• Member Since 18th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 11th, 2014

CrackerjackThePony


Comments ( 2 )

Pretty good so far. Only complaint is the shifting between past and present tense. I take it the narrator is someone who knows these ponies and is telling a tale of what happened in the past? Otherwise the mixture of the two tenses doesn't work.

2975668
I'll take that into account :) I'm trying to make the narrator an omnicient figure who knows the past and the future, but is trying not to reveal too much of the past at one time... I think that's why I was having difficulty figuring out what I want to reveal to the readers just yet... Hopefully I can be sure not to mess it up in Chapter 2 ;P

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