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Seeing that Princess Luna is feeling unhappy, Celestia suggests she takes a vacation among 'normal ponies of Equestria'. Luna seeks out Twilight Sparkle to be her vacation companion, at which point Pinky Pie drops in and somehow gets the entire Mane Six involved. What they all have yet to realize is how badly the Princess needs their help.
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Very entertaining, and I'd like to hear that song XD
Already told you what I think IRL, hehe. ouo The song at the end is real nice!
Exclamation points outside of dialogue and said-bookisms do not a good story make.
250153
Mea culpa! I will edit, now that I can.
Dafaddah
Hello all,
I have been intensively editing the Vacation Crew, which is taking more time than I had initially planned. However, I think the story needs the attention and I am too fond of it to merely let it stand as is. By the way, I deserved those six thumbs down above (at the time of my writing this entry). But I have learned my lesson that haste makes waste, and I want the Vacation Crew to be an enjoyable read, so I will carry on with the edit over the next week or so. Of course, your suggestions are VERY welcome. Every comment I have received has hopefully contributed to improving my writing skills and the quality of my stories.
Dafaddah
PS - I really love doing this - so thanks for reading!
OK - so it's done. I have finished editing the Vacation Crew. Please let me know what you think. BTW I have heard several songs to which the lyrics in the last chapter could be sung. If you have any suggestions please leave them here.
Dafaddah
"Twilight Dash"?
1455774
Don't get all excited. Twi's intro of Daring Do to Dash is canon! It could just be gratitude. Maybe....
Selene huh? Reminds me of a story i have on favorites... A friend of the night.
Good story. Maybe a little fast paced though, but 'tis good!
2604423
Thanks! It's my first completed story and was written in three days as my entry in a contest. And yes, it is rushed because I was trying to it within the 10K word limit (the contest admin gave me a few dozen words of leeway.)
I've thought of going back and rewriting it, but I feel rather sentimental about this story, and so have so far decided to keep it as is.
The story has some nice ideas, though not aways executed in what I consider to be a good way. It also gives the impression of being written for children due to the simplicity of the plot and the almost exclusive use of very easy to understand, but somewhat monotonous, sentences, in a few places to the detriment of characterization or pacing.
Not what I would consider bad, specially for a first attempt, but it could really be improved. Of course, having already read a couple of your other stories, I do know that you improved quite a bit as a writer after writing this one
Thanks for taking the time to let me know what you think of this story. Although I started writing "The Good of the Many" first, "The Vacation Crew" was my first completed story. It took me almost a week of evenings to write. I've thought of rewriting it, but I admit a reluctance to change even a word of it for rather sentimental reasons.
My priority remains finishing Renaissance Pony, a rewrite of Filial, and other original works. I might get time for other rewrites in the summer timeframe, but given my limited writing time It's far from a certainty. But thanks from the encouragement!
Dafaddah
There's another potential problem that could occur if Luna is seen travelling around with the Mane Six, you know the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony and Celestia's chosen trouble-shooters. What would that be? Mass panic in the press. Why is the Princess of the Night touring around with Equestria's greatest champions? What terrible threat could they be secretly tracking and brining to battle? Should the cities on their itinerary be evacuated as a precaution? Celestia would doubtless thank Twilight for her foresight in preventing that particular headache from coming about.
Poor Fluttershy! If I were Twilight, I would have told her to wait outside rather than go into a House of Horrors. That said, she's just brave enough to insist that she go in, because she doesn't want to offend her friends or look silly in their eyes!
Luna always was one of the good guys. Even during the Nightmare Moon incident (and I think Celestia would agree with this) she was more sinned against than sinning.
The phrase "Stuff it where neither the light of the Sun nor the Moon shines" is probably what Rarity was talking about!
Daring Do the Opera?!? Well, if you can have a musical based on popular chat shows...
That was a nice little tale very much in the spirit of 'slice of life' - the basic aim of the show. I think that you got the characters basically correct and I could actually see this happening as an episode.
Overall, a better-than-average work. Thanks for sharing it with us!
4177603
Thanks for the feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I almost started cry- I mean......liquid joy, yeah, thats it, liquid joy. I love Luna stories, so thank you very much for writing.
(is sad there is no Luna emoticon)
~TheEmpressEclipse~
4259978
Thanks for the feedback!
And yes, we do need a Luna emoticon!
When your reading another story and you think "Hmm. I really should read The Vacation club again." The you look it up and no such story exists and you have a panic attack and spend an hour going through your bookshelf to find it and realize the name is The Vacation Crew.
I did that. And I'm glad I did.
Sweetie Belle now talks like Bloomie... YES!
600686
Will fix. Thanks!
Le Blush!
6006793
A return read! I blush even more!
Clever, using Luna's original rejected name.
So, why exactly was this put in the three stooges fanclub group??
10379540
Check the chapter titles. I hoped somebody, somepony, somedragon, ANYONE would have noticed, especially after all this time and with a Three Stooges group, no less!
But no one did.
Sigh.