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Chapter 1: Summon to Watch Over Me1,053 words
Chapter 2: Wake Me, Shake Me, Pony, Pony1,591 words
Chapter 3: May Not Be Suitable for Some Viewers893 words
Chapter 4: Another Several Bite the Dust1,255 words
Chapter 5: Horse Apples Hit the Windmill1,422 words
Chapter 6: XP Gained, Knowledge Increased1,550 words
Chapter 7: A Story Back from the Dead1,234 words
Chapter 8: Dumber Than Advertised1,939 words

Chapter 5: Horse Apples Hit the Windmill

The firm of Twilight and Sparkle was lobbying in favor of the Xenophilia Act, but to their ongoing disappointment, the House of Kyle refused to even put it up for a vote. At least there was nothing stopping Twilight from snuggling up against the bulky biped at night, and he had enough tact to not say anything about it in the morning. There's just something about his smell, she thought. Any human who did want to have sex with mares could easily have as many as he wanted. Maybe more than one at a time.

Kyle was starting to wake up. Twilight sighed, shifted herself, and stood up. The vegetation in the area would make an adequate breakfast, but a dull one. Her horn and her saddlebags glowed as she began rummaging around for some of her travel rations, hoping to make her meal a little more interesting. As for Kyle, he would probably go kill something again. He might even cook it before he ate it. Maybe.

Not long after breakfast, the trees finally thinned and the forest gave way to grassland. By mid-morning, they had reached a point where the ground began sloping gently downward. At the bottom of the rise was their first evidence of extra-dimensional unpleasantness: a formerly serene meadow of tall grasses and wildflowers that had been mostly stomped flat. The result looked like a group of angry drunks had attempted to pull an overnight crop circle prank.

Twilight closed her eyes and hummed to herself; her horn lit up more intensely than usual, then dimmed back to nothing over the next thirty seconds or so. She opened her eyes, but kept her gaze on the site of the plant massacre. “Turbulence all up and down the magical energy scale. This is definitely where the rift was opened. I can't imagine anypony doing this on purpose, so I think we're looking at the biggest inter-planar hyper-collision that Equestria has seen in centuries!”

“The who in the what now?”

“I'll explain later. I hope you're good at math.”

“Um... hey, look! They left a trail we can follow!”

Twilight wasn't impressed. “You mean that flattened path that extends away from the flattened area?”

“Yeah.”

The trail remained easy to follow, even as they moved out of the tall grasses. Not only was there an obviously compressed path, there was plenty of destruction as well. Trees had been uprooted. A couple of rock formations had been knocked over. An old fence had been turned into splinters, with no more than a handful of pickets remaining intact. Beyond the fence was what was left of an old shack, perhaps once owned by a donkey hermit or pony prospector; the remnants showed that it had been constructed well, and would have continued standing if not for the walking wave of annihilation that had passed by.

Kyle had professional admiration for the damage. “They're good at this.”

Twilight was filled with mild horror. “It seems like they live for tearing things down.”

“We'll stop them. That's why you brought me here.”

They picked up the pace of their travel now that they had a trail to follow. By the early afternoon, they found a point where the nature of the trail changed, and the direction took a sharp turn. There was a deep but narrow channel with water rapidly running through it, and they could tell that the creatures were now following the course downstream. Twilight called for a break as she consulted her map again.

“So we started here, and headed in this direction, then followed the trail on this heading... which makes this the Coltorado River, which would take us through Neighvada, and... oh, no! The towns along the river! The cities and resorts along the coast! This could be worse than the Ponestown Massacre!”

“The what now?”

Twilight was beyond hearing Kyle, or anything other than her panic attack, really. “This is bad! I mean, I knew it was bad, but I had no idea! We need help! We need backup! We need the Princess to throw the sun at them! I need to get back to the library so I can dig up the files on the Manehattan Project! Nopony ever completed Dr. Lippizaner's nuclear fission spell, but I bet I could do it! That's it! We'll use the Elements of Harmony AND the element of uranium!” Her eyes twitched, her mane suddenly spiked out in random directions, and then she was silent. Kyle picked her up and draped her across his shoulders; it was both a rescue carry and a bold fashion statement.

Hours later, as the sun was going down, Kyle set her down so he could get to her saddle bags. She had been well-prepared, so the nights hadn't been as uncomfortable as they could have been. Part of that comfort, however, was having wards in place that would keep away wild animals and annoying insects. The brain-locked unicorn was clearly in no shape for spell-casting, though. As he walked the short distance to the river bank to refill their water supply, the idea hit him: a good splash in the face should take care of matters.

He dropped to his knees and filled the containers quickly. As he was about to get to his feet again, he heard splashing that was nothing like what he was planning. It was already getting too dark to see. Kyle grabbed the OmniBoom and willed it into a brand new design: it was almost all scope, with just a tiny, vestigial rifle hanging off one side. He gave himself both magnification and infrared, figuring that body heat would let him spot a potentially hidden animal more easily than staring through a low-light scope.

There was something out there, all right. It was big, it was angular, and despite being only a few degrees warmer than the surrounding air, it was definitely moving on its own. Kyle quietly returned to the intended campsite. A splash would be too noisy; he poured some water into his hand and flicked his fingers into Twilight's face. “Rise and shine, Sparkle.”

Twilight blinked in the twilight. “Huh? What?”

“Found one. It must have broken away from the rest of the pack. Conjure up some defenses and I'll go take it down. There might be others around, and they might find us if I shoot from here. I'm going to sneak up on it, give it a personal greeting up close.”

Twilight rapidly shook her head back and forth to clear her mind. Somehow, this also returned her mane to its previously pristine condition. “Right. I should be able to make a barrier that will only let you in.” She ducked her head into one of her bags to block the glow of her horn.

Kyle was so stealthy, he made a ninja sound like a marching band. He tracked his target systematically; sight through the scope, move in closer, lather, rinse, repeat. The creature shambled slowly, aimlessly. It was no trouble at all to catch up to the thing. It was easily seven feet tall, and it was bulky – even blocky. He knew he would need something that packed a punch, and that he would have to make his shots count.

He was immediately behind the thing, keeping pace with it easily, seeming to almost glide over the ground. The OmniBoom rippled in his hand. He held up a Callahan Day-Maker, a heavy pistol known for its ability to blow a target's head clean off. He centered it on the lumpy shape above his quarry's shoulders. There was almost no distance at all between the gun and the creature.

Twilight had just finished setting up and magically protecting the camp. Somewhere in the distant darkness, she heard two quick, loud noises – noises of the sort she had been getting used to over the last few days.

Kyle cursed himself for forgetting about the muzzle flash; his night vision was ruined. A fast-flying chip of rock had hit him in the cheek, increasing his discomfort. When he could finally see again, he discovered that not only was his target still standing, it was ponderously turning to face him. He was stunned. The double tap should have done the job.

The beast looked down at Kyle. Its horrifying face contorted into a grotesque grin. It spoke with a voice like a cheese grater over gravel.

“Prah blum?”

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