Three months ago, Beatrice left her griffin homeland on a quest to see Equestria.
She discovered that Equestria wasn't all that crazy to see her.
Now, she works as a member of the Canterlot Fast Squad, determined to make a difference in the lives of others and teach the ponies of Equestria that maybe, just maybe, griffins aren't all that bad after all.
This is the story of a particularly eventful week in Beatrice's life, ripped from the pages of her diary.
Written for Flash Fiction Event #4 at Equestria Daily.
Chapters (1)
Ponies are racist? What a shock. Tough being an immigrant sometimes.
Oh my god.
This is amazing.
I worked in a hospital for quite some time and this is fairly true to life. Please write more.
Actually, I'd be interested in seeing more.
Like...much more.
Oh wow, I wasn't expecting much when I saw this, but you have a legitimately good story on your hands. Here's hoping you continue it.
Yeah, that's a good point. Who would ever waste time reading about other peoples'...
…
Wait a minute...
That doesn't sound like a particularly effective suicide method for a griffin. In fact, it sounds more like an awesome way to let some stress off. Maybe that's what you were trying to imply, though.
So, where does the idea that ponies have something against griffins come from? It's pretty prevalent in fics, but on the show, they always treated each other with respect. Nopony dislike Gilda upon seeing her, it was only after she proved herself to be a massive jerk. Maybe in Canterlot, being the big city, I can see a little more prejudice existing there, but it still seems a bit of a stretch.
Still, this is your fic, and don't think I'm criticizing it, I'm just wondering out loud right now.
All this being said, I absolutely love Beatrice. Congratulations on creating such an interesting and developed character. It's hard to write good people who are also interesting to read about—villains force you to think and imagine more, to be more creative, to get into their frame of mind—but I think you've done a good job.
Should say "my regards." Minor typo.
“A feather under seven minutes.”
That's clever. Did you come up with that saying yourself, or did you base it on something? Either way, I like it. I feel you did a good job Griffonizing your speech instead of ponifying it throughout the piece.
The ending seemed fitting. I like how the character's presumably long-held opinion didn't do a complete 180 because of a single event, and I like how Beatrice didn't let that stop her from trying. She's a good role model, and not unbelievably so. Especially in the bit where she hesitates before entering the house to save the yellow stallion, but pushes on anyway.
The only criticism I can offer (and you free to disagree with me on this one, it's your work after all) is in the scene where she's taking the yellow stallion to the hospital, she mentions again and again that this is the same pony who mistreated her and that she's going to save him anyway and she hopes to change his opinion about griffins. From the character's perspective, I get that she just can't stop thinking about it, and if this were an actual journal it would be perfectly understandable. From a reader's perspective, however, I got a feeling that was very "Okay, I get it, move on." It didn't distract horribly from the overall flow of the story, and I still enjoyed it immensely, I'd just try to cut down on repetition in future works.
I would definitely read more about this character. I wouldn't continue with the journal format if I were you, switching to a first or third person narrative, but that's just personal taste and I'd definitely keep reading if you preserved the format. It's not that I minded it in this one, I'm just afraid it would get old after too long.
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Thank you all for your kind words!
On the subject of more griffins: While I'll never say never, I'm weighed down by a pair of long-term projects that I really need to finish, so this story will probably remain a one-shot for now. Still, I had fun with the flash fiction event, and there are some interesting ideas in this story that I'd like to explore—for example, how would this week have looked from Blue Cross's perspective?
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I'm glad you liked the story!
I'll be darned—when I wrote that, I just put it in because it seemed like something Beatrice would say, and never considered the irony/"meta-ness" of the statement.
I think it's because griffins have only been used as antagonists on the show. Neither Gilda nor Gustave le Grand were all that likeable, so they gave griffins a bad name.
Thanks! Beatrice was a hard character to write about, but I'm happy with the way she turned out.
I've heard people use the phrase 'a hair over/under ...' a few times, so I just griffinized it.
Looking back over it, I agree—I really hit people over the head with that concept. I've worked in the other edits/changes you mentioned, but I still need to fix this.
Sadly, I'm probably going to leave this as a one-shot for now, since I've got a couple of long-term projects that I need to catch up on. I may revisit this story in the future, though, because there are some interesting angles that I'd like to explore.
really great to read. the stallion at the end there, i think we have all met 'that guy'. well portrayed, great characterization in such a short format. well done!
2950874 Thanks!
Working with the shorter timeframe/format was tough, but I'm really happy with the way it turned out.
This.
I like this. I shall echo the others and strongly suggest MORE PLEASE!
6754985 Thank you!
At one point, I considered writing a second part to this story in which Blue Cross was actually a changeling in disguise, and re-telling the story from her point of view. Sadly, I'm knee-deep in An Inkling Of Friendship and a bunch of other stuff right now, so I doubt I'll come back to this one.
MORE OF THIS CHARACTER PLEASE!!!