• Member Since 14th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Piccolo Sky


I really should put something down here someday...

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After stumbling upon the ruins of an ancient kingdom, the gang meets an equally ancient pony who shares the secret of a forgotten realm, but also a secret their princess had held from them until now. Is Princess Celestia really the individual they've always believed her to be? Or is something more sinister at work in the shadows? Twilight will have to rely on what may be her mentor's final lesson and unexpected allies when the power of Disharmony threatens Equestria...

This is my "serious" MLP fanfic...serious in the sense of episodes such as "Friendship is Magic", "The Return of Harmony", and "The Crystal Empire"...the episodes where they have to deal with a powerful threat to everyone's well-being. And in that tradition, I have this in "two parts", just like the two-part episodes. Ideally, it should be treated as a two episode plotline.

This fanfic is partially in response to the constant criticism that Princess Celestia gets. It explores more of the Twilight/Celestia relationship and shows how even someone who doesn't always step out to give the villain a bloody nose personally can still be making a world of difference.

Finally, it's important to know that this story was written only a few episodes into Season Three and prior to looking at the comic series, which presents its own story of the background of Nightmare Moon.

The image of the mask is a public domain clipart image.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 6 )

This is too long of a fanfic. Seriously, put it in shorter chapters.

And also, Ponymaker images repel readers, thinking this will be a horrible story. Get a different cover or none at all.

1. Keep in mind that Theatercritic is both a hypocrite and a whiny little bitch

2. He has a bit of a point in that pony creator images turn people off.

Thank you for your concern, but if a person is going to think my story is trash and dislike it for being too long and having a certain image without being able to say anything that pertains to the content or story, then I'd say those are rather weak complaints that have little substance and I don't feel the need to alter anything in response to them. I can't draw, and I'm not about to "pirate" images online for illustrations.

I got about ten pages in when I realized I was going on an adventure, and I certainly have. You've written a terrific story! While I do understand the sentiment of producing shorter chapters, it doesn't bother me, as I read stories on my Kindle, and it treats all of them the same anyway. Quite honestly, the nitpick about shorter chapters makes no sense when you realize they were posted the same day, so the complaint is irrelevant.

That aside, I love the details you've created, and as I read about the Magnificent City, all I could see was this massive steampunk-ish metropolis, it was so well done. I love the interactions you made between the Mane Six and their "evil" counterparts, I love the character design for Empress Wormwood, and I have to say that Luna kicked so much ass, I was rooting for her the moment she appeared.

I hope this isn't your last "serious" story, as I really enjoyed it. It is a straight up adventure story, with exciting situations, epic lore, and valuable lessons. Wonderful job! :twilightsmile:

By the way, if you want something other than pony creator images (it doesn't matter, really), do what I do, and for your story illustration use creative commons images. You'll find them on DeviantArt. I use them in my images.

As you can also see, my author profile/avatar is a pony creator image that I made some time ago because, like you, I can't draw very well. The pony creator lets me create my little ponysona without having great art skill, and there's nothing wrong with that. In other words, it doesn't really matter, just do what feels right for you. If someone doesn't approve of your story because of a pony creator image, that's their loss, and quite frankly, you don't need their support. Stay true to yourself, and keep writing these great fics.

2932854

Thank you for the compliments. I originally had a Pony Creator image of...well...to avoid spoilers to those who haven't read yet...Corona Light. I may put it back up. For now, I'm leaving it like this as part of a "test run". When my views seemed to plateau, I decided to try out some public domain clip art to see if it made a difference.

If I get struck with another idea for a "serious" fic, I'll make sure to do it. However, I should note this is by far my most unpopular story, both in terms of number of views and proportion of dislikes to likes. I know full well that doesn't necessarily mean anything...but, still, if people are glancing over stories and wanting to see what might be worth checking out, and they note that this one has a large number of dislikes...they'll figure: "Eh, it must be lousy."

2932919 - Well, just do what works for you. When I write stories, I make certain people know that I don't do three things:

(1) No Clop,
(2) No Gore,
(3) No Extreme Dark (for example, no cannibal Mane Six).

That turns away a significant number of readers, and makes it likely I'll never see the feature box, but I remain at peace with myself. Do what makes you happy. For what it's worth, I thoroughly enjoyed your story, and would like to see more like it on FimFiction. :ajsmug:

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