• Published 23rd Jul 2013
  • 19,798 Views, 283 Comments

Apprentice Ship - Hyzaku



Celestia is struggling to come to terms with her true feelings for Twilight. Unwilling to watch her sister suffer under apathy and indecision, Luna takes it upon herself to help Celestia confront her newfound feelings.

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Smashing Wine

Magic swirled in an arcane vortex around the lunar guard. With Luna’s missive held tight, he braced for the spell to finish. He had never been teleported before, but had heard stories of its dizzying side effects. Then, in a bright flash, he vanished.

The guard found himself deposited several meters above the floor. Further noting that he was stricken with a case of vertigo, he landed with a disturbingly loud thud. Lights turned on and gasps were heard, followed by hoofsteps.

Somepony called out to him, “Are you okay, soldier?”

As the disorienting feeling subsided, he was able to gather himself and rise from the floor. What greeted him was one of the most elegant, and simply beautiful rooms he had ever seen. Truly, the Crystal Palace was a sight to behold!

“Soldier! Report!” the voice exclaimed, snapping him out of his awe stricken gaze.

Turning to the voice, he found none other than Shining Armor staring back at him. A hoof was rapidly pulled up into a salute, purely out of reflex. “Captain Armor, Sir! Sergeant Night Vision, reporting from Canterlot. I carry an emergency missive from Her Royal Highness, Princess Luna, addressed to Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of the Crystal Empire!”

“Shining, what’s with all the yelling?”

Night Vision looked past Shining Armor to see the target of his delivery rolling over in a very luxurious looking bed. He swallowed and averted his gaze.

Shining answered without taking his eyes off of Night Vision. “There’s a message for you, dear. Apparently, it’s an emergency.” There was a definite edge to the prince’s voice.

Night Vision was silently cursing the emergency teleport system.

“Is that so?” Cadance asked. The sound of hoofsteps alerted Night Vision to the Princess’ approach. “What kind of emergency requires such an intrusive entrance?”

To say Night Vision was on edge would be an understatement. This was simply not his best night. He quickly offered the missive to the princess, not daring to open his mouth.

Cadance’s magic took hold of the letter, unfurling it on it’s way to her. After a minute or so, the letter was placed carefully into a nearby drawer. “Shining, I need you to help me pack. I have to make a trip to Canterlot as soon as possible.”

Shining Armor groaned. “Yes, Dear,” he answered reluctantly. He turned to follow his wife, stopping briefly to snap an order at the lunar guard. “Dismissed, Sergeant!”

Without further ado, Night Vision vacated the royal bedroom.


Luna paced anxiously in her room. Try as she might, she had been unable to concentrate on anything. Every task she attempted was inevitably derailed as her thoughts drifted back to her sister’s predicament. She could only hope that Cadance would arrive before long.

At that very moment, because the universe adores coincidences, the door to her room opened. “Announcing, Princess Cadance!” exclaimed the guard by the door. On cue, the crystal princess entered the sanctum of the night, the door shutting silently behind her.

“I came as swiftly as I could,” Cadance began with a serious tone, “Your letter claimed there to be a crisis about to take place. Please, fill me in. I wish to hear every detail.”

Luna nodded in affirmation. “It is good that you have come. We are in dire need of your expertise.”

A slight hint of uncertainty pervaded Cadance’s response.“Yes, you mentioned that. But, what exactly are you referring to? My specialty is love magic, and I cannot think of anything save for modern culture for which you would need my knowledge.”

Luna smiled. “You have answered your own question. I have need of your experience with love.”

Cadance’s eyes widened, her thoughts began to race. “Um, Luna…” she hesitated. “I’m not certain that falling in love actually qualifies as a national emergency.” Cadance closed the distance between them. “Auntie, I know this can be a confusing time in a pony’s life, but you don’t need to overreact.”

Luna made an exaggerated show of rolling her eyes. “I am not the one in love. Tis my sister that requires your assistance,” Luna replied with no small amount of snark.

And just like that, Cadance was at a loss for words.

With no response forthcoming, Luna decided to continue her explanation. “Celestia has made a dangerous decision recently. She has allowed herself to fall in love, but she is refusing to admit her feelings to the one who has captured her heart,” Luna’s overly dramatic flair pervaded her voice. “She intends to try to suppress her feelings even though she has been stricken with lascivious dreams of her love every night for several months. I fear that the stress of not acting on her desires is starting to wear on her.” Luna paused long enough to place her forelegs on Cadance’s shoulders. “Fair niece, thou must help break mine sister from her dour mood!”

This had not been what Cadance had expected, not at all. Further complicating matters was that Luna, for all her vigor, still hadn’t mentioned who Celestia was in love with. “Luna, I won’t be able to help if you don’t tell me who Celestia is in love with.”

With forelegs still firmly on her niece’s shoulders, Luna replied with a very serious tone. “Twilight Sparkle.”

“Could you repeat that, I don’t think I heard you right.”

This time, Luna spoke much louder. “Twilight Sparkle!”

Cadance winced as her eardrums screamed in agony. Once the ringing had stopped, she was able to gather her thoughts. “So, you need my help because Celestia has fallen in love with Twilight to the point that it is actually distracting her from her duties, and she is refusing to do anything about it?”

“Yes.” Luna nodded. “And, do not forget the lustful dreams. They are certainly a source of distraction. Also, the cleaning staff have been complaining about her sheets being sent to the wash every day.”

Cadance suddenly cringed. “Right, I could have done just fine without that mental image.”

“This is no time to be distracted by images of the mind! We must act soon, before Twilight returns to Ponyville.”

“Luna,” Cadance flashed an uneasy smile, “could we start with you letting go of me?”

The princess of the night removed her grip on Cadance’s shoulders.

Cadance nodded. “Alright, before we do anything, I’m going to need a lot more information.”


Just outside Luna’s quarters, one lunar guard turned to his companion. “So, what was that emergency teleporter like?”

Night Vision frowned. “It was terrible. The teleport itself makes you dizzy, which wouldn’t be that bad if it didn’t drop you off several meters above the ground.”

“Sounds like they need to recalibrate that thing.”

“You’re telling me. Never mind that it apparently goes right into Captain Armor’s bedroom, of all places.” Night Vision sighed. “I’m just glad they were asleep when I arrived.”

“Damn, that sounds rough. And you had to take the train back with Princess Cadenza?”

Night Vision shuddered. “She wouldn’t stop glaring at me.”

“I’m buying you a minotaur drink when we get off.”

“Isn’t that stuff stronger than an entire salt lick?”

“If mino-drink doesn’t relax you, you’ve got worse problems than I thought.”


“Okay, let me just recap everything before we go over that plan of yours.”

Luna replied with a confirmatory nod.

Cadance took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “We know that Celestia has been having sexual dreams about Twilight for a few months now, and that her actual romantic feelings have likely been around longer than that. What is complicating matters is Celestia’s poor track record with choosing lovers. This is the main source of her concern, the worry that her decisions will only end up hurting Twilight should they become romantically involved. Because of this, Celestia is refusing to even tell Twilight how she feels. And you worry that this is going to put a strain on their relationship that could cause even more damage than Celestia being rejected outright.”

Luna nodded once more. “Do not forget that Celestia clearly has a desire to have her ears nibbled.”

Cadance quickly planted a hoof to her face. “Yes, of course. We can’t forget that crucial detail,” she replied, straining to keep herself from snapping at Luna. “Now, tell me about your plan.”

What followed could only be described as a mischievous smile. “We wait until Celestia has entered her quarters for the evening. Next we will take Twilight Sparkle and shove her into Sister’s room. The two of us will then hold the door shut with our magic–”

“No.”

Luna pursed her lips at the sudden denouncement. “Very well. We can tie them up and–”

“No.”

“What if we covered Twilight in whipped cream and presented her–”

“No! Stop it!” Cadance shouted. “Will you just give me a moment to try to think of a plan that won’t make Celestia completely angry with us?”

Luna averted her gaze as she scrunched her muzzle into a frown. “Fine. But I can assure you that my sister adores both whipped cream and Twilight Sparkle. Surely combining the two would produce a positive result.”

Cadance took a deep breath while bringing a foreleg up across her chest. She then exhaled as she extended her foreleg. The gesture was repeated several times, much to Luna’s confusion.

“Alright,” Cadance began, her voice noticeably calmer, “What we need to do is put Celestia in a situation that is conducive to sharing one’s romantic feelings.”

“This sounds good. What sort of situations are considered romantic now?”

Cadance was careful not to speak before considering the possible consequences. Luna was clearly too stressed out from the situation to stop and think, so it was all up to Cadance to make sure that everything did not end in disaster. “Well, the most common romantic outing is the standard romantic dinner by candlelight, preferably in a secluded area.”

“Of course!” Luna replied excitedly. “Let us make haste, fair Cadenza. There is no time to waste.”

Cadance attempted to protest as Luna’s magic began to pull her along with the excited princess. “Wait, we don’t even have a plan yet!”

The door swung open at its master’s command and Luna swiftly exited her sanctum, dragging Cadance along for the ride as she dashed down the hallway. To her credit, Cadance at least attempted to slow her aunt down. She reached out with her magic, wrapping it around Luna’s legs in order to slow her gait. To her dismay, Luna simply ripped through the magical bonds as though they were made of paper.

Just as Cadance began to contemplate instating a personal training regimen for herself once she returned home, Luna came to a sudden halt at an intersection of hallways. The princess of the night sneakily peaked around the corner before turning back to Cadance. “This is your part of the plan.”

“What plan?” Cadance snapped. “You haven’t told me anything.”

Luna released her magical grip and began to smile. “Oh, yes. It seems I was too caught up in my own excitement for a moment. But do not worry, I have concocted the most excellent of plans,” Luna replied, happily clapping her front hooves together. “We will set up my sister and Twilight Sparkle on a romantic dinner at the best establishment in town. You will trick Celestia into arriving under the assumption that you will be her dinner guest, whilst I will do the same with Twilight Sparkle. We shall have Twilight arrive five minutes earlier so that they do not meet until they are seated.”

“Luna, won’t putting them in public make Celestia less likely to open up?”

Once more Luna’s hooves clapped happily together. “Nay, it will be no problem. We shall have them seated in the secluded room at the rear of the establishment. It is reserved especially for the royal family.”

At the very least, Cadance had to admit that Luna was attempting to think things through this time. “That’s not the worst idea you’ve had so far.” Luna smiled giddily at the purported compliment. “What is the name of the restaurant?”

“Open-bracket PLACEHOLDER closed-bracket.”

“Why are you pronouncing punctuation?”

“Tis in the name according to their signage.”

Cadance brought a hoof to her face. “Never mind, I don’t even want to know.”

“Tarry no longer, fair Cadenza. There is much to be done.”

Before Cadance could respond, she found herself shoved out into the intersection of the hallways. She looked around sheepishly, hoping that nopony had seen that. As her head turned left, she was greeted with the sight of the massive door to the Castle’s throne room, and the two guards standing on either side of it. She flashed them a smile as they exchanged looks with each other.

One of the guards spoke up. “Can we help you, Princess?”

The question snapped Cadance out of her state of mild embarrassment. She swiftly corrected her posture and expression before responding in a pleasantly neutral tone. “Yes, you may. I wish to see Princess Celestia. Is she busy?”

“The princess is currently unoccupied. Shall we open the door for you right now, princess?”

A confirmatory nod from Cadance set the large doors in motion. Cadance casually entered the massive throne room, the doors closing behind her. Even from the entrance, Cadance could make out the subtle change in posture of her aunt. Celestia appeared glad to see her.

Once Cadance had crossed the halfway point of the room, Celestia called out to her. “Cadance, it is good to see you again. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” Surprisingly, Celestia’s tone was not what Cadance had expected; rather, it was not one she was accustomed to hearing. Something was clearly off and it had drained much of her voice’s comforting warmth.

Cadance swiftly masked her concern with a smile. “Oh, I just wanted to surprise Twilight with a visit. Perhaps see how she is adjusting to her new duties,” she answered, continuing to approach the throne. It was not until she stood merely a meter or so away from Celestia that the princess of the sun responded.

The same distressing tone pervaded her response. “As far as I am aware, Twilight Sparkle is doing just fine.”

Hearing it again only made Cadance more concerned. Luna was right, Celestia needed help. “Actually, auntie…” Cadance paused and averted her gaze, adding a dramatic tone to her voice as she continued. “There is another reason I came. Visiting Twilight was just what I told everypony when I left.” Cadance leaned in closer. “It’s just been a bit difficult adjusting to actually being a ruler the last few months. There’s so much to do just to get the Crystal Empire adjusted to modern times, and trying to establish our labor force so we can start trading and exporting. And Shining is so busy training our guards that he barely has any time to help me with anything–” Cadance was interrupted as Celestia gently placed a hoof over her lips.

Celestia beamed a gentle smile at her niece. “I assume you wish to ask me for advice.” Cadance nodded. “I’d be glad to help, Cadance. Perhaps we can discuss your troubles in depth this evening.” Celestia lowered her hoof.

“Would you mind if we held our discussion at a restaurant? I recall hearing good things about Placeholder the last time I was here.”

“That sounds good. I feel as though I haven’t gotten out of the castle enough lately,” Celestia replied.

“The usual time?”

“Yes.”

Cadance reached up with her forelegs, wrapping Celestia in a hug. Celestia returned the gesture.


Luna cantered through the halls, weaving her way through the castle towards Twilight’s temporary office. In truth it was really just an oddly spacious closet that had been cleared out for her use while a more appropriate office room was being renovated. Luna was grateful that Twilight was a creature of habit and more strictly so than most. It hadn’t taken her long to memorize Twilight’s self-imposed schedule; something that made finding her closest friend a trivial task.

Upon arriving at her destination, Luna knocked politely on the door bearing an improvised name plate. “Come in!” called the voice behind the door. Luna opened the door to find Twilight Sparkle exactly where she expected her to be, sitting at her desk organizing documents.

Luna smiled at the sight of her friend. “Greetings, Twilight Sparkle. I wish to converse with you, do you have a spare moment?”

“Of course,” Twilight replied. She released her hold on the myriad papers on her desk before turning to give Luna her full attention. “Now, what did you want to talk about?”

“I wished to request your presence at a local eatery this evening.”

“Sure, I’d love to join you.” Twilight beamed a smile at Luna. “Where would you like to go?”

“Open-bracket PLACEHOLDER closed-bracket.”

“Why are you pronouncing punctuation?”

“This conversation feels familiar…”

Twilight chuckled. “Well, perhaps we should schedule another lesson on modern speech soon. Just be sure to give me at least a day’s notice, okay.”

Luna nodded cheerfully. “Yes, that would be most pleasing.”

“Good. Now, when do I need to be there for dinner?”

“I shall make a reservation for precisely one hour past moonrise. If you could arrive five minutes early and claim our reservation it would be appreciated.”

Twilight immediately scribbled a note into the calendar on the corner of her desk. “Alright, I’ll see you then. Take care, Luna.” Twilight waved as the princess of the night made her exit.


It wasn’t until Celestia had personally gazed upon the exterior of her destination that the name of the establishment had sparked her curiosity. The restaurant was like many others in Canterlot. An overly elaborate building, mostly white in color, with a gaudy, eye-catching placard inscribed with the establishment’s name. However, as the finer details began to sink in, the name of the place grew to take on a strange sense of irony. Instead of smooth, white stone for the walls, there were bricks. Not of any fancy make, or unique design; just plain bricks painted white. That by itself was not the only oddity of the walls, either. The bricks seemed, uneven, as though the walls were not flush. The rough, gritty texture of brick combined with the apparently lazy brickwork struck a chord in Celestia’s mind. The more she looked around, the more this place looked like it simply wasn’t finished. At least, not by the usual standards of Canterlot. Everything was just a tiny bit off. The place could certainly pass as a placeholder for a real building. As her mind began to wander, Celestia made a mental note to have the building’s structural integrity inspected..

As was tradition when eating outside the castle, Celestia needed to do nothing more complicated than approaching the front door. Like clockwork, the tradition began as the door was opened for her, accompanied by the usual platitudes and unnecessary prostration of the staff inside. She returned the kindness with a smile and her thanks. Celestia continued to walk as a waiter swiftly appeared, motioning for her to follow. As Celestia was led towards the back of the dining area, her eyes continued to spot a myriad of oddities. Much like the outside, and indeed the name, implied, there was not a single thing of value or artistic merit to be found. Crayon scribbles where paintings would hang, cardboard boxes in place of pottery, and an utter lack of wallpaper was just the beginning. Secretly, she wondered if Discord had decided to run a restaurant in his spare time.

Celestia was led around a corner, through a door, and finally beyond a strangely nice curtain. As she passed the threshold her eyes were met with a room of comparatively astonishing decadance. Normal walls, deep red in color and accented with a single genuine picture frame. It was a nice frame, but hardly worth being a centerpiece. However, the most peculiar piece of decorum was the terribly out of place giant vase with some sort of shrubbery growing from it. The odd item was in a corner by itself and was far enough from the table that it could easily be ignored. It wasn’t until her eyes found their way to the table that the true surprise of the evening made its appearance.

“Princess?” Twilight asked, as though her eyes were deceiving her.

The curious tone mixed with her shocked expression was more than Celestia required to understand that neither of the two alicorns had been expecting the other. Immediately, the puzzle fell into place. Cadance had set her up!

Celestia replaced her expression with a warm smile. With silent grace, Celestia took her place at the table. Normally, her mind would be racing in a desperate attempt to uncover why her favorite niece had duped her. However, the scene before her was all the evidence she needed. Low-lighting, a secluded room, fancy-ish table, and a thankfully dressless Twilight Sparkle. There was only one pony who could taunt Celestia so thoroughly. Luna! It had to be Luna. It all made sense if Luna had orchestrated everything from the shadows. Why Cadance had arrived unannounced and had decided the best place to discuss her worries was at a tacky eatery. Why she was currently looking at Twilight Sparkle, her once ever faithful sex–

‘Student!’

Yes, student. Twilight was her student. Celestia cursed whatever traitorous part of her brain was trying to derail her thoughts by pointing out just how familiar this scene was to the forty-third sexual fantasy she had dreamt about the lovely lavender mare before her. No! Celestia, raiser of the sun, and diarch of Equestria, would not succumb to mere vulgar thoughts and base desires. She would persevere! She would triumph! She would lunge over the table and take Twilight with her to a realm of pure bliss!

‘Damn it!’

“Princess, what are you doing here? I was supposed to be meeting Luna.”

Celestia replied before her mind could catch up with the situation. “I bribed her.”

Twilight stared incredulously at her mentor. “You bribed your sister so that you could meet me at this secluded, quasi-romantic dinner?”

Again, time to think was not an option for Celestia. Any hesitation would have been evidence of her little lie. “Yes.”

“Princess,” Twilight began, “you do realize that this looks like you are trying to stop Luna from making some kind of romantic confession to me, right?”

Celestia knew she was swiftly losing any credibility to her defense. She needed to turn the conversation in a different direction. “Would you have accepted such a confession from her?” As soon as the words left her mouth, Celestia was immediately cursing herself; mentally of course.

Thankfully, at least, Twilight seemed to have halted her inquisition. The younger alicorn slipped into a introspective expression as she pondered the idea. Before she could reach any conclusion, a waiter appeared from beyond the curtain.

Celestia didn’t miss the waiter’s slight hesitation once he entered the room. Perhaps, she could make use of this to keep Twilight distracted. As the stallion approached the table, he was quick to slip on a smile.

“Good evening, you royal majesties. How might I serve you this wonderful night?”

Celestia watched him carefully, looking for any cracks in his confidence. Carefully, she picked up the menu, hoping to glance at the selection of beverages. What greeted her was nothing short of absurdity. The menu was some kind of twisted, incomprehensible joke. Celestia was certain that Discord had something to do with this place.

Celestia’s eyes scanned the pages, finding near useless descriptions of items with utterly generic names. One drink was labeled ‘[GROUND SEEDS]’, another ‘[FRUIT WITH DISINFECTANT]’. She turned the page to see if any of the food was decipherable, but was met with similar entries. Something called [ASTERACEAE ON PARTIALLY BURNED CRUSTUM] was apparently served with [ACETIC ACID MIXED WITH WATER] and a [RED LIQUID]. Celestia promptly decided she was not in the mood to decipher a menu just to order something. She turned to the waiter as she placed the menu down. “Surprise me.”

The waiter swallowed nervously, “P-pardon, your Highness?”

Celestia was already enjoying this far too much. She could see the sweat already beading around his neck. She answered him with her most polite smile. “I simply can’t make up my mind. Therefore, I will entrust the entirety of my experience tonight to your choices.” His expression cracked slightly, his true nervousness started to bleed through into his every action.

“V-very well, your Highness.” The waiter turned to face Twilight. “And w-w-what can I get for you, your Majesty?”

Twilight beamed a confident smile at the poor server. “Well, I did have something in mind, but I think I’ll have the same thing. It sounds fun, and a little adventurous.”

The waiter was now visibly shaking. “S-so, t-t-t-hat-t-s two s-surprises.” He swallowed, twice. “I’llberightback!” the stallion exclaimed as he rushed out of the room.

Twilight allowed a giggle to escape. Celestia felt an uncomfortable flutter in her heart. Celestia's quick mind immediately began assembling a conversation topic from a variety of relevant subjects. "So, Twilight, how has Ponyville life been treating you? Pinkie hasn't accosted any new residents lately has she?"

“No,” Twilight replied curtly. She seemed to pause briefly before leveling her gaze at Celestia. “You’re avoiding my question.”

It was an admirable attempt, but the waiter’s interruption had given Celestia plenty of time to begin preparing her defense. “And you are avoiding mine,” she stated calmly.

Twilight frowned. The lavender alicorn opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by the sudden appearance of the nervous waiter. The stallion carefully placed two glasses onto the table and began to fill them with a red liquid from a large glass bottle. After both glasses were filled, he placed the bottle onto the table. “H-here are your drinks, your majesties. I h-hope you enjoy it. I’ll be back soon with your food.” The stallion promptly escaped the room once more.

Twilight turned to study the bottle’s label. It was clear she’d never seen this type of drink before. “What is wine?” Twilight asks.

Celestia smiles at the opportunity that presented itself. “Wine is an imported beverage. It is commonly made by griffons and minotaurs, though the two have never agreed on exactly how to make it.”

Twilight continued to examine the bottle. “So, what’s it taste like?”

“That depends on a number of factors, actually.”

Twilight waited for Celestia to continue her explanation. When the older alicorn made no further effort to speak, Twilight’s curiosity took over. “Such as?”

“Wine is made with fermented fruits, often grapes. The type of grapes is a major factor in the overall taste. Of course, with fermentation involved, the age of the drink is important as well.” Celestia paused, drawing Twilight’s full attention as the younger alicorn waited for more information. Celestia made a show of sniffing at her glass. Twilight mimicked her. “Why don’t you try some with me, Twilight? I don’t recognize the smell of this one, so it will be an adventure for us both.”

Twilight took hold her glass and brought it to her lips. She sniffed the drink once more in a vain attempt to analyze it. Cautiously, she took a sip. The liquid rushed across her tongue, filling her mouth with a dry, bitter taste that carried a hint of fruit and fizziness. Then, Twilight retched. Her tongue stuck out of her mouth as she instinctively tried to scrape the taste off. Celestia couldn’t help but giggle.

“Princess, that was disgusting!” Twilight exclaimed.

Celestia waited until she had Twilight’s attention once more. With a sly grin, she took her own glass and made a show of downing the entire contents in one gulp. The disgusted look on her student’s face was definitely worth it.

“How can you drink that? It’s like,” Twilight paused briefly, searching her vocabulary for the right description, “like somepony made an extract of pure nastiness and tried to mask it with a drop of fruit juice.”

Celestia tried very hard to suppress her laughter at Twilight’s description, but it turned out to be a fruitless endeavour. It took longer than she had wanted before she had calmed herself. Twilight was clearly not pleased with the response. Celestia took a deep breath as she returned to her normal state of composure. “I am sorry, Twilight. I didn’t not mean to make you feel silly.”

Twilight’s ears splayed back against her head. “No, it’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting to be laughed at.” After a slight pause, Twilight added, “Not by you.”

Celestia suddenly felt a growing pit in in her stomach. It took every bit of her millennia worth of experience to keep her neutral expression from falling. “Again, I am truly sorry, Twilight. You have to understand that wine is a central part of certain cultures. As the ruler of Equestria, it would be very rude not to accept gifts from other nations. Many times I have been given wine and similar drink as gifts. Like you, most ponies seem not to enjoy the taste of such things.” She sighed heavily before continuing. “These things are very much an acquired taste, and I’ve had plenty of reasons to acquire a taste for them. Truth be told, Twilight, I had a very similar reaction when I first tried wine. Granted, it was minotauran wine. I don’t imagine many ponies would be standing upright after a glass or two of that stuff.” Celestia added a slight chuckle at her own joke, hoping desperately that it would lighten the mood. Twilight’s face barely moved.

Celestia immediately decided that she need something to take the edge off of the pit of stress building in her stomach. She poured herself another glass and downed it in an identical fashion to her first. Twilight winced at the sight.

Suddenly, an idea struck Celestia. “You know, Twilight, there is a huge difference between griffon wine and minotaur wine.” Twilight’s ears perked up at the implication of new information. ‘Perfect’ she thought. “To understand that, you must understand something about wine itself. Wine is an alcoholic drink.”

Twilight interrupted before Celestia could continue. “Wait, it has alcohol? As in, the substance used to disinfect wounds at hospitals?”

“That is correct.”

Twilight’s face screwed up with disgust. “Why would anypony want to drink alcohol?!” Twilight practically shouted. “Why are you drinking it? That can’t possibly be good for you!”

Celestia felt a warm smile spread across her lips. She was starting to relax a bit, but she couldn’t shake the nervous feeling in her gut that she’d genuinely hurt Twilight’s feelings. It was time for another glass.

The third glass came down empty in a single gulp, just like its predecessors. Celestia could feel the happiness spreading all over her body. Tension was melting away as the good, comforting warmth relaxed her, mind and body alike.

“Princess, why do you keep drinking that stuff?”

“Don’t worry, Twilight. The alcohol is perfectly safe to consume. The liver will filter it out of my system soon enough. Besides.”

Twilight waited patiently for Celestia to continue, but the larger alicorn just sat there, slightly swaying her whole body. “Princess, are you going to continue?”

Celestia snapped out of her stupor, her gaze focusing on Twilight’s horn. “Did you know that wine’s alcohol content is measured in proof? Proof is equiva-qu-valent to twiceish the amount of alcohol in the drink by content volume… thing?” Twilight’s horn was giving her a very distressing frown. “Just look on the bottle’s label. Should be the only number on there.”

Twilight turned to scan the label once again. “It just says 35p.”

Celestia’s smile fell slightly. “Is it just ‘p’ or does it say ‘proof’?”

Twilight double checked the label. “Just 35p. No mention of proof.” Celestia’s mind immediately descended into a panic. “Why? Is there a difference?”

Celestia replied slowly. “Proof is what griffons use. Proof is listed as twice the alcohol content. P is what minotaurs use. P means percent.”

Twilight lit up with realization. “Oh, so that means this is thirty-five percent alcohol by volume, as opposed to seventeen-point-five percent. That’s interesting that the two cultures would use such an easily mistaken moniker to denote the level of disgustingness of their drinks.”

“Yes, quite interesting.”

Twilight turned to smile at Celestia. “So, I’ve been thinking about your question.” Celestia absently noded, not quite registering where Twilight was taking the conversation. “I think that, with some time, I might be able to see myself with Luna. Romantically.”

It wasn’t often that Twilight had seen anger on Celestia’s visage. The infrequency of it made the effect it had feel much more pronounced. Twilight watched as the scowl steadily tore away the warm smile on her mentor’s face. The words that came next were barely steady, teetering on the edge between joy and fury. “Luna doesn’t love you. She isn’t the one who was supposed to meet you here, I am. This dinner is nothing more than a trick to get you and me in the same room.”

To her credit, Twilight managed to remain calm; mostly. She replied with an even tone. “And why would she need to trick us to see each other? What aren’t you telling me?”

All at once, Celestia felt her anger crumbling. She had very nearly lashed out at her beloved Twilight. She had come so close to hurting her. All for what? To be angry at Luna? To be jealous that her Twilight could possibly find love with her sister? Was she truly not an option?

As the questions echoed in Celestia’s mind, she could feel the water welling up in her eyes. The pit in her stomach was back in full force. ‘Damn’ was the only thought she could manage. That single word repeated a thousand times in her mind. Why was she so foolish? She should have checked what she was drinking. No, she should have just listened to her sister, to Luna. Was it already too late? Through the haze surrounding her mind, Celestia searched for an answer.

Suddenly, Twilight spoke, her tone was beginning to waver. “Well? Are you going to answer me?”

As Celestia was ripped from her introspection, words found their way to her lips; unfiltered by any thought. “I’ve been having sexual fantasies about you every night for months!”

Twilight froze, her mind so locked up that she couldn’t even form a confused look on her face. A sudden crash near the curtain drew her attention, dragging her out of the state of utter shock. Apparently, the waiter had entered at just the wrong time. The poor stallion was collapsed on the ground, likely from shock and embarrassment. The food he had been carrying was strewn across the floor, mixed with bits of broken plates. A bright flash in the corner of her eye caused Twilight to snap her vision back to Celestia. There was just one problem, Celestia wasn’t there.

Author's Note:

I was expecting Apprentice Ship to be done with the third chapter. But, for the sake of actually putting out an update, and to keep the chapter's word count lower, I'm splitting the climax off into a fourth chapter.

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