Twilight wakes up to a quiet day in Equestria. It's the first one she's had in months since the coronation. The sun is shining, the breeze is refreshing, and is the start for any good day. Twilight recieves the newspaper and looks at the headlines in shocking confusion.
MARE-DO-WELL BLOWS UP BANK!
Twilight Sparkle investigates as more and more catastrophes happen, holding her friends as prime suspects. Her perspective of Equestria is changed as she becomes more determined to answer the one question on everyponies' mind...
Who is the Mare-Do-Well?
Feel free to leave a comment below on who you think the Mare-Do-Well is! On another note...
This is my first fanfic! SO MUCH HYPE!
Chapters (3)
Interesting so far.....
I think you have a really good start!
There are a few uses too many of the phrase 'the figure', which can get a little boring. Why don't you try something like this:
Synonyms are tough. I keep having to come up with ones for 'say'. You might need a comma here or there, but other than that the story is well-crafted. I look forward to puzzling out Mare-do-Well's identity!
I think you got Twilight and Spike down! You have a few awkward sentences, which can be easily fixed, like this one:
Maybe you should change it to:
And this:
You might want to change it to this:
Just a thought. The story is progressing nicely so far, and I can't wait to see who the culprit is!
3012977
Thank-you for the corrections! They story-wording flows more fluently now.
As for the Mare-do-well, hehehe...
It's mystery, wrapped in a dark deed of deciet and vengence that sits in the past while barreling towards the future, cloaked in secrecy and justice with hint of doubtless, unwavering, passion.
3012917
Thank-you again...
It drives me nuts sometimes!
3013661 you're quite welcome!