Trixie, fleeing Ponyville after her disastrous attempts at besting Twilight Sparkle with the Alicorn Amulet, she begins down the path that nopony could have predicted and will lead her to places both wondrous and dangerous. Seeking redemption in the service to Equestria's Princess of the Night, her life will be on the line and the lives of others in the balance, can Trixie find it in herself to do what has to be done to ensure the safety of her homeland and find the redemption she seeks?
This is my first story, so please mind any errors you may find :b
Chapters (16)
First!!!!!
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That is all, those wordds explain my being.
Interesting start. Tracking.
Interesting story. The prospect of Trixie joining a undercover organisation and working in her majesty's secret service (Lulamoon, Trixie Lulamoon. Licensed to boast.) is pretty entertaining. It's been done a few times, but it's always fun to see new spins on the take. I like your observation on cutie marks - the idea that they often have deeper and sometimes allegorical meaning. Personally I've previously headcanoned that a pony almost always know their mark's true meaning, but the story potential of a pony trying to understand the hidden meaning of their cutie mark cannot be denied.
I'm going to have to be critical in regards to your writing style. First of all, you keep changing tense. Sometimes it's present, sometimes it's past. At first I thought you were using past tense for past scenes and present tense for the other, but you're sometimes flipping back and forth in the same paragraph. You really need to stick with one, as it makes reading difficult otherwise. Past tense is traditional.
You also often link sentences with commas when they should be separated with periods, which ruins the pacing. Quite a few sentences also ramble on where they could have used commas.
Spelling and grammar is very good. No problem there.
Other than that, the only thing that stands out is the scene with the cloaked pony. The line about him putting everything back where it belonged made no sense to me. Please look over that scene again.
Keep up the good work! You're obviously very enthusiastic about this.
2947364 I'm trying to write in 2nd person omniscient for the most part. More or less like if I were reading her tale to someone else. The point of view will shift to a different pony on occasion to specifically iterate something. If nothing else, I'll change it to 3rd person omniscient. The thing with the cloaked pony putting the things back was that Azure thought they may have tried stealing one of her creations since they looked, and were shady :b
2947364 Ok, slight correction. It's not 2nd person, it's 3rd person semi-limited. I was a bit confused about that particular detail, it seemed to make sense to me at the time, but a friend of mine helped me realize it and a book I recently read uses that exact format, without the occasional changes in perspectives.
I've noticed a few errors in part two of Though the Seasons May Pass and I've caught a lot of them, but I'll have to wait for a bit as I'm currently working from a tablet that doesn't like the edit function of fimfiction
I love fanfics like these where Luna takes Trixie as her student, though I think Trixie made up with Twilight a little too quickly...
Will there be any Luna X Trixie in the near future? That would be amazing!
:D
3195476 Well Trixie wasn't quite herself that whole time when she had her altercations with Twilight. You saw how she was tormented and ashamed by her actions, but the forgiveness of the mane six is helping her to come to terms with what she had done and helping her become more comfortable in her own skin. As you have read, she has gone through a lot and has a lot more coming her way. She's still slightly unstable but the drive and conviction she now has is helping her to become somepony capable of protecting others while seeking her redemption, part of which happened with Twilight & Co. She has to see her own actions erase her guilt which is still there despite their forgiveness.
As far as the shipping goes, you're just going to have to keep on reading lol
Very interesting... I'm curious to see where this goes :)
3313684 Olive is definitely a unique pony in the aspect that his special talent is so nebulous. It leaves him a lot of options open.