• Published 17th Jul 2013
  • 2,485 Views, 47 Comments

Discord's Villain Reform Program - shinigamisparda



Discord's back in Ponyville after a long vacation. Caught between his desire for chaos and wanting to keep his few friends, can Discord sate his desire for mischief in a way that doesn't warrant punishment? Duh, look at the title.

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The Challenge

Months had passed since Discord’s presence had been made known to Ponyville, Canterlot, and eventually all of Equestria. Panic had arisen all over in numerous cities and towns, with Ponyville suffering the worst. Riots had nearly broken out on Nightmare Night once the ponies realized that Princess Luna was in fact not just trying to scare them. If it were not for the volume of her traditional royal Canterlot voice she would never have been able to rein them in over their screams. It was only a few hours later that Princess Twilight Sparkle and the other Elements of Harmony made Discord’s reformation known. Just like she’d expected, nopony really believed her but they had enough faith to believe the members of the Elements had everything under control, seeing as how they were all wearing their respective element jewelry. Still, Ponyville was a powder keg ready to go, just waiting for a chaotic spark to set it off.

Except that didn’t happen. Despite the fears of the ponies there was no massive catastrophe, no floating houses, no checkered skies, no ponies acting like the opposite of themselves, not even a flood again. Many thought the God of Chaos was simply waiting for a bigger event to unleash his particular brand of terror upon, like a holiday or some other special event. But Hearth’s Warming Eve and Day passed by without incident, as did Hearts and Hooves Day. Even Winter Wrap Up, the day a Discord-related scheme could certainly have caused the most damage, went without incident. By the time April rolled around the idea of chaos suddenly raining upon the heads of everypony had mostly fallen to the back of ponies’ minds, something they knew could happen but didn't expect to happen.

That is not to say, however, the time between October and the present was completely without incident. Every so often Ponyville was plagued with certain problems that could only have been caused by a certain draconequus. The incidents ranged from everpony’s pictures having the ponies depicted within wearing ridiculous outfits to the entire town’s water system being replaced with lemonade for a few hours. These incidents ranged from the irritating to the downright infuriating, and all of them were followed by an unmistakable laugh or giggle. Still nopony was ever hurt beyond a few cuts or bruises, and everything would right itself soon afterward. Despite the terror that the name “Discord” held throughout most of Equestria, for most of the populace in Ponyville the name had become synonymous with “annoying”.

However, there were a few who regarded the draconequus as an enemy, in their own way. Three fillies in particular were enacting their most recent plan to defeat him…

--

The pegasus adjusted her cape as a signal to the others she was ready. The earth pony and the unicorn did the same.

“NOW!” she shouted.

The unicorn threw a net with magic, successfully landing it on her target. The earth pony threw a lasso that wrapped over the net, restraining the target even more. The pegasus jumped and landed on their target, toppling it over and soon the other two fillies did the same.

“We got ‘im!” the earth pony shouted.

“WE GOT HIM, WE GOT HIM, WE GOT HIM!” they all exclaimed in unison while hopping up and down on their quarry, only to stop once they heard him squeaking. They looked down and to their horror they saw that they were standing on a life-sized squeaky toy.

“You got whom now?” asked a familiar smug voice, sending a shiver up their spines.

Before they could react the lasso undid itself and wrapped around the three fillies, and then the net closed around them before levitating and tying itself to a nearby tree branch.

The three fillies struggled a moment before they noticed the long figure gazing at them with a sinister smirk.

“Should’ve picked your fights more carefully girls,” he said. He then snapped his claws and in a flash of light three devices appeared that filled the little fillies with horror. “Now it’s payback time.”

The three girls' screams were drowned out by the dense trees of the Everfree Forest…

--

Minutes later the three fillies panted, their coats and manes drenched with sweat and tears as they were splayed across the ground, mercifully freed from their prison while their tormentor sat next to them, sitting in midair while a newspaper, a teapot and a cup of tea floated in front of him.

The orange-coated pegasus slammed her front hooves in front of her in frustration.

“Darn you, Discord!” she shouted.

“It’s your fault for picking a fight you couldn’t win, Chickenloo,” the draconequus taunted back, taking a sip of his tea and not even looking at the filly.

“Stop calling me that!”

“Aw shucks, outdid again,” Applebloom lamented.

“We’ll never get our ‘beating Discord’ cutie marks at this rate,” Sweetie Belle lamented.

“Honestly, how many times do I have to put you fillies through tickle torture before you realize you’re not going to beat me?” Discord commented. “Maybe you should try something easier. Like shark wrestling.”

“We’re not afraid of you Discord!” Scootaloo retorted.

“Oh really?” Discord turned to the filly with a devious look before snapping his fingers. The three feathers from before appeared in flashes of light. “You sure about that?”

The three fillies winced in response.

“Thought so,” he stated smugly before dismissing the three feathers with another snap and turning back to his paper.

Scootaloo growled. “C’mon girls, let’s go and find Rainbow Dash,” she said while turning to walk away.

“Don’t bother, she’ll be here soon,” Discord stated blandly while turning the page in his newspaper.

“Huh?”

“GIT DOWN HERE, YA DERN HAT!”

The three fillies turned to look down the road and saw Applejack wrestling with her own hat. The hat was floating in mid-air and despite pulling on it as hard as she could it showed no signs of coming back to the earth pony, possessing enough power to actually pull the farm mare along.

“Applejack? What’r ya doin’?” Applebloom asked.

“Huh?”

The earth pony had yet to notice her sister until now and the distraction was enough to cause her to trip and fall flat on her face. The hat continued its journey forwards, stopping only once it rose above Discord’s head.

“Discord!” Applejack shouted, her hoof instinctively going to the Element of Honesty around her neck. “I knew this was yer work, dagnabit! Gimme back mah hat!”

“Not just yet,” the draconequus replied nonchalantly, not even turning to face her. “We still need to wait for everyone else to arrive,” he explained as he sipped his tea.

“Huh? Whatdya mean by-?”

“DISCORD!” came a panicked voice.

The four ponies turned back to look down the road and their mouths hung open in shock and disgust as they saw the white-coated unicorn galloping towards them at full speed. She only stopped once she was in front of the God of Chaos.

“Fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT! she repeated over and over again, her voice getting progressively louder and angrier as she continued.

Discord poured himself some tea from the teapot, which looped several times in mid-air before landing inside his teacup. “Nope,” Discord replied simply before taking another sip, causing Rarity to unleash an ear-piercing shriek of horror and frustration.

“Rarity, what is that?” Applejack asked, her eyes still wide in shock.

“Is that an… afro?” Sweetie Belle asked looking at the poofy and round state her older sister’s mane was currently in.

“I’ve tried everything! Baths, hair gels, hair sprays, shampoos, conditioners, curling irons, even a trip to the spa! Nothing works! Of all the worst things that could happen, this is the! Worst! POSSIBLE! THING!” she lamented, tears streaming down her face as she collapsed onto the ground in a fit.

“And here comes the third one,” Discord said to no one in particular. “In three, two, one.”

As he finished counting, a battle cry could be heard, increasing in volume as it approached. The five girls turned to look to the sky. Scootaloo smiled as they saw a rainbow streak heading right towards them, the cyan pegasus coming into view. When she was seconds from crashing into Discord he nonchalantly snapped his fingers and a giant slingshot appeared in her path. Rainbow Dash was too late to stop herself and got caught on the device and flung back the way she came. With another snap of his fingers a net on the end of a pole appeared, tall enough to catch the cyan pegasus as she flew back. The force of the mare hitting the net caused it to bend backwards for a moment and Discord snapped is fingers one more time, creating a large pile of clothes on the ground. Finally the pole snapped forward and flung Rainbow Dash at the ground, landing directly into the pile of clothing, sending garments of all kinds in every direction. Rainbow Dash pulled herself out of the pile and sprinted over to Scootaloo.

“Are you ok Scoots!?” she shouted, clearly worried about her. The young pegasus filly looked at her idol in horror, slack jawed and not making a sound. “Scoots? Scootaloo, what’s wrong with you!”

“I see you got my message,” Discord interrupted, a smug smirk spreading across his face despite not looking at the pony he was antagonizing.

“You!” Rainbow shouted, pointing her hoof at Discord. “What did you do to-!?” Rainbow stopped when she noticed the feather duster in her hoof. “What the hay?” She looked down at herself and her cheeks flushed crimson in embarrassment. She was dressed as a maid, complete with headband, apron, and plenty of poofy lace. “Wh-What the hay is this!?” she shouted pulling at her outfit, which refused to come off. She wasn’t even able to let go of her feather duster. “G-Get this off me!”

“Ooh! You look pretty, Dashie! Is that one of Rarity’s dresses? I never thought you’d volunteer for her!”

Everyone turned to see Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy approaching from up the road.

“Wow! Looks like almost everyone’s trying new styles, huh?” the pink mare continued. “AJ, you don’t look bad without your hat, and Rarity you look, um… nice?” she finished weakly.

“See!? Even Pinkie Pie thinks it’s atrocious!” Rarity complained. “Please Fluttershy, make him fix it! I don’t think I can go on much longer with this fashion disaster, no, fashion apocalypse on my head!” she pleaded, groveling at the yellow pegasus’ hooves.

Fluttershy glared at Discord, then simply sighed and shook her head, a combination of actions that she had been employing quite a bit in recent days. She set down the picnic basket she was carrying before speaking. “Discord, again?” she asked in a tone reminiscent of a disappointed parent.

“I was bored,” he answered, his tone seeming to imply that this was a perfectly acceptable answer. “By the way, how did that carrot cake come along?” he asked, actually turning his head to look at whom he was addressing.

“’Carrot-carrot cake’,” the pink mare corrected, “And yup, it turned out great, see?” She reached into the picnic basket and pulled out a carrot cake with six carrots sticking out of the top.

“What kinda cake is that?” Applejack asked, clearly confused with the combination vegetable pastry.

“It’s for Angel Bunny,” Discord explained. “Pinkie Pie thought they could get him to eat his carrots if they were put into a pastry. A nice thought, but I doubt it’ll work.”

“What do you mean? What’s wrong with it?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Nothing, as far as I’m concerned, but then again I’m not a picky eater. Angel’s just going to eat around the carrots.”

“That’s what you think,“ Pinkie retorted, a smug smile stretching across her face. “The big carrots sticking out of the top are really candies, the real carrots are sliced up and all inside the cake!”

“My, aren’t we devious?” Discord commented, genuinely surprised by the pink mare’s cleverness. “Still, I can’t believe you need to go through all these hoops for a rabbit. Honestly, I just never understood picky eaters.”

“Maybe because ya’d even drink glass,” Applejack commented.

“Can we put off the talk of pastries and get back the matter at hoof?” Rarity interrupted, pointing at her mane.

“Seriously, get me out of this, it’s embarrassing!” Rainbow Dash commented.

“Ah guess ah don’ have much t’ complain ‘bout compared ta you two, but ah’d like mah hat back, if’n ya don’ mind,” Applejack said.

“Right. Um, Discord, could you please put everything back the way it’s supposed to be? Um, pretty please?” Fluttershy asked, trying to be as calm and lenient as possible.

“Sure,” the draconequus answered simply.

“R-Really?” Fluttershy asked in disbelief, both shock and delight clearly evident upon her face.

“Yup. In juuuust minute.”

Fluttershy’s face drooped and she sighed. “Discord,” she complained.

“Figures,” Scootaloo grumbled, finally speaking up. “I bet you didn’t even have a good reason to do this.”

“Well that’s bit harsh, considering that you three were the reason I did all this,” Discord retorted.

“Huh?”

“Whaddya mean by that?” Applebloom asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“With you, never,” Sweetie Belle retorted.

“Your sisters, or sister figure in your case Chickenloo,-“

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!”

“-were probably wondering where you were. So I just figured I’d let them know.”

“You mean ta tell me,” Applejack began, “that ya made mah hat fly off, turned Rarity’s mane into that ball, and-“

“-sent me a message that Scootaloo was in danger, from you, and dressing me up in this embarrassing outfit, just so we could come pick up the girls!?” Rainbow Dash finished with a shout.

“Yup.”

“And you couldn’t just call us over because…?”

“This way was more fun.”

The annoyed mares each let out a groan of frustration.

Fluttershy simply shook her head. “Ok Discord, could you put everything back now? Please?”

“Not quite yet. Waiting for Twilight to show up.”

Everyone perked up at that.

“Twilight? What’s she got ta do with this?” Applejack asked.

“Oh nothing much, just that while I was pranking the rest of you I figured I’d do the same to her too. Didn’t want to leave her out,” he answered smugly.

“Discord!” Fluttershy scolded.

“Oh come on, it’s all in good fun. Besides, I think all of you will get a kick out of it, too. Not some of my best work, but I think it’ll work well enough. It’ll certainly make all of you feel like you got let off easy.”

“’Let off easy’?! Nothing could possibly be worse than this!” Rarity retorted, pointing to her mane once again.

Just then a violet flash of light appeared nearby, fading to reveal an alicorn. Everypony turned to look at the new arrival, and for a moment everything was completely silent.

“I stand corrected,” Rarity said, her eyes wide in horror in disgust.

“What. The. Hay,” Sweetie Belle uttered, her expression seeming to show she was straining to comprehend what was in front of her.

“Land sakes!” the two Apple sisters exclaimed.

“Yowza!” Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo remarked.

“Oh… Oh my,” Fluttershy muttered.

Discord and Pinkie Pie just stared at the new arrival, Pinkie’s jaw open in shock while Discord’s expression was surprisingly blank.

Staring back at them all was Twilight Sparkle, her coat now white with red polka-dots and her mane a gaudily bright orange. Her face perfectly conveyed the message “I am not amused.”

From the draconequus came a snort. Everypony turned to him as he struggled to suppress a smile, failing spectacularly. Discord began to shake with mirth before finally bursting out laughing, falling out of the air onto his back and tumbling around. Before long Pinkie Pie was also joining him in his merriment.

“Pinkie Pie, c-cut that out!” Applejack stuttered, trying to stifle her own laughter and erase the smile trying to force its way on her face. “That’s inf-fectious!”

Before long everypony else was snickering or giggling along with the trickster god and the pink mare. As the draconequus finally settled down the rest of them slowly composed themselves, everpony but Pinkie Pie attempting to convince themselves they weren’t laughing just a moment ago, but still feeling more lighthearted than before. Even Twilight looked less annoyed, but was still noticeably upset.

Discord brought himself from the ground, wiping the last tears from his eyes as the last few giggles escaped his lips.

“Priceless, Sparkle. Your expression is what really sells it,” he explained.

“Thanks,” she said flatly. “Now change everything back, please.”

“Ok, ok, fair’s fair.”

Discord snapped his fingers and several flashes of light came and went. Applejack’s hat appeared back upon her head, Rarity’s mane was back to its normal elegant style, and Twilight Sparkle’s coat and mane were back to their usual colors.

“What about me!?” Raibow Dash screamed.

“You can take it off now, can’t you?”

Rainbow stopped for a moment before successfully dropping the feather duster. Once she realized she in fact could remove the embarrassing outfit she set to work taking it off immediately, furiously pulling and wiggling her way out of it until she finally got it off.

“I can’t believe we ever turned you back from stone. I don’t know what Celestia was thinking!”

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight shouted, both shocked and a bit upset at that comment.

“I’m sorry, but I have to say this! She had us free him because she wanted to see if he could do some good, and look where that’s got us! Pranks of all kinds! All he’s proven so far is that he can be a jerk instead of completely evil!”

“Rainbow!” Fluttershy scolded.

“I take offense to that,” Discord quipped.

“Oh yeah?! Well how about you do something that helps everypony for once instead of just pulling pranks all the time?!”

“I have my reasons.”

“Like what?”

“Several, but the main one being I don’t feel like it.”

Rainbow Dash shouted in frustration while everypony else rolled their eyes and groaned.

“I bet the reason you aren’t doing anything good is because you can’t!” the pegasus shouted.

Surprisingly, that made Discord stop in his tracks. He quickly slurped the rest of his tea before releasing the cup which suddenly rocketed into the air and exploded like a firework. He then ate the entire teapot in one bite before folding up the newspaper and floating over to the cyan mare.

“Is that a challenge?” he asked, both his expression and his tone surprisingly serious.

Rainbow took a moment to process the whole situation, but then a confident smirk spread across her face.

“You know what? Yeah, it is! I bet you can’t do anything really good or nice even if you tried!”

Discord stood up straight and snapped his fingers, summoning his red-rimmed sunglasses before placing them on his head and crossing his arms.

“Challenge accepted,” he uttered in a tone so serious it was almost comical.

“Oh! Oh!” Pinkie Pie shouted before zipping in front of Discord. She turned to face the same way he was, stood on her hind legs, pulled out a pair of identical sunglasses from Celestia knew where, put them on and crossed her forelegs in the same manner.

“Like a boss,” she proclaimed in a similar tone.

“Nice one.”

“Thanks.”

Rainbow Dash took a moment to recover from the odd sight. “Pinkie Pie, where did you get those?”

“Discord made me a pair! Aren’t they nifty?”

Rainbow shook her head for a moment before turning back to Discord. “Anyways, I better be there or it won’t count!”

“Oh, you’ll be there alright,” the draconequus replied confidently.

Rainbow merely grunted, before turning away. “C’mon Scoots, I think it’s about time we had another flying lesson.”

The pegasus filly seemed to glow with joy after hearing that.

“Alright! Sure thing Rainbow!”

“And I’m going to need a trip to the spa to relax after this whole ordeal,” Rarity commented. “Would anypony care to join me?”

“Sorry, but I gotta tend the farm. Need ta make up for lost time after this little fiasco,” Applejack replied.

“I’ll come with you, sis!” Sweetie Belle quipped.

Rarity’s smile faltered for a moment. “Um, that’s sounds great dear, but, um, maybe you and Appble Bloom could help out Rainbow Dash give Scootaloo flight lessons. Just because you’re not pegasi doesn’t mean you can’t be flight instructors.”

All three of the fillies gasped, and everypony knew what was coming next. Discord quickly snapped his fingers and a pair of earmuffs appeared on both Fluttershy's and Pinkie Pie’s heads. A set of corks appeared in his claw and paw, which he quickly inserted into his own ears.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSEDER FLIGHT INSTRUCTORS, YAY!”

The three fillies ran off excitedly, too caught up in their recent ploy to even realize that their teacher had not even left yet. Rainbow Dash gave Rarity an annoyed look but merely shrugged and flew after them.

“Oh! That’s right!” Pinkie Pie shouted, removing her earmuffs and sunglasses. “I’ve got to babysit Pumpkin and Pound in a little bit! See you later everypony!” she called before quickly bouncing off.

Applejack and Rarity trotted off down the way they came, giving Fluttershy a quick goodbye as they went.

Discord snapped and the corks and earmuffs disappeared in a flash. “Arrivederci, everypony!” he called as he waved. After a moment he looked down to see that Twilight Sparkle was staring right back at him. “Oh, you’re still here?”

“Discord, are you really going to follow through on that challenge?” the alicorn princess asked, her expression neutral but her eyes scrutinizing the trickster god.

Discord removed his sunglasses and stroked his beard in a thoughtful manner for a moment. “I suppose I am bored enough to do that, yes,” he answered with smug grin, dismissing his glasses in another flash.

Twilight sighed and rolled her eyes before gathering power in her horn. “If nothing else this should be interesting, I guess.” And with a pink flash of a teleportation spell she was gone.

“Um, Dis-“

“Flutter-“

The pegasus and the draconequus stopped when they realized they were trying to talk at the same time.

“Um, you can go first,” Fluttershy said.

“Uh, thanks,” Discord replied, clearing his throat in an embarrassed manner. “Uh, can we talk and walk?” he asked, motioning his head back down the path to her cottage.

“Um, sure, if that’s what you’d like,” she said while picking up the picnic basket with the carrot carrot cake and placing it upon her back.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” she asked as they started down the path.

“Uh, well, you see…” Discord began, looking uncharacteristically unsure of himself. “I… I wanted to thank you.”

“Um, ok. For what?”

“Well, for… for…” Discord then muttered something under his breath.

“Um, I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

Discord sighed before clearing his throat again. “I said ‘I wanted to thank you for putting up with me.’”

Fluttershy almost tripped upon hearing that but quickly righted herself.

“Discord?” she asked incredulously, unable to think of anything else to say.

“It’s just that, well, I’m sure there’s a lot of pressure on you to get me go on the straight and narrow instead of giving me some room, and I’m sure my pranks aren’t helping. I wanted to apologize for that.”

“You’re sorry about all those pranks you pulled?”

“Oh no, not one of them,” he explained with a smirk. “I just wanted to apologize for any grief you’ve been given because of it."

Fluttershy rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but smile all the same. “Well, I guess it’s a start. Now, do you have any ideas on how to do something good for somepony else?”

“Plenty,” the draconequus replied simply. “They’re all just boring as hay.”

“Discord, you don’t do good things because you want to do them,” she scolded.

“Hey, I’ve got plenty of other good reasons why I don’t do them.”

“Like?”

“Ok, imagine somepony’s house get’s destroyed for some reason. I snap my claw and ‘poof’, back to normal. That pony’s happy, and then word gets around. Then somepony else wants me to do a favor, and then someopony else. Eventually, everypony gets used to me helping out, to the point they stop doing anything altogether. ‘Parasprite infestation? No problem, Discord will fix it.’ ‘Crops not as bountiful this year? No worries, Discord’ll fix it.’ ‘Leaky pipe? Don’t worry, Discord will fix it.’ Soon enough, I’ll be using my magic to wash dishes and everypony else will get lazy.”

Fluttershy stared slack jawed for a moment before responding. “I… I never thought of that. I’m also a bit surprised that you did.”

“Of course,” he said with a prideful smirk. “I’m a creature of Chaos. If I didn’t understand Harmony how could I upset it effectively? No, if I’m going to win this bet I’ll need to do something more than just a simple good deed here or there. Something bigger, more elaborate. Though I can’t really decide what.”

“Well, I’m sure it will come to you.”

“Hm. Hey, how about another story while I’m thinking. Regale me with another tale of you and your little friends’ misadventures.”

“Um, you mean ‘adventures’, right?” she asked.

“Either or.”

“Um… Well there was the time Ponyville was chosen to get water to Cloudsdale.”

“Nah, doesn’t sound like my thing.”

“Um…How about the time Rainbow Dash held a competition to choose her pet?”

“Already told me that one.”

“Oh, I did? I’m sorry. Um… well, there was that time Trixie came back.”

“’Trixie?’ The showmare? I’m surprised she had the guts to come back after being shown up by Sparkle last time.”

“Well, she was back for revenge.”

“’Revenge?’ How was she supposed to get revenge?”

“Well, first of all…

--

“… and then she left, calling herself the ‘Great and Apologetic Trixie,’” Fluttershy finished.

Discord sipped some tea with a rather surprised look on his face. “I have to say, I’m rather impressed. I don’t think I’ve been giving all of you enough credit, you’re much more devious than I would’ve ever thought, especially Twilight.”

“Um, ‘devious?’” the pink maned pegasus asked.

“Of course, all of you pulling off those tricks to fool that megalomaniacal unicorn. Quite impressive.”

“But, we just did it to get Trixie to take off that scary amulet.”

“Yes, I know you did it for a good reason, but that doesn’t change the fact that little Sparkle used such underhoofed tactics to… to…”

Discord suddenly stopped mid-sentence, appearing to be lost in thought, like some previously unthought of notion was bubbling its way to the surface of his conscious mind.

“Discord? Um, are you-“

Before she could finish the draconequus sprang forward and grabbed her before planting a long kiss on her forehead. “Fluttershy, you magnificent mare you! I knew there was a reason I came back here to live with you!” he proclaimed with a twinkle in his eyes while pinching her cheeks. “What a wonderful little muse you are! ‘Scuse me!”

And with that he disappeared in flash of light, leaving a very confused pegasus behind.

“Um… you’re welcome?”

Author's Note:

Chapter two finally done. This took longer than I thought, mostly because some of the parts here I didn't fully enjoy writing so I had to push through to get to the good parts. With any luck the third chapter should come out faster seeing as how I know I'm going to love writing that one.

Anyway, I was also hoping you could do me a favor. I'm writing another MLP fanfic on my deviantart account called "Myth of the Blues Traveler." I can't post it here due to the rule about copywrited song lyrics. Give at read if you'd like but what I really need is some blues songs and some scenarios they could go to. If you read the fic you should get an idea of what I'm going for.

Anyway, thanks for reading everypony and I hope to see you for chapter 3! Rate and review please!