A New Day
A New Day
You awoke the next morning, not knowing exactly what happened or even where you were. You remembered confessing that you loved Fluttershy and how she loved you. Then there was that kiss, that beautiful perfect kiss that was engraved on your mind. As your eyes adjusted to the morning light, you noticed that you were not in your room. Instead you were in a rather comfortable bed that had yellow and pink sheets. Around the room there were shadow boxes hung on the walls containing things of nature like pine cones, rocks, and even feathers carefully preserved under glass. Mixed in with these were framed art of none other than the yellow Pegasus from My Little Pony smiling back at you. Across from you there was a shrine to the shy pony on a dresser including figures, smaller framed art, and a big plush pony. It was then you realized that you slept in Fluttershy’s room!
As your body and mind awoke further you wondered why you fell asleep in her room rather than yours which was a short distance away. You also wondered where Fluttershy was in all this. Something then flashed into you mind, what if what you did with Fluttershy was more than just a kiss last night? What if you not only slept in Fluttershy’s bed but with her? It was a thought that was both wonderful and scary at the same time as you were not sure how Fluttershy felt about the part of last night that escaped your memory.
The door opened and Fluttershy walked in, her hair and body wet from the shower as she was wrapped in that same fluffy yellow towel. Not noticing you, she carefully opened the drawers of the dresser across from you as if not to wake you and threw some clothes on a bed. She then took off her towel and proceeded to get dressed when suddenly she saw you staring at her!
“Eep,” she squeaked as she backed into her dresser, “Oh I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”
“Nah, I was awake before you came in.”
“So you mean you saw me getting dressed,” she said blushing.
“Yeah, I kind of did.”
“I guess, well, I’ve never got dressed in front of someone before. Then again I never had someone sleeping in my bed before except of course me.”
“How did I end up in your bed? Did we… you know?”
Fluttershy looked at you, trying to figure out what you meant. Finally when the realization came over her, the pink haired girl’s eyes went wide.
“Oh … you meant did we… um… mate last night?”
“Yeah, that’s the best way to describe it.”
“Well um… we kissed and then we somehow made it upstairs and into my room. So um… yeah, we did. That was ok, right?”
“That was fine,” you said as the memories came rushing back at that night, “in fact that was the best night I ever had thanks to you. You were ok with it, right Fluttershy?”
“Oh well I feel the same way. No one has ever kissed me like that let alone… you know. But it was a really great experience.”
“I’m glad you were ok. Everything kind of went by in a blur last night.”
“Well, I’ll let you get dressed and we’ll have breakfast together.”
“Wait Fluttershy,” you said as she was about to leave the room.
“Yes,” she said turning back.
“I love you Fluttershy.”
“I love you too,” she said walking over and giving you a kiss before heading downstairs. As you sat in bed, you realized the great fortune you had of meeting such a girl who not only shared qualities of your favorite pony but they were also qualities that you loved in a girl. Even better, you met a girl that shared the same feelings for you. You wondered if your life was going to be like this forever, that you two would remain in love. It was then you realized that the future was uncertain and what mattered was the present. It was you and that shy girl bonded together by love, and you were prepared to do anything you could to make that love last and to keep a smile on her face.
You got out of bed and headed towards the shower, ready to start a new day with the love of your life, the shy girl named Fluttershy.
***
Two weeks had passed since that fateful day that you told Fluttershy how much you loved her and how she loved you. Since then much of your life with her had become a blissful routine of helping care for the animals. You didn’t mind it as this was what you felt you were born to do since you were a kid, and had you not been here you guessed you would have found a similar job at another shelter or zoo. What made this job even better was of course her. Working with her always seemed to make the time fly by and no matter what the task you worked with a smile on your face.
The confidence training paid off for Fluttershy as you saw a changed girl stand before you. The times that she became easily frightened or that she wouldn’t be able to speak her mind were now a memory, as if she was released from her self-imprisonment. There were times that she would occasionally slip back to her state of shyness, but you quickly tried to remedy this by telling her how she was a strong, smart, beautiful, and confident girl. You even ran a few of those tests of trust with her, although admittedly when it came time for you to catch her as she fell you would always let her fall on top of you, usually involving you two kissing on the ground in a tangled embrace.
The greatest moment came when one day she decided to head to the local hardware with you. To your surprise she immediately went up to the manager and with the skills of a businesswoman and with a dash of cuteness and kindness, she asked for the store’s support in bringing her dream to life. To her delight the manager was proud to donate funds to the cause and even some supplies for a community effort. Soon more opportunities like this poured in like the local grocery store and the mayor’s office. You did your part by supporting her and finding places for her to travel to.
One of the most interesting stops was at a bakery in your home city named Sugar Cane Corner where a girl that looked and acted suspiciously like Pinkie Pie literally embraced you two when proposing the idea! In what seemed like ten seconds flat the pink haired baker prepared a huge bake sale with proceeds going to the Everfree Animal Sanctuary with great success. That day not only did you and Fluttershy gain another supporter of your dream project, you gained a great friend.
Even though your time was spent caring for the animals and touring the towns and cities to support your cause, you and Fluttershy seemed to always make time for each other. Whether it was a simple trip to a park, going to the movies, or a romantic dinner, she never ceased to show you how much you cared. The more you knew her, the less you cared that she was like the yellow Pegasus from the show. She was similar to the pony and yet different, her own person. More importantly she was the love of your life, and nothing would separate you two.
Now with the donations rolling in you two were finally able to get your project off the ground. It was going to be a challenge relocating the animals, tearing down old buildings, and building the new sanctuary, but you two were glad to see it slowly taking shape thanks to some kind volunteers. Why even some of the kids from the school came over to help move the animals, even the Crusaders who were excited to help. Both of you knew that your relationship, like life, wouldn’t be perfect, but as long as you had each other there would be no challenge too great. It was just you and that shy girl named Fluttershy bound by joy, happiness, and love.
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well that ending was a slap in the face to all the readers........
The last chapter was kinda short but i enjoyed it. Great Story !
Great story and a kinda bad ending.
Noooo, it finished!!!!
Who's next? Rarity? Dash? AJ? Twilight?
WHO?????
3150941
Well I'm going to be doing a couple of stories that aren't like these, but I do want to make stories in the future involving Applejack and Twilight Sparkle.
3151232 Don't neglect the other two!! They need love too!
I can't help, got Luna to keep an eye on... excuse me, she's just slipped out of the bathroom... wearing nothing...
3150943 That was one of the most rushed "here is your half assed closure." endings I have ever read no offense. you had something awesome going. you had a few things to go along with that would be more than fluff. How does her confidence training come to a close? What happens to fluttershy's dream? Is she really from equestria? It's saddening these all things go unanswered.
I say this was a wonderful story
but just like the others I was disappointed for the ending
It would have been great if Fluttershy was successfully transformed into a confident young woman and stuff like that. I suppose this is one of those stories as to where you make your own endings
You, know, upon reading that last chapter, yeah I rushed it too much.
I edited the last chapter to include an Epilogue section. I believe this will explain a few things in their lives and hopefully make it less rushed.
Thanks all for reading and hopefully you'll read my next story!
Ha, loved the epilogue at the end, especially the bit about Pinkie!!
Hey, here's and idea!!
(Not that I'm trying to influence you or anything)
Why doesn't whoever you do next meet 'you' at the animal sanctuary?
3155872
Yes, I do plan to add a reference to the Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie in the next story. My goal is to show how these tales are linked in their own universe, an alternate one from Equestria. We already saw Cheerilee and the CMCs, and we saw from A Girl Named Pinkie Pie the Cakes. Now, I'm not going to show every background pony, but enough to give you the idea.
Also note that I mentioned a city (where A Girl Named Pinkie Pie was in) and a nearby town where Fluttershy goes to the cafe. Could these be Canterlot and Ponyville in this world?
3155872 I finally remember where I've seen you before. I've read like 3 of your stories, and liked them.
Also to the author.
This story is pretty cute. 'nough said.
3362386 Heh, I'm up to ten now!!! I've been neglecting two of them, so that's my focus over the weekend.
Sweet chapter
I half expected it to end with Fluttershy announcing to the main character that she's pregnant
When I began to read this story, I got hooked into it because the character was relatable to who I am. I finished the entire story during the night; I was left to some tears and some heart-melting moments when reading the story. A sweet story overall and with a feel good ending and I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Regardless of my shyness, I was about to ask a girl out during my senior year, but then she moved.
Hey just read the pinkie pie story I hope you make a story of rainbow dash she is and always shall be my favorite i don't know I like her attitude her confidence her fun loving personality and her sense of humor If I was in a relationship with rainbow dash I'd be intimidated at first because I'm very secretive when admitting my feelings it takes awhile but if RD gave me some reassurance and a somewhat of a push letting me know I won't get hurt by her in any way nor will I screw it up letting me know she'll stay with me won't hurt me like other people have done I think we'd get along good I love some sports like wwe and hockey I like music like modern and classic rock (props to the new rainbow rocks eg movie coming out)
I'm a good friend, lends a hand at most situations and I try to give good advice and help out those who are less fortunate I even help cook at my church I'm quite good at it cooking I mean I also admit to having a smartass attitude and a stubborn streak at times and a bit mischevious as well hey who knows maybe you can use me as a character or as an anon for a fic I don't mind other than a few spelling and grammar mistakes it was a good fic hope to see more of what you can come up with - Jon
4003425
Well, right now I'm doing a Rarity/ Spike fic using the same second person point of view. Perhaps soon I'll come up with a Rainbow Dash one.
Thanx man lets know when it's up
Thanks that was a cute story, but I thought the characters would freak out more over the similarities between their world and the pony world.
I like how this story is in the same universe as the Pinkie Pie one, is this happening before or after Pinkie got her boyfriend?
For A Girl Named Pinkie Pie i believe that i touch upon the fact that the human Pinkie Pie is exactly like the pony we all know, but in the end I make it less of a freak out moment and more like the protagonist (the mysterious You) just taking his love of Pinkie Pie in his world as how she is rather than her pony self.
With the Shy Girl, I make the pony thing a non issue as well as again it's based upon how the two react in their own world. Like take for example the Equestria Girls reality before Twilight crossed over. They were living separately but shared the same traits of their pony counterparts. Same with here you have an alternate reality which at times crosses over with the pony world but only recognizing such ponies as a TV show.
As for timeline wise between A Girl Named Pinkie Pie and The Shy Girl, I'd say it is roughly the same time frame.
Yes, that was something I could have done better with by not adding the revelation of the show to the characters. In future fics I am leaving that out.
Yes, it was well said with your accounts on bullying.
With these second person Romance stories, each one will have a certain theme I want to tackle besides just romance. In The Girl Named Pinkie Pie I touched on how two people can overcome differences and see the similarities in their lives. With this story I touched on how bullying can be damaging after the deed was done and how to overcome fears.
Necro post is necro.
I can't honestly say I liked this. The premise of the story was solid, but the execution was lacking.
The story needs some editing. I'm sure you've been told that to death so I won't bother.
I didn't finish the prologue... after a few gigantic paragraphs in I just got bored and skipped it. The fact that this is a recurring theme throughout the story is rather unfortunate. I didn't skip anymore after that, but the giant blocks of text definitely turned me off. More dialogue, less exposition, less telling and more showing. It'll make your stories feel more natural and improve the flow at the same time.
Referencegasm does not a good story make. I realize this was written at a time where making pony references everywhere was still cool so I'll give it a pass, but it's still bad form.
I really didn't understand your attempt at having this story set in a human universe where MLP exists while transplanting multiple characters from the show into the story - including their names - while having them also be aware of the show. I'm still so confused about it that I'm having a hard time even writing what I think about it. It felt like you were trying to write an anon in Equestria story without actually writing it in Equestria so that you didn't have to deal with having the MC be a pony or antho-tizing the pony universe. Honestly it was really distracting and it'd have just been better off if you had set it in Equestria. I pretended that their names from the show weren't actually the names they had in your story, but even if you had changed their names from the beginning it'd still feel odd having "Fluttershy" be aware of her show counterpart which is exactly like her in every way... and adding in Cheerilee and the crusaders would still smash my suspension of disbelief regardless of the name change.
The ending came out of nowhere. Despite the rest of the issues with the story the pacing was actually going well right up until you threw the nitrous switch and put the story into overdrive. It feels like you suddenly got bored with writing the story and decided to cram 80% of the character and relationship development into the last two chapters so you could get it over with. Romantic comedies are all about showing the development of the budding relationship in excruciatingly delicious detail, so this is basically the story-equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot then amputating the leg to save it. Meh.
Post Review Disclaimer™
My criticisms are always received rather poorly, so I make it a point of explaining that I do not think your story is garbage. If I did I would've just downvoted it and moved on. No, the story and you both seem to have promise, so I offer my critique to help you understand what you're doing wrong. Good luck with your future writing.
6660659
Thank you for your critique of my story. I actually don't mind this as it helps me to improve. I must admit this wasn't one of my best second person romance stories, and there were many things that you mentioned that looking back I could have done better, specifically the pacing at the end and the referencing of the show. These thoughts I took to heart and remembered when I created my other second person fanfics, eliminating references to the show but still capturing the spirit of the humanized pony characters. And I have played with the idea of having anthro characters in the other stories as well.
Original Quote: Pas avant que j'aie senti votre soleil,
Ai-je réalisé que j'étais à l'ombre.
Pas avant que j'aie vu toutes vos couleurs,
Ai-je réalisé que le mien avait disparu.
Pas avant que j'aie entendu tes rêves,
Ai-je réalisé que je dormais encore.
Et pas jusqu'à ce que j'ai expérimenté ma vie avec vous,
Ai-je réalisé que j'étais à peine
Respiration.
Translation: Not until I felt your sunshine,
Did I realize that I had been in the shade.
Not until I saw all your colors,
Did I realize that mine had faded.
Not until I heard your dreams,
Did I realize that I was still sleeping.
And not until I experienced my life with you,
Did I realize that I was barely
Breathing.
This is my favorite of all of Lux's work. Second only to the girl named pinkie pie
We need a clop chapter that goes into more detail