Locked Heart :: Master and Commander
There was silence as Twilight stared at Rarity, her horn still lit with magic. She noticed that Rarity’s horn had been lit from the moment she entered, though it wasn’t obvious why. The Command Spell on her hoof was throbbing, and the pain kept her brain from kicking into a more analytical mode. Sensation drowned her mind, keeping rationality at bay.
The evening breeze wafting through the door and brushing her face. The low hissing of her breath through flared nostrils. The sheen of Rarity’s pristine white coat. The image of Fluttershy’s confusion as she shot looks between the two unicorns, futilely attempting to understand the sudden tension. Such things were consuming all her brain’s processing power. Any attempt to think more deeply was blocked. All she could do was feel.
Rarity seemed just as frozen. Her breaths were shallow, her pupils dilated, her hoof still hanging in the air as she stood on three legs. Twilight managed to wonder about the significance of a slight tremble in those legs. Did it mean her friend was afraid, or angry, or sad, or simply coiled and ready to move?
Whatever spell had stuck them in time wasn’t permitted to last. Spike, still at Rarity’s side and showing remarkable ignorance of the mood, stood on his toes to take a look at the raised hoof. Awestruck by what he saw, he asked, “Rarity, when did you get a tattoo?! It’s so cool!”
That was all it took.
“Spike, get away from her!” Twilight sent a flash of magic his way before the sentence was even totally out of her mouth. By the time she was done speaking, Spike had been forcibly teleported from Rarity’s side, reappearing behind Twilight’s rear legs. Keeping her horn pointed squarely at Rarity, she shifted her stance slightly, maneuvering her body to block off as much as Spike as possible. She felt her ears flatten back against her head as she glared at her friend. The shaking in Rarity’s legs had gotten worse.
“What the hay, Twilight?” Spike asked. She didn’t answer. The little dragon was still in danger as long as a Servant was hidden in the room somewhere. She wasn’t about to break her lock on the enemy.
The enemy. That’s what Rarity was. Twilight took that thought and every emotion that could be associated with it and locked it behind the thickest wall in her heart. It would have crushed her then and there if she hadn’t.
“Rarity, you need to leave. Right now.” She said it calmly, her tone completely flat, but it seemed to set the room on fire.
Spike was outraged. “Twilight, what are you doing? Rarity is your friend! You can’t throw her out just because she got a tattoo! You’re acting—”
Fluttershy was dismayed. “How can you say that Twilight? You were just telling me about the ordeal poor Rarity went through. She needs—”
Of all things, Rarity actually started pleading. “Wait, Twilight! Let me explain! I understand what you must be thinking, but I swear to you it’s not—”
“QUIET!”
The echo of her order was deafening in the subsequent silence. The noise had certainly reached the neighboring homes. Twilight tried to recall the last time she’d raised her voice that loudly, especially to Spike or Fluttershy, and found nothing in recent memory. When she spoke again, her voice had returned to a flat, calm tone. “Rarity, go. Now.”
Rarity reacted to that last word like it was a whip crack, immediately taking a few ginger steps toward the door. She tried to lock eyes with Twilight, to send a message without words, but Twilight’s gaze sent back only one reply: “You’re not welcome here.”
She ran into the night. Twilight heard the creak of a metal wheel chasing after her, most likely the sound of whatever she’d been using her magic on. In seconds the sound faded to nothing.
“Rarity, wait! Come back!” Spike’s shouts went unanswered, so he moved to follow her. Fluttershy had taken flight and seemed ready to do the same. Before either of them could reach the entryway, the heavy oak door glowed with Twilight’s magic and slammed shut in front of them.
The young dragon was quickly running out of patience with his surrogate older sister. He turned back to Twilight, his eyes fixed in an angry slant. “What is wrong with you? Have you gone completely crazy? How could you be so rude to one of your best friends?”
The wall in Twilight’s heart stayed strong against his words. She knew she had no time to sooth his feelings or placate his juvenile crush on Rarity. “Spike, Fluttershy, I can’t let either of you leave the house tonight. It would probably be best if you both just went to bed early. I have work to do.”
Spike wasn’t biting. “I’m not doing anything until you explain—”
“I shouldn’t have to explain myself to my number one assistant, Spike. You’ve never once failed to do something I’ve asked you. Now I’m asking you to stay in this house and go to bed. Are you going to do that or not?”
Twilight had expected more defiance. She could have handled more defiance with ease. Instead she got a look of incredible hurt. She’d never tried to leverage his “position,” as her assistant against him before. That look was more than enough to make her mentally swear to never do it again. But she didn’t waver. She had to keep him safe.
Spike didn’t say another word. He turned his back on Twilight as he walked toward the stairs.
Twilight turned her eyes to Fluttershy, who seemed to be on the verge of tears, every breath accompanied by a gentle sniffle. It was clear that she didn’t understand what had come over her friend. Twilight wanted to tell her something to ease her mind, but her safety had to come first. “I’m going into my lab. I’ll be working for the rest of the night. You can have my bed to yourself. I’d appreciate it if you kept an eye on Spike until he falls asleep, I don’t want him to do something crazy like sneak out.”
“T-Twilight, I… I don’t understand.”
Twilight felt that wall in her heart start to crack. She couldn’t allow it. She wanted to let herself feel, so she could show some sympathy, some regret, anything to make Fluttershy understand that this was necessary and that things would work out. But she couldn’t risk letting her feelings out, allowing them to overwhelm her. She had work to do first.
“Take care of the animals Fluttershy. Then go to bed. Please.” She walked away without waiting for her friend’s response.
***
Twilight’s laboratory, which she’d set up in the somewhat secret basement beneath Golden Oak Library, wasn’t the most welcoming place. The roots of the tree above prodded through the walls in odd places, the machines gave off eerie green and blue light, and the air was musty and smelled of chemicals making it unpleasant to breath.
However, it was the perfect place to conduct experiments. It was quiet and secluded, and the earthen walls dampened any sounds and odors and thereby keep the neighbors from being outraged at the hours or emissions of Twilight’s work. And, if something went wrong, it would be ideal for containing potential disaster, like a fire. Putting up with this kind of environment was the price one paid for science.
Twilight realized she hadn’t really thought about those things since she’d set the place up. Then they were pragmatic concerns, things one had to consider but once satisfied could be forgotten. Now they were just more gloom for her to dwell on for no reason. But somehow those dark thoughts about unfriendly environs and the potential for horrible destruction made her feel slightly better. She supposed that misery loving company applied even when one was alone.
Not that she was alone. “Saber, you can come out now. Nopony will bother us down here.”
Her Servant assumed his physical form. She’d expected him to start poking around the new room as she’d seen him do in other new environments, or at least to start chatting about the place, but instead he seemed content to stare at her. Twilight found herself not caring.
“My Command Spell stopped hurting. I’m assuming that means Rarity is gone. Can you still sense the Servant that was with her.”
“No, they’ve passed beyond my range as well. The way you acted up there was a first.”
“Good.” She tried to make her ignoring the second part of his statement as obvious as possible. “That was a dangerous situation. The next time a Master tries to just walk into the building with a Servant we need to be ready. As long as Fluttershy and Spike are here you’re not free to fight, but that won’t stop anypony else.”
“That other Master is a friend of yours I gather? You dealt with the situation rather more… abruptly than I expected.”
Refusing the rise to his bait, Twilight continued talking. “We already know in terms of my magic something direct like a shield is useless, at least against Archer. We can’t assume it’ll fare any better against the others. But there has to be something we can do. The night she met me Ruler said she expected a difficult time getting into my ‘workshop,’ so spellcasters from your world must have some means of defending against Servants.”
“I’m afraid I know almost nothing about the ways of magi. I can’t be of any assistance to you in that area. You were also very short with your houseguests. So short they seemed taken aback in fact, particularly the little serpent. Are you sure that was the best way for you to handle things?”
Twilight caught herself grinding her teeth. She stopped herself and kept right on talking, making her way to a collection of machines against the far wall. “You may be more help than you think. I’m going to run some tests on you. If I can gather some information about what kind of magical creature you are, I might be able to come up with a spell that I can use as a defense.”
Saber didn’t seem very interested what she was saying, and appeared poised to send only more questions about her behavior her way. She was in no mood to indulge him. Before he could speak again, Twilight wheeled over a metal box covered in a variety of dials, switches and readouts and stuck an attached suction cup directly onto Saber’s forehead. He crossed his eyes in an attempt to get a look at the thing, finally distracted. She kept her eyes fixed firmly on her machine’s gauges as she turned on its power. “I’m going to need you to remain as still as possible for accurate readings. No talking.”
***
INTERLUDE 6-1
Rarity slammed the door shut behind her as she arrived at Carousel Boutique. She was out of breath. It was difficult to recall the last time she’s run so hard, and that didn’t even take into account the heavy mine cart full of gems she’d dragged along behind her with magic. The mere thought of such vulgar physical exertion would have made her tired on most days. But then, most days she didn’t have the level of motivation to get as far away from somepony as possible that Twilight had just provided.
The memory of that look in her friend’s eyes was a bitter one. Nopony had ever looked at Rarity that way before. Even in the most intense and wrathful of fights with her little sister Sweetie Belle, she’d never been shot a glare so overflowing with anger, betrayal and contempt.
Of course, Rarity knew she hadn’t exactly helped the matter. She’d been so shocked to see Twilight waiting for her that’d she hadn’t even been able to move. As that silence had stretched on for seconds that seemed like hours she’d wanted to speak, but somehow all the scenarios she’d rehearsed for speaking to Twilight about the Grail War had evaporated from her thoughts. When that moment she’d been dreading every moment since the previous night’s battle came without any warning she’d been left dumbstruck until it was far too late.
Recalling that there had been no warning set her own eyes into a glare. This disaster wasn’t Rarity’s fault after all, it was her accursed Servant! “Rider! You come out right this second!” she shouted to the air, stamping her hoof to punctuate her rage.
The Servant appeared in a brilliant cascade of teal lights. She had seated herself on the edge of the old mining cart, daintily crossing her legs and giving her master that infuriating bemused smile she always seemed to wear.
It was hard to ignore what a beautiful and stylish creature Rider was, even with the large scar running down the midline of her face. Her long hair, though tormented by split ends and uncontrollable bangs, was an exotic shade of raspberry pink that was unusual even among ponies. Her human body was shaped in a strange way, but had a wonderful aesthetic sense. Large udders were located high on her upper chest instead of near the bottom of her abdomen as they would be on a cow or other hoofed animal, and her hips flared wide at the top of slender legs, creating a sort of hourglass shape that was symmetrical and quite appealing.
Rider wore a long red coat that drew the eye in a way any designer would envy. The oversized cuffs and wide lapels played off the simple accents of golden buttons. A leather corset belt cinching the coat tightly to her waist combined with a similar leather collar around the neck drew attention to the generous curvature in between. The bottom of the coat flared open and revealed linen pantaloons clinging tightly to her body, pinned in place by knee-high black leather boots.
It all served to accentuate her figure without putting it on display in a gaudy fashion. And to top it all off the outfit was surprisingly functional (other than the high heels of the boots, though they didn’t seem to impede the Servant in the slightest), allowing her legs complete freedom of movement and only minimally restricting her arms and the flexibility of her torso. Rarity would have loved to shake the hoof, or hand as the case may have been, of whoever created the design.
But for once, Rarity’s anger was strong enough to outweigh her appreciation for fashion. “You knew Twilight was in there, didn’t you? You let me walk into that library without the slightest bit of warning!”
“As I recall, madam,” Rider replied, her surprisingly rough and tomboyish voice not really fitting her glamorous feminine looks at all, “right after we formed our contract you said you didn’t care about what I could sense, you just wanted me to keep you safe.”
Rarity narrowed her eyes at that little quip, remembering what had happened immediately after she had summoned Rider. It was possibly the most tasteless bit of dark humor she’d ever heard. “Are you being serious? I was in a panic when I said that! And you acted like you didn’t even hear me anyway!”
“A lady ought to be able to maintain her composure even in such dire straits. Far be it for a poor, simple sailor like myself to presume your state of mind, or question the meaning behind your words.” If anything, the smile on Rider’s face was getting wider.
Rarity was quickly learning to despise the woman. That incident after the summoning had been bad enough. But now it seemed she was going beyond negligence to intentional sabotage of her own Master, and for no better reason than a laugh. Something had surely gone wrong with the summoning spell, because the idea that such a miscreant was her most compatible hero was absurd.
Rarity stared with all the irritation she could muster as the Servant ran her fingers through the gems she’d sat herself on, picking up handfuls and letting them cascade back down like a rainbow waterfall. “You’re unbelievable. As if it weren’t disgusting enough that you’re demanding payment for your protection. Now thanks to you Twilight probably thinks… I can’t even imagine what Twilight thinks. After what happened to her last night…”
Rider scoffed. “Your little friend ought to be kissing your hooves. If you hadn’t forced me to chase Archer off he’d still be trying to put arrows through Saber’s armor. There aren’t many Grail Wars where a Master would waste a Command Spell saving one of their competitors.”
That comment compelled Rarity to pick up her right hoof and glance at the sign hidden there. The centerpiece of the image was a diamond, near identical to her cutie mark. That diamond was itself surrounded on the top and bottom by two halves of a larger diamond, the lines of the larger shape patterned after a braided stitch. Or rather, it had been. One of those two halves had faded and smudged, making it unrecognizable. The ruination of the symbol made it clear that one of her three Command Spells was expended.
Rarity remembered the previous night, the circumstance that had led her to such a costly expenditure. She and Rider had crested one of the taller hills to be found in the outskirts of Ponyville and for their efforts in climbing received an excellent view of the battle between four Servants in a clearing near the forest border. She’d observed the distant brawl through her favorite opera glasses, and what she’d seen was nothing short of amazing, the kind of battle that one found in storybooks. It had been quick, but breathtaking.
Then Twilight had appeared, and suddenly it wasn’t a show anymore. At first Rarity had been terrified that her friend had stumbled into the battlefield by accident, but it became obvious within seconds that she was there to protect the robed swordsman who’d remained after the fight to gloat and been shot with an arrow for his trouble. It had to be her Servant, meaning Twilight was a part of the Grail War as well.
When Rarity had thought about it after the fact it seemed obvious. After all, Twilight was the most gifted user of magic in all of Equestria, why wouldn’t the Grail want her to be a Master? And surely Twilight had some sort of wish. Someone so naturally inclined to introversion had to have some wild fantasy that the Grail could realize.
But in the moment all she’d been able to do was fear for Twilight’s safety. She’d watched the effortless crushing of her friend’s forcefield by the unseen attacker, whom Rider had called Archer. She’d watched the swordsman move to protect her when she passed out. Arrows had continued to pelt them even as they crouched helpless in the center of the clearing, and Rarity couldn’t remain idle. She’d ordered her own Servant to help them.
Rider refused. She was a mercenary, she’d explained for the second time that evening. A soldier of fortune. She wouldn’t fight without compensation, and Rarity had none to give at the moment.
The answer had been infuriating. She tried to reason with the woman, explain it was her friend who was in danger and that they had to help. Rider wouldn’t lift a finger, all sentiments lost on her mercantile mind. Anger took over, and Rarity had begun screaming at her. She’d paced and stamped, leveled every insult she could imagine and whined as loud as she could, all of which only seemed to make Rider snicker at her loss of composure.
But in the midst of her ravings, something had happened. Rarity couldn’t even remember exactly what she’d said, something along the lines of a demand that Rider act like the hero she was supposed to be. But whatever the exact words were, they were accompanied by a bright flash of red light coming from underneath her right front hoof.
Rider sighed at that point, combining annoyance and sheer disbelief into one amazing sound. But once she had, she bowed and gave her Master a dutiful and surprisingly unsarcastic “As you wish, madam.” One snap of her fingers later, the air above her head began to ripple like a disturbed pond. From that ripple appeared a single cannon.
It was certainly not one of Pinkie Pie’s party toys; it was made from black cast iron and trimmed with etched gold ornaments. The extreme length of its barrel and high caliber made it clear that it was a weapon of war. A hand-held telescope had appeared in Rider’s hand, and she peered toward the horizon. Rarity’s opera glasses weren’t the most powerful instruments, and had failed to see anything in the dark woods, but Rider’s gaze was set within moments. She had said, “Goodness, he’s very far away. Even for an Archer, he has impressive range. I can’t make out anything about him from here.”
She’d dismissed the spyglass back to whatever ether she’d pulled it from, and casually put a finger in her mouth, wetting it with saliva then holding it into the air to test the direction of the wind. Rarity was on the verge of a breakdown as more and more arrows bounced off the armor protecting Twilight, and just when she was about to start screaming for Rider to hurry, the cannon fired.
The sound was like a physical force at so close up, a deep pulse that went right to Rarity’s core. She couldn’t see the shot flying, and there was no sign of the impact, but within moments the arrows had stopped. Rider had set her hands on her hips, puffed out her ample chest with pride like a giant-sized rooster, and said “Ha! A fine hit! He’ll be nursing that wound for a while, I promise you that! The culverin must be mankind’s finest invention, to give his arm such reach. If only the poor man had been close enough for a shell. Round shot just doesn’t give you the same satisfaction as a juicy explosion.”
Rarity allowed her thoughts to turn back to the present as she looked at her hoof again. She hadn’t intended to use the Command Spell to order Rider to attack. And despite being a brute who loved explosions, Rider was correct when she said that Twilight was a competitor. But that didn’t really matter to Rarity. As much as she hoped she might have her wish fulfilled, the safety of her friend had to come first. She’d use up all her Command Spells in a heartbeat if it kept those she cared about out of harm’s way.
After all, this whole mess was supposed to be a game of sorts, a little brawl between magical creatures being directed by the ones who summoned them, with a prize at the end if you managed to win. At least, that was how the pony named Ruler had described it. The only reason Rarity had agreed to be part of it was because she’d been told very specifically that she didn’t have to hurt anypony to win.
Unfortunately, there was an obvious difference between not being necessary and not being able. And after almost dying once, Twilight understandably didn’t have any reason to trust anypony. Even a close friend who had rescued her.
Rarity sighed and scuffed at the floor. She wondered if Twilight would even listen to a word she had to say now that the proverbial cat was out of the bag. It was clear from how Twilight had acted that she needed help, but it was entirely possible that she would be too suspicious to accept it now. It was a no-win scenario.
But Rarity was not the Element of Generosity for nothing. She was certain there was some way to get through to Twilight, to make it clear she was on her side and that they could work together to stop whoever the maniac in control of Archer was. She wasn’t going to toss their friendship aside just because things seemed difficult.
All she needed was a plan…
INTERLUDE OUT
***
Twilight stepped away from her microscope and planted a hoof squarely on her forehead with a sigh. Hours of testing and analysis were starting to give her a migraine. She wasn’t making much headway in her attempts to secure her home against Servants, and what progress she was making was slow.
The issue was this power to resist magic Saber had, and which he claimed the majority of other Servants shared. It was a “class skill,” for the classes Saber, Archer, Lancer and Rider, meaning that any Servant summoned into those classes would have it at some level even if they’d had no talent for resisting magic in life. That was four out of the possible seven.
Additionally, there was nothing preventing two other classes, Berserker and Assassin, from having the ability to resist magic as a “personal skill,” they’d had during their lifetimes. And the seventh class, Caster, was itself dedicated to users of magic, so even without Magic Resistance (which they might also have as a personal skill) trying to beat one of them at their own specialty was asking to be disappointed.
While magic was almost useless, mundane protections were even more so. The Servant’s physical strength made things like walls and doors child’s play to break down. Physical traps like cages or pits could be escaped with ease by a Servant’s spirit form, as it was not bound by conventional matter. She’d even considered something outrageous, like a fire or blow dart trap right out of a Daring Do novel, but Saber had shot those ravings down. He’d explained that even in their physical bodies, Servants could not be damaged by harmful things purely of the mortal plane. As they remained spiritual beings even when they take on flesh and blood, only weapons with some spiritual power could harm them. For example, magic spells.
The whole thing was a paradox. Only magic could halt Servants, but Servants were all protected from magic to the point where it couldn’t hope to halt them. Whoever had conceived the system had a sick sense of humor.
But it wasn’t hopeless. After a lot of thought, Twilight did have one idea. But it would take time to prepare. It wasn’t a sure thing, and until it was ready she would remain vulnerable. She would have to rely on her anonymity to protect her until then.
Her anonymity with everypony except Archer’s potentially homicidal Master, of course. And Rarity…
She cut that thought off. She couldn’t afford it.
She glanced at the clock on the far wall of her laboratory and saw it was well past midnight, but long before sunrise. She knew what she had to do when morning came, but for now she was stuck. It made her restless, even angry, but there was nothing to be done.
She moved toward the stairs leading back to the house, but hesitated. Fluttershy and Spike were already asleep. It would be wrong to disturb them at this hour. She told herself the fact that it was also a convenient excuse to avoid even the smallest chance of them trying to talk to her about what had happened with Rarity wasn’t a factor.
There was an old reading couch tucked into a corner, dating back to when this room was nothing but library storage. It was dusty and uncomfortable, but it would serve as a bed for one night. She curled up, using her forelegs as a makeshift pillow, and let her eyes close. They felt like they had weights attached to them, and she realized how much more tired she was then she thought. “Saber, I’d appreciate it if you could wake me up at sunrise,” she said to the room at large.
The Servant had found a chair for himself and was sitting near one of the many machines his master had used to test his body. He’d rested an elbow on his knee and his chin in his hand, his father’s favorite thinking pose. Priam had once told his son that a king had to look wise and thoughtful at all times, even when his mind was blank. Saber’s mind was far from empty as he regarded the sleeping form of his Master.
Events were weighing heavily on her mind, that much was obvious. This world was a far more peaceful place than the one he’d called home, and she was ill suited to conflict such as this. She was smart, adaptable, and powerful in magic, but Twilight Sparkle was a peaceful soul at heart. The danger of the Grail War had become too vicious too quickly, and that was taking its toll.
He’d thought it would be best to remain silent, to allow her to deal with the strain in her own way. Now he questioned that judgment.
At the bakery, Ruler had called him one of the Nine Worthies of Chivalry. Chivalry was not a concept native to his lifetime, but as a heroic spirit his knowledge transcended time, so he recognized the meaning behind the title. Chivalry had many tenants, but perhaps the most fundamental was that it was the duty of a warrior to protect those who could not protect themselves. It was clear to him even after a single day that Twilight Sparkle was neither helpless nor weak. But he was not certain the burden of a soldier at war was something she was capable of protecting herself from.
He did not need to act yet. It was possible that she would find a way to deal with her feelings. And after all, a Servant should endeavor to maintain a certain distance from their Master. The Grail was the prize, and a Servant could not afford to become too attached to the one who summoned them if they truly wanted to make it their own.
But something about the bookish, sarcastic purple pony appealed to him. The thought of leaving her to her problems and remaining nothing but a weapon to her left a bad taste in his mouth. So he would continue to observe, to offer her advice and serve as her sounding board. Besides, even without becoming too close to her, there was one thing he could certainly do to alleviate Twilight Sparkle’s fears.
He could win.
***
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Nicely done! To think that Rarity would get rider... Well I understand that it would make since, since Rider is usually the servant to get the second most backstory and screen time when focusing on them. Medusa and Iskandar being prime example, I can't wit to see just what you do with this next chapter, keep goin and stay golden^^
P.S. Shoutout to UFO table for doing the Heavens Feel rout! Can't wait for that to happen!
Mixed feelings on this chapter, to be honest.
It's certainly fantastic seeing this particular Rider show up again, and I can't wait to see her get some more action scenes. And all things considered, you're actually handling all the info-dumping pretty well; the little section on skills was informative without being too intrusive on the rest of the chapter.
But Twilight's reaction to Rarity seems to be incredibly out of place. Granted, I'm not sure when exactly during the show's timeline this is all taking place, but I have to assume that Twi's been in Ponyville for at least a year now, give or take a few days. And she just assumes that one of her best friends is planning on killing her? Better safe than sorry, I suppose, but apparently all those friendship reports about trusting your friends and relying on them haven't exactly resonated with Twilight.
I am liking Rarity's situation though. Here's hoping she manages to pull through mostly unscathed.
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In terms of Timeline, this takes place in Season 3. The upcoming Summer Sun celebration is Twilight's 2 year anniversary of moving to Ponyville.
As a side note, the timeline of Season 3 is a little weird because Just for Sidekicks and Games Pony's Play happen simultaneously but have three episodes between them, so we know the season isn't purely chronological (but then, none of the seasons have been). All I will confirm is what the text had confirmed: that Twilight has lived through the events of Wonderbolts Academy, and she's not an Allicorn so it's not yet up to Magical Mystery Cure. Any other timeline confirmations will have to wait until they are relevant.
As far as Twilight's reaction to Rarity, if you recall she never actually says or thinks that she suspects Rarity is plotting to harm her. Rather, she avoided confronting that thought.
I've tried to make Twilight follow a logical emotional arc in terms of the psychologically damaging suggestion that other Ponies might be out to harm her: first outrage and anger at the suggestion of the possibility, then gripping terror and paranoia when that possibility becomes real after Archer's attack, and now that reality has resulted in a perceived betrayal by a friend, the worst possible outcome. Her reaction to that was first instinct, to make the threat go away. I tried to make it quite clear that she wasn't thinking at that moment (and even then, her concern wasn't about the danger Rarity posed, but the danger her Servant posed). And when she did start thinking, she intentionally avoided thinking about Rarity and focused on the most mechanical activities she could in every subsequent scene, to the point of borderline cruelty. She's gone from fear to denial.
Twilight does have some very specific feelings about Rarity right now, but even she isn't really aware of them. They'll come out when the situation comes to a head, that I can promise you. For now, I was trying to show that she was very set on avoiding the issue.
Its possible that part of the problem with you or any other reader's perception of Twilight in this chapter is that the progressions between feelings have been very quick in terms of chronology. Twilight's been on something of an emotional roller coaster since she's taken this journey over the course of only 48 hours and a few chapters. It's a by-product of the fact that I've been writing this story as more of a serial than a novel without even noticing. I was actually thinking talking about that might make a neat blog post or forum thread, but either way, it's just sort of how things have happened.
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I do have to admit, I completely forgot to think about the mental gauntlet an event like this would toss Twilight through. Being thrown into a battle royale and told to kill off the competition can't be good for anybody's sanity, let alone someone as neurotic as Twilight. And, after going back and rereading the beginning of the chapter, I did notice that she specifically avoided thinking about what Rarity might do, so apologies for getting that wrong. My fault.
So yeah, Twilight's reaction was quite a bit more reasonable than I had first thought, and her slippage into emotionless thought was wonderfully played out. However, I still don't believe that she would have handled the situation by pushing all of her friends away.
With Fluttershy and Spike, it's understandable. They're outsiders to the War, and Twilight would be breaking the rules and potentially endangering them by telling them about it. Even more than ensuring her own survival, she wants to make sure that they stay safe, so she does everything in her power to push them away.
With Rarity, however, it's less understandable. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but doesn't Twilight's refusal to think about her or address the situation in any fashion show that at least part of her thinks Rarity might be planning on harming her? If she was only worried about Rarity's Servant launching an attack and wanted to protect Spike and Fluttershy, then it'd make sense for her to drive Rarity off initially, sure. But refusing to contact, or even think about Rarity afterwards? For me at least, that's crossing the line from simply being paranoid and into simply abandoning one of her friends. Seeing potential enemies in every shadow and unfamiliar face is one thing; deciding to ignoring everything she's learned about the past two years and the show's central theme is quite another.
But like I said earlier, my first assessment of the chapter was wrong. I still don't quite trust it, but it's certainly valid enough that I'm willing to take it with a grain of salt and wait for more. Apologies for being overly and incorrectly critical; I'll do my best to avoid doing so in the future.
3183071
Please don't stop being critical, I can't improve if I don't get criticism. You're perfectly entitled to your opinion if you think I've gone beyond the bounds of the character or if I've strained your suspension of disbelief too much with how I'm telling the story, and I appreciate that feedback so that perhaps I can do it better next time.
All I can say is that (without going into what is happening in the future) it was important to me even at the earliest conceptual stages of the that Twilight be in a position of isolation and at odds with Rarity at this point in the story. I tried my utmost to construct a narrative in which that result would be reasonable without taking either out of character, and the path I thought made the most sense given Twilight's character was some emotional battery and a key misunderstanding resulting in an mental shutdown.
I will concede that this arc might have been easier to swallow at an earlier point in time. I mainly constructed the concept around how she acted in episodes like Lesson Zero, It's About Time, and Canterlot Wedding. Twilight has a history of reacting poorly to high stress situations and taking things into her own hands, putting herself at odds with her friends when she perceives them to not be on her page, or at the very least disregarding them in pursuit of her goals. I don't think she ever really grew out of that part of her personality even though it didn't get showcased in Season 3, and I felt that the way I had her react to what she perceived as a conscious betrayal during an emotionally vulnerable moment was in line with that.
But again, that was all just the opinions I used as the basis for the story and you're free not to agree.
3168012
Wait, they're doing Heaven's Feel? I thought they were redoing the original anime series?
Ah well, HF's the only one not to get an animated release in some format. Was hoping for UBW but I can deal with this.
3236397
Well the series is called Fate/stay Heavens Feel (I think) and I personally think it goes well with everything that was shown during Fate/Zero. Honestly, can you look at Sakura in the original series without wondering just what the f*ck is going on with her life at home? And Saber, damn it's gonna be awkward for us and her when Shirou reveals his last name to her and she had to pretend like nothing is wrong...
3236506
True, one of the major 'failings' of Zero is that it had to tie into the plot of Stay/Night, which was a good 'Game' but as an anime needed a lot of work. As such, due to it's overall 'darker' tone, it isn't hard to see how the 'Heaven's Feel' Route is considered the Canon ending by most of the fans prior to Hollow Ataraxia (Ilya being alive supports the Fate route), though I personally prefer Unlimited Blade Works.
The original Anime attempted to do a fusion of all three, but it still leaned heavily Towards the 'Fate' Route. The Manga adaptation seems to be doing a better overall job of bringing the Three Routes together, though since Tokyopop went under we'll have to make do with scanlations for now.
All in all however, I admit I'd prefer to see the anime follow a mostly Heaven's Feel Route, though I wouldn't say no to Shirou learning UBW, either from Archer's arm or fighting the Counter Guardian.
3280629
Yeah, that's something we can hope for. Although Ufotable is pretty good with giving the fans what they want, and if enough people are calling for a tie in to UBW, I'm sure they could squeeze a bit in there. All I really want to see if the confrontation between Shirou and EMIYA. That was done really well in the UBW movie, and given UFOTable's darker tones, I'm sure it can be done even better here.
Plus, I really want to see the awkward tension between Saber and Shirou, especially now that we know what Saber and Kiritsugu's history is like. I'm interested in seeing how they'll lead that relationship into the famous threeway scene with rin (Also, it' it BS that the F/SN anime had a dragon replace the threeway scene? You know what I'm thinking about when I hear sex? Dragons!).