• Published 16th Jul 2013
  • 994 Views, 15 Comments

The Contest - Firecaller

John was transported form Earth to Equestria to compete in contest to save the ponies. In his opinion, Equestria is doomed

  • ...

The Contest

The Contest.

Equestria was in deep trouble. The Griffons had found a loophole. Celestia couldn’t back out, not with all the other countries watching this. Not to mention backing out would be disastrous, it would result in an all out war with the Griffon Kingdom.

Racking her brains she searched for a solution. To prevent an all out war between the Equestria and the Griffon Kingdom, an agreement had been reached. The Contest. One griffon versus one pony. Head to head. Winner gets all. No endless casualties and suffering that a war would entail. She'd been proud of herself at the idea. The contest to be chosen by the Griffons, but with stipulations, so neither was supposed to have an unfair advantage. But they had found that damned loophole. No pony, not even she, had seen it when the agreement was drafted, but they had.

The contest they had chosen would defeat any pony, but was within the rules. Celestia hung her head, it would be her fault that all of Equestia would be lost, just because of the form of the contest. Any pony would fail within the first minute, but it was within the rules. How could she ask any pony to do that.

Any pony!

That was it, Celestia smiled. They had exploited a loophole, so would she. She knew just where to get a being that would not only level the playing field, but would level the griffons as well, totally, without remorse. In this contest they would never have a chance. In fact it would be so unbalanced now she almost felt sorry for them. They’d started this, she would, or rather her soon to be champion would, finish it.

She teleported back to the castle to prepare the capture spell.


John walked back from the local shop, he figured he needed the exercise. Being slightly overweight the doctors had told him to cut back on, well, everything he enjoyed it seemed. So the trip to shop had been less exuberant than usual. No beer, no bacon, no fun stuff. Yet somehow he had spent more. It was depressing not only was it less tasty it was more expensive, it wasn't fair. The grocery bag, loaded with nice healthy, bland stuff, was now starting to dig into fingers. The bag swapped hands for the third time on his trip home.

Cutting down a deserted back alley he was minutes away from home.


“Huh?” Was all he could say before the pink sphere enveloped him.

John was gone, a pile of clothes and a grocery bag full of healthy food, marked his departure point from earth.


John looked up, above him, no it couldn’t be...


A closet brony (so deep in the closet he could talk to lions and witches,) he knew the instant he saw her.

“Erm” His mind, currently mid-abandon-ship, refused the call to come back and continued to the lifeboats.

“Champion, I have brought you here to compete for the sake of Equestria, for the sake of the princesses, for the sake of my little ponies.” Celestia then bowed to him.

Raising a hand to run through his hair he noticed the first problem. It was a hoof. Looking down he was now a slate grey earth pony.

‘Not even a unicorn, I wanted to be a pegasus, darn it, if I ever came here.’

His mind, having now manned the lifeboats, decided to scuttle what was left of the ‘Good Ship John’. It would be for the best.

He felt quite proud of the fact he only screamed for minutes.


“B-b-but why me. I’m no soldier, I’m not trained in form of combat or weapons. Plus I'm a pony now.”

“I assure you, my little pony, that only your outer form had changed. Your mind, your tastes, reactions, even the food you can eat are all the same as your human form. But I have added a few bits to allow you operate in Equestria without aid. Walking, talking, being able to use your hooves to hold things and so forth.”

He nodded glumly as he followed Celestia down the hallway.

“In fact it is essential that only your outer form was changed, for this one-on-one combat with a Griffon your species was the ideal choice. Plus the agreement never stated, 'always been a pony'."

“Again with the ‘I’m not a soldier’, I get my ass handed to me by twelve year olds on Halo.”

Celestia just smiled at him. “Ahh we’re here at the arena, the Griffon champion awaits us.”

“WHAT! I need training, weeks and weeks, plus at least two training montages.”

“Nonsense, you are prepared, trust me. Now, onwards to victory.” She magically opened the doors in front of them.

He felt he had ‘help’ from Celestia to step out into the arena.

John looked around ‘Huh, just like the Coliseum in Rome, at least there are no lions here... only manticores, hydra, griffons... oh, lots and lots of griffons.'

Half the coliseum was filled with griffons, the other half ponies.

Celestia’s magic drew him, he wasn’t walking at this point, over to the centre of the arena. The arena itself dwarfed the two griffons that awaited them.

“Ha, a puny champion Celestia, think he can beat ours?” The second Griffon announced when they had reached them.

Celestia smiled at the Griffon. 'I think King Bloodclaw, that my champion has a lot more to him than meets the eye."

'That's what the doctor said.'

A table was set up between the two.

‘What, we going to be playing board games? Risk, Monopoly? In fact I think a fight to the death would be preferable.’

“Will the two champions approach the table.” A zebra announced.

Hesitantly he walked up to the table and sat down. The Griffon champion did the same, eyeballing him all the time.

“Let the contest begin”

A silver platter with a cover appeared on the table.

The Griffon sneered at him. “Behold your defeat, little pony.”

He lifted off the cover with a claw.

“A contest, that nopony could stomach, literally...”

“A bacon eating contest.”


John looked up at the Griffon and tilted his head.

“You finishing that?”

Author's Note:

A quick, silly little story that occurred to me on the way back from the shops. Not edited or to be taken seriously at all.

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Comments ( 15 )



we need a chapter of theyre reaction!!! do it now!!!

Fun story. :pinkiehappy:

I can't believe 3 vegans found this story so quickly. :applejackunsure:

where the next chapatar :c?

I'd love to see the Griffon's reaction to this man/pony's..."display of skills".
'Ave an up-vote! :pinkiehappy:

Heh. A short and fun read.

Funny, though even if it was a joke story perhaps a bit more antics could've been worked in. 1k is a tad short.
Still a good read though, I laughed.

Am I the only one who still desperately wants a sequel to this?

Lol, griffin culture is awesome. Who would design a contest so delicious?

Hah! What human males do the best!

And this:

so deep in the closet he could talk to lions and witches

Good one.

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