When Lyra signs herself and Bonbon up for an all expense paid vacation, what will happen when it involves going to a place no pony has been before through a portal that scientists found in the desert with the instructions they can't read?
Where do the two mares end up? What will they do on their Holiday?
And why does it sound like a headache for the one that they meet while on this holiday?
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I'd like to see where this goes, at least. The MUGS aren't spectacular, and you haven't hit the actual plot yet, but I think it could be good.
2870709
MUGS?
And yes, this hasn't quiet hit the plot yet but this is to be a story of light plot and sort of a learning thing. But where they end up will go on to give them a bit of a plot that I hope will be enjoyable for those who read it.
2870720
Mechanics, Usage, Grammar, Spelling. Sorry, I'm a editor, so I forget when not everypony knows the jargon.
2870726
Ah yes, I still have to contact a beta-reader for the story. I'll be having some improments in the MUGS in the next one.