• Member Since 16th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen May 19th

Legion222


Just a guy who reads, writes, and edits. Write on.

T

This is a collection of random and mostly unrelated League of Legends one-shot crossovers.

Just some stuff to practice writing with.
My writing should get better with time, so please don't write it off after the first chapter. :twilightsmile:

Tags will be added as needed, rated T for mild violence.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 32 )

Hi, Legion222. Thanks for your comments on my stories, by the way. Anyways, I'm reviewing your story on behalf of the Good Grammar Directory, a comprehensive directory of grammatically correct stories on FIMFiction. Unfortunately, it does not yet meet our standards. Fortunately, you can fix that, making it both easier to read and eligible to be added into the GGD. So let's get started.

First, there's a typo in the chapter title. Obviously, that should be "Fiddlestick's" and not "Fiddlesitck's".

She exclaimed softly to no one

"She" does not have to be capitalized here.

"Woahwhatareyou?Isthisyourparty?Where'severyponyelse?Why-"

Two things. First, I hate it when people write Pinkie like this. Seriously, it's not that hard to make it sound like Pinkie withoutusingthisclichedawfulness. It's a cheap way to avoid actually learning Pinkie's voice.
Second, the word is "whoa".

In the sudden silence, they both took a moment to calm down a bit; Fiddlesticks recovering from the barrage of questions, and Pinkie remembering that she was here for a reason: to help somepony who wasn't having fun.

You should be using a colon after "bit," since you're not connecting multiple independent clauses, but rather connecting your descriptions of what Fiddlesticks and Pinkie are doing to the main clause.

Resubmit your story to the GGD when you've made the changes.

Write on.

3115578
The Champion's name is actually "Fiddlesticks," so I did do that part right.

As for the rest, I'll get right on it.

Write on,
Legion

Hey there,

Like I said I would, I finally got to reading this. And, since feedback is appreciated, I'll go ahead and share my own.

First off, I should point out that I've never played League of Legends, and as such, LoL characters are lost to me. That being said, I don't really have anything to say on the first chapter, as it's mostly about LoL character interactions,

This second chapter, though, I could get much more into. Your depiction of Luna was excellent in my opinion, and for the most part, everything looked good. Grammatically, there was nothing abhorrent, but I do have to complain a little about the formatting. Obviously, the italicized text was supposed to be an indication of the dream sequence, which I get and don't have a problem with. However, when Luna was thinking during a dream sequence, except for the first instance of it happening, you kept it italicized, when it really should have been normal text. That's my only real nitpick, though; otherwise, I'm eager for more :twilightsmile:!

3255047
What!? I could have sworn I'd set those to regular text, not italics...
I'll have to have a look-through and fix those.
(Edit: fixed)

Yeah, the first chapter was a bit insiders-only, requiring knowledge of champs and lore, while the second one was geared towards making sense even to non-League players.

Thanks for the feedback!

Write on,
Legion

Okay so i honestly dont know what The League of Legends is, but I liked the story... a lot.
I really can't put a hoof on why, I just do. Its happy and i love stuff with scythes and cupcakes lol. I'm usually not too prone to short and sweet stories... but it's Whatever i dont discriminate.
This most likely isn't the kind of Feedback you wanted, but unfortunately its all my grammarless brain can provide. (I passed English with a B. but after graduation i lost everything.)

Thank you for the read.

3325381
That's actually more helpful than you think. It's great to know that there's actually someone who liked it. :twilightsmile:

Did you read The Nightmare's Revenge, as well?

And grammar does not control whether or not you can write well, though the best stories have both good writing and good grammar.

Thanks for the review!
Kind of ironic that this League of Legends crossover is only being commented on by people who don't know what League of Legends is. :facehoof:

Write on,
Legion

3325381 League of Legends is one of the most popular multiplayer games these days. It's especially popular in championship leagues. Just do a quick Google search, you'll find plenty on it.

3326322
Hey, the first comment by someone who actually knows what League of Legends is!

And it's not about the story...

Well, beggars can't be choosers, I suppose.
Thanks for the comment, anyway.

Write on,
Legion

Read the first chapter, it was good! Not an epic tale, but enjoyable.

And BTW you've been reading and commenting on my own fic which I greatly appreciate... and I feel guilty for not reading yours 'til now!

Keep on writing!

3326502
Thanks! Great to know that people like it! :twilightsmile:

Write on,
Legion

3326519

LOL one shot i see.

Attempting to do some weird plays I see

Well nope imma hid in ma bush and wait

LOL logic 101

Hey, thanks for the shoutout, my friend :twilightsheepish:.

Keep being awesome,
Lego

3470317
TEEMO!
Y u no help in teamfights!?

Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! :twilightsmile:

Write on,
Legion

3470431

Shrooms shroom mother fucka

He's da drug lord.

Also season 4 da rise of Teemo

3470495
With limited Stealth Wards per player, no Oracle's, and Vision Wards now being visible? Yeah. Riot, plz nerf Teemo.

Or, better yet, remove Teemo from the game.

Write on,
Legion

Even if they aren't fighting, I imagine things are awkward between Thresh and Lucian. Honestly, Lucian's probably scowling at everything from the corner, enjoying the hell out of some cupcakes all the while.

3640869
Lucian hadn't been revealed when I wrote that. If he had, I totally would have added something about him. Maybe playing musical chairs with Thresh, Hecarim, Mordekaiser, and the other Shadow Isles champions...

Yeah, it's completely out of character, but that was the idea. Pinkie's so good at what she does that even bitter enemies were having fun together. :pinkiehappy:

Write on,
Legion

3470495
Teemo nerf tho, from 80% AP scaling Shroom to 50% :D

4154851

I posted that 19 weeks ago

Before patch 4.4 came out

4154893 I know--still worth mentioning :P
Also, heard about Ultra Rapid Fire?

4170646

You mean spamming your keyboard?

Or unlimited ex lux ult?

4170760
Both :P Shame it was an April Fool's...:duck:
EDIT: JUST REALIZED IT WAS A REAL GAMEMODE OMFGASEUGERIGU

Yo grammar nazi!! You misspelled ceiling, instead you put cieling

I see someone likes the new sion rework, I know I do. :pinkiehappy:

YOU MUST DO THE BEST CHAMPION EVER FIZZ
FISH FISH FISH

5118385
So excited to play it after classes today :pinkiehappy:

Write on,
Legion

Well, at least you resisted the temptation to make this a complete curb stomp.

Hmm. That's, uh...I don't really have anything to say to this. Was good, though, for what it was.

I feel like Kalista and varus would get along

6950371

Probably, yeah. The Arrow of Retribution and the Spear of Vengeance sound like a pretty scary combo. Varus/Kalista botlane confirmed.

Thanks for reading!

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