The Sun and Moon,
United, They are our strength,
Day and Night, They Watch over us,
Within the sun's golden light, the oldest, Celestia protects and guides us,
Within the moon's pale silver light, the youngest, Luna protects and guides us,
They smile as They see us enjoying life, safe under Their protection,
We know not that They wear this as a mask,
Hiding away great agony within Themselves,
Something priceless and precious to Them,
Stolen by the cruelty of Fate,
Taken from Them before Their very eyes,
Never to be seen again,
Lost and forgotten,
As memories fade with time,
Their hearts cry out,
Desiring to be healed,
Wanting to find that which has been lost.
A few days have passed since Princess Celestia and Luna, found their long, lost little brother, Astrello. It is morning and Rainbow Dash is flying through the clouds when he sees Princess Celestia and Luna out on the balcony smiling. They wave happily at Rainbow and she waves back. Calling out to her the Princesses wait for her to come. Rainbow flies down and land beside them. They tell her that she and her friends are invited to come to the palace for a special surprise. Rainbow smile and takes off to tell the others.
Several things:
-Please don't write in present tense (She says, they walk, he smiles). It feels amateurish. Stick to past tense (She said, they walked, he smiled).
-Speaking of amateurish, it is extremely amateurish to switch from third person (He, she, they) to first (I, my, me). Please stick to third.
-I notice your avatar is the same as the cover art. This wouldn't be a self-insert, would it? Because most people assume that when they see the same image used as avatar and cover art.
-Your prose is decent. You abuse blushing like crazy though. In real life, people don't blush that often, and they don't blush that often in the show either.
-The premise is generic and prone to awful fics, however. There have been a ton of "Long-lost brother/sister to Celestia and Luna :D" fics, and I have yet to find one that works. The fact that said long-lost brother/sister is never mentioned in show is pretty important. There's canon against the concept, so you better have a reasonable explanation.
E: wait you're in fan/fic/ 3000. Am I being rused?
down
following
known
that they
Update your story soon please
this story has my full attention now keep up the good work update more soon 