A human from Earth is invited through a portal to Equestria. But nothing is as it seems and he soon finds himself surrounded by more questions than answers. Can he survive long enough to learn how to fly, and, what will it cost him to do so?
Simon Carbuncle Baker is a failure, practically a college dropout who does not appreciate his family nor his education and definately not the world around him. Can he find the magic of friendship and, more importantly, can it help him sort out his problems?
I know "human in Equestria" has been done to death but I hope I can do it right. Part of this is my own "lets explore Equestria" as well as trying to explore (my version) of a few things that never really got explored. Be warned, this is "post season 3" so there IS an alicorn Twlight in this. That said, most (like, at least 90%) of my characters are going to be original characters.
Dang, this story is actually pretty good now stranger. I been readin' the first few bits, and I have to say that this is the same quality as a wild west teller! I think I may continue pardner, very fine job
As I read this, I can't help but feel this would've benefitted from a little more world building before it got to the letters. The letters could happen in the first chapter still, but they really ground everything to a hault for me, because I couldn't decern why I should care emotionally about them. They are effective, but it's all exposition and exposition alone doesn't make a story.
I don't mean to be harsh, and I hope that helps.
3153725
Eh, I don't consider then (too) harsh. I write fanfic to improve my writing style and abilities. I mostly use the letters and such as either exposition or beucase I need a "time skip" or some other interruption to show a change of scene.
The scene at The Pit, for instance, could argualby happen at almost any time, the importance was that it happened at all and then we move on to what comes next. But how to make the transition was difficult for me so I use letters and reports to do so.
We'll get away from the letters and reports and stuff as we get to know the characters better. Cobalt is NOT supposed to be the only character but the more time we spend before introducing the others the more he looks like the only main character so the more time we skip through exposition the better, to me anyway.
Thanks BTW.
I'm going to start with my bias against manipulative Celestia and sort of hope her plan backfires. What's funny is they seem to understand that the main character comes from a world that distrusts their leaders but they don't seem to understand the why. Distrust of our leaders developed after many, many instances of our leaders concealing important information and acting on ulterior motives. What are Celestia and Luna doing? Acting on ulterior motives and concealing important information. They're also complete idiots in expecting nonsensical orders to be obeyed. "Make friends" is nonsense as an order. If they were smart, they'd explain that he should make friends as that would assist him in multiple ways of adapting and understanding the world. That would also provide an avenue for him to learn the history and the nuances of different subjects that might not be covered or just assumed in books.
Otherwise, this is an interesting story with a protagonist who has every right to be suspicious and not trust Celestia and Luna. I hope their lack of trust and honesty (haha, they seem to always ignore their own elements of harmony) comes to bite them in the butt and hard.
4102850 I agree that the orders she often gives to Twilight seem non-sensical to us, but that's about where I stop. See, I intend to reveal both sides eventually (I can't now because that'd spoil stuff) but at the same time, in many ways (for this story at least) C and L's hooves-are-tied, er, so to speak.
I also gives C more leeway in the sense that she knows Twilight, at least enough to gauge her most probable reaction. One of the reasons why she hasn't given the MC (main character) any (seemingly) unreasonable commands is because she specifically doesn't know him and thus can't really judge what his reactions would be. Consider chapter 3, she gave a command to somepony else and he still reacted badly to it, in some ways, it DID come back to bite her in the butt.
Unfortunately, this isn't a story about retribution, it's a story about finding your place in the world (any world) and coping and making the best of the situation around you. Effectively, it's being tossed into a vicious storm, being given a pair of wings and told to fly.
i think that its probably by accident but you keep spelling because "becuase". just wanted to let you know
6766705
Yeaaaaaah, I do that, I don't know why, my guess is because I think faster than I type so when I start typing too fast... I dunno, it happens.
Especially when I don't have a spellchecker checking over my shoulder.In another vein, I recently switched browsers and you wouldn't believe the words it doesn't recognize.
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
9037948
That... is probably a very good question. I haven't really thought about it.
For future reader purposes, this comment is happening right after Chapter 6 so you already know... there are a LOT of OCs yet to be introduced.
I think about Silver Lining and his situation and for some reason, Bob Parr (Mister Incredible) comes to mind, he is strong and has his own skill and power, but is under appreciated and even blamed for the problems of the world. I'm not sure he'd be the best example, nor the best voice, but the character keeps sticking in my head so, yeah.
Cobalt though... that's really the tricky one. It's really hard to have a main character OC that's supposed to go through several twists and turns, rises and falls, and really have a good idea who he's supposed to be. For example, if I wanted him voiced like the character Luke Skywalker then he'd basically BE a "Pony Luke Skywalker" in some ways. And it's hard because of some of the verbal tricks he is going to use, sometimes humility, sometimes bravado, which means having a voice (or voice actor) who can do both.
I'm going to apologize right now for the slow updates. I meant to have the latest chapter up sooner but... another project got in the way. For the past 2 months I've been rewriting the Star Wars episodes, as well as the secondary movies that come between them, 2 secondaries between each primary, making for 7 movies thus far. They're written more as screenplay/summary format rather than script format.
I will be updating again soon. I have been working on my Star Wars rewrites and have just now entered the rewriting of Episodes 8 and 9. I waited until Episode 9 came out to determine how far from it we would need to deviate in order for it to be "good" I am disappointed to say... it needed a lot of work and a lot of changes.
That being said, I can get back to work on this project once SW is finished.
I hope