Macareina and Blitz has been married for some time now. These two are happily married and have started a family with three children. One being the oldest and the other two being twins. On one particular day Macareina was reminiscing about her past, one specific event were the days she and Blitz started their relationship.
Note: This is rule 63
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The most glaring issue here is the use of tenses. Seeing as how almost the entire fic is a flashback, you need to use past tense like 'were' instead of 'was' and so forth. You also had plenty of grammatical errors like missing words and punctuation, and I'm afraid they detracted a bit from the story.
Aside from all of that, you did more than just focus on the love story, as you did plenty of world building (with the exception of no mention of who the enemy nation was) and gave the scenes a sense of plausibility. My only other complaint would be why the Wonderbolts weren't involved, seeing as how they've been seen to respond to problems like attacking Dragons, not to mention Bltiz was the head captain. A bit of a plothole, but a forgivable one.
Also, I'm upset that you wrote this. I was gonna write my own R63 MacDash oneshot.
Keep writing.
P.S. Welcome to the Group.
Pace was WAY too fast. This should have been several chapters long, told in present tense, not gigantic expository flashbacks. All tension is gone when we know they end up alive. Also, the "Missing presumed dead" thing twice in a row? No.
This has a good plot, but the mechanics need work. I advise you find a prereader to help you out. Keep writing, and never stop believing that MacDadsh IS the one true pairing.
I get the feeling english isn't the writer's first language. In many places you used either the present tense when you were talking about something that happened in the past, past tense involving the present, or in at least one case lacking any tense at all. In a few instances, you use completely the wrong word. The pacing is poor. It could have been expanded into a Multichapter fic if you'd started with Applejack's departure, instead of Macareina's bed. And then there's that massive box of white space at the bottom.
Maybe when your grammar is better, and you've got a few more fics under your belt, you could rewrite it as the epic adventure it could have been.
Wow, I got say I am honored to be commented by founder of the MacDash group
BlackM I really enjoy your MacDash fic "Big Macintosh and Rainbow Dash are Dating and Everypony Freaks Out".
I also like your story Jake The Army Guy, "Under A Luminous Sky" is a great tale and I loved the parts with Mac and Dash.
Now with that out the way let me answer your questions. First forgive my my grammar, I'm still kinda new to all this writing. Secondly I wanted this to be a oneshot story, also I intended it to be short so that is why the pacing is fast for you guys. Thirdly when I write this stuff I don't reread it, so in future stories I'll try to do that. Forth, not sure how to fix that big empty space at the bottom.Any advice?
Still can't believe my story made it in your group!
P.S. BlackM you can still write that oneshot, heck it will be better written then my story.
P.P.S. Here's an idea of a fic Rainbow Dash participating in the next Apple family reunion
It does feel more like a summary than a story at times...