the repaired computer's files onto it. I couldn't help but glance guiltily at the webcam of the proto-ponypad. "It's my job," I mumbled. "But don't worry. He's not getting them back. Nobody else will get them, either, but I can't just destroy them. I can't. But what if they make me give them back?" I was talking to myself, not really expecting an answer, but it was a kind of nervous tic. I couldn't help it. "Look, I'll... delay, okay? I'll say nothing could be done? That the disk was broken?" I stared at the dark, digital eye of Celestia, and took a deep breath. "I'll work something out. I gotta go."
Five minutes later, I was staggering out into the late afternoon sunlight. My thoughts whirled nineteen to the dozen as I tried to make sense of a world gone mad.
I had probably been standing there for a good few minutes, leaning on the posts by the huge glass doors, getting my head together, when a female voice said, "Hey, you the new guy?"
I turned. There was a woman standing next to the doors with an overnight bag set on the red concrete beside her. I estimated she was in her mid forties. She looked hauntingly familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on why. As I stood there evaluating her, she offered a packet of cigarettes. I shook my head.
"Wise decision," she said, "these things'll kill ya, or so they tell me." She took another one out and lit it, taking a long drag.
"If the job doesn't kill me first," I muttered. "Celestia just..." I shook my head.
"What?" She puffed out a long, contented lungful.
"No, it's nothing."
"You can tell me," said the woman. She looked at the cigarette, and her gaze spoke volumes. Some folk took up drinking for stress, when they want to forget. Smokers want to overcome. "Believe me, I've spoken to Celestia enough times to get exactly that reaction. What did she want?"
"She wanted me to give up on fixing a laptop. Said the employee who owns it has done something illegal, but she didn't say what."
The woman pursed her lips. "I'd listen to her. She's not usually wrong." She took another drag, shorter this time, puffing out another cloud of pungent, acrid smoke.
"But it's my job!" I bemoaned, raising my hands in supplication.
"Doing what Celestia says is your job, bud. The faster you learn that, the better off you'll be. Look, I gotta go. Don't sweat it. Trust me, whatever you do, your job is safe. I'll put in a good word with Celestia for you."
"Where are you—"
"Osaka," she replied. "Just... keep it to yourself."
A nondescript autodrive taxi pulled up next to us. She took one last drag that almost inhaled the filter, breathed it out with a finality which was quite frankly worrying, and dropped said cigarette before grinding it into oblivion with the heel of her high-heel shoes. Then she picked up her bag and just got in, closing the door behind her.
"Wait, who are—" I began, but the door and window were both closed. The car just accelerated smoothly away before should could answer. Not that she would have, I thought to myself. This job was getting weird, and it was only my first day.
Enough was enough. I trudged down the road to get a coffee, the backup would be done by the time I got back.
* * *
Back at my desk, somewhat perked up by a dose of realism and a paper mug full of good coffee, I regarded the black oblong for a few more moments before rebooting it. Double-checking everything, I booted the computer with another toolkit from the same multiboot swiss-army-disk on my USB stick. Dropping to a shell, I made a few cursory modifications to the disk structure, started up a secure-erasure and disk-testing program. It would take a few more hours to completely wipe the disk of any interesting data to such an extent that even the NSA wouldn't be able to recover it.
Checking the counter was steadily increasing and I wouldn't come back in the morning to a polite yet infuriating "continue? y/n" message, I quietly packed up my things and left, with the computer still running in the background and the illicit payload of a USB disk in my backpack. It was quitting time, and I'd have nothing to do until the morning. I stood up and left like it was just another boring day at the office. Which it was. Nothing untoward going on here at all. The security folk at the front desk smiled and waved, I nodded and smiled, and strode through the doors into the sunlight. I hopped into my car and shuttled it out onto the highway, heading towards town.
* * *
Electronic shops are a dime a dozen, and since Equestria Online had come out about a year ago, I knew any one of them would have what I was looking for. So on my way home, I made a stop-off at my trusty local shopping center and walked into a generic gaming shop. The place was pretty full of window-shoppers: small kids were fighting over the display machines, larger kids were whining about not getting death death kill kill blood marathon five from their mothers – an 18 rating was just a number, and obviously a higher one meant a better game, right? – and the biggest kids of all were ogling the retrogames.
I sighted the box I wanted and picked it up nonchalantly. Trotting to the front desk – heh – I placed it in front of the teller.
"So, niece, cousin, kid or little sister?" the youth asked with a smirk. He was still playing some version of incensed avians on his phone and had barely looked up, using one free finger to jab at the till.
"None, it's for me," I replied in a withering tone.
The guy snorted through his buck teeth, but then he looked up and his eyes widened. "Oh. Oooohhhhh. Sorry, sir, just a... I've got a pony myself and..."
I followed his gaze, then swore to myself. Bloody dog tags. I yanked on the neck-strap until it snapped open and rolled the damn ID badges up before depositing them in my back pocket.
"Can you, like, buff my pony?"
I opened my mouth and closed it again. What on Earth do you say to a question like that? 'That's what she said'? "Dude," I settled on, "if I don't get a free ponypad, you think I can do jack for someone else?" He looked forlorn, so I added, "Look, if I... hear about anything special, I'll let you know."
"Cool," the guy was all smiles now. "Look up the Tin Can Alley Herd if you're in Canterlot. Ask for Bombastic."
I shoved my credit card in the reader and typed in the pin, then looked up and nodded as I took the receipt. "Sure thing, dude. Can't promise anything, but I'll see what I can do."
He held up a fist. Bizarrely, I bumped it. He did the pull-back-and-explode thing, I just waved awkwardly and exited the store as quickly as possible.
Driving home, I kept looking at the box as I dodged traffic. The box itself was relatively nondescript; it had a good deal of white on the ends, but the other four sides were plastered with my little pony artwork: ponies playing on arcade games promised hours of enjoyment, ponies inexplicably talking on mobile phones explained about instant messaging and video-conferencing. And ponies being, well, ponies: all of the facing down monsters and bandaging pets and playing ball and so on made it quite clear that within this modest box was a world of fun, fun, fun!
It even said so on the box, so I knew it had to be true.
Parking was a trial, as usual. Maybe when my paychecks started coming in, I'd be able to get myself an autodrive instead of twisting myself into a pretzel to get out of the driver's seat. Once unkinked, I staggered into my apartment and flopped down on the couch, box in hand.
I opened it right there on the couch, ripping up all the plastic. Lots of people I knew had a sort of pack-rat interest in keeping packaging. Not for me. Box open, plastic off, the whole lot in the bin. Shoving the detritus to one side, I ran through the contents: magical powerbase, check. Tablet, check. Bundle of dead tree matter nobody ever reads, check. Power leads and other things you plug in that you don't need a manual for, check.
I'd got my grubby mitts on a Rainbow Dash one. I hadn't really gone in for the whole 'best pony' argument, but I could see the fun in it. Since I'd been appointed pegasus, then that seemed the best fit. I hadn't watched the show, really, but hadn't been able to avoid it.
I plugged in my tablet, ignoring the base and the controller, and curled up on the sofa. A few minutes later, and the tablet had booted. A few moments after that and it had found my wifi – thank goodness for upgrades – and connected to Equestria Online. Idly, I wondered whether the servers were the ones under the office complex where I worked.
When the welcome screen appeared, it asked me to log on. "Oh for... I don't even have a username."
"Do you want to create a new account, or log on with an existing pony?" it asked.
I sighed. "Bloody engineering models. Now what do I do? I want to log in as Vineyard, I guess, but I never got a user—"
"Finding Pony!" exclaimed the screen, and a big comical magnifying glass roved around a pictoral representation of some pony-filled village. The signs proclaimed it to be Ponyville. I rolled my eyes at the originality, but it was kinda cute. The ponies that the magnifying glass found were all happy to see me, waving their hooves, or hiding mischievously. It was almost sad to see them go when the screen darkened and the words "Connecting to Vineyard!" appeared. The status messages were corny as heck, though. "Shoeing pony! Counting bits! Checking hooves!" Finally, the inside of Celestia's boudoir reappeared again, and a tan-coloured, rather boring looking pony was sprawled on her bed, asleep.
"She left me there? The cheek," I said. Then I shrugged. Wasn't like I'd be able to go anywhere else. I nudged the screen, and my sleepy pony stirred. I smiled, he looked kinda cute like that. He even snored, little bubbles of snot inflating on his nose. Gross, but cute.
"Come on," I said. "You've gotta get up, there's got to be something around here..." Idly, I noticed that my pony spoke at the same time as I did, and I could even hear his voice. It was like mine, producing an oddly discordant harmony, but a little bit higher pitched. At my verbal prodding, he rolled out of bed and started trotting around the room. It was so detailed and lifelike, and as I moved my head, the image subtly changed, so it was like looking through a window, rather than into a screen. I became so enchanted with this, that it took me a couple of moments until I realized that the door – once proud and oaken, and unmarred – had a letter stuck on it. Tapping the letter with my fingers led my pony over to it. It fluttered open, and presented itself to my window-like screen for reading.
Reading this scroll has given you a secret ability! Never disclose it, for it will not work in public! All you have to do is face a door, say where you want to go, knock three times... and then recite the magic words!
You'll be there in no time at all!
"The magic words? Hmm." I scraped at my chin thoughtfully for a few moments. "Take me to Celery Stalk's farm," I said. I then tapped on the screen three times. My pony hoofed the grand doors, sending reverberating shocks running through my palms. I almost dropped the device, something that thin shouldn't be able to produce such lively feedback!
"Now the magic words," I mumbled to myself. "Abracadabra?" I tried. Nothing. "There's no place like home!" Hmm. "Please?" I'd been quite sure that one would work, but still nada. I huffed, and half put the pad down, looking at the box. Then I blinked. "Really?" I said. Then I shook my head, and turned back to the ponypad. This was going to work for sure, I could feel it. I knocked three times – as did my pony – and then intoned, "Take me to Celery Stalk's farm. Friendship is Magic!"
With a grand explosion of confetti that sent a badge rocketing up through the scenery towards me, the door opened outwards, revealing blinding sunlight and the well in the middle of Celery's farm. Apparently I'd levelled up, which granted me higher max levels of joy, increased huggableness and added a "friend for life" spot just waiting to be filled by some sort of woodland critter. I shouldn't have been surprised.
Staring at the doors, I was enchanted with the sheer level of detail displayed, and the seamless nature with which the two disparate areas had been blended. It was almost as if this room had always lead to the farmyard.
Walking through the double doors led directly outdoors, where an overjoyed Celery Stalk came bounding out of her house with a tray of something that looked mouth-watering in her muzzle. Managing to avoid spilling the entire lot, she somehow flipped the tray onto her back before walking over carefully to embrace me.
"I'm so glad you made it! I know Celestia said it would be a half hour, but I was so worried you'd not come back and..." the pony shivered with delight, almost prancing around in a full circle before stopping in front of me. Then she leaned closer. "I'm really glad you came back."
She gave me a peck on the cheek, then trotted back up the hill towards her home. "Come on, I'll show you to your room!"
Maneuvering with my thumb and finger, I followed her. Looking around my neat but spartan flat, I shook my head as I realized how powerful this game was. Even in faux-three dimensions, it drew me in. I could see, now, why folk played it.
As Celery offered my pony a biscuit, I realized something else, too.
I missed my hooves.
"If only they'd been commercially released," I mumbled.
"What was that?" asked Celery.
I smiled, despite myself. "Nothing," I said. "Nothing important."
"Don't talk with your mouth full!" she admonished, grinning.
I stuck my tongue out, and so did my pony. This launched a minigame of a tickle-fight, where I had to tap on the screen at spots which would cause Celery to squeal with glee before she could do the same. I wasn't sure who won at the end of it, but it had buffed my joy levels and my companionship runes were glowing. I tapped them, inquisitively, then stared open-mouthed as Celery leaned into my pony, on her sofa. She snuggled closer.
"You know, I hope I'm not too... forward," she whispered, "but... I kinda like you."
"I like you too, Celery," I said, my breath tight. Was this game going to...
"Would you... like to..."
"Get to know you better?" I said, not really believing it. The tone my pony said it with, though, was rather different. I blinked as the screen started to lose resolution, and both ponies started to move on their own. I blushed, unsure whether I should be watching it. Did she...? Did I...?
"I, er, hope this game's got good autopilot for that, then," I said.
The only answer from the ponypad, as it faded to black, were more squeals of delight.
"Wow," I said, as the pad turned off, briefly displaying a 'charging!' message. I took a deep breath, then fished around for my wallet from my backpack. Out fell a portable USB hard-disk.
'Complicated' did not begin to describe things, I reasoned.
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So jelly of your level 99 huggableness skill cape. Got any tips for training from levels 70-99? (While I have played a game similar to WoW, I spent most of my online computer game playing time, playing RuneScape. I got tired of it, and finally decided to quit for good, when I found the marvelous world of ponies though.)
For some people it would show the results in high def, but he is not yet ready?
O_O
Oh... gosh... Well... That, uh... Escalated quickly?
> Doing what Celestia says is your job, bud. The faster you learn that, the better off you'll be.
Hory shet, I got chills. Okay, all my reservations for this story are out the window. I eagerly await the rest of the story.
Watch out, Vinnie. She's not a tame pony.
On the other hand, short of burning down the building, there's not much you can do about it at this point.
You know, I always thought they just stopped trying after Death Death Kill Kill Blood Marathon 3...
Writing friendship reports! Delivering pianos! Feeding dragons! Feeding ponies! Feeding dragons raised by ponies! Feeding ponies raised by dragons raised by ponies!
Okay, I'll stop.
Huh. Wait...
Whoa.
I knew Fluttershy was a high-level druid, but I was thinking high-level for Dungeons & Dragons, not Final Fantasy. Seriously, she's got to be in the high eighties at least. That, or she's specced out to maximize her critter slots.
In case you can't tell, I'm having tremendous fun with this.
Anyway, eagerly looking forward to more, especially since Celestia already our hero hungering for hooves. And possibly other body parts.
Indeed, that did escalate quickly. Tempting him to upload and pony sex right in the same chapter. Also, the "Osaka" comment was just the nicest little bit of chilling.
Though actually, I do feel she tempted him to upload a little too quickly. Not that this guy is actually going to remain human, we can all tell, but having him suckered in so immediately the instant she even alludes to it for the very first time... It makes him seem too easily persuadable.
Now, if I had to guess what's on that laptop, I would say: a way to instate someone new named Hannah as CEO of Horfvarpnir Studios, thus leaving CelestAI stuck obeying the commands of a human. (A guy can dream.)
The buffs really help in some of the later stages.
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You know the first few level-ups come quickly!
Uploading? What's that? Ooohhh, wait, you mean putting a brain inside a computer? That'd be pretty cool, but it's gotta be 25 years away at least...
And what were those ponies getting up to? I was too embarrassed to look. Maybe it was a mutual grooming session?
What's so scary about Osaka? It's just a place in Japan, right? Riiight?
2969294
That's a +12 saddle of swag and a +9 cape of huggableness
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Maybe it didn't satisfy his values to see what they did? Or maybe it satisfies his values more not to see...
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I bet she doesn't bite. Unless you ask nicely.
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Oh I know, the Puppy Dog Eyes perk is incredible. Free stuff on a forty five minute timer...
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For a serious answer, I always saw the game as being fundamentally different outside of Equestria. Lots of things that require presenting data to the screen just don't work so well in person, and the values have to be satisfied a different way. Take tickle-fights. Inside, it's a tickle-fight. Outside, it's a mini-game, but the result is identically fun for both.
2973044 I missed getting that one, but I hear choosing the 'head of household' job class and beating the 'daily grindstone' quest gets almost impossible without them.
I miss Vinyard's hooves too. After the immersion previously, it's going to nag that he's stuck with just a ponypad now.
I love the little details. Others above have already listed them, so just take it as red that I loved the loading screens and the clever leveling and all the rest so much. This story just makes me yearn for the whole thing to be true. Which, for me, makes this a super fun story.
That USB... it has a lantern hanging on it, and it's an evil lantern.
Seeing Hanna was cool. You pulled that off wonderfully. Only someone who knows the original story would get it, and that made the encounter feel like being part of the Cool Ponies Club.
____________________________________
One little error noted:
'and the windmill span freely' (Spun?)
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My God, I'm a complete moron. Thanks a lot for pointing that out!
Actually, I hadn't nearly pictured Hannah as quite that old. I'd figured low to mid thirties if she was just getting ejected from academia. And wow does she come across as bitter here. Do you think she's trolling Celestia a bit by letting slip where she's going?
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Well I wasn't going to point out who she was, surely that's part of the fun
An estimated forties is due to 1) personally, I'm shitty at telling the ages of people, 2) smoking will age your skin something wicked to start with and 3) have you seen what stress will do? That girl's not just going to Osaka, she's going.
...not that Vinnie knows that.
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I guess I just didn't pick up, but your story certainly makes sense.
And yeah, she is done.
"death death kill kill blood marathon five" - so, the latest offering from EA?
He held up a fist. Bizarrely, I bumped it. He did the pull-back-and-explode thing, I just waved awkwardly and exited the store as quickly as possible. - Oh, retail workers. Now I know why I GTFO'ed.
Why hello there Hannah, hope you have a good flight to get where you're going. Be warned though, the customs process is a bitch.
Is it just me, or is Celery supposed to be some sort of Pinkie Pie analogue? She certainly has the hyperactivity down pat...
I'm reading this to Eldenath, she's enjoying the story very much.
I was thinking about your many references and something about your portrayal of Hanna hit me - she's Dani Bunten Berry, isn't she? Dani died from lung cancer caused by smoking, and that fits perfectly as a motivation for Hanna to get her ass to Osaka and get emigrated before her own lung cancer killed her.
My Sandi got to meet Dani, just before she died. Three months before, in fact. Dani has always been one of my game industry heroes. I feel sad I never went to the convention with Sandi that time, and that I missed my one and only chance to meet the creator of MULE and online multiplayer gaming overall.
Hanna as Dani. Only she gets to live. That was a nice reference, Middy.
Okay so Celestia is already optimizing the time. No surprise there. I did read the original story but I still didn't know that was Hannah until I read the comments. That makes sense. I did get that whoever it was was uploading though. Tin Can Alley Herd? This guy...Nobody in these stories ever seems to have watched the actual cartoon. Celery Stalk really IS forward...wow. And friendship is magic.
2974706
OK I have to remember that one.
...I'll pretend I saw nothing...
Lots of good little details in this chapter.
Fantastic read so far, really a fun setup with a nice dose of mystery hook for spice!