• Member Since 22nd Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

TittySparkles


Everyone's perverted old sister! (Now back from hiatus!)

T

Cadence feels like she is drifting apart from her husband. Passionate nights are becoming rare and to top it off, the gossip of her nation is that her husband is actually seeing mares on the side. Hearing such things makes her feel worried that their marriage is in jeopardy of breaking up. Determine to figure out the truth Cadence alters her form to become a different pony, one that hopes she'll catch her husband in the act or even test to him for herself if her husband really has fallen to the lure of younger mares.

Proofed by SolidFire and Mikemeiers

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 34 )

Nice take on the Cadence and Shining Armor life style.

I like it, a lot.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Muy, muy bueno! :pinkiehappy:

Spacecowboy
Story Approver

Tis good!

Ah the implications were logical, but I would have thought the reverse would have happened. I mean, Cadence as Princess of Love... in some way I suppose would be the one doing the cheating, spreading the love as it were.

I saw this and just sighed. It's almost always Shining Armour who is accused of/is cheating, never Cadance, you know, the princess of love, who can mind rape ponies into loving each other. I don't know, just sick of seeing that. Then again, I'm sick of seeing both full stop so whatever.

The story was... average. Best way I can put it. It was a good setup, the characters were done well, the writing was, for the most part, good. Where it fell down for me was the occasional typo, the large thought of 'damn this is getting repetitive' due to Cadances constantly convincing herself that SA must be cheating on her and 'candybutt'. Don't know why, but that last one just had me sitting there for a couple minutes trying to figure out where that pet name came from, really took me out of the story. Still haven't puzzled it out.

The d'awwws. :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:

ARTL #8 · Jul 19th, 2013 · · 1 ·

CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP! CLOP!

Well done! I liked it.

Clop sequel you say? Is it Christmas?

I am conflicted I am mad that she didn't tell him what she did, but glad that Shining didn't get told because it would hurt the relationship. Illusion magic is not a good building block of Marriage. (As if I knew anything about that... :pinkiesad2:)

I half expected her to use her love spell and force Shining to "cheat" on her, well she tried to do it by exploiting SA's "weaknesses" i guess, good thing this is just a story and it failed. :rainbowlaugh:

Sequel

But, get better editors and proof readers

2900232
A good story, but I have to agree that it could stand another pass. I had to put to put it down for a bit due to some editting pet peeves of mine.

2901256
Do tell. I edit for a lot of TittySparkles stories and am always looking for a way to better myself as an editor. I'm not the kinda person who is stuck in my ways or thinks I know everything, I'm always looking to get better.

2902066
Here's one of the problems with text in that I'm not quite sure how that was meant. If that was a request, or any flavor thereof, I could go over it. With the author's permission, of course, and likely wouldn't be done before the end of the weekend. Downside: I'm kind of brutal to a work when I do.

2902452
Im just asking what you think Solidfire and I did incorrectly, or didn't do at all. Nothing like a sentence by sentence overview of the story, just simple errors that made you "...put it down for a bit due to some editting pet peeves of mine."

2902539
Ah gotcha.

There are a few. First off, I'm a stickler for proper commas and apostrophes. There were some errors to these throughout. The same with punctuation with, and use of, dialogue tags. These are mostly technical things to be touched up, though.

There are two others that'll take some explanation. One is POV slips, the other is something that I don't know if it has a proper name. A friend of mine used to call it a double tap. It's when both action and reaction describe the same event or, more often, dialogue and narration do the same.

“What, you mean how Shining Armor is out and about sleeping with a few mares around town? Of course I have, but I refuse to believe them!” A normal, equestrian mare answered back, not wanting to hear about the baseless rumors of him.

This does both. The story is written, at least ostensibly, from a 3rd person limited point of view; namely Cadance. For this to work, it requires a shift to 3rd omniscient. We could not know that the character thought the rumours were baseless otherwise. This causes a mental hiccup to the reader. Keeping the story strictly with Cadance will keep it tight. Stepping out like that, without real payoff, will only weaken it and it isn't clean.

To the double-tap: The dialogue has already established the tone and intent of the mare. There's no need to have the narrator summarize what's already been said. It's something akin to telling a joke, then immediately explaining why it's funny. Or a mime feeling the need to explain that the reason he's pressing his hands against the air is that he's pretending to be in an invisible box.

An old favourite example: Alex decided to introduce himself. "Allow me to introduce myself," he said.

Doing this robs the line of its purpose and punch.

I understand the desire to put this in a work, and there are some times when it's necessary. It can be used to great effect to set up a gambit or to cherry pick which parts of a dialogue you want the character to call out. IE:

"Didn't you hear? There was a fire. It started in Professor Ivan's class."

I went slack jawed. I couldn't believe the Professor could be here. (or better: The Professor? Here?)

"I know, right? The whole wing burned down."

Shit! I almost blew my cover. That was too close.

Usually, however, it isn't needed. When it isn't, it weakens the work. It also shows either a lack of faith for the audience, or a lack of confidence on the part of the author. Let the work stand, or it won't. In short: the often misused show, don't tell. Or, rather: Present. Don't explain.

“A-actually it isn’t not for her,” Shining answered in his low tone. “It’s for someone else dear to me.”

Cadence froze up at hearing he was indeed buying a gift for a different mare.

She heard that it wasn't for her, and she froze. We're good.

“Maybe he just wants a change of pace after all, maybe being married to an immortal wife is making him feel like a lesser stallion,” She spoke to herself, trying to figure out what to do. “Still, we are married and what if he is actually sleeping around with half the town, bedding some mare as I think?”

And again. Her dialogue has made it clear what she's doing and why. Explaining why weakens it and draws away from Cadance. These happen quite a bit throughout.

2904951
Well, shit. Never knew getting my ass handed to me in terms of literacy would feel so good. Thank you for pointing out the errors that I missed (or frankly didn't know about), I'll be sure to look for them more often.

Ah, a good integrity piece. :eeyup: Have a :scootangel:

Sequel! Sequel!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

Throughout reading this, I was so afraid you would make Shining Armor into a cheating jerkass. I am so very happy you did NOT. :pinkiesmile: Bring on the sequel! I'd say Shining deserves a reward.

OR add more drama into their lives. Sex and drama! Its all good.

2898881 ahh, but you mistake love for lust! There's a difference, my friend, a big one. :raritywink:

2904951 wait so was this fixed before i found this? I mean, it wasnt there when i read it

4581499
I wrote that the better part of a year ago, so I'll assume. I haven't reread this story since.

I know your usual fare is clop... but you should really write more of this.

5/5 candybutts. Except no candybutt emote. Is sad. :fluttershysad:

Oh well, how about 5/5 sunbutts instead? :trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

Please writer a cloppy sequel to this!

I really don't care clop fics...... But I'll make an exception for the sequel.

If it ever comes out

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