Angel

by Sage Runner

A Bird in the Hoof

Angel barged into the cottage, a look of urgency on his face. Clearly out of breath and unable to speak, he instead vigorously waved a watch around in the air.

"You... found a watch?" Fluttershy asked, looking at him quizzically.

"No!" Angel shouted. "Well yes, in someone's pocket when they weren't looking, but that's not the point!" He panted, making the gestures of the hands of a clock with his arms.

"You... want to be a watch?"

"No..." Angel said, still trying to catch his breath. "Running..."

"Running? Running out of time?"

"Late..."

"You're late?"

"You're late!" he wheezed as the clock tower chimed.

"I'm late for a very important date!" Fluttershy shouted. "The big brunch for Princess Celestia at Sugarcube Corner!"

"Yes, that would be the gist of what I was trying to tell you," Angel sighed, collapsing onto the couch as Fluttershy ran about the room in haste.

"Thanks, Angel!" she shouted as she ran out the door.

"Sure," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I mean," she added, opening the door again, "if you hadn't reminded me, I might have not remembered, and then I wouldn't be there, and-"

"MUM!" Angel shouted, cutting her off. "You're still running late!"

"Oh, right!" she said as she left again. As the door closed, Angel quickly locked it, mere seconds before Fluttershy tried to open it yet again.

"This is for your own good!" Angel said through the door.

"Oh," she replied, "okay then... see you later..."

"Glad that's over," Angel said to himself, reclaiming his spot on the couch and cracking open a beer. "That's about all the excitement I'm up for today." A familiar chill ran down his spine...

...

"Anyone home?" Angel asked, tapping his hoof against the wall repeatedly. Fixing his gaze upon the hole at the bottom of the wall, he watched a small mouse stick its head out. "Hey Timmy," Angel said, "is your father around?" The little mouse nodded and retracted his head into the hole.

Shortly thereafter, a larger mouse with a bandaged leg rolled out in a tiny wheelchair. "Hey, Mr. Mousey, how's the leg healing up?" The mouse squeaked. "Yeah? Great, look I'm just gonna cut to the chase. I know that my mother treated you earlier today, and, hell, I feel awkward even having to bring this up, but a rather large number of pills has gone missing from the medicine cabinet, and you were the only patient mum saw today, so..."

The mouse squeaked in response. "No, no!" Angel replied quickly. "I'm not accusing you of anything. It's just, we both know it couldn't have gotten up and walked away on its own, right?" Angel chuckled insincerely as though he were making small talk with a co-worker. "And if the culprit were to, say, return them now, there would be no judgment, and no questions asked." The mouse squeaked again. "Hey, don't get defensive, alright, that just makes you look guilty." Another squeak. "You are not being railroaded by the rabbit justice system." Yet another squeak. "I took it? Don't... don't be ridiculous." Angel's eyes shifted back and forth nervously. The mouse squeaked again. "If I'm not admitting I have a problem it's because there's no problem to admit to having!" Angel said with forced laughter as he began to perspire. Suddenly the cottage door swung open, and Fluttershy walked in. "Uh," Angel grunted, "I'll let you off with a warning this time!" he said quickly as he wheeled the mouse back into its hole. "Hey mum, how was the thing?"

"Huh? Oh, it ended early, and..." Fluttershy said as she reached into her saddlebag and produced a very sick looking bird, "I picked up a new patient." Angel grimaced as he looked over Fluttershy's newest patient. Its feathers had all but fallen out, its eyes had bags under them, and it was shaking uncontrollably from head to talon.

"Yikes," Angel said, raising an eyebrow. "You've got your work cut out for you."

"Oh, you poor little thing," Fluttershy said to the bird. "How did you ever get in such bad condition? Don't you worry, Philomena, I'll nurse you back to health."

"Philomena, is it?" Angel asked, inspecting the shivering bird. "Well, you got picked up by the right Pegasus, my mum outclasses the town vet when it comes to... extreme cases..." Philomena let out a wheezing cough in response.

"I'm sure the Princess will appreciate the help," Fluttershy said.

"The Princess?" Angel asked. "Is this bird hers?"

"Yes," Fluttershy replied. "Princess Celestia brought her to the brunch. When she was suddenly called away, I grabbed Philomena and brought her back here, and not a moment too soon!"

"So she was called away, and her parting words were 'Fluttershy fix my bird'? Always knew she was an odd duck," Angel replied.

"Oh, she didn't ask me," Fluttershy clarified.

"...come again?"

"Well she's obviously too busy to care for poor Philomena properly, so I decided to do it myself, as a favor to her!"

"You... you're kidding, right?"

"No?"

"So in other words, you stole the pet of our country's ruler."

"Well, it's true that I didn't ask for permission, but I'm sure she'll be grateful once she sees how I've helped her pet," Fluttershy replied nervously.

"Well then," Angel replied, "this is an unfortunate turn of events for all of us."

"What do you mean?"

"There are a lot of animals around here that depend on you," Angel explained, "and they'll be in a right pickle once you've been banished to the moon!"

"Banished?" Fluttershy asked. "To.. the moon?"

"Well then again," Angel thought aloud, "the moon might just be reserved for family members who upset the Princess. A commoner like yourself, I dunno, Pluto, maybe? It's much further away, so I don't expect I'll be able to visit you very often."

"You're overreacting," Fluttershy said with a saddened expression on her face.

"Look, you can't just up and take something that doesn't belong to you because you feel like it," Angel said. "You're not small, quick, or stealthy enough." Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. "And it's wrong too, I suppose," Angel added insincerely. "Point is, a royal pet is going to be missed a hell of a lot more than a pocket watch, or some measly pills, or the change from your 'Rainy Day' jar atop the fridge."

"I couldn't just leave the poor thing like this. Look at her!"

"I guess..." Angel replied hesitantly, "knowing you the way I do, I wouldn't have expected you to leave her there. I still don't approve, but I have an idea. You focus on tending to the bird, I'll focus on keeping you out of Pluto." Fluttershy gave Angel a quizzical look as he hopped out of the room. Philomena coughed again.

"Oh my," Fluttershy said, turning her attention back to her patient, "we'd better get you to bed right away!"

...

"Alright," Angel yawned as he met up with Fluttershy, "it took a little while, but I believe I've created the solution to our problem."

"Oh Angel," Fluttershy said, clearly upset, "I've tried absolutely everything! Bed rest, medicine, soup, Hummingway,"

"The crap was Hummingway gonna accomplish?" Angel muttered to himself.

"A humidifier," Fluttershy continued down the list, "aromatherapy, a warm bath, ointment, and nothing worked!"

"Cripes, how long was I gone?" Angel asked.

"I just don't know what to do!"

"Right, well, I've solved half of our problem," Angel replied, producing a rolled up piece of paper.

"What's this?" Fluttershy asked, taking it from him.

"Well, I got to thinking, whenever something crazy happens around here, which it has like every week since Twilight moved here," Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. "Not pointing any fingers, just making an observation. Anyway I noticed that a simple letter to the Princess summing up a life lesson always seems to set everything right, so I figured, why not give that a shot? Go on, read it!" Angel said, gesturing towards the letter in her hand.

"Well let's see," Fluttershy said, unrolling the letter. "'Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that if you ever want to see your pet bird again it will cost you five hundred thou-' Angel, we are not ransoming Philomena!"

"It's not just money!" Angel explained. "The terms also include a pardon for taking the bird in the first place!"

"No."

"Fine then, you come up with a solution if you're so smart," Angel said indignantly.

"I really don't care what happens to me," Fluttershy said sadly, "but poor Philomena... I have one last idea."

After a few minutes filled with a scalpel, surgical tape, and feathers, Fluttershy's morale was all but gone. "Oh, Philomena. I thought it would be easy to nurse you back to health. I've tried everything I know, and look at you. You're worse than ever," Fluttershy said sadly.

"It isn't your fault, mum," Angel said sympathetically. "Some things are just beyond our control."

Fluttershy was about to respond when there was a sudden knock on the door.

...

"If I didn't already blame Twilght Sparkle for all the crazy shit that happens in this town, I certainly do now," Angel said as he ran through the streets of Ponyville. "At least mum kept the damn thing in one place, then in comes Ms. 'My cutie mark means I know everything!' herself, in all her pill-pushing, plastic cone wielding glory, drives Exhibit A right out of the cottage and into the world! Gotta find that damn bird before someone else does!" Right as he said this, he caught sight of Philomena... falling from the top of a fountain... and bursting into flames. As the Princess approached. "SPARKLE!" he shouted, waving his hooves above his head, his face craned upward towards the sky.

...

"A phoenix is a majestic and magical bird. While it appears healthy and happy most of the time, every so often it must renew itself by shedding all of its feathers and bursting into flame," Princess Celestia explained. "It then rises from the ashes, fresh as a daisy. All just a normal part of the life cycle of a phoenix. I'm afraid mischievous little Philomena, here, took the occasion to have a little fun with you, Fluttershy. Say you're sorry, young lady." Philomena chirped apologetically.

"Better sleep with one eye open, you lying son of a bitch!" Angel muttered quietly, masking his relief that everything had turned out alright for his master, who was forgiven and had learned a valuable lesson.

...

"Do you really blame Twilight when things go wrong in Ponyville?" Fluttershy asked as she took another sip of her beer while relaxing on the couch.

"I mean I know she didn't literally cause you to abduct someone's pet," Angel explained, "but, do you know about the Butterfly Effect?"

"I know about butterflies," Fluttershy responded, confused. "It is my cutie mark, after all."

"No, no, I'm talking about Chaos Theory," Angel clarified, taking a swig of his own beer. "It's the idea that a butterfly flapping its wings will cause a hurricane miles away. Or something like that, I was only half paying attention when that owl that likes to fly into people's houses explained it to me."

"And you think Twilight is..."

"The flapping butterfly, yes."

"But she doesn't have wings," Fluttershy replied, grinning.

"Not yet she doesn't, but that wouldn't be the weirdest thing I've seen since she moved here."

...

In the private chambers of the Canterlot castle, a mare dressed in a bird suit casually walked over to a rather extravagant couch and practically jumped into her seat. "Careful, Philomena," Princess Celestia said, "you nearly made me spill my wine."

"Terribly sorry, mother!" Philomena replied apologetically as the Princess magically levitated a chalice into Philomena's feathery hooves.

"Did you enjoy your time in Ponyville?" Celestia asked.

"Very much so," Philomena replied. "That Fluttershy, she is a very kind soul, and your Twilight Sparkle continues to impress me with her growth, and I don't just mean in magic."

"The friendships she's forged continue to make her into an even stronger pony."

"Fluttershy's pet rabbit, though, he is an uncouth lout. Means well, to be sure, but also a bit of a shyster. What's more, judging by the way Fluttershy spoke to him, I suspect he might be like me."

"Oh?" Celestia looked surprised. "We'll have to keep an eye on him then."

"As you wish, but as I said, it's just a hunch." Philomena replied.

"While I don't approve of you toying with my subjects the way you did, I must admit, it was a rather amusing prank."

"I learned from the best," Philomena smiled as they clinked their glasses together.

Comments

[Bad_Seed_72]

"And you think Twilight is..."

"The flapping butterfly, yes."

"But she doesn't have wings," Fluttershy replied, grinning.

"Not yet she doesn't, but that wouldn't be the weirdest thing I've seen since she moved here."

|

Oh, Angel, you couldn't be more right...

[Sunny Smile]

I learned from the best? Uh oh Trollestia strikes again.