Angel

by Sage Runner

Dragonshy

"Not too fast, Angel Bunny!" Fluttershy said cheerfully as Angel nibbled on his carrot. "You don't want to get a tummy ache!"

"Yes, thank you, mum," Angel replied, rolling his eyes. "I'm fairly certain I know how to eat a carrot. I am a rabbit, after all, and despite my people's contributions to the eco system, eating carrots is what we're best known for." He took another, deliberately small bite, examined the remainder, and tossed the carrot aside, shrugging his shoulders.

"You really should eat more than that, don't you think?" Fluttershy asked. "You drank an awful lot of liquor last night."

"Crickey, woman, I had six beers. Didn't even get buzzed," Angel replied exasperatedly as he began to awkwardly hop away on his hind legs.

"It's not play time yet!" Fluttershy said urgently.

"Listen, mum," Angel sighed. "I don't have much to look forward to in life. I've accepted that my people will never be able to vote. I'll never own my own land. I'll never be able to run for public office. I can't even establish any sort of meaningful relationship because all the female bunnies in this town are obsessed with increasing their ranks as quickly as possible. There's only one thing I get to do each and every day, and that's running."

"I know you want to run," Fluttershy replied sympathetically. "But... just three more bites?"

"That's three more bites than I want to take."

"Two more bites?"

"That falls within the aforementioned undesirable three bites."

"One more bite?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"Fine! If it's really that important to you, I'll take the final bite, since it's apparently the key to my survival," at this point, he began to cough. "Bloody hell, what is up with this air?" he muttered to himself, looking around. His eyes widened as he pinpointed the source of his cough.

"Oh, goodness, are you okay?" Fluttershy asked him.

"For the moment, but I think we have a problem, mum," Angel replied, gesturing a hoof towards a large trail of smoke emerging from a distant mountain top.

"That giant cloud of scary black smoke?" she asked, a worried look appearing on her face.

"We should probably warn the town," Angel replied. "Well, you should probably warn the town, because we both know nobody will listen to me."

...

Angel sighed exasperatedly as he watched his master's unsuccessful attempts to get the attention of the townspeople and warn them about the mysterious smoke hanging overhead.

"It's just that there's smoke, and where there's smoke there's fire..." Fluttershy's mumbling fell on deaf ears.

"Okay, stop," Angel commanded.

"Oh dear, did I do something wrong?"

"It's what you're not doing," Angel replied. "You have to be more aggressive here."

"Oh, but... everypony already looks so busy..."

"Stop inventing reasons not to make your voice heard!" Angel said loudly, causing Fluttershy to jump. "Let's say they are busy, let's say that at this moment, each and every one of them is doing the most important thing they will ever do. Do you really think they'd mind being interrupted by you more than they would mind being interrupted by fire? And dying?"

"Oh, well no, but... we don't even know for sure there is a fire..."

"Look at the sky!" Angel shouted, gesturing a hoof towards the gathering smoke. "I think we can safely assume that's more likely a fire than nothing."

"So... what should I do?"

"Yell at them like our lives depend on it! Make them acknowledge you and our problem! Shout it from the mountain tops! Figuratively, of course, you're gonna want to shout it from here, perhaps closer to them, 'cause you're kind of far away."

"I'll... try..." Fluttershy replied timidly. She inhaled loudly, as though preparing to shout.

"Listen up!" a voice shouted in the distance. "Smoke is spreading all over Equestria!" It was Twilight Sparkle, drawing the attention of everyone nearby.

"That purple bitch just stole your thunder!" Angel shouted. "Alright, we can fix this, I'll grab hold of her legs, you tackle her."

"Angel, no!" Fluttershy replied sternly. "And please watch your language!"

"But don't worry, I've just received a letter from Princess Celestia informing me that it is not coming from a fire," Twilight continued.

"Bullshit!" Angel protested, causing Fluttershy to glare at him. "What else could possibly be generating that amount of smoke? Mum, call her a liar, quick!"

"Hush."

"It's coming from a dragon," Twilight declared.

"...Okay that's much worse," said Angel.

...

"I really don't see why you're so upset," Angel said as Fluttershy galloped around her cottage, grabbing every scrap of protective gear she could find. "You and your friends get to handle this dragon problem, that's totally badass! Plus, I'll finally get to meet a dragon that doesn't wear aprons!"

"No, this is terrible," Fluttershy said, fishing a football helmet out of an old box she had pulled down from her attic.

"First of all, why do you even have that?" Angel asked. "Secondly, this pseudo armor of yours doesn't look fireproof or giant-razor-sharp-teeth proof."

"Do you have a better idea?" Fluttershy asked hopefully.

"As a matter of fact, I do. When we confront this winged leviathan, you'll use your calming voice to lull it into a false sense of security, at which point I will grab a large rock and bash its head in."

"What!?" Fluttershy gasped. "We're not going to hurt it, we're just going to reason with it!"

"See, that kind of thinking right there, that's the reason the Princess should have put me in charge of this operation," Angel said. "First of all, everyone knows that you don't reason with an unruly dragon, you kill it. Secondly, have you ever met a reasonable dragon?"

"Spike is the only dragon I've ever met, and he's perfectly reasonable," Fluttershy replied indignantly.

"Spike was raised in captivity, domesticated, and his backbone has the consistency of my floppy rabbit ears," Angel replied, raising an eyebrow. "And you already said 'no' to using my you-distract-I-bash idea on him, so you owe me this!"

"We're not hurting anything. End of story."

"Fine then, I guess if we absolutely have to reason with this thing, you'll be our best bet for doing it."

"I... don't think I'm going..." Fluttershy replied meekly.

"What's that now?" Angel asked quickly, as though he didn't comprehend her words.

"I... don't think... I'm going..." her voice trailed off into a quiet whisper.

"Sure, fine," Angel replied. "Just go ahead and confirm everyone's preconceived notions that you're weak and helpless."

"I am weak and helpless."

"Look," Angel replied, sighing deeply, "If you really were weak and helpless, you know I'd be the first one to tell you. Pointing out other people's shortcomings is practically my hobby, my own exceptional nature rendering me a fair and impartial judge of others," he continued, pacing back and forth in front of her as she rolled her eyes. "But, I know you. I know the real you. You're stronger than you realize, and I want everyone to see that. More importantly, I want you to see it."

"Angel, I..."

"So get out there, and chase off that dragon!"

"But I'm-"

"Scared of dragons, I know. Believe me, I know. But facing your fear is the surest way to overcome it, and I'll be right by your side the entire time."

"Well..." Fluttershy wavered, and Angel placed a reassuring hoof on her shoulder. "Alright, let's do it! But what if the others say I can't bring you along?"

"They won't even know I'm there."

...

"I'm not sure how they're not seeing you," Fluttershy said, glancing over at Angel. As the six ponies made their way towards the base of the mountain, not one of them had yet noticed the stallion-sized rabbit trotting alongside Fluttershy, his front left hoof tucked in her saddlebag.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, perplexed. "I'm hiding in your bag. How would they see me?"

"But you're... nevermind," she sighed.

...

"A hop, skip, and a jump..." Pinkie Pie sang as she continued to sail back and fourth over the gap that Fluttershy alone was having difficulty crossing.

"Normally," Angel whispered, "I don't condone taking the advice of an obvious psycho, but if you don't cross that gap, we're going to be left behind."

...

"I'm scared of dragons!" Fluttershy shouted, as the dragon snored another cloud of smoke.

"But Fluttershy," Twilight protested, "you have a wonderful talent dealing with all sorts of animals!"

"Animals that aren't dragons," Angel replied, falling on deaf ears.

"We've seen you walk right up to a horrible manticore like it was nothing!" Rainbow Dash shouted.

"Do these people not understand what a dragon is?" Angel asked rhetorically in disbelief.

"Spike's a dragon, and you're not scared of him!" Pinkie pointed out.

"Oh come on, that's not even fair," Angel said, laughing. "Nobody's scared of Spike!"

"If you're so afraid of dragons, why didn't you say something before we came all the way up here?" Twilight asked.

"Angel said-" Fluttershy began, before Angel cut her off.

"Do you want to look scared and crazy?" he asked. "They already think you caused that avalanche on purpose. I mean, they could think that."

"I mean... I was afraid to..." she corrected herself.

"I'm sure they're all scared of that dragon," Angel said to her as the others continued to speak. "I mean, I'm not, because let's face it, I'm small and quick, and on a bad day I could still outrun the purple one," Fluttershy raised an eyebrow as she pretended to listen to the others. "But this is the moment I was telling you about. The moment where you conquer your fears and show everyone that you're the alpha-mare of this rag-tag friendship-wielding task force!"

"I... I just... can't..." Fluttershy lowered her head and walked away.

...

"Still don't get why we're hiding behind this rock," Angel said as Fluttershy cowered at the base of the boulder. "Why don't we just go back down the mountain if you're so adamant about wussing out?"

"What if that dragon comes out and sees me?" Fluttershy replied.

"Then you just stand perfectly still, their vision is based on movement."

"...I don't think that's true."

"Trust me, I saw it in a movie once." Suddenly there was an earth-shaking roar, followed by a loud crash, and the makeshift shelter came tumbling down. Fluttershy peered over the rubble to see her friends lying on the ground, appearing to be dazed and in pain, as the gargantuan beast lumbered towards them.

"Well, good for him," Angel said nonchalantly. "Survival of the fittest and all that, hope he enjoys his meal."

"How can you say that!?" Fluttershy asked in horror.

"Well what did you think was gonna happen if they tried to use force? Which, by the way, they had to do because you wouldn't go in the cave. Look at that thing, he has huge teeth, sharp scales, snores smoke, and breathes fire, this was only ever gonna end one way. That's nature, mum, now let's head back to the cottage and crack open some brews. We can put out the want ads for new friends tomorrow!"

"How dare you," Fluttershy said angrily.

"Don't say that to me!" Angel said with a sudden force of will as he leaned in and stared intently into her eyes, "Say that to him!"

Fluttershy turned her head towards the dragon, a fire flaring up in her eyes that had never burned before, "HOW DARE YOU!" she shouted, as she began to fly upward towards the dragon. Angel smiled softly as he watched Fluttershy lay out a verbal smackdown that would have, by his own admission, made him "piss his nonexistant pants".

...

"Well," Angel said as he collapsed on the couch and popped off a beer bottle cap with his buck teeth, "we didn't get to slay a dragon, but I have to admit, watching it fly away with its tail between its legs was bloody entertaining."

"I... I really didn't know I had it in me," Fluttershy said meekly as she took a seat next to him.

"I did. Damn shame no one ever listens to me."

"Thanks. For helping me see it," Fluttershy said.

"You're welcome, mum," Angel replied. He grabbed a second beer out of the cooler he hid in the hole in the wall and passed it to Fluttershy.

"No thank you, I don't drink," she said.

"You just talked a dragon out of its home and wealth, you're having a beer," Angel said sternly.

"I... oh, alright," she sighed as she accepted the gift. She took a sip, and grimaced. "It's bitter," she said.

"Acquired taste, you'll get used to it."

"I'll be honest, I was kind of freaking out when this," she gestured her hoof back and forth between them, "us, started happening. But... aside from being able to talk now, you're pretty much the same as you've always been."

"I've always been able to talk, mum, and you've always been able to understand me. It's just that now you can listen."

"And it's nice to have someone looking out for me."

"Likewise," Angel replied with a smile, as they clicked their bottles against one another.

Comments

[Georg]

You know, that makes more sense than that darned rabbit....

[Bad_Seed_72]

Wilfred crossover?! Yeah, I'm definitely gonna read this!

[Hesitant Brony]

well... that happened.

[Methbawks]

So it's gonna be like Wilfred? Awesome

edit: Just finished reading it, fuckin loved it

[The Red Angel]

This wins life. MOAR!

[Pieadao]

This is... This is based of Wilfred isn't it.

[Eakin]

"nobody's scared of spike!"

I suspect that you just forgot to capitalize Spike's name, but there's a certain meta-brilliance to the way it emphasizes how unimportant he is.

[The Read Later List]

Dude, nice idea! I fucking love Wilfred! Give us more!

[MrPockets]

Nice job with the crossover! I will forever imagine Angel with an australian accent

[Sunny Smile]

This probably sounds dumb but what's wilifred?

[Oddball 1]

3003589 Elijah Wood talking to a man in a dog suit who claims to be a dog, only Elijah can see him everyone else sees a dog.

[Acadians6545]

"Yes, thank you, mum," Angel replied, rolling his eyes. "I'm fairly certain I know how to eat a carrot. I am a rabbit, after all, and despite my people's contributions to the eco system, eating carrots is what we're best known for." He took another, deliberately small bite, examined the remainder, and tossed the carrot aside, shrugging his shoulders.

Carrots are actually unhealthy for rabbits.

"Spike was raised in captivity, domesticated, and his backbone has the consistency of my floppy rabbit ears," Angel replied, raising an eyebrow. " And you already said 'no' to using my you-distract-I-bash idea on him , so you owe me this!"

Damn.