Rainbow Dash's eyelids fluttered open.
"Where…am I?" It was pitch black. Rainbow tried to stand, but the ceiling and walls were right next to her. She was in a box. "What? Why am I in a box? Is this…some kind of joke? You got me, guys! Can you let me out now?" Rainbow scratched at the ceiling, and a bit of dirt crumbled and landed on her muzzle. "Dirt? They buried me?" Rainbow chuckled. "Very funny, guys! You can dig me up now!" Rainbow called. There was no answer. "Guys?" Rainbow called again. Still, no response. "Guys, this isn't funny anymore! Let me out!" Rainbow pounded the ceiling with her hooves. Just silence.
"Let…me…OUT!!" Rainbow pounded the box lid with all her force. She couldn't see it, but she could hear the wood cracking. Again and again she beat it, until the wood finally snapped. A flood of damp earth came rushing into the box. "Well, that's just great." Rainbow managed to turn around and feel how wide the hole was. It seemed like a tight squeeze, but she could manage. She pushed the dirt on the floor out of the way, then started to dig at the top, only to find more dirt cave in. She continued to dig until the entire box was filled with dirt. She placed her hooves on the soft grass at the top and prepared to force herself through. To her surprise, she slid through with ease. She scrambled up onto the grass and let the cold night breeze sift though her fur and mane.
"Wait…night? How long was I in there?" Rainbow rubbed her eyes and rose to her hooves, shaking off all the dirt she could. The pale white moon hung high overhead, dimly lighting her location. A stone at the corner of her vision caught her eye. She parted the tall grass and read the inscription on the stone. "Here lies…Rainbow Dash? Lover, Mentor, and Friend." Rainbow's eyes went wide. She read and reread the inscription to make sure what she was reading was real. She turned from the stone to the hole she had just climbed out of. "That looks like…6 feet? They really set me up, didn't they?" Rainbow giggled. This was by far the best prank yet. "Now, time to go home." Rainbow ran, then jumped, expecting to take off. Instead, she revived a face full of dirt and grass.
"What the- how come my wings aren't working!?" Rainbow flapped her wings, only to not feel them at all. "Hey! What's up with my wings!?" Rainbow turned her head to see that her wings indeed weren't working: they were gone entirely! "What the hell!? How did they pull this off? I bet Twilight used her magic or something. Egghead." Rainbow Dash continued to gallop in the direction of her home until she realized: how could she even get up to her house with no wings? "I guess I'll just go to Twilight's place to get my wings back." Rainbow changed direction and galloped full throttle to Twilight's Library. The cyan mare skidded to a halt right outside of Twilight's house. She could see dim light emanating from inside the treehouse library. She peered inside to see Twilight slumped over her desk, an open book in front of her and an abundance of papers spread all over, along with a bottle of spilled ink dripping over the edge of the desk and onto the floor.
"That egghead stays up too late." Rainbow pushed open the door and snuck in, tiptoeing as silently as possible. She worked her way though the scattered papers until she was standing right behind the snoozing lavender unicorn.
"GOTCHA EGGHEAD!!" Twilight jumped up and fell out of her chair, landing face first in the ink puddle. Twilight scrambled to her hooves, then rubbed away the ink, smearing it all over her hooves.
"Who- oh, it's you, Rainbow Dash. You scared the he- RAINBOW DASH!? AAAHHHHH!!" Twilight tore off up the stairs, then hid behind her bed.
"Twilight, come on. You know I'll find you, so just come out now." Rainbow trotted up the stairs and immediately saw the quivering Twilight. Twilight crept out from behind her bed. It was true. One could never hide from Rainbow Dash.
"P-p-p-please d-don't hurt me! I didn't do it, I swear!" Twilight pleaded, her amythest eyes filled with fear.
"Twilight, what're you talking about? I would never hurt you, you know that." Rainbow trotted up to Twilight and held out a hoof. Twilight looked up to Rainbow Dash.
"So you're not a ghost seeking revenge?" Twilight squeaked.
"A ghost? Revenge? Twilight, I have no idea what you're talking about. If this is part of your prank, stop. I just want to know what the hell is going on."
"This, this isn't real. YOU'RE not real. I must be imagining this. Yeah, imagining. I just need some sleep." Twilight said to herself, clapping her hooves together nervously.
"Twilight," Rainbow grasped Twilight's hoof. "This is real. I am real."
"No, I've- I've lost it, I'm completely nuts! HAHAHAHA!"
"TWILIGHT!!" Rainbow Dash slapped Twilight back to reality.
"Ok, ok. I'll tell you." Twilight took the offered hoof, then sat down on her bed, accompanied by Rainbow Dash. "Where should I start?" Twilight took a sip of her water.
"How about you start by telling me how I ended up in a coffin?" Rainbow shifted to a more comftorble position.
"Rainbow, I-I don't know how to put this…"
"Just tell me, Twilight!"
"…You're…Dead, Rainbow Dash." Twilight sighed. Rainbow burst out laughing.
"WHAT! Twilight, you're such a crack up! I'm not dead! Hahaha!" Rainbow dried the tears from her eyes and looked at Twilight, expecting a giggle, or at least a smile. But Twilight's expression was that of sadness and loss.
"Rainbow, I'm not joking. You died 2 years ago."
"If I died 2 years ago, how am I here, alive and kicking?" Rainbow's face bore a wide smile.
"…" Twilight levitated a small chest out from under her bed, grabbed the key from her bedside table, then unlocked it. She rummaged around until she pulled out a photo. She then slid it over to Dash. Rainbow's smile immeadiately faded. The photo was of her, or, her body. Her body was flayed wide open, organs gone. Her wings were missing, as was her cutie mark. "I took this picture, 2 years ago. You were dead, Rainbow Dash. I stitched you up, I helped dig your grave. I have no idea how you're here."
"You're not kidding…"
"No, I'm not."
"Do any of our friends know what happened?"
"That's the thing…your body was found 2 miles away from SugarCube Corner."
good work keep it up
This is getting good, you should keep it going I want to know how the rest of her friends react especially Pinkie Pie. (also a side note what do you mean by "Lover" )
please please please by the gods of olympus and all that is greek PLEASE continue
Odd and somewhat creepy, but interesting. I think you need to work on the tone, I feel like RBD should be a little more freaked out. Also, it seems weird that she would think this was a prank and not recall the events leading up to this.
Ehhh....... I have no idea how I feel about this one. It has potential, to be sure. I was just reluctant to click it 'cause it's a fan made Cupcakes sequel.
The first problem, the wall of text. I lost where I was a couple times when reading it. A story can be as shitty or great as it wants, but a wall of text will take the reader out of the story.
My second problem, is that RD gets resurrected. I have NO clue on how anyone can pull that off. RD had her organs gutted out, correct? There wouldn't be any possible way (realistically) that she would survive past a second. And, if she was there for 2 years, than she would've been decomposed a bit, looking like a zombie, pretty much.
You could've added a lot more to this story, like more after your cliffhanger. I get it. It adds tension, especially to a story like this. It just felt.... odd on how it abruptly ended on me. I was getting into it, but the cut off made me feel a little empty.
Yet I want MORE! To me, this can go a GREAT way, depending on what you do with the story. Like I said, it has potential. Just add more detail, extend the story a bit, and get rid of the wall of text. Really wasn't what I was expecting, I'll tell you that.
Instead of this story making me , it made me
Great premise, though here's some suggestions for improvement:
1. Spell & Grammar check.
2. Twilight seems a bit too quick to believe it really is Dash's reanimated corpse. She's a rational mare, and only after eliminating the possibilities of dreaming, hallucinations, and a cruel prank by somepony would she believe Rainbow's really back from the dead.
3. The fact that Twilight mentions the location of Dash's body in relation to Sugarcube Corner is a little odd. Unless she'd known that's where Rainbow was going there's no reason for her to mention it.
4. Don't hesitate to indent at the speaking parts; it's too straining to read enormous word blocks.
2888744 probably w hat ever brought her back, tram auric shock, or Pinkie messing her screwed up RD's memories
Edit out the wall of text then come talk to me
Lol just kidding, I'm serious about the wall of text though
This has some great potential!
It would be nice if you could maybe slow down the pace, it seemed like Twilight came to terms with Rainbow Dash living too quickly.
It's good! Interesting. I like your style of writing to. NOW HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER!
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4878-d99.gif Might as well kiss your flank goodbye Pinkie.
Well, shit, hell must've frozen over. This is a double rarity: a cupcakes sequel that doesn't disappoint like a cupcakes sequel tends to do. It's actually a solid read for how short a chapter it is. Please, continue.
Loathe,
Your Antagonist
Great story with very few errors. Keep it up
Yea didnt know if it would be a bad sequel or not .
but i gave it a read and well... keep going. I shall follow
faved
I'm excited!
"That's the thing…your body was found 2 miles away from SugarCube Corner."
Why did she take Sugarcube Corner as a "reference point" (or whatever it's called).
It's like Twilight knew that Pinkie was behind it, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't. You should edit that.
only problum i have with this is this line
she mentions SugarCube Corner instead of saying outside of town or near someones house or near the forest... implying she knows who the killer was and how far she was moved from her death...
i rest my case people are going to make stupid cupcakes sequels. i think you oughta give some credit to ask dead rainbow dash tumblr blog for using his story.
2890968
Ahem? This is MY story, I made it up! I don't seal people's ideas! Don't go accusing me until you know what's going on! I got this image from google images, not from a damn Tumblr. I AM NOT AN IDEA THIEF!!
Don't y'all be accusing,
Surprise The Pegasus
2891062
Gah! i didn't say you stole it! i just said it sounds like the premise from the blog, i mean pinkamena kills Dash and Dash comes back as an undead assassin to get revenge on pinkamena. they clearly know she did it right? they found the body somewhere outside of the bakery. so when do we get to the hack and slash parts?
2891255
Sorry for freaking out and all, it just sounded a little like an accusation. I didn't know that blog existed until I read your comment! I don't want any bad feelings.
Warm regards,
Surprise The Pegasus
2891506
Oh it's ok it was all just a simple misunderstanding.
Two miles would be like outside of Ponyville I would think, seeing as it's not a huge town. Seem like the scale might be off there.
I give it a "meh". Sorry.
you made me shiver. Good job!
This is really good so far. Can't wait to read more.
This looks really interesting. Can't wait to read more!
that cover photo is absolutely gorgeous!
I know how she's alive! The same way that Solomon Grundy keeps going!
Holy crap this was incredible, i can’t wait to read more, is there a part 2, how did rainbow dash come back to life, and how did twilight manage to fine rainbow’s dead body 2 miles away from ponyville
I’m guessing Scootaloo resurrected her