Just One Night

by Vertorm

Just One Chapter

“No!” Dr. Negative cried, scrambling backwards on the ground as his own groaning servants began to swarm him. He managed to get a short distance across the courtyard before he backed into a wall. “What have you done? Wha-what have you done?” He fumbled through his satchel and seized a small vial with his hoof. His triumphant cheer was cut short though, as the vial was knocked out of his grasp and crushed beneath the hoard of drugged ponies. Frantically, he reached for his bag again, only to find it trampled beneath the hooves of a large red stallion; multicolored fluids coated the ground around it.

“No!”

“It's no use, Doctor,” Daring Do called out as she watched the physician's struggle from her perch on the balcony above. “You did this to yourself.” She hopped off the railing and started for the door, walking past a fedora-wearing Earth pony.

“You're just going to leave him?” he asked, following her back into the manor. “Seems a little cold for you, Do...”

Daring paused as the door shut, canceling out the screams of agony now echoing about the place. Her gaze fell to the floor with her wings. “It's not like he doesn't deserve whatever happens to him down there.” She shuddered. “Brainwashing ponies like that... It's... It's just wrong.”

When no response came, Daring's eyes shot up. She could handle danger; give her a crazed doctor with way too many drugs or an ancient temple filled with traps and she couldn't care any less—but him? She needed him. If she upset him—scared him off or ignited his righteous fury—she'd never forgive herself. A quivering desperation seeping into her tone, Daring asked, “You... You don't think I'm a horrible pony for this, do you?”

A brown hoof settled on her shoulder as Manehatten Silver looked her straight in her watery eyes. “No,” he said softly, pulling her into his embrace. “Negative's the monster here, not you.”

Daring choked back a sob as she nuzzled deeper into Silver's chest. “Wh-when he had you—back at the lab... You... a-and the syringe... When you... When you...” Her words failed her and turned into incomprehensible sobs. Gently, a hoof patted her back. Soft words were whispered into her ears, causing her to only hold on tighter to the stallion she'd so nearly lost.

“I was so scared,” she whimpered. Her whole body trembled in his forelegs, but he only held her tighter. “I wanted to kill him—I wanted to rip his throat out and stomp it into the dirt! I-I—”

“Shh,” Silver whispered, running a hoof down the pegasus' gray-scaled mane. “It's over now,” he said. “It's all over.”

“All I could think about was that night in Fillydelphia,” Daring continued, “And how stupid I was for walking out and... I'm so sorry...”

Biting his lip, Silver shifted his weight and looked away from his long-time friend and rival adventurer. “Look, Dare, you don't have to—“ A tan hoof interrupted him and jarred his face down towards Daring Do's. Her eyes shone like rubies in the dim light of the hall.

“Just shut up and kiss me,” she whispered, pulling him closer. Her wings flared as their lips furiously collided in a passionate—

“What?” Rainbow Dash cried indignantly, raising her hooves in the air. She glared at the book before her with furious distaste. “That's... that's...”

“So sweet,” Twilight sighed dreamily. She closed her eyes and smiled, her tail lightly sweeping across the wooden floor of the library. “Don't you think so, Rainbow?”

“So stupid!” the pegasus finished, batting the novel aside. It flew across the room and smacked the wall with a ruffled thud. Paying no mind to Twilight's irritated stare, Rainbow began pacing around the room. “What about Rosetta?” she growled, flapping her wings furiously. She glared out the window at the sunset.

“What about her?” Twilight asked as she picked up her new copy of Daring Do and the Devious Doctor Negative and carefully placed it back on her personal bookshelf. “She's still back at the college, right?”

Dash huffed and blew a stray bit of her mane out of her face. “So?”

“So...” Twilight rolled her hoof in the air, gesturing for her friend to explain further. When Rainbow didn't turn around, she sighed and continued: “What's the problem?”

“Everything!” Rainbow roared, spinning around. Twilight stumbled back in surprise as Dash's hooves slammed into the floor and shook the picture frames on the walls. Nostrils flared, she began prowling around the room, circling Twilight like a hungry lioness. “How can Daring just... Why would she...”

Twilight's brow furrowed. “Rainbow?” she said slowly, watching Rainbow curse and kick another book into a wall. “Are you okay?”

“No!” the pegasus exclaimed, bringing her hoof to her forehead. “Yes!” She growled at the floor as Twilight stood up and stepped closer. “Ugh! I don't know! I don't get it!”

“What don't you understand?”

“She kissed him!” Dash spat; just saying the words left a bad taste in her mouth. “I can't believe it!”

Frowning, Twilight gave her friend a curious look. “What's wrong with that? I think it's a very sweet conclusion to the story.”

“But what about Rosetta?”

Twilight brought a hoof to her head and rubbed her temple. “I don't think I understand where you're going with this, Rainbow,” she groaned. “What do you mean?”

Dash rolled her eyes. “I mean that Daring totally belongs with Rosetta—not stinkin' Silver!”

Jerking her head back, Twilight's curious expression quickly switched from bemused to amused. An eyebrow raised as Twilight shook her head. “What?” she snorted. “You're joking, right?”

Rainbow's face hardened. Her wings ruffled. “No,” she said. “I'm not.”

“But there's been no evidence that Rosetta and Daring feel anything more than platonic friendship at all, Rainbow,” Twilight giggled despite Rainbow's steadily growing scowl. “Not a single scrap in the whole series.”

Dash's eyes drifted down to the floor and cursed silently. Without thinking, her gaze shot back to her friend and she protested, “They got milkshakes in the beginning of the book!”

“Oh,” she said, smirking, “Then it must be true love!”

“It was a date!” Rainbow stuck her tongue out. “And that's way better than some stupid kiss!”

“It was not a date!” Twilight countered, “Daring Do has never gone to her for more than advice or to hang out!”

“That's not dating?” Dash huffed, glaring at Twilight. “Daring's totally crazy for her!”

“Just because somepony gets a milkshake with somepony else doesn't mean that they're romantically involved, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said, a hint of annoyance seeping into her tone. “How many times have we gotten milkshakes on reading days?”

Dash's wings flared and her ears slicked back behind her head as she turned to the side; the setting sun peered through the window and lit her face, coloring it red. Her cheeks felt warm. “I-it wasn't about the milkshakes, Twi...” she mumbled to the floor. “I mean, I could totally see that... that they were happy together...”

Twilight shook her head. “Rainbow, I'm sorry. I don't know how you got the idea that Rosetta and Daring love each other—let alone the fact that they are both homosexual—but it just isn't there.”

Rainbow's eyes never rose from the floor. There was a crack traversing the length of one of the boards on the far side of the room, she followed it across the floor to Twilight's hooves. “But... but it has to be...” she whispered so low that Twilight didn't manage to catch it. “Daring... Daring totally loves her...”

“Besides,” the unicorn added, tapping her chin with her hoof. “Daring and Rosetta would make for a very strange couple—don't you think so, Rainbow Dash? I mean, Rosetta's a professor at Canterlot University—it'd be awful hard for somepony as adventurous and free-spirited as Daring Do to stick around and be in a real relationship with her.”

Dash jumped to her hooves, her hackles raised. “She could do it if she wanted to!”

Twilight raised her hooves. “I'm not saying that she couldn't,” she reasoned calmly. A scroll on a shelf on the far side of the room lit up in a purple light. It floated over to the duo and presented itself to Twilight, who opened it. An illustration of a unicorn wearing glasses and a lab coat adorned the back. “And I guess I don't see any major flaws in their dynamic...”

Rainbow's face lit up for a ghost of a second and she looked at the floor once more. “See?”

“But, there's still the complete lack of anything beyond friendship exhibited in their actions, Rainbow,” Twilight sighed, setting the scroll down on her desk. “Just because they get along doesn't mean that they'd make a good romantic couple. Daring Do has been known to have a soft spot for Manehatten Silver—she is obviously in love with him if she asked him to kiss her.”

Dash’s smile faltered. Her eyes narrowed as she opened her mouth to say something, but before she’d even started to speak, the door to Twilight’s bedroom burst open and a little purple dragon crashed through. He fell to his knees, huffing and puffing as he tried to catch his breath.

“Spike?” Twilight cried out in surprise. The dragon continued to wheeze, but looked up at her when he heard his name called.

“Twilight!” he gasped, clutching his chest. His eyes were wide with panic. “She... they... help! It’s horrible!”

“Calm down, Spike. Tell me what happened.” Twilight cantered over to him and put a forehoof on his shoulder.

“It’s Rarity! She…” Spike wheezed a bit, tuckered out from having run all the way from Carousel Boutique. He took a few deep breaths before continuing. “She and I were working and… Pinkie came in and... Oh gosh, ju-just one second…”

Twilight giggled a bit despite herself, too amused at Spike’s fatigue. “Looks like you might have to go on a diet, Spike.” Her eyes glanced towards Rainbow briefly, showing her that the pegasus was likewise watching the baby dragon, though it was obvious that she had something else on her mind, most likely from their previous conversation. Twilight made a mental note to ask her about it, but for now whatever the problem with Rarity and Pinkie was would have to come first.

“Haha, very funny, Twilight,” Spike stated flatly, once he had finally gotten a good hold on his breathing. “Rarity and I were hard at work trying to get her caught up because she has a large order to fill within two days for some wedding in Canterlot! We were making good progress when Pinkie came bursting in through the door.

“Pinkie Pie started being all… well, Pinkie Pie. At first it wasn’t so bad, but I guess it started to get on Rarity’s nerves. She was already fairly upset due to the work load, and I guess that Pinkie just pushed her over the edge. Oh gosh Twilight… I’ve never seen Rarity yell like that before…” Spike’s eyes wandered towards the floor, obviously distraught from whatever they had seen before he ran from Rarity’s boutique.

“Okay, let’s go,” Twilight said, an air of confidence emanating from her as she began to leave the room. Spike looked at her, a small amount of shock plainly evident in his eyes.

“Y-you mean right now? As in, right now right now?”

“Yes, right now right now. This didn’t happen tomorrow, did it? Or next week? If we want to help, we got to go now!” Twilight called back as she trotted down the stairs.

“Okay, just, wait for me!” Spike responded as he began dashing out of the room, leaving Rainbow Dash all alone.

Rainbow’s eyes wandered about the open doorway that Twilight and Spike had just exited through. She wasn’t sure what had just happened, and she didn’t know if she wanted to find out. Her body sagged a bit as she resigned herself to being alone for the rest of the night.

Slowly she began trudging her way out of the library, long after she had heard the front door close behind Spike. As she was leaving the room, she took a moment to steal a glance at the scroll of Rosetta that Twilight had put on her desk. Instead of seeing Rosetta’s brown fur like she had expected to, her mind instead showed her an image filled with purple.

“Maybe she’s right… Maybe Rosetta and Daring won’t ever love one another… Not like I love her…” Rainbow’s heart was heavier than it had ever been before. Doing her best to hold in her emotions, she took off into the night, the sun having set mere minutes prior.

- - - - -

It was already dark when Twilight made it to Rarity’s home. The lights in the upper floors were off, but a soft and gentle glow emanated through the closed curtains on the first floor windows. Muted by the cloth in front of the glass, the light delicately touched upon the outside world, hardly creating much of an impact on anything.

Spike, who was riding on Twilight’s back, didn’t say a word as they approached the front door of Carousel Boutique. His eyes found a particularly interesting strand of Twilight’s mane and he began absent mindedly wrapping its base around one of his claws. Twilight either didn’t notice or didn’t care as she immediately went and knocked on the door.

Within moments the door was opened, revealing a moderately happy Pinkie Pie. At the sight of Twilight and Spike however, Pinkie’s soft smile immediately grew into a large grin. She quickly pulled Twilight inside, much to the unicorn’s chagrin, because she knew what was about to come next; a bone crushing hug that would threaten to snap her spine, made only worse due to the scaly object forcefully crunched against the back of her neck.

“Ow! Pinkie…”

“Oops, sorry Twilight! I didn’t know Spike’s scales would be so super duper hard,” said Pinkie Pie, an apologetic grin flitting across her features as she let them go. Neither Spike nor Twilight saw it though, due to it immediately being replaced with Pinkie’s normal boundless smile.

“Why, Twilight... what a surprise to see you here so late,” a small voice called out from the other side of the room. Rubbing her neck with a hoof, Twilight looked towards the source and was a little surprised to see that the despondent voice had come from Rarity. Her usual glamour was missing, devoid of everything that made the unicorn stunning. Her hair was a frazzled mess that reminded Twilight of her own when she awoke from a particularly restless night, and Rarity’s eyes betrayed the exhaustion that she was trying so hard to fight against. Her normal and elegant poise was entirely missing, and she instead held herself up with a complete and total lack of energy. It was all in stark contrast to Pinkie Pie, who had moved back over to Rarity after shutting the front door.

“Err, good evening Rarity, Pinkie Pie. I came because… Spike…” Twilight began, her words slowing as Rarity’s eyes turned towards her.

Pinkie was the first to respond. “Oh that’s so great Twilight! You came because you heard that I had upset Rarity and you wanted to help!”

Rarity, despite already looking as if she was falling to pieces, sagged even further at Pinkie’s words. “I am so very sorry Pinkie Pie… I was-”

Pinkie shushed her softly and put a hoof to her mouth. “It’s okay, you already explained. I am sorry I was insensitive to your stress, Rarity. I was only trying to get you to cheer up ‘cause you just seemed so sad.”

Rarity’s eyebrows knit together for a moment and she spoke through Pinkie’s hoof, her voice coming out a bit muffled. “Wait, how did you know I was… I mean, only Spike knew that I was feeling quite taxed as it is.”

Pinkie just grinned. “Duh. Pinkie Sense! I knew probably before even you did, silly filly.”

“Well, knowing that, I… I much appreciate your attempt to cheer me up Pinkie. It was very sweet of you. I shouldn’t have reacted so crass… A proper lady should compose herself with elegance and grace.” Her words were filled with a regretful longing, as though she only wished that this entire situation, both the massive workload and the Pinkie-induced rash reaction, had just never happened in the first place.

Pinkie merely shook her head slightly, a goofy grin on her face. “Even a proper lady like yourself needs to let her hair down every once in a while. Yelling can be fun! Here, I’ll show you!” She began taking in a massive breath.

Twilight instinctively flattened her ears against her head and screwed her eyes shut. When no loud voices ripped through her sensitive ears, she cautiously cracked one eye open, only to see that Rarity had somehow tackled Pinkie Pie and put both front hooves over her mouth. She let out a relieved sigh when she began to hear Pinkie’s contagious laughter, a muffled sound to it as it weaved its way around the furry blockade in front of her face.

Rarity climbed off of Pinkie, delicately extracting herself so that she didn’t step on her. Pinkie just bounced right up onto her hooves once Rarity had moved, her laugh having petered down to mere stifled snickers. Rarity levitated some grooming supplies out of a nearby desk and began working on her bedraggled appearance.

Twilight’s eyes flicked between her two friends momentarily. Slightly amused by the proceedings and thinking that the situation was pretty much resolved, she turned her head towards Spike, whom had already gotten off of her back. “Well, I guess I wasn’t needed after all. It looks like they were able to work everything out just fine. Think we should head home?”

“Uh, I think I’m gonna stay here for the night Twilight,” he said. Twilight knew that with Rarity desperately needing somepony’s help, there was no way that Spike, who loved helping others just as much as he loved Rarity, would leave her side until it was all okay again.

“Alright Spike. Ready to go, Rainbow?” Twilight turned around, looking to the spot just behind her and slightly to her left where Rainbow was standing.

Or wasn’t standing.

“Rainbow?” Twilight questioned the emptiness. Had Rainbow gone somewhere else in the house?

Rarity and Pinkie Pie both looked at her after exchanging a quick glance, bemused expressions crossing their facial features before Rarity’s voice cut through the silence. “Uh, Twilight, you do realize that you came here alone tonight?”

Pinkie Pie spoke next. “Other than with Spike, of course.”

“But, Rainbow was right there with me when Spike asked for our help…” Twilight questioned, an inquisitive eyebrow raised towards her friends.

“Well, she obviously didn’t come with you, darling…” Rarity said kindly, a little bit of worry becoming apparent in her voice. “Why did you…?”

Twilight thought hard for a minute. It really did seem incredibly silly. She was even fully aware that when she had arrived at the boutique, she had been alone. When she crossed the entrance into the building, the only soul entering with her had been Spike. Yet just now, after letting her thoughts cool off due to the situation being resolved okay, she had fallen back to her comfortable state of mind. That didn’t explain why she suddenly thought that Rainbow Dash would be there… Unless she had begun to associate Rainbow’s presence with her feeling at ease?

Or perhaps it was just because Rainbow had been there with her most of the time for the past few months, always slightly behind her and on her left. It had just become routine for her that when she went somewhere, she and Rainbow would fall into that formation. She couldn’t come up with a reason as to why such a thing started happening though, and only realized that it simply had. Her brow furrowed and she idly began rubbing her chin with a hoof.

Rarity’s voice cut through the silence for the second time that night, causing Twilight to start a bit. “Twilight, dear… How many days have you spent around Rainbow the last few months?”

Twilight frowned in thought, trying to discern the answer to the question and also attempting to figure out why Rarity had even asked it in the first place. Only able to come to a conclusion for one of her two thought processes, she wasted no time giving her response.

“In the past two months, there have only been eleven days in which Rainbow and I interacted for a period of time less than two hours, and of those eleven days, only six of them did we not interact at all. Why do you ask?” Twilight had spoken using her lecturing tone, earning her an eye roll from Spike.

Rarity and Pinkie Pie exchanged glances for the second time, knowing expressions on each of their faces. Biting her lip, Rarity went back to her grooming, her appearance already leaps and bounds better than it was a few minutes ago. Pinkie merely shuffled a bit on her hooves, her eyes flitting between Twilight, Rarity, and multiple pieces of fabric lying on the floor.

“Well?” Twilight pressed, a hint of exasperation edging its way into her tone. She couldn’t imagine why both her friends just wouldn’t answer such a simple question.

“Well…” Rarity began, stopping her grooming and turning once more towards Twilight. “What were the two of you doing before Spike came to get you?”

“We were reading the latest Daring Do novel. We had almost finished it, but Rainbow had had a bit of a disagreement with something towards the end of the final chapter.”

“The kiss, right?” Pinkie’s sudden input caught both Rarity and Twilight by surprise. Pinkie then directed her attention specifically to Rarity. “Daring Do finally kisses Manehatten Silver at the end.” Rarity’s expression brightened, understanding pushing one edge of her mouth into a slightly lopsided smile.

“Pinkie, I didn’t know you’ve been reading the Daring Do series!” Twilight exclaimed, incredulity plastered on her face.

At that, Pinkie laughed. “Oh Twilight, you know I don’t read those! You’ve asked me before, and I said no, remember?”

“Well, then… how did you-” Twilight stammered, the disbelief on her face mixing with confusion, making a horrible concoction that only ever existed when Pinkie was using her- No. There was NO way. Twilight deadpanned, rubbing a hoof on her right temple. “Pinkie, I don’t care to understand your Pinkie Sense anymore, but you are not telling me that it told you Daring and Manehatten kissed at the end of a book you don’t even read.”

Pinkie Pie merely laughed even harder, earning her a weird expression from Rarity who likewise was interested in how Pinkie knew about the kiss. “My Pinkie Sense told me that one of my friends was going to be super-duper-angry-upset about a book. It didn’t go away and it only got worse, so I looked into it! It told me that it was Rainbow Dash, and I thought to myself ‘Duh, Rainbow loves Daring Do!’ so I found how far the two of you had gotten and then read everything from there forwards! After that, it was sooo simple to determine it was the kiss.”

Twilight’s previous incredulity had twisted into pure shock. It was a surprisingly well thought out explanation, one which she hadn’t been expecting in the slightest. Her mind started working in overdrive, trying to piece together a puzzle that she still wasn’t sure whether she had all the pieces of or not. She recalled just how defensive Rainbow had gotten of her viewpoint about Rosetta and Daring, and how it seemed to have seriously upset her that Twilight was poking holes in the illogical and imaginative relationship of the two characters. Well, at least she had found it to be illogical and imaginative. To Rainbow Dash, though…

Something started to shift in her mind. Her eyes turned to Pinkie Pie and she gently licked her lips, preparing to ask a question that had just fallen onto her thoughts.

“Pinkie… do you know the reason why Rainbow Dash was imagining a love between Daring Do and Rosetta?” She wasn’t sure if Pinkie Pie would know the answer, seeing as how she had only read the end of the book, but somehow she felt that this was the right time to pose the question anyways. Maybe she had a Twilight Sense involving theoretical timing. She’d look into it later.

“Sure I do,” was all Pinkie Pie said. Her infuriatingly short response caused Twilight’s head to tilt forwards and sideways slightly, her eyes pleading for Pinkie to explain further. After nothing happened, she coughed fairly loudly, and Pinkie bit on her lip. “Well, Rainbow Dash is a lot like Daring Do after all…”

“What? What does that have to do with anything?”

Rarity took a step forwards, drawing both sets of eyes to her. “I myself have not read the books either, but it sounds to me that in this particular case… Daring Do seems to be a lot more like Rainbow Dash, rather than the other way around— at least, in Rainbow’s interpretation.”

Twilight’s infamous eye twitch was beginning to resurface, frustrated at her friends lack of a clear explanation. They kept dancing around what they were trying to say and making it all cryptic. Normally, Twilight loved solving word games, but in this situation she would much rather they just be out with it.

“I’m not following whatever train of thought the two of you seem to have bought tickets for! What does it matter whether Rainbow Dash is like Daring Do, or whether Daring Do is like Rainbow Dash? She was inventing a homosexual relationship between Daring Do and the unicorn, Rosetta! If Daring is like Rainbow, then that would mean-” Twilight cut her own sentence short as all of a sudden the pieces began falling into place.

Her frustration seemed to melt away in light of a new thought. Out of the blue she found an answer to all of these strange occurrences. From Rainbow’s insistence on Daring and Rosetta as a couple, all the way to Rarity and Pinkie Pie’s reactions, everything seemed to make sense in a new limelight that she hadn’t even considered before; Rainbow Dash was into mares.

Realizing she had made a terrible mistake, she pushed all her effort into grabbing at her magic. She needed to get home now. Her argument with Rainbow regarding Daring Do and Manehatten Silver suddenly seemed a lot more hurtful when the bright light of her new cognition was shined upon it. Rainbow Dash was not a very sensitive pony, this Twilight knew for certain, but when love was on the line, even the toughest of ponies would crack their composure for even a moment of the bliss that often follows in love’s wake.

If Rainbow Dash really was into mares, and she had her eyes set on somepony, or more likely on some unicorn, then Twilight had just been incredibly insensitive by not realizing it and poking holes in Rainbow’s imagination. Even though she was right, and there simply was no chance for Daring and Rosetta to be together, Rainbow seemed to be attempting to live her desires through her favorite story; a self insertion of her own emotions into the main character that so closely resembled her own life. Rarity and Pinkie Pie had both been correct about Daring Do and Rainbow Dash being very similar.

Activating the magic she used to teleport, she pushed all her will into pulling her body into the library that she called home. Rarity’s boutique and her library were not exactly near each other, and the art of long range teleporting was something she hadn’t studied yet. She put it on her list of things to learn relatively soon, but she could still pull this one off with a normal teleport.

With a loud POP and a painful, yet tingly sensation that seemed to numb every inch of her body, she found herself a foot above her bed. Landing on all four hooves on the soft springy mattress, she hopped off and began dashing downstairs.

The chromatic pegasus she so longed to see had already vacated the building, most likely fleeing the home of her insensitive friend. Sadness began overtaking Twilight’s thoughts, and she suddenly realized just how tired she was. What with the strained teleport and the late hour, she was too tired to hold her emotions at bay. Giving in to the anguish she felt at Rainbow’s disappearance, she slumped to the floor, resigning herself to a cold and lonely night.

Of course Rainbow would have left. She was foolish to have thought otherwise. She realized that she shouldn’t remain here on the first floor and grudgingly got up, the effort taking more energy than it normally should have. After forcing her tired body to return to her bedroom, she laid in her bed and let a dreamless sleep permeate her night.

Oh Celestia… What do I do now?

- - - - -

The late hour had caused most of Ponyville to withdraw into the comfort of their homes, where they could all rest and retreat to the sanctums inside their dreams. The occasional pony was still up and about, though all night time errands and projects were done with delicacy. A soft silence paraded around the town, inviting all within to be as quiet as possible if one absolutely had to be out at all.

Rainbow Dash was among the ponies still up. After having left the library, she found herself flying slowly around the edge of the town, her thoughts steadily trudging through the muck that was her emotions. She was thankful for the chilly night air which was stinging at her face, causing her eyes to tear up, because it meant she had an excuse for why she was on the verge of crying. Rainbow despised crying, as sappy displays such as that were undoubtedly lame.

Yet, if she genuinely thought that, then why was she on the verge of crying now? The stinging air was just an excuse and she knew it; the real reason for her watery eyes was the heartache which made it feel like her chest was constricting in on itself. The pain and the feeling of loss only grew, and Rainbow gradually sped up in the air to match the intensity of the anguish in her gut. She tried to focus on the flapping of her wings, a monotonous action which came as easy as breathing. If she could just focus her mind on that… If she could just do it, even for a minute…

With a bit of a shock, she suddenly realized that she was going too fast to be safe. A moment later it hit her that she had also screwed her eyes shut in the attempt to block out her thoughts. She relaxed the muscles in her face, let her teeth stop their painful gritting, and opened her eyes. She wasn’t worried about hitting anything; she was flying far too high for that to be the concern. What really troubled her was that she had been flying in a straight line, no longer having the circular town below her to guide her flight path.

Now that her eyes were open, she tried to get her bearings as to where she was. Apparently she had flown very far away from the town, as Rainbow Dash found herself to be over the far end of the south field at Sweet Apple Acres. She was at the very least a mile away from Applejacks barn, possibly even two. Her eyes traveled the rows of trees below her, giving her mind a reprieve from its self deprecating thoughts. The scent of apples filled her nostrils, even at her current altitude, and it helped her mind ease out of its troubles.

She sighed wearily, preparing to head back to town. Maybe it was time she just went to bed. Late night flying was normally one of her favorite ways to relax and distract herself, but right now it just didn’t appear to be doing the trick. However, when she began the slow flight towards home, a light in the distance, yet still in the apple orchards, caught her eye. It had been hidden around the side of a hill from her previous vantage point, and once she had started to move it came directly into view.

It was a soft light, not too bright. Rainbow Dash knew that meant it wasn’t a fire, plus she hadn’t seen any smoke rising from the other side of that hill when she had first opened her eyes. Curious about what was happening, she silently closed the distance between herself and the mysterious light source. As she grew closer her mind started working out possible scenarios of what she might find when she got down there.

Images of danger and ninjas or a hidden meeting between spies in the middle of Applejack’s apple orchards danced through her mind. A small grin grew on her face, even though she knew it was probably nothing that amazing. Still, the fanciful thoughts had driven out her emotional problem, and for the moment she wasn’t even thinking about Twilight at all.

When she was close enough, she alighted in a tree softly, the only sound made being the swaying of the branches in the wind. She delicately worked her way to the other side of the tree, her wings folded to her sides as she cautiously stepped from branch to branch. At last, her vision pierced the leafy veil at the edge of the tree’s crown. She did her best to not feel disappointed by what she saw.

Applejack was awake, though just barely. It was evident to Rainbow Dash that her friend looked like she could fall asleep at any moment. Applejack plodded with a slight limp and her eyes weren’t focusing on anything at all. As she walked, the soft light that Rainbow Dash had seen from the sky was bobbing up and down, emanating from a dirty lantern filled with fireflies that hung from the earth pony’s mouth. As she moved closer into view, Rainbow could even see the bags under Applejack’s bloodshot eyes.

Rainbow was about to wonder why Applejack was even awake at such a late hour when the answer came as clear as crystal. Applejack climbed out of the harness of a cart she was pulling, one which Rainbow had not even noticed due to it being obscured in Applejack’s shadow from the lantern, and began putting out some baskets below the trees near where she had parked.

“Apple bucking? Seriously?” Rainbow Dash said out loud, startling Applejack and causing her to look around warily. Her tired eyes found Rainbow Dash as the pegasus leapt out of the tree and landed next to her, the soft crunch of dried up leaves the only noise she made upon landing. “Isn’t it way too late to be out here working, AJ?”

“Oh, it’s just you Rainbow… for a moment there I had thought that the darned wood pecker was back.” Applejack was clearly tired, as some of her words were slurring together, making her southern drawl that much harder to follow.

“You… thought that a voice in the dark would belong to a wood pecker?” Rainbow questioned, raising an eyebrow out of curiosity.

“Well, a few nights ago, it was… Hold on there RD, I don’t mind seein’ you out here, but I do have work to do. I can tell you about the wood pecker another time.” Applejack’s train of thought seemed to be derailing quite easily. Her exhaustion was so obvious that Rainbow felt even a blind pony could have seen it.

“Applejack, it’s like, already dark. Before you know it, midnight will have come and gone. Why are you out here apple bucking? You should be asleep.”

Applejack finished placing the last of the baskets below the tree and started her way towards the next one, five more baskets all wobbling on her shaky back, stacked inside one another. As she got to the next tree in her path, they all fell off and landed upside down in the dirt, the bottom most one sinking in an inch or two.

“Dang it! Uh… What was that? Sorry,” Applejack said, clearly in a bit of a daze.

“I said you should be asleep,” Rainbow explained, a hint of worry creeping into her voice. She didn’t like seeing her friend running so ragged. It reminded her of that time a few years ago, right after they had all become friends. Applejack was refusing to let anypony help her, yet she had the entire orchard, both north and south fields, to apple buck. And she had to do it all by herself.

“Oh, I know it Rainbow. I reckon I must look like I’m in a right state here.”

“Why are you out here then? Can’t you apple buck during the day, after a full nights rest?”

Applejack just sighed as she began picking up the spilt baskets. “Big Mac is really ill.” A few different emotions rose up in her as she said those words, and Rainbow hadn’t missed any of them; a hint of sadness, and concern for her brother, mixed with the teensiest amount of exasperation. Rainbow Dash knew better than to think that Applejack was upset with her sibling, and knew that she was just simply worn down to the seams. Of course Applejack would never tell anypony about it though, despite her feelings. She knew there was nothing that could be done, other than let Big Mac rest.

“Applejack… I can’t go home knowing you’re out here like this, wearing yourself down. Go get some rest. I’ll… I’ll handle the trees for you tonight.” Rainbow might not have liked the idea of apple bucking, but she was not about to let Applejack work herself ragged. How loyal of a friend could she be if she allowed the hardworking farmer to continue her self-destructive spiral, consisting of lack of sleep and exhaustion, while she flew away? Her only troubles were mental, whereas Applejack was on the verge of her body quitting on her with or without her consent.

“I don’t know RD… I mean, I reckon a good night’s sleep would do me a world of favors, but… I can’t let you be out here for me. Not like that.”

“Well that’s alright, because I’m not asking. I’ve slept in your orchards enough, I’ve watched you do this. I know what I’m in for.” Rainbow’s voice was hard as she spoke, possibly a bit too hard, allowing no room for a counter argument. Applejack must have noticed because she suddenly looked a bit worried.

“Are… are you alright, Rainbow?”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m fine. You go to sleep AJ, you’re the one who needs help here, not me,” Rainbow uttered, her voice cracking a bit. She turned her head away from Applejack.

Rainbow couldn’t lie to herself. While she was concerned for Applejack’s health and certainly did want the pony to get a good night’s rest, she was also offering to assist with the apple bucking for a more self serving reason. Her brief talk with Applejack had reminded her of her own problems, which she had been out trying to forget by flying. Perhaps working hard and helping a friend at the same time might be exactly what she needed. She could let Applejack get some rest, and could also try and distract her own mind with arduous labor.

However, Applejack hadn’t left yet and Rainbow was finding it hard to keep her emotions down until the orange mare had finally gone. Applejack had already started to pick up on something hidden beneath Rainbow Dash’s façade, and if one thing was certain, she wasn’t about to leave until she had found out what it was.

“Rainbow Dash, I’m the bearer of Honesty, not Stupidity. I can tell when somepony’s tellin’ the truth and when they’re not. You’re hidin’ somethin’. You can talk to me RD, please. You can’t leave me out here working myself to death the same way that I can’t leave you out here knowing you need a friend to talk to.” Applejack did her best to set herself into a determined position. Her effort was admirable, considering how tired she felt, and she fought to keep her attention squarely on Rainbow Dash. As long as the pegasus had something bothering her, Applejack intended on staying. After all, she was already going to be out here by herself in the first place.

Rainbow trotted over to the tree that Applejack was at and took the baskets from her, balancing them on her outstretched wings. “You need to talk to a pillow more than I need to talk to a friend. Go home AJ.” Her voice felt stiff and scratchy, aided by the fact that her throat had gone dry. Trying to hide her thoughts was getting more and more difficult the longer Applejack stayed out here.

She evaded looking into her friend’s eyes whilst she set up the baskets around the tree. She knew that Applejack would be able to see right past all of her bluffing if she did.

“Alright then sugar-cube, you win.” Rainbow Dash blinked twice before allowing herself a glance in Applejack’s direction. “I won’t pressure you into talkin’ if you really don’t want to. I reckon you’ll be tellin’ me when you’re good and ready anyways.” Applejack turned around and appeared to be walking back the way she had come, causing Rainbow to let out a small sigh of relief as she turned back to the task at hoof. She had successfully kept her poker face the entire time, and now Applejack was going to leave her be.

Or so she had thought. The sound of wood bending in a metal frame caught her ears and she turned around, a grimace of exasperation ruining her attempt at appearing calm and collected. Her eyes widened wearily as she watched Applejack get back into the harness at the front of the cart. Once she had set herself inside, she began to pull it with all her might, her whole body etched in a gruesomely exhausted pain.

“Applejack, what are you doing!? I thought you just said you were going to go back!” Rainbow was unable to keep her tone at a reasonable level. The pitch in her voice rose, almost to a yell. Applejack didn’t seem to mind though, or perhaps she didn’t even notice, as her response only came in between strenuous grunts.

“No, I did not say that…” she began, periodically stopping her talking to heave in large gulps of air. She looked even worse than she did when Rainbow had first arrived. “If’n you’ll think about it, I said I wouldn’t pressure you into talkin’ to me about your obvious problem. That don’t mean I am gonna quit tonight. It just means I have somepony helpin’ me out of the kindness of their heart.”

“So what, you’re not going to go home and sleep unless I spill the beans on my love prob-!?” Rainbow caught herself mid sentence, her face frozen in place. Her eyes slowly widened as she looked right into Applejack’s, knowing she had slipped up big. Applejack had stopped pulling the cart and was now directly in front of Rainbow Dash, a knowing expression having wound itself around her tired eyes.

“Your words, not mine,” was all that Applejack said, her voice hardly above a whisper.

Rainbow looked at the ground, her lower lip quivering slightly. She couldn’t keep the emotions suppressed any longer. Her sudden relief at Applejack leaving had lowered her defenses, and then when the orange mare turned out to have stayed, she had been too surprised to properly prepare herself again. All of her problems came boiling over, spilling over the sides of her aching heart.

Her breath hitched before wrenching through her esophagus, a broken sob echoing past her lips. Her legs trembled suddenly and threatened to collapse underneath her. She found herself on her knees with months and months of longing and secret affection about to spill out onto the ground.

What am I doing!? What am I thinking!? I can’t do this here! I… I have to get away!

Right as she was about to wildly flap her wings in an attempt to throw herself in any direction at all, she found something heavy had positioned itself beside her, unintentionally pinning her right wing to her body. Applejack had gotten out of the harness of the cart and had sat down beside her, wrapping her left foreleg over the pegasus’ back.

No words were spoken as Applejack sat there, comforting her forlorn friend. The stars in the sky twinkled brightly, seemingly framing the full moon in the sky. Soft beams that were reflected from it landed all throughout the orchard, bathing the entire area in a soft twilight that made the entire situation seem slightly surreal. Applejack was having trouble not dozing off, but she knew that she couldn’t do that right now, no matter what. She had never seen Rainbow Dash so broken up before, and there was no way she was about to let her friend feel like she was alone.

Rainbow Dash, however, did feel alone. She felt like she was experiencing more loneliness now than she had even felt the day that she left the empty house where she grew up. Her teeth were gritting themselves together fiercely, doing their best to aid her in a desperate plea to stop the tirade of sadness. Even with Applejack’s presence, the words Twilight had said before still echoed through her mind, each repetition tolling the arrival of a new ache in her body.

The way that Twilight had spoken about Daring and Rosetta was not just in finality that the couple itself was illogical. Had that been the only point, Dash wouldn’t have felt her world crashing around her. No, what really struck her like a thunderstorm in a crystal forest was the way that Twilight had seemed to think that ponies like Daring and Rosetta just wouldn’t work out in general. Twilight was completely oblivious to the way that Rainbow was feeling, and that only amplified the thought. Sure, Twilight hadn’t said the words ‘It’ll never work between us Rainbow,’ but it didn’t matter. The way she spoke, the irritation in her voice as Dash tried to defend her romantic ideal, all of it.

Twilight doesn’t think that two ponies like me and her could be in love.

Applejack stood up as a wing roughly pushed against her, forcing her to retract her hoof from around Rainbow’s neck. “Rainbow, wha –?” she began, but she was cut off as Rainbow stood up and swiftly began galloping at full speed towards the closest apple tree.

With as fierce a roar as she could muster, she crashed full force into the bark, causing more damage to her own head than the tree. The tree wasn’t unblemished from the hit though, and looked as if it had been struck by an oncoming bull. Rainbow Dash, however, was bleeding from a head wound.

Fighting nausea and the desire to just give in, she backed up a little ways and stood still, or at least as still as she could. Tremors wracked her body as she glared daggers at the tree she had collided with; her intention had been to knock herself unconscious. She reared onto her hind legs momentarily before letting out a wild bellow for the second time in twenty seconds. Applejack, despite her exhaustion, ran in front her in an attempt to prevent her from harming herself further. She wished she had only had the sense to prevent the first collision, but she hadn’t realized just what Rainbow had been about to do.

“Move out of the way, Applejack!” Rainbow yelled as she skidded to a stop, clearly disoriented in her pain and her dizziness. Had she been thinking straight, she could have just as easily turned around and gone after a different tree. After all, she was in an orchard, but her attention was now on the fact that Applejack had blocked her, and the logical conclusion of just picking a new target was a ways out of her reach.

“What, and let you risk breakin’ your neck!? You’re lucky as it is the first hit didn’t give you a concussion!”

Rainbow grit her teeth, her sadness slowly being overtaken by fury and rage. She was mad at everything. At Twilight for being so heartlessly cruel; at Applejack for preventing her from venting her pain on the stupid tree; and at herself for having sunk into such a low state of grief in the first place. She wasn’t about to let herself fall prey to her trembling body again, and there was no way she was about to continue her uncomfortable sobbing. No, the only thing left for her to do was smash herself against that offensive tree repeatedly until either she or it was nothing but tinder.

“I get you’re mad, ragin’ at the world, RD. I really get it!” Rainbow let out a slight breath, her eyes softening slightly. She still felt angry, but somehow Applejack’s voice seemed to calm her enough to listen further. “I don’t know what happened, I don’t know who broke your heart, but whoever it is I don’t think that they deserve you, Rainbow!”

Her anger dropped away almost instantly, shock pulling at her eyes and her mouth from what she had heard Applejack say. “W-what?”

“I said, I don’t think they deserve you,” Applejack repeated, walking up to Rainbow and hugging her tight around her neck. “Look at what you’re going through because of this. Like I said, I don’t rightly know what happened to you, but if they could put you in this state, then…”

“S-she doesn’t know I love her…”

Applejack was silent for a moment before continuing, her voice more akin to Fluttershy’s level of volume. “Then she don’t know what she’s missin’, Rainbow.” She pulled back from her hug, keeping her hooves on the pegasus’ shoulders. She smiled softly at her, her touch and her kindness speaking more to Rainbow than she could have even imagined.

Rainbow looked into Applejack’s eyes and saw just how tired the pony was; what it had really taken for her to stay out here with Rainbow and help keep her together. She felt immense gratitude rush through her, creating a weird feeling as it mixed with her sorrow. She still felt depressed about the thought of Twilight, but it didn’t cause her to want to crash against the tree anymore. She let out a sigh, her eyes tearing up slightly, but she couldn’t be sure of which emotion had sparked it. She looked downwards and let her eyes rove the ground near her hooves.

With a bit of a shock, she suddenly realized she was really in need of a bath. Her entire coat was messy, her legs and belly covered in soil, and her mane matted in many places due to congealed blood. Salty tears had mixed with the blood that dripped down her face and created a strange tangy taste that she now felt every time she tried to lick her lips.

A pang of guilt wormed its way into her stomach as she realized that she now just wanted to go home. Here she had been, promising to help AJ so that the orange mare could go get some rest, and what did she do? She broke down, unintentionally revealing a good chunk of her problems to her friend, and making her have to stay out here and help her. She turned her eyes back towards Applejack’s, who was still standing in front of her, her tired eyes staying focused on Rainbow Dash’s.

“Uhm… AJ. I, uh… well-” Applejack cut her off, shaking her head slowly, amused by Rainbow’s stuttering.

“Rainbow Dash,” – Applejack spoke her name forcefully as if trying to say ‘no buts’ – “you’re gonna come with me back to my home and you’re going to clean yourself up. Then, when you’re feeling all better, you’re going to sleep in our guest bedroom. No flying home this late at night on my watch.” Applejack seemed to get the idea that Rainbow felt bad about the apple tree’s and decided that it would just be best if they both called it a night.

Rainbow just nodded in solemn agreement, looking forward to getting some rest. She just wanted this night to be over with. Perhaps tomorrow she would feel better; or at the very least, she could act like it. Nopony would question it if she put up the image of her normal, self-assured attitude.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash began trotting tiredly back in the direction of the farmhouse, the cart and the apple baskets left behind for Applejack to tend to the following morning. As they slowly walked, bathed in the soft light of the lantern in Applejack’s mouth once again, a single errant thought flittered around in Rainbow Dash’s head, perhaps her subconscious grasping for any form of a silver lining.

At least I never admitted to Applejack that it was Twilight…

- - - - -

“…Applejack? What are you-?” Twilight began, questioning why the extremely bedraggled farmer had been knocking so hard on her front door. She had every right to be confused as by her time keeping it was well after midnight. Applejack had cut her off though with a look that clearly said “I’ll be the one doing the talking.”

“I’ll be brief, as I’m more tired than… than…” Too tired to think of how to say just how tired she really was, she shook her head violently for a quick second and then started over. “I mean, you and I are switching homes tonight. No ifs, ands, buts, or whines. Normally, I wouldn’t impose myself on your home like this, but frankly I must insist Twilight.”

Twilight’s confusion was paramount as she cantered backwards, realizing that Applejack was still standing outside. It took a moment for her dazed friend to realize that the path was clear, and when she finally noticed the empty doorway, she stumbled over the threshold and swiftly crashed onto her face.

“Applejack!” Twilight cried out, quickly assisting her back to her hooves and closing the door behind her with her magic. “Are you okay? You look terrible.”

“I’m just exhausted is all… Now quit stallin’ and hoof it over to my farm! It’s where you’re needed.” Applejack fixed Twilight with a stern look, which was only intensified at the incredible bags under her eyes and the way her jaw had locked into a grimace. It wasn’t anger planted throughout her demeanor, but simple exasperation. Whatever had happened at the farm was obviously quite disastrous, as it seemed to have put Applejack so far out of her element that she thought trading homes was a good idea.

“Now, hold on. You wake me at –” Twilight quickly checked the clock on the wall above the romance novels “– one in the morning, and just expect me to dash over to your farm? What in the hay happened?” Twilight was worried that she might have come across as irritated, even though that was something she wasn’t feeling at all. If she was honest with herself, she didn’t mind waking up to help her friends; they were the most important ponies in the world to her after all, and she’d do anything for them. But this? Switching homes? What good would that do?

Has Applejack lost her mind? She looks tired enough for that to be true…

“Yes, I do expect that Twilight. Rainbow Dash is there and she’s in a bad way. Right now, you’re the only pony who can fix it. I don’t care what you do once you realize what has to be done. That’s up to you, and only you can decide what is right, but right now I am too tired to think straight and all I care about is getting in a bed, and quite frankly I don’t care whose house it happens to be in.”

Applejack wasn’t angry with Twilight. It wasn’t Twilight’s fault that she hadn’t cottoned on to Rainbow Dash’s feelings yet. Ultimately, she didn’t care whether Twilight would reciprocate Rainbow’s feelings or not, as neither answer would make her think less of Twilight in the slightest. Where a pony places their heart is not to be judged by a friend, and if Twilight didn’t love Rainbow the same way, then that was simply the way it was. However, she was too tired and too done with the problem to let it persist longer. Her tired brain had crafted together what she considered to be the ultimate plan.

As Rainbow Dash was at the farmhouse, then that was obviously where Twilight needed to be in order for them to be together to chat. Also, Applebloom happened to be camping out in her tree house with the other Cutie Mark Crusaders, and as Big Mac was in the hospital with the flu, Granny Smith was there keeping an eye on him. Rainbow Dash and Twilight would have the entire night to figure out their dilemma and sort through it to a conclusion that would leave neither party in an emotional and sticky mess.

Twilight looked incredibly nervous once Applejack had explained why she was needed at the farmhouse. The way that Applejack had worded it didn’t make sense to her either, and an alarm was going off in her head telling her to fall back and analyze the situation. However, she didn’t have time to do that as she suddenly found herself being scooted out of the library’s front door. She hadn’t even noticed when Applejack reopened it. Once she had been fully pushed over the entryway, Applejack retreated back inside and then closed the door, locking it shut. She hollered a good night through the locked door, which Twilight was too flustered to even respond to. Once she had gotten a good understanding of what had transpired, she stood up, brushing the dirt from her haunches.

“I could just teleport back inside you know!” she called out, listening intently for a response. When none came, she huffed slightly, her previous worry slowly creeping back into her gut. Despite her claim, she knew that she really did have to go and talk to Dash. If Rainbow really was so upset that Applejack felt the need to come here and get her at one in the morning, then it was obvious to her that their argument at sunset about Daring Do and Rosetta had been the spark.

Once again, sharp claws of regret gripped at her chest, putting extra emphasis over her heart. She grit her teeth, remembering how cruel her words must have seemed to her best friend. If only she hadn’t been so ignorant of what Rainbow had been implying. If only she had known that Rainbow was in love with some mare, then she would have been so much more understanding of Rainbow’s position, she was sure of it. For one thing, she most certainly wouldn’t have tried to prove to Rainbow so fervently why the relationship was impossible. How must that have come across in Rainbow’s ears? Twilight telling her wholeheartedly that something she desired so strongly was not even remotely possible.

But just then the words that Applejack had said came floating back, their meaning seeming slightly obscured in Twilight’s memory. What was it that Applejack had said? Only Twilight could fix it? Well, she guessed that made a sort of sense… After all, she had been the one who upset Rainbow Dash. But then she had said that she didn’t care what Twilight did once she knew what was the right thing to do. That didn’t make any sense at all. The right thing to do was apologize to her friend, anypony could see that! Why would Applejack say that when it was obvious from the get go what had to be done?

All of a sudden, everything clicked inside her head. She realized that there was missing data on this problem. What Applejack had said simply didn’t make any sense with what Twilight knew about the situation. Obviously there was just more information that she was unaware of. She prided herself on being incredibly intuitive however, and almost immediately picked up on what she was missing. It felt like it had hit her right across the face, causing the remorse gripping at her heart to squeeze even harder.

All the data, every little bit of it, pointed to one simple, logical conclusion; Rainbow Dash was in love with her.

She suddenly found herself galloping as fast and as hard as she could, her mind thinking about her destination and her heart thinking about a particular chromatic pegasus.

- - - - -

Twilight reached the end of the dirt path leading to Sweet Apple Acres in record time, her panting and wheezing causing her to deeply regret her entire life’s choices up to this point. She leaned against a gatepost at the entrance to the front yard to catch her breath and still her racing heart. Sweat matted her fur and she lightly ran a hoof through her wet mane.

After a solid three minutes of heavy breathing, she was finally starting to get her heart to beat at a proper pace again; her joints, however, still ached. She felt a throbbing in her back legs right above her ankles which made walking hurt quite a bit. Sitting didn’t help the throbbing go away either. She smiled sheepishly to no one in particular as she realized that she might have wanted to stretch a bit before she went on such a long run.

Regardless, she had wasted enough time recuperating from her physical exertion. She took another deep breath, this time for the purpose of steadying her thoughts. She held it in for a moment, feeling the pressure within her lungs, before she let it out through her nose and began trotting towards the front porch of the farmhouse.

For the first time since she had arrived did she really take in the sight. Moonlight plastered the framework and caused its normally vibrant colors to glow softly, a sharp contrast to the dark silhouettes of the rolling hills stretching out behind it. Only two rooms in the building had any lights on, and lucky for her, one of them was the front room which also doubled as the kitchen. A smile briefly touched her lips as she realized that Applejack had probably left it on for her so she wouldn’t hurt herself stepping over the threshold.

She slowly cantered up onto the porch, wincing slightly as it groaned and creaked beneath each and every hoofstep she took. At last, she reached the door which was thankfully unlocked; again, the orange farm pony thinking ahead for Twilight’s sake. She gently pushed it inwards and stepped inside, her eyes darting around the room as she tentatively worked her body all the way past the open door. A slam coming from right behind her caused her to jump a bit, her heart racing to high speed beats once more.

Quickly turning around, she saw that the front door had closed. She let out a deep sigh as she recalled that the door was on a spring. Momentarily doing a breathing exercise to calm her excited heart, she once again regained control over her body. However, it didn’t last long, as when she turned around to face the hallway which led to the staircase, she remembered that somewhere in this house was Rainbow Dash.

The pegasus was quite possibly asleep, and if that was the case, then… Well, Twilight wasn’t sure. Did she dare wake her up? She briefly wondered whether she was better off just waiting till the morning when she recalled that the kitchen was not the only room with lights on. The other room was one of the bedrooms on the second floor. It was possible that it was one of Applejacks family members, but at the same time, Twilight strongly doubted it. Farmers were early to rise, though tonight seemed to be a rare exception to that rule in Applejack’s case.

She began to trot towards the staircase, winding her way through the hall. Her eyes passed over the pictures that Applejack’s family had placed on the walls. She recalled that a good percentage of their photographs remained in their treasured family albums, but some of their favorites had been placed in articulate frames, forever showing to friends and family alike the times that were the happiest for the Apple’s. She briefly paused looking at the one picture which hung a foot lower than all the others.

Most of the pictures were all level with Twilight’s head, but this one was special. It had been placed at an easier to view height for the littlest of ponies in the Apple family. Twilight’s eyes danced over the smiling faces of the six ponies in the photograph, the Applebloom in the picture not even old enough to recall the day that it had been taken. The entire family just looked so warm and happy.

Twilight slowly turned and continued down the hall, her mind making the journey towards her own familial bonds. She may be a full grown pony now and living on her own, but she would always cherish the memories she had from growing up, living with her big brother and her parents. They all still loved one another, even if they were separated and living under different roofs in entirely different cities.

Her hoof lightly thumped against the bottommost stair before she’d even realized it was there, dragging her mind back to the present. Suddenly, a new thought came to her. She’d never really considered it before, but her parents and her brother were not the only family she’d ever have. One day, she would have her own special somepony, and while it may not be a family by blood, it would become every bit as important.

Before she’d even realized it, she found that she was thinking about Rainbow Dash. A slight blush spread to her cheeks as her jaw worked slowly, trying to pull the burning sensation out of her muzzle. She wasn’t sure why, as she still felt remorse for her actions earlier that night, but the idea that somepony liked her in that way… Quite possibly even loved her… Twilight bit her lip as a smile quivered its way into existence. She wasn’t sure how she felt about Rainbow, but she couldn’t deny the warmth that seemed to spread through her body at the thought, slightly alleviating her heart from the icy grip of her regret.

A renewed vigor in her steps, she climbed the stairs and found herself on the second floor. Not sure how to prepare herself for what was to come, but also aware that she simply had to just do it, she knocked on the only door which had light crawling through the crack below it. Surely just talking with Rainbow would help sort out her feelings, and she’d know before the night was out how she truly felt.

- - - - -

Rainbow Dash lay awake on the top of the bed in her temporary room. She had heard a crash ring out from the first floor. She easily identified the disturbance as the front door to the farmhouse slamming shut on its own. It had happened to her too many times for her to forget what it sounded like. She had taken a moment to glance out the window and saw that there wasn’t anypony outside, which meant that somepony had just come in. She chalked it up to probably just being Applebloom, coming in from her sleepover in the Cutie Mark Crusader’s tree house.

The noise from downstairs didn’t actually bother her in the slightest. While she was certainly tired, she hadn’t been close to falling asleep. Her mind was still wandering the dense forest that was currently her emotions. It was trying to form a feasible solution to all of her problems at once, which didn’t seem to be working. She rubbed her right temple with a hoof briefly, wondering what tomorrow would bring, when there was a sharp knock on her bedroom door. Three knocks to be exact.

As far as she knew, Applejack had gone to bed, and there was no reason why Applebloom would be coming to talk to her. Who the heck could it be?

“Rainbow Dash…?” a kind voice called in through the closed door. Rainbow’s breathing stopped all at once, and her brain felt like it had been shocked by a jolt from a thunderhead cloud. That voice could only belong to Twilight Sparkle.

She sat up, the bed squeaking under her a bit. She fought to find her voice and when she finally spoke, it came out slightly raspy, her throat having gone dry. “W-who is it…?” she asked, a nervous tension filling her mind. She desperately wanted the voice to say any name but Twilight’s, but in the back of her mind, she knew it was her. She had memorized the way that voice sounded, and she couldn’t possibly mistake it for anypony else. But still, if that was Twilight on the other side of the door, then that would mean…

“It’s Twilight. Can I come in?” Twilight spoke, her voice sounding a little too normal. A forced casualness had entered inside of it that Rainbow had caught onto pretty quickly. It wasn’t a bad sign, but it revealed that Twilight was trying to keep something inside. A sinking feeling swarmed into Rainbow’s gut as her mind immediately jumped to the worst case scenario.

She knows how I feel. She knows, and she’s here to reject me. How…? How could she know…?

A couple of seconds rolled past and she hadn’t said anything in response. She didn’t know what to say. Her mind sounded so convincing with the belief that Twilight was here to reject her. That plague was spreading to every corner of her thoughts. It was harsh and caused her heart to squirm even worse than before, but it seemed closer to the truth than anything else possibly could at this moment.

“I’m… I’m coming in, Rainbow,” Twilight said, the sound of the doorknob already rotating in the soft glow of her magic.

A gentle creak announced Twilight’s presence as she stepped into the room. She looked really tired, but not necessarily from lack of sleep. Rainbow had the impression that Twilight had just run a marathon. Twilight’s mane, hanging slick and loose over her neck, swayed slightly against her matted fur as she moved the short distance between her and the bed Rainbow was on. Her tail was hanging and trailing slightly on the floor. The only part of her appearance that didn’t look bedraggled was her face.

Twilight’s eyes, however, were not sparkling with the sadness of being about to turn somepony down. Rather, they seemed to have a slight glow about them, only made more curious by the fact that she was doing her best to hide a nervous smile. Both her ears were turned towards Dash, not slunk back against her head.

Rainbow Dash was more than a bit confused.

“Hi… Twilight…”

“Hi yourself…”

They stayed motionless for a moment, both ponies wondering what the next move was, and who was going to make it. After about ten seconds of silence, Twilight shuffled her weight a bit between her hooves before making a slight cough, apparently having decided that it was up to her.

“Rainbow, I don’t… I have no words for this, really. It’s… not something that’s ever happened to me before, actually… Words failing me like this…” Her smile faltered for a moment, revealing the nervous tension beneath it that only Twilight could pull off. “I’m just going to jump right into it. No preamble, okay?”

Rainbow just nodded, not entirely sure what a preamble was.

Twilight looked slightly relieved, and her eyes closed momentarily, a look of relaxation just beginning to exude from her expression. She breathed out deeply and opened her eyes, a look of determination set deep within them. She appeared to finally be ready to do whatever it was that she had obviously set out this night to accomplish.

“Rainbow, I am so sorry for what I said earlier, in regards to Daring Do and Rosetta. I didn’t know how important it was to you, and I must have sounded so insensitive. My words must have really stung.”

Rainbow was about to say something when Twilight gave her a look, as if saying “Please just let me finish.” She closed her mouth and bit her lip, not so sure Twilight was here to reject her anymore, but also not certain what the unicorn’s actual goal was. Was it just to apologize?

“I spoke with Rarity and Pinkie Pie briefly about it, and they helped me see how what I had said must have caused you a lot of heartache. I am so sorry Rainbow. I didn’t know that…” Twilight gulped slightly before continuing. “I didn’t know that you liked mares.” Twilights eyes immediately turned down towards the ground, a slight blush rising in her cheeks that Rainbow didn’t miss. Her eyes had not lost any of their determination and after getting the heat in her cheeks under control she turned back up and looked Dash straight in the eyes once more.

Somehow, before Twilight even spoke, Rainbow Dash knew what was about to be said. Her throat constricted painfully and she found her breaths to be much harder to come by. Still, she listened intently, not wanting to miss a single word of what Twilight was about to say.

“I also didn’t know… that you liked me.”

Sparks flew. Whether good or bad, Rainbow wasn’t sure. Her dread had come true though. Twilight knew about her secret feelings for her. Dash’s breathing sped up, despite the pain it caused from her closed off throat, and her heart began to beat wildly within her ribcage. For the second time that night, tears began to leak from her eyes and she immediately shoved her hooves into them, trying to stem the flow as best she could. Damnit, why do I keep CRYING!?

There she sat, waiting for Twilight to continue, silently crying into her hooves. After another stretch of silence where neither of them spoke, Rainbow slowly lowered her front legs back to her lap, her eyes taking in Twilight’s visage. She couldn’t tell what Twilight was thinking, however, as the unicorn appeared to be waiting for her to make the next move. Rainbow’s heart desperately wanted resolution to this conversation, to know whether it should get ready to be crushed or not.

Before, Rainbow was positive that Twilight had come here to reject her, but now she wasn’t one hundred percent certain of that. Twilight had not been talking as a pony about to tell her ‘no’, but more like a pony who had merely finally understood something that had eluded her for so long. She cursed Twilight’s lack of a telltale sign which would signify how she was feeling and decided she needed to just speak her mind. Her mouth opened and her throat released a bit of its tension, allowing her to speak, if only for a moment.

“H-how did you know I was here…?” was what she heard herself say. She mentally slapped herself, mad that she hadn’t asked what Twilight felt about her, but when it came time to put her cards down on the table, she had hesitated. Perhaps part of her didn’t want to find out?

Twilight coughed slightly, clearing her throat. Her brows knitted together, slight confusion playing across her face. That wasn’t what she had expected Rainbow to ask first. “Applejack came to the library and woke me. She’s still there now, most likely asleep.” Her voice, while not inflected with a nervous tension, was still small. Obviously she found it hard to speak as well after having voiced her realizations of what Dash was feeling.

Despite everything currently happening, Rainbow Dash still managed to splutter a bit at Twilight’s response. “W-what? Applejack did?” Confusion rose up, combining itself with her frustrations and her fears. If Applejack had gone to get Twilight, then that would mean that she had somehow known who the subject of Rainbow’s affection was. Rainbow’s mind blasted back over her encounter with the orange mare an hour or two previous, and not once had she said that it was Twilight, she was positive. How then had Applejack known?

“Yes, is that a problem…?” Twilight warily asked, not sure if Rainbow was leading to something with her shock that Applejack had gone to wake her.

“No, I… I guess not…” One of Rainbow’s wings twitched slightly against her side as she turned her gaze away from Twilight’s eyes and stared down at her own hooves.

It seemed that Twilight had given up on waiting for Rainbow Dash to make the next move, and with a slight intake of air, she began to speak once more. “Rainbow, I’m… To be honest, I’m flattered that you think that way about me. I never expected it though, not from a mare or a stallion. I actually haven’t even really considered anything like this before.

“As a filly, other ponies would talk about crushes, or liking somepony. I was never interested… All I cared about at the time was my studies.” Twilight shuffled her hooves a bit, biting her lip once again before continuing. “It never seemed very important as I grew older, either. Before I knew it, I was an adult, and I had moved here. Suddenly I had friends, and I realized just how important that was in and of itself. I couldn’t believe what I’d been missing! I thought I’d found everything I’d ever need, and… so the idea of romance just… never really came around. I wasn’t looking for anything more than what I had already found. I was… well, still am… happy,” she explained, a smile briefly lighting up her face. Now that she was talking, she found it much easier to continue. Before she knew it, she was even pacing, showing just how comfortable she felt being able to explain all of this to Dash.

Rainbow Dash, having been listening intently to Twilight’s voice, now also turned her eyes towards her. She watched as Twilight strode back and forth from one side of the room to the other, talking the entire time about the things she had learned regarding friendship and what it had meant to her. Many times she would briefly touch on something that had happened which Rainbow had actually been present during, but she never interrupted Twilight to say so. This was partially due to the fact that even in their current situation, she was still mesmerized by listening to Twilight’s voice. It was just… comforting.

But a bigger reason was that Twilight didn’t seem nervous anymore, and this helped put Rainbow at ease more than anything. Twilight hadn’t said whether she felt that it would work between the two of them or not, but she had made it clear that it didn’t bother her how Rainbow felt. The cloud of worry and fear inside of Rainbow’s chest squirmed slightly as it gradually began to dissipate. Even if Twilight didn’t want to be her girlfriend, it didn’t seem like their friendship was in any danger.

Rainbow continued to listen to Twilight, but at the same time her mind was piecing together data like a jigsaw puzzle. Ultimately, from what she could determine, there were two outcomes here, maybe three. The first option, and obviously the one that she hoped for the most, was that Twilight accepted her advances and decided to give the two of them a chance. The second option was that Twilight turned her down, but as was already clear, it wouldn’t be with disgust or dislike; it would be that she simply liked Rainbow as a friend.

However, by far the worst outcome would be if Twilight told her that she wasn’t sure and wanted to just stay friends for now and see how she felt later. Rainbow recalled from a book somewhere that such a thing was called ‘procrastination’, and as prone to data gathering and logical thinking as Twilight was, she could very well procrastinate so as to make an informed decision. Rainbow’s mind twisted agonizingly at the thought of spending an unknown amount of time waiting for Twilight to make a decision on something so important to her.

Twilight abruptly stopped her pacing directly in front of the bed and sat down onto her haunches; or at least to Rainbow it had been abrupt. She hadn’t realized it, as she thought she could multi-task listening to Twilight and thinking about everything at the same time, but it appeared she had failed. She wasn’t sure how much of Twilight’s talk she had missed, but she silently admonished herself for letting her attention wander. She directed her gaze firmly on Twilight, resolving not to let it happen again.

“But it was like she said… Do you remember?” Twilight asked, expectantly waiting for Rainbow to respond. She seemed to think that Rainbow’s current depth of attention had been retroactive.

“Uh, no, not exactly…” Rainbow muttered, hoping that Twilight wouldn’t cotton on to the fact that she didn’t even know who they were talking about.

“That’s okay, it was at the beginning of the book, and she wasn’t too important anyways…” Twilight waved a hoof dismissively and Rainbow let out a small sigh of relief. Twilight was going to continue now and she’d find out who it was that they were talking about anyways.

“Despite that, one of the few lines she had had in the book before Daring Do left the city always stayed with me, and I think now I know why. ‘Nopony can go back and start a new beginning, but anypony can start today and make a new ending.’ Do you know what that means, Rainbow Dash?” A blush had crept up into Twilight’s cheeks, and while she did avert her eyes towards one of the bed posts, she made no attempt to hide it.

Rainbow just shook her head, her mouth open slightly as she pondered on what Twilight had meant.

“I didn’t think so.” Twilight giggled slightly and slowly got to her hooves, a small and happy smile covering her lips. “What it means Rainbow” – Twilight began to walk around the bed, her eyes chancing a glance at Rainbow briefly before she blinked and locked them on the bed – “is that while I may not have given it much thought before, it doesn’t mean I can’t now.”

Rainbow gasped slightly as Twilight sat herself down on the bed, a few inches being the only thing separating them. The smile on Twilight’s face had only grown in size. “You mean…?” Rainbow stopped and swallowed, her throat preventing her from completing her thought. Her heart had begun to beat wildly again, but this time for a different reason.

Twilight looked at her, her eyes showing no hesitation, and cupped Rainbow Dash’s left hoof with both of her own. “Yes. I want to try… us.” Twilight’s smile grew even more when she saw Rainbow’s reaction. The pegasus’ eyes grew wide and her mouth fell into a smile distorted with pure shock. She lifted her hoof free of Twilight’s and quickly pulled her into a hug, partially so that Twilight couldn’t see the tears of joy that had begun pooling at the bottom of her eyes.

Twilight hesitated briefly before returning the hug, not quite with the same gusto as Rainbow, but definitely not too far from it. Rainbow Dash just squeezed even tighter, overjoyed that she was actually hugging Twilight the way she had always wanted to; with all of her heart poured into it.

Neither one of them paid attention to how much time had passed, but each one had a different reason for it. Twilight, always so logical and introspective, had just made a decision on the fly. It was only a few hours previous that she had even learned that Rainbow Dash liked mares, and even less time still when she had put together that it was specifically her that the affection flowed towards. She had to admit, she had briefly considered telling Rainbow to wait as she wanted to study up on the subject, but when she saw the Apple family pictures on the wall she realized that creating a family wasn’t something you studied; it was something you learned through experience.

Granted, she wasn’t quite at the familial stage yet, but every relationship had to start somewhere. She genuinely felt happy at the thought that Rainbow liked her in that way, and she wanted to see where it would lead. Naturally, she had to say yes. She wasn’t sure how she would feel, but if she never gave it a chance, then nothing would ever happen anyways.

She lightly pushed away from Rainbow, positioning herself directly in front of the love struck pegasus, her hooves still on cyan shoulders. She gazed into Rainbow’s eyes and for the first time truly saw how deep the love went. Rainbow’s feelings tied directly in with her loyalty, and it created an inexhaustible wellspring of affection. Twilight was thrilled to see it, just more data affirming her decision to give this a chance as being a correct one.

Her eyes trailed down the pegasus’ face, locking onto her smiling mouth. Twilight felt a blush rise to her cheeks as a thought entered her mind, causing her left ear to twitch slightly, as if perturbed by an unexpected touch. Before the thought could pass, she grabbed hold of it with all of her strength and bent it into a question, one aimed directly at Rainbow. She had already jumped into the relationship and felt no regrets; perhaps this would be the same.

“Rainbow Dash, may I… may I kiss you?” Twilight blushed harder than she had ever done, but she didn’t dare look away. Shock played out momentarily across Rainbow’s features, but it was quickly abandoned as she nodded slowly.

Both ponies sat there, waiting for the other to lean in first. After three seconds in which neither of them had made any progress, they both lunged forwards at the same time. They were surprised by the synchronicity of their movements, but it didn’t prevent either of them from kissing the other.

There was no fireworks, no cannons going off, and Twilight had even misjudged where Rainbow’s lips would be, an error caused by the two of them moving at the same time. Even with all of those things, it was still Twilight’s first kiss and her eyes fluttered closed as her entire body relaxed.

Twilight had never felt happier.

She pulled away after a few moments of contact and looked right back into Rainbow’s eyes, searching for the wealth of affection contained within them. It was even easier to find than the first time, as it had been stagnant before. Now, however, it was roiling with a fire that Twilight also felt was within her. Perhaps she did not have as much love as Rainbow Dash did, but it did not matter. She felt happy here, and she knew that there was no other pony she’d rather be with. Her love would build with time.

Twilight suddenly yawned and she recalled just how late it was. Rainbow Dash, getting the brunt of the yawn right in her face, followed suit. They both smiled and knew that they were thinking the exact same thing.

Twilight got to her knees and gently hobbled across the bed to the other side. Using her magic, the blankets pulled out from underneath her and Rainbow, causing the startled pegasus to fall onto her back, her head landing on her pillow. Twilight grinned at her and followed suit, getting comfortable and making the blanket tuck in over top of and around them. With one last push of her will, the lights in the room dissipated.

The only light in the room left to be removed was the glow from Twilight’s horn, which cast a purple hue over everything and caused the room to feel as if it was bathed in the very aura from which Twilight had gotten her name. She had not cut the flow of her magic just yet, as she wanted the last thing she saw this night to be the pools of affection inside of Rainbow’s lidded eyes. The pegasus was obviously just as exhausted as she was after such a long night and was equally okay with going to sleep, especially since she was going to be sleeping with Twilight.

Closing her eyes and canceling the glow from her horn, Twilight rolled over and snuggled her back up against Rainbow’s chest. Two sets of legs wrapped around her and held her tight as she slowly attuned her own breathing to match Rainbow’s. She kissed one of Rainbow’s hooves, stifling a small laugh as it twitched slightly at the touch of her lips.

Rainbow’s voice, strong and coltish, yet bursting at the seams with a warmth that made Twilight push against her harder, flowed across her ears. “Good night Twilight. Sweet dreams.”

“Good night Rainbow…” Twilight said, as she began to drift off to sleep, more comfortable in Rainbow’s hooves than she had ever been alone. Just as she was about to leave consciousness behind, a stray thought flew through her mind. Twilight couldn’t believe how much had changed, all in just one night.

Comments

[BronyPonyMan]

AHHHHH!!!! the feelings! they feel so mushy and awesome! loved it!

[eclyptic moon]

this competition is going to be amazing!

i liked the ending for this one most though from what i have read... it gave me so many feels

[AuroraLukVeil]

Loved this story great work

[Vertorm]

2871621
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. ^_^

2871635
Yes, I am excited to be partaking in this contest. All my fellow writers have made such wonderful stories, I can't decide which ones I like the most. It'll be really exciting to see the outcome of this contest.

2871859
Thank you!

[Timaeus]

Not bad at all! Very impressive, especially considering it's your first fic! Keep on writing and keep on getting better.

[elPossenreisser]

Very bittersweet, especially heartbroken Rainbow Dash. I liked

Good luck in the contest!

[LeopardCay]

Whenever i read the scene when they are hugging after Twilight said she wanted to "try" a relationship i think of this scene right here:browse.deviantart.com/art/Kovu-and-Kiara-161265545

[LeopardCay]

2876815 God curse mobile links...

[hester1]

This story took a very clever approach -- it had Twilight enter the relationship partly out of pity for Rainbow and curiosity about what a romantic relationship would be like, instead of making Twilight randomly decide "OH I AM IN LOVE NOW!"

If that was what you were going for, I think that telling us that Twilight "had never felt happier" and "knew that there was no other pony she’d rather be with" was unnecessary at the end, as it detracted from the bittersweet tone of the piece. After all, the contest's requirement was that they end the story in a relationship, not that the relationship had to be a happy one.

That said, I might have misunderstood the whole point of the story. If you were actually aiming for a happy ending with a side of feels, as opposed to a bittersweet ending, then I'd say you pulled it off admirably. Keep on writing, and good luck in the contest!

[Vertorm]

2877297 Looking back on it, I think you may be right. Saying those things didn't really add much to the setting, as the situation itself, as well as the lead-in, should all give the reader that kind of understanding in the first place. But you're also correct in that my intention was for a happy ending. I'm a sucker for that kind of a thing, and seeing as this was my first story (and using my favorite ship, no less) I wrote something that I thought would work, please readers, and make me smile. And I did smile. A lot. ^_^

Thank you for your input, I'll do my best to learn from what I have wrought!

2876823 Thank you for saying that! The Lion King was one of my favorite movies growing up.

2876633 This contest is going to be a blast. I can't wait for the judging to really get under way.

2875034 I have every intention of working hard to get better at writing. I thoroughly enjoy the art of weaving a story. I am glad you liked it, I was fairly worried about this as it was my first one, but it seems I didn't do that bad. ^_^ Thank you for your kind words Timaeus!

[LeopardCay]

2877577 Glad to know you like TLK.
Im addicted to it... just as im addicted to Reading

[Vic Fontaine]

Engine Room: Daawww Factor 10!

Great read, and very well constructed! I love how you played with the emotions of both ponies, right up until the end. :)

Good luck in the contest!

[Vertorm]

2878152 Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. ^_^

And thanks, right back at you!

[EddWar]

This is really good, this deserve more likes, well you have my like and fav.

Good luck in the contest.

[Vertorm]

2899061 Thank you! I hope to produce more writing soon.

[bats]

My official critique as a contest judge, as requested

I really, really like this story. A lot.

There is just a ton of stuff you’ve done absolutely right here. The emotional arc that plays out for Twilight is a compelling one that feels entirely honest and entirely heartfelt. So many little touches add to it, from Twilight’s tentative cottoning on to Rainbow being interested in mares, to the realization of what she wanted from a simple photograph. The plot sings, it really does. The pacing of scenes, emotional resonances, and character actions all play together quite wonderfully.

There is, however, something to be said about your prose. You use a lot of telling in your prose. Now, the general line that gets bandied about is ‘show, don’t tell,’ which is far too simple a directive that misses a lot of really important nuance. Telling isn’t inherently wrong, and there are many places where it works. Where it works the best is when you’re exploring the emotions and thoughts of a character. Where it’s distracting and hurting the story is when it’s interrupting action. Telling, in this instance, is rendering most everything in passive voice and it’s also handholding the reader. As a result, everything takes a little bit longer to say than strictly necessary.

Here, I’ll give you an example:

She choked on a breath for a moment before it wrenched through her esophagus, a broken sob echoing past her lips. Her legs were suddenly trembling and standing proved to be a difficult task. While she was nowhere near as tired as Applejack, she was definitely beyond being able to keep herself standing when her body was preparing to heave out all of her stress in one go. She found herself on her knees, months and months of longing and secret affection about to spill out onto the ground, all crushed by a single argument she had had a mere hour or so previous.

Everything that happens here is fine, but there’s a bit of passive voice and a lot of over-explaining what all the reactions mean. Sometimes that’s necessary, but letting the actions (preferably active voice actions) speak for themselves generally leads to stronger sounding writing.

Her breath hitched before wrenching through her esophagus, a broken sob echoing past her lips. Her legs trembled suddenly and threatened to collapse underneath her. She found herself on her knees with months and months of longing and secret affection about to spill out onto the ground.

It’s not a huge change, just a reduction in the number of words. Nothing is lost in terms of action, nor in terms of why the actions are happening. Everything can be inferred from what’s happened before in the story, so it’s all clear.

For an example that’s more pairing down the action handholding:

Twilight reached the end of the long dirt path leading to Sweet Apple Acres in record time, her panting and wheezing causing her to deeply regret her entire life’s choices up to this point. She leaned against one of the gateposts at the entrance to the front yard of the farm and let her body calm down. Sweat poured out of every orifice of her entire body and her fur was matted in many places. She lightly ran a hoof through her mane, attempting to shake out all the droplets which clung to the hairs comprising it.

Turns into:

Twilight reached the end of the dirt path leading to Sweet Apple Acres in record time, her panting and wheezing causing her to deeply regret her entire life’s choices up to this point. She leaned against a gatepost at the entrance to the front yard to catch her breath and still her racing heart. Sweat matted her fur and she lightly ran a hoof through her wet mane.

None of it’s bad, mind you. A lot of the time it’s rather welcome. Having a nice, introspective look at the emotional processes of both Dash and Twilight is nice and it adds a strong authenticity to the change of ‘just one night.’ ()

Overall, a very strong story. It all feels very true to the characters and I found myself grinning wistfully through the ending. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

My two cents.

[Vertorm]

2955606 First off, wow. Thank you for the incredibly kind words bats! While I knew I had asked for a critique of the story (or to put it in Ech's words, a 'tongue lashing'), I hadn't thought for even a moment that you would genuinely like my story. It was my first attempt at a handful of different categories that I've never even touched. Well, until now I suppose.

Your constructive criticism is great, I really appreciate it. I have always had a problem with 'show, don't tell', and to be honest... I'm not sure how to fix it. When I look at the examples you gave (both my versions and then your fixed up ones) I really don't see the difference. I know you're right about it, but I can't really discern what it is that makes what you did 'showing' and what I did 'telling'. I've tried studying the subject and I've read many guides on it (Ezn's being one of the more recent onces). None of it ever really seems to fit though. I don't think I'm stupid but... I just don't understand it. When I think about 'show, don't tell', the first thought that comes to mind is... it's writing. No matter HOW I write it, I am 'telling' the reader what is happening in the story. It is always 'telling', despite whatever the context is.

I know you don't owe me or anything, but do you think you might have some words of insight that could help nail down what exactly I need to do to fix this? I'd be super appreciative because the entire reason I wanted to start writing about multi-colored horses was so that I could improve on my writing skill.

Oh, and in specific:

I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

Thank you bats. That means a lot. I'll do my absolute best to improve. I'm already starting my next story. I'll see if I can make it better than this one...

[bats]

2958233

At its most base level, telling a reader is usually in passive voice vs. active voice (the difference between 'Twilight was sitting' (passive) and 'Twilight sat' (active)), and just says to the reader something that would normally be an inferred piece of information. To break it down to the simplest example, telling would be:

"Twilight looked nervous."

While showing would be:

"Twilight shuffled her hooves along the ground and cleared her throat several times."

The second sentence conveys the same information as the first, but it does so in a different way. The first just tells the reader what it is the character's feeling. The second shows through character action what the character's feeling. As I've said, it's not always show don't tell, because there's a lot of interior character thought and reasoning that is impossible to convey through showing, and some of the times telling is just plain better for the sake of brevity and story conveyance.

Really what it is, in your case, is holding the reader's hand and not trusting them to get what it is you're saying to them. In the first quote of the critique, mostly what I took out were the explanation phrases telling the reader why Dash was beginning to collapse. Having read the rest of the story, the reader knows that Dash is struggling because "her body was preparing to heave out all of her stress in one go," telling that to the reader again is unnecessary. It's inferred through the story up to that point why she's about to cry, we don't need to be told again that it's because her emotions were "all crushed by a single argument she had had a mere hour or so previous."

It's certainly not terrible here, but at a certain point doing this in prose is kind of like egoraptor's explanation for video game 'helper characters' in his Megaman X video:

You're trying to avoid having a reader say "Yeah, I get it." That's the real thing. Your show vs. tell could be a hell of a lot worse than it is, because generally speaking it's used poorly to skip over huge swaths of action and render things dull and boring. The real 'bad tell' example of the second quote I used would be something like this:

"Twilight was very tired and sweaty from her run."

So I suppose the real issue at hand isn't necessarily telling instead of showing, it's showing with extra telling tacked on. Without all the explanations for why the characters are feeling the way they're feeling and trusting a reader to understand from context why a character is shaky, sweaty, bouncing excitedly, etc. leads to a better reading flow while not sacrificing any of that emotional impact. I'm of the opinion that making all of it inferred subtext renders the impact stronger, too.

Hope that helps!

[Ormus Von Orbulon]

2958384

by all the Gods above and below....

Bats, you have just ascended past awesomeness for referencing sequilitis
Well done.
~OvO

[Kadziet]

All. My. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!~

[Lily Gingertail]

The feels i hawe a hart apparently and it aces when i read or feel something sweet.
This was sweet and short and damn good, you get a 9.5/10 from me (not that my ratings mater )

[Vertorm]

3780316 Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[LegacyElite84]

Wonderful read. Now, time to dig through the rest of your stories...

[Adda le Blue]

That was very sweet! The romance broke and melted my heart until it's barely recognizable. The conflict was very believable, as were the characters - especially Fluttershy, who, as usual, had nothing to say. Just joshing you! You did well with this one, especially for a first try.

[Vertorm]

4239120
Thank you very much! I really appreciate it.

[maxxxxxx]

This was soooooo sweet Definitely one of my new favorite stories. Also great inspiration to get back to my story so thanks bunches for the amazing read

[Vertorm]

4292047
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm glad I was also able to help inspire you to write some more!

[deli73]

Didn't realize this was for a contest at first, so when I read another story with the same beginning (weeks after I'd read this one) I was a bit confused at first. xD

I really loved this, though. It was really sweet.

[Vertorm]

4711225
Thank you! I somehow won second place in the contest with this entry. How I managed that, I don't know. @_o I swear the judges must have been high on judgement day.

[deli73]

4711298 I totally would have voted for you, but I'm pretty sure I read this long after the contest ended.

[Vertorm]

4711299
Don't be so sure! The fic that won was phenomenal. Have you read it yet?

[deli73]

4711302 Unless it's Daring Dash and Rosetta Sparkle in the Jungle of Perils (and I'm only on the fourth chapter of that), then no.

[Vertorm]

4711304
Ironically, that is the fic which took first place. ^_^ ElPossie did a fantastic job on that entry, and it deserved first place and more. You are for sure going to love it.

[deli73]

4711308 It is pretty good so far, and I definitely can see why it won, but yours was still amazing.

[Vertorm]

4711321
Well thank you, I appreciate the compliment. It was my first fanfiction ever (and also my first romance fic ever) so I learned a lot from it. I've tried to channel what I learned from it into my current writings to improve as a writer. I feel like I'm at least getting better... Marginally, anyways.

[goaway]

This is some fine work you've got here. Characters feel very true to themselves, and like Rainbow, I've found myself irritated when a 'ship doesn't work out right. I thought the prose was fantastic; just the right shade of lilac, without veering into purple, as befits a romantic story.

[Vertorm]

4832566
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Also, I am honored that after we talked a bit on your profile that you'd go and read one of my stories. Thank you very much.

[goaway]

4833971

Yeah, I'm very annoying like that.

[Vertorm]

4834477
Haha, I don't think 'annoying' is the right descriptor. Maybe 'awesome'?

[goaway]

4834688

Nah, there's nothing awesome about it. I just like reading new stories.

[BabySkittleMonster]

I loved it! However, I am curious as to whether Twilight noticed the blood and scratches adorning Rainbow's head or not. I don't recall seeing Twilight mention it but she is highly analytical so she must have seen it and not commented. Or was just too tired and worried to care. Either way. Unless I'm completely wrong and thinking too hard on something of little importance...

[Vertorm]

5209857
You are correct. Both she and Rainbow were just so tired (and had other, more important things on their minds to focus on) that it wasn't a concern. I just like to imagine the conversation the following morning while they're eating breakfast in Applejack's kitchen. xD

Also, the fact that you liked my new story enough to then check out my other fics has me really happy! Thank you very much!

[BabySkittleMonster]

5209877
Eh, no problem. I'm stalkerish like that. And besides, it was worth it on my side because I got an additional fic to keep me entertained! Be careful or you may just get a creepy notification alerting you to the fact that some monster made from skittles is watching you. And yes, I'm well aware how pants that joke was. Besides, you're a really good writer so you deserve all the views and reviews you can get.

[Vertorm]

5209996
Well thank you. That's quite the compliment! And seeing as this skittle monster has started following me, I shall attempt to live up to the expectations. So yes, thank you!

[Anchus Definy]

Awhh what a cute story haha

[Vertorm]

5213342
I am incredibly sorry for the late reply! I somehow missed your comment.

Belated response aside, I am very happy that you found my fic enjoyable. ^_^ Thank you for taking the time to read it.

[LightningBass94]

This was a great reread. It was actually one of the first Twidash fics I ever read, and I'm not certain why it didn't make it to my favorites list, but that keeps happening to me lately, finding fics that I thought for sure had been favorite lacking that gold star they so deserve. Well, just as I did back then before I knew you, I thoroughly enjoyed this. It's definitely on my favorites now.

[Vertorm]

6077167
Thanks, Bass. I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Enough to re read as well. ^_^

Also, the fact that it's one of the first ones you ever read ... That tickles me pink for some reason. Hahaha!

[RyGuy4TwinsFan]

6078204

It wasn’t Twilight’s fault that she hadn’t cottoned on to Rainbow Dash’s feelings yet.

cottened

Is that the word for understanding? I thought it was just Caughten On. Huh, Learn something new everyday.
You don't know how badly that confused me. I had to reread the sentence like 5 times before I understood what AJ was saying.

[RyGuy4TwinsFan]

her panting and wheezing causing her to deeply regret her entire life’s choices up to this point.

I know exactly how you feel Twilight! HAHHAHAHA!!!!