Everyone has their story. Everyone has their origins and the immortal are no exception, even the ones we call monsters. The story of this immortal "monster" however, starts in the most mundane places with the most unexpected of families, one of simple ponies; A caring father who's hobby simply won't bring home the bread, a callous mother who hates for a blessing ripped away, a sister of unusual gifts and of course, our centrepiece, the forever twisted pony.
We will watch her learn, we will watch her grow, we will watch cruel fates be inflicted upon her but most importantly we will watch her face her destiny...
...and maybe, we will even see her reject it.
Chapters (1)
Who keeps down voting this? It's a neat concept. My only gripe is Chrysalis doesn't sound like a five-year-old. The story is well written and off to a good start.
3541131 It's a bit of an odd concept as well. To be honest I expected to get a few down votes from the get go.
I'll also work a little on Chrysalis's demeanour. Thanks for the tip-off.
This concept is very interesting. I have never seen anyone do anything like this before and am very much looking forwards to seeing where you take it. Making Chrysalis and Cadence sisters opens up a lot of very interesting possibilities and raises some very interesting questions in regards to the wedding "incident".
As for your comment on errors, I did notice two minor cases of you using the wrong spelling.
Steel is the metal, that should have been steal as in theft.
That is a wooden plank, the word you were looking for is bored.
3545375 Ah! It's always the homophones that get me!
And thanks for the review, I was looking to see if I could turn some things on their head.
3545415 No problem, you have some very interesting ideas here which are definitely worth exploring even if there is no way they can really fit into canon (hooray for the AU tag
).
As for the homophones, they are a royal pain in the ass and spellcheck is no help with them at all so they are very easy to miss.
My only advice there is to try to get into the habit of consciously double-checking them every time you type one, although that is a problem when you are on a roll and want to keep going.
3545444 Yeah, I probably could have gotten away with hammering this square block into that circular hole as far back as early season three but now? It's going to be tricky to make it match up, the first act is just supposed to be just their origins after all.
Not bad, but there is a lot of little errors like "i like to meat new ponies"... I can get that if that was pun but it was obvious error.
3546272 Gah! Another one...
My thanks for spotting one more. I know my spelling is atrocious but I assure you I am fishing for an editor to assist. For now I'll just have to settle for another round of checking it through myself.
3546299
There was also a "mother and farther" in there as well. I do hate auto-correct.
3548865 I'm sorry, I don't follow...
3550074 Not to worry, it's only a phase. Things are going to get a little more turbulent but I try to give good motivation, to everyone.
3549890
I believe that was supposed to be "father" and not "farther."
3551482
I see. Thanks for catching that.
I thought this was gonna be a stoner story. Based on the name.
3814051 I beg your pardon?
3814082 lol "A Good Day to Grow" and my brain placed "weed" in front of grow. Lol
3814218 Odd. I actually came up with the title after hearing the phrase 'It's a good day to die' too many times.
In your context... that might make for quite an amusing story.
3541131 people downvote everything. I've seen people down vote my friend's story with no comment on the reason.
In the Long Disc:
do you mean bread? -a bakery good or bred -a participle of breed?
centrepiece or centerpiece?
(I think that one depends on if you're from the US)
3865800 UK spelling, all the way from li'l old England.
And bred? Sorry but I can't fined it...
3866044
bred<bread
3866052 Oh, in the description.
yeah, it's supposed to be bread. Need to write up a better summer anyway I think.
Spelling errors aside I like how this story is playing out. I'm also a fan of your mature narration through chrysalis' mind.
3866174 Thanks, odd though, someone else actually criticised the fact they didn't fined Chrysalis childish enough.
3866236 I know, I lurked a bit at the comments before giving you the heads up on the proofreading.
I have my own personal head canon (not cannon) about alicorns have a higher intelligence. It also makes more sense because reserved minds like chrysalis are known to brood and think about things for long periods of time,the fact that she reads books(joked at keeping her head in books by her father) already hints towards the fact that she's a lot like Twilight. She has a unique worldly knowledge about things that Cadence hasn't had the time to witness because she's been living a 'normal' life.
I love to hate on different ships I dislike!
4051515 As long as you read before down voting. It might not even take that path anyway, I think I'm going to adapted this into an origins story and have my ship as a spin off alt-universe.
This is well written so far. Can't wait to see what happens next. Just to be clear so I'm understanding it, Chrysalis and Cadence are Sisters in this universe?
4052472 Maybe...
Part of the story is how exactly their situation came to be, so for give me if I don't post spoilers.
4052517 I see. ok then.
Just curious but in your headcannon is the ability to birth alicorn foals solely determined by the mother?
As far as the rest of this I think its good. Nothing too spectacular (thus far) other than a situation that isn't used that often. Chrysalis and Cadance as sisters isn't something I take notice of at all. I would like to see that second AU act you mentioned in the author's notes. Yeah homophones are a tad tricky but I'm certain that they are nothing you cant work through especially now that you have an editor.
4156746 Yes, that is the idea. Not trying to be sexist or anything but there is such a thing as sexual dimorphism. However a male alicorn would pass down his alicorn genes just as a female one would.
And yes, Chrysalis and Cadence being sisters is something I've seen a grand total of twice before. It's not common by any means but the ideas has stuck with me.
4173343
Ishould be made more often. It has so much potential!
Well at this point in time i doubt asking about updates will gain any positive answers so I'll just say that I'm sad that this story seems to have died. It was an interesting Idea.
7528586 Well you might be in for a present surprise some time. I haven't forgotten about it I'm just having issues scraping together the time and effort to work on anything, right now especially as I'm job hunting.
7529171
Oh. Well shit. Fuck me then XD
Good luck on the job hunting!