6-How Not to go Camping
Chapter 6
Twilight awoke to a very familiar feeling.
There she lay, in bed, all but surrounded by her husband.
She lay there, sandwiched between all four of his legs, her back against his barrel.
Supposedly, it was called “spooning” in the human world. She never really understood why though.
Anyway, while it was incredibly sweet, and Twilight did oh-so-very much love to sit and wait in her husband’s warm embrace, she had more pressing matters to attend to.
Namely, she had to pee.
“Alan,” she said in a slightly frantic whisper. “Alan.”
“What?” he groaned.
“I need to get up,” she said.
“But you’re so warm…” he said, rubbing his cheek along her neck.
“Alan, please! If you don’t let me go, this bed is going to get very wet.”
Alan’s sleep-muddled mind did not translate that properly, and he opened one eye.
Twilight sighed. “I have to pee!”
Alan blinked. “Oh! That makes much more sense than what I thought you were saying.”
Twilight rolled her eyes as Alan let her go.
“I better get up anyway,” Alan said, “I’ve got a party to plan.”
“Party!?” A voice called, as a Pink pony shot up from next to his bed.
“Cazzo!” Alan cried, falling backwards into the covers. “P-Pinkie? Pinkie what are you doing here? Why are you here?”
“Oh, that’s easy, silly! Comedy!”
<<<|Ω|>>>
“Alright!” Alan said, smiling. “Is everything ready for tonight?” he asked himself, before looking over a checklist.
He had been spending the evening planning this out. Everything was perfectly laid out. The snacks, the music, the cards were all set and ready to go. It was all set.
“I should hope so,” Twilight replied, “you’ve been at it for at least an hour.”
Alan smiled. “Well, the guys and I need some real good male bonding time, and this will be the perfect time for it.”
Twilight smiled, shaking her head as she continued to read her latest book. Alan had this “guys’ night in” idea pop into his head the other day, and he had been wanting to do it ever since. He had transformed tonight’s card game into the ultimate game night.
Twilight, meanwhile, was to stay over at Rarity’s for a sleepover with the girls. It would be a little crowded for the six of them, but they would manage. Fluttershy’s was a no go considering the animals would be all over the place. Applejack would have offered her place, but the Crusaders girls had already called dibs, and Granny Smith just wouldn’t be able to keep up with two parties. Rainbow Dash’s place was free, but it was a cloud house, and that had obvious issues. As for Pinkie’s place, the Cakes had enacted a strict, “no sleepover” rule once she and Soarin became an item.
They had kids, after all.
And while the latest was mostly to keep males and females apart, they didn’t want to budge on the issue.
So that left Rarity’s and while the Carousel Boutique was fairly large, most of that was storefront. Still, it wouldn’t be an issue if it was just the six of them.
“Now we just need to wait for the guests,” Alan said as seven bottles of apple ale were set onto the table.
A knock sounded on the door. Twilight looked up.
“That’s probably Shining,” Alan said, smiling. “He’s got a long way to come.”
The Pendragon opened the door, and sure enough, there stood the Captain of the Guard.
No one would have called the pregnant mare next to him, though.
“Cadence!” Twilight called from the balcony.
“Principessa!” Alan greeted.
“Hello, Twilight, hello, Alan,” Cadence said, smiling.
“Shining!” Alan yelled. “What is the meaning this?! She should not be here on her hooves. You should have carried her!”
Cadence laughed. “I’m pregnant, not crippled,” she said.
“Besides, she wouldn’t let me carry her further than the train station,” Shining said, as he followed his wife in.
Greetings went all around, from the simple hoofbump between stallions to the rather complicated secret hoofshake for Twilight and her foalsitter. After that, there were a couple of hugs, and Alan drew Shining over to the table, and began showing him everything he had planned. Cardgames and eating, mostly.
“What are you doing here, Cadence?” Twilight asked.
“I came to see you, of course!” the Princess said. “I wanted to check up on you, see how married life was treating you.”
“Good so far,” Twilight admitted. “I learned some things about the both of us which probably would have been better unsaid.”
Cadence smirked. “Yes, that sounds like married life.”
“Oh, Cadence, we have so much to talk about!”
“And as far as I know there isn’t an issue of national security to keep us from that,” the alicorn said with a smile.
“Sounds like the perfect time!” Twilight laughed.
“So, where are you girls staying tonight?” Cadence asked.
“We’re having a sleepover at Rarity’s,” Twilight said.
It should be noted that at this time, one of the many, underpaid ponies that lived in Twilight’s brain suddenly noticed an inconsistency.
In an ill-advised attempt to climb the corporate ladder, she brought it up to her supervisor, who told her to go back to work. The supervisor then brought it up to the manager, who congratulated the supervisor on a job well done, and gave him a raise. The manager then brought this up to the under-qualified district manager, who brought it directly to the CEO, because they used to be buddies back in college. The CEO took one look at the inconsistency, and then decided to make it priority number one.
Twilight frowned.
“What? Is something wrong?”
Other than the fact that the small, underpaid pony in her head got no recognition? “We...there won’t be enough room…”
“What?” Cadence said, her smile fading.
“We...Rarity’s house has two bedrooms, her’s and the guest bed. With the way Rarity keeps her room, and the way Rainbow Dash sleeps, we could only fit three ponies per room. If...if we invited you, then somepony would have to sleep in the hallway…”
“Oh…” Cadence said, her ears flattening against her head. “I...see…”
Twilight bit her lip. She now had a decision to make.
She looked between the excited face of her husband, and the very disappointed face of her old friend.
“I...well…” Cadence said, disappointment evident in her voice. “I guess I’ll head home.”
“N-no,” Twilight said. “Just...just hang on one second. I’ll fix this.”
The purple unicorn then turned towards her husband, sighed, and began summoning her best cosmetic magic.
“So we got all night to down all this ale, play every card game known to man and pony and make every male joke that would be otherwise inappropriate for mixed company,” Alan said.
“Sounds perfect,” Shining agreed.
“Alan…” Twilight said.
Alan turned and his heart stopped.
Twilight looked up at him over a pair of black-rimmed glasses, her hair in a bun, and deep, red lipstick on her two, perfect, pouting lips.
“Alan…” she said again, blinking her large, deep purple eyes, and fluttering her long eyelashes. “Cadence wants to stay with us, but...but we have no room.”
Alan blinked.
She slided over, nuzzling up to him as she continued to pout. “I know you and the guys have a night planned, but can we have the library please?”
Alan looked down at her.
“Pwease?”
Alan sighed, and his head dropped.
Silver hands grabbed the bottles of ale, and a bowl of trail mix. “Come on, Shining.”
Shining blinked. “What? Seriously?”
Alan merely grumbled as he headed out the door, a pair of hands carrying saddlebags following him.
“You fall for her ‘cute face?’” Shining asked. “Good grief, you are cropped.”
“Hobble skirts!” Alan yelled.
“AHHHH!”
Cadence blinked as both stallions left the library.
“Hobble skirts?” she asked aloud. “Twilight? Do I want to know?”
Twilight smiled as the lipstick, glasses and bun vanished in a flash of light. “It’s not what you think it is, I’ll tell you later, but right now, I’ve got to let the girls know.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
Silver Pauldrons had just followed Big Mac onto the porch of the Sweet Apple Acres farmhouse, and was met with the sight of the other five males. The group he had mentally dubbed “the Stallion Seven,” was all gathered in front of him, Alan looking very much miffed.
“Um...did I miss something?”
“No,” Alan said, shoving the bottles of ale into their mouths.
The two coughed, spitting out their bottles in surprise. “What,” Silver coughed, “by Platinum’s Pearly Palace was that about?”
“We’ve been kicked out,” Thunderlane muttered.
“What?!”
“Eyup,” Alan said. “Shining brought Cadence, and then Twilight hijacked the library.”
“Shining!” Silver whined.
“Hey! Alan was the one who caved and gave it to them!”
“I blame my blood,” he said simply.
Big Mac blinked.
“Anyways,” Alan said, “We are still together without anything to do, so I had a thought.”
“Never a good sign,” Big Mac noted.
“I thought we might as well go camping, but considering a group of close guys friends going through some sort of awkward moral lesson on camping trips is more cliche than Family Guy, we need to up the ante!”
“‘Family Guy?’” Soarin asked.
“We are not going to camp. We are going on a Survival Trip!”
“Survival Trip?” Thunderlane echoed.
“Yes! And what’s the best place to have a Survival Trip?” Alan asked, eyes glinting.
No one answered, hoping this wasn’t going where they thought it was.
Alan turned straight towards the massive forest that stood just on the border of town, the gnarled, twisted branches reaching up into the sky. “Everfree!” he shouted dramatically. “We shall march in there and master it! Learn its ways and become its rulers. We shall live as kings in its simple boughs, and we will not only survive, we will thrive!”
Silence.
“Nope.”
“Oh, hey, look at the time, I have the thing at the thing…”
“Did someone say Wonderbolts training?”
“I better double check the tower’s defenses.”
“I think Canterlot’s calling.”
“I think I left too many clouds in the sky, I better take care of that.”
Alan’s eyes narrowed. “Oh come on, guys!” he said turning. “We’ll be fine!”
“It’s...it’s the Everfree!” Thunderlane said. “There is nothing fine about the Everfree.”
Alan rolled his eyes. “Puh-lease. The whole weather, plants and animals thing is my world, all the time, everywhere. It’s no big deal.”
“And what about the dragon that lives in there?” Spike said. “Or any of the other, numerous, flesh-eating predators?”
“Seriously?” Alan asked. “Come on, guys, we are some of the best fighters in the Equestrian Military! And one of us is a dragon. What is out there that could possibly take us on?”
“The aforementioned dragon?” Spike said.
“Who is probably so busy hoarding over his hoard that he won’t notice six ponies and a drake walking by, and definitely not into, his cave.”
No one said anything.
“Come on, it’ll be fun! I’ve done this kind of thing hundreds of times, just me, a knife, a length of rope, a fire-starter, and the untamed wild! And besides, Zecora lives there, it can’t be too bad. Just trust me.”
The Stallion Seven took long looks at each other, collectively sighed, and began their trek into the dark forest.
Six of them knew this was going to be a very bad idea.
<<<|Ω|>>>
The library atrium filled with laughter.
Well, laughter and a very long string of farm yard explicatives.
“Git yer filthy, two-timin’, yeller-bellied, hooves outta my mane!” Applejack shouted as Pinkie Pie began tying numerous baby blue bows into it.
“Oh, come on, now Darling,” Rarity said, smirking as she watched the farmer struggle against the magic bonds Twilight had pinned her with, “it’s not that bad.”
“Serves you right!” Rainbow Dash scowled, tied in rope and wearing a heavy amount of eyeshadow and lipstick.
“Ah didn’t know Ah’d be next!” Applejack said.
“And that makes it better!?” Dash yelled.
“I think you look very nice…” Fluttershy remarked, quietly.
“Cut it out with the bows!” Applejack raged.
“Why?” Pinkie asked as she weaved another three into her mane.
“Ah hate bows!”
“I don’t see why, dearie,” Rarity replied, as she began to lather the farmer's face in rejuvenating mud, “If Applebloom is any indication, you would look good in a bow.”
“Ah hate bows!” she yelled again. “Give me back mah hat!”
Cadence watched it all from the sidelines, taking it easy, and laughing all the while.
By the end of it, poor Applejack had enough “frou-frou” for three years.
<<<|Ω|>>>
“From the mists of the mountains a deafening call
Bellows down over the plains
On a host of battle-worn ears it does fall
Pushing out through the thunder and rain
These sons of the north, they have suffered too long
The anger it swells in their veins
Of the spirited roars of lost warriors' songs
Distant echoes are all that remain”
The stallions sang as Alan led them deep into the forest, a mana machete blazing a trail through the dense undergrowth.
“And my words are my violence
Clear the sky's frozen tears
And no more we'll be silent
With this Paradise song in our ears.
And we stand tall
Sons of the snow
We will not fall
Under these blows
For our hearts they are hardy
Our spirits are strong
And our voices are lifted into
This Paradise song.”
Alan stopped singing to chop a particularly stubborn vine out of the way. The song was also really helping morale, he thought with a snicker.
“Hey, Al,” Thunderlane said, ducking under a low-hanging branch before shooting up into the air again. “Got a question.”
“Shoot.”
“You said something about your blood making you cave earlier, right? What was that about?”
Alan glanced at the pegasus that now hovered above him. Thunderlane blinked.
“Kind of a long story,” Alan said, “about Earth, the planet or dimension I’m originally from.”
“We got time,” Soarin noted.
“Time and darkness,” Silver joked.
Alan nodded. “Alright I guess,” he said, before he began cutting through more underbrush. “Well, as far as humans go there are several races and countries, each with their own culture and neat little quirks. I myself am related to several of these cultures, but we’re only really going to focus on one.”
Alan paused for a second, took a deep breath, and then spoke in a thick accent. “Imma Scott, ya see, laddie!”
To be fair, his Edinburgh accent was terrible, and a true scotsman could pick it out as fake in a heartbeat.
Luckily, ponies aren’t Scottish.
“Now th’ Scotts are a proud, stubborn people,” Alan continued, complete with accent, which, unbeknownst to the ponies was consistently breaking up upon saying “the.”
“Explains so much,” Shining jabbed.
“An’ they're strong warriors, too! An’ iffen Ahm remeberin’ correctly, I belong to the Clan MacKenzie.”
“Clan?” Thunderlane asked.
“A family,” Big Mac answered. “I’m a part of the Apple Clan mahself, but nopony calls us that anymore.”
“Aye, family’s a good word to use,” Alan said, his accent stumbling on “family.”
“I don’t see how this explains anything,” Soarin noted.
“Ahma gettin’ there, lad,” Alan asid, still in character, unaware that his machete had turned into a claymore. “Now the Scotts, as I said, were strong warriors. United, they would have been an unstoppable force, dealin’ death to all their enemies, an’ layin’ low the invadin’ forces. Sadly, they never united. As it was,” his accent totally died before picking up again, “it took hundreds of alliances and arranged marriages to keep ‘em from slicing each other ta bits. To this day, there are clans whose members will not speak to each other because of bad blood.”
“They sound stubborn,” Silver remarked.
“Worse than Applejack at times, laddie.”
Silver snorted. “Doubt that.”
“As I was sayin’, the Scotts were amazin’ warriors, and as such, they hardly feared a thing. That bein’ said, most Scotts do fear one thing more than any other.”
“What?” Shining asked.
“Their wives,” he said simply.
Everypony stopped and stared at him. “What?” Soarin asked.
“An angry Scott is nay something ya want ta be starin’ down,” Alan explained. “An angry Scottish woman? Laddie, ya better be runnin’ for the highlands. She’ll drag ya across the loch, down the dales, and over both the high and the low road.”
He had totally lost them now, but it was still fun to say as much.
He laughed, dropping the accent. “It doesn’t help I’m also part Norwegian.”
“Wait, what now?” Thunderlane asked.
Alan smiled as he continued to lead the pack. “Well, the Norwegians, or Vikings, back in the day were another set of terrifying warriors. They sailed the open seas, raiding, pillaging, and plundering every city they could see. Not even Rome, the greatest of empires was safe from the Berserking raiders that were the vikings.”
“Berserking?” Silver asked.
“Going utterly mad in battle,” Alan said, slicing clean through a thick bush that stood before him, “ignoring grievous wounds as though they were mere scratches, roaring—” he paused for a second, looking up at the thick canopy in thought. “Huh. Maybe that explains the blind rages…”
Silence.
“Anyway,” Alan continued. “One of the surprisingly...civil things about viking culture was that women were treated fairly well. In most places around the world at the time they were considered property at best, but in Norway they were actual people. They could own land, run a business, even file divorce.”
“Huh…” Big Mac grunted as they got deeper into the forest.
“And, most importantly, they ran the household,” Alan said. “Outside the house, the man was the head. They made all the big decisions. As soon as he stepped in doors, though, if his wife said ‘jump’ he asked ‘how high?’”
The stallions started at him.
“Between that and the primal fear of a woman on a rampage, yeah, I caved.”
Silence.
“Wow,” Thunderlane said, eventually. “That...that really explains alot.”
There was a general mumble of agreement.
“So...is there a clan on the viking side that you’re related to?” Silver asked.
Alan smiled. “Kemzie.”
“But I thought that was the Scottish one?” Shining asked.
“It is, and isn’t,” Alan explained, as they came up to a clearing. “You see, the Vikings had this thing where they would take the women back from their raids to their home. As it so happens, the MacKenzies, the scotts, spelled M-A-CKenzie, were a raiding target to the vikings. They took the pretty girls back, and that started the Kemzie clan, spelled Ke-M-zie.”
The stallions blinked. “Huh…”
Alan nodded, before checking the clearing again. “I think this is as good a place as any. Let’s make camp!”
The stallions nodded, breaking off into small groups to do their jobs.
As they went about their business, Alan sat, forming a ring of stones that would make their campfire.
He gave a small, sad smile as he remembered what a history buff his dad was.
<<<|Ω|>>>
The girls laughed again, Applejack finally in a good mood after getting all of the bows out of her hair. They were just too girly for her.
“Alright, alright!” Cadence laughed. “It’s your turn to ask, Rainbow.”
The Pegasus smiled, her facing screwing into a sly grin as she eyed the unicorn that sat across from her. “Twilight Sparkle, Truth, or Dare?”
“Truth!” Twilight answered.
Rainbow Dash smiled evilly. “What’s Alan like?”
Twilight frowned, and blinked. “How do you mean?”
“You know what I mean,” she answered.
“Rainbow!” Rarity interjected. “That is not something you ask a lady!”
“And this is Truth or Dare!” Dash said. “I’m allowed to ask anything I want!”
Twilight rolled her eyes, “Alright Dash, look. I’ll answer this, this one time, on the condition that nopony here ask it again. I don’t want to risk knowing more about Shining than I really want to.”
Cadence snorted, barely saving herself from having cider shoot out her nose before she began laughing uproariously.
“Besides,” Twilight continued. “I don’t think Fluttershy could take it.”
Sure enough, the butter-colored pegasus had her face buried into her pillow, not daring to look at anything out of pure shame.
“Deal,” Rainbow said, smiling. “So how is he?”
Twilight smiled.
You see, the thing about asking a bookworm questions was their mastery of words. And she knew the perfect words to keep the pegasus from getting any satisfaction from it.
“In everything he does,” Twilight said, “whether it is fighting, planning, or loving, Alan is passionate.”
There was silence, and Rainbow smiled.
And then she frowned. “What? Is that it? No details?”
“You didn’t ask for any.”
“Seriously!?”
Twilight smiled. “What’s there to really know? If he’s fighting, he will do with a passionate fury. Turn that fury to love, and that’s basically it.”
“Oh come on!”
“I do believe it’s my turn now, isn’t it?” Twilight said with a smirk.
“It is!” Cadence said. “Imagine that!”
“So, Rainbow, Truth or Dare?”
Rainbow’s brow furrowed. Why was Twilight asking her? “Truth,” she said.
“Do you like Thunderlane?”
“Well, yeah, he’s cool.”
“No,” Twilight said, grinning evilly. “Do you like Thunderlane?”
Dash looked at her for second before her eyes went as wide as dinner plates. A deep red blush covered her cheeks as she stared at the grinning unicorn. “Y-you know what...we-we haven’t had anyone do a good dare lately I’ll take that.”
“Hey now!” Applejack said. “Ya can’t go changin’ yer mind like that! That’s cheatin’!”
“I’ll allow it,” Twilight said, still smiling.
Rainbow had a sinking feeling hit her stomach.
“Rainbow Dash, I dare you to tell us what you feel for Thunderlane.”
The pegasus blanched. “Th-that’s cheating!”
“You mean like changing your mind?” Twilight asked.
“I-I…”
“Ah’ll allow this,” Applejack said.
“What?”
“Seconded!” Pinkie cired.
“Huh?”
“Motion carried!” Rarity said with finality.
“Wha-?” Dash asked, her head spinning around the room.
“Well, Dashie?” Twilight said. “Go on, tell us…”
“I...I…” she said, through a blush. “I…”
<<<|Ω|>>>
“So what’s your story, Soarin?” Alan asked as the stallions sat around a campfire.
The stallions all sat close, a basic perimeter of sharpened stakes that had been shoved into the ground gave them a basic defense from the predators outside. Alan and Spike were whittling more sticks into short spears while Silver and Shining double checked the perimeter to make sure the stakes were good and sturdy. Big Mac was slow-roasting some apples he had brought along, while Thunderlane and Soarin were hovering above them slightly, having just returned with their soon-to-be bedding.
“Me? Oh, nothin’ special really…” The pegasus answered.
Silver looked over at him. “If you’re trying to impress Thunderlane with the ‘strong, silent type’ routine, Big Mac’s got you beat by a mile.”
Ah, yes, implied homosexulaity jokes. What male outing is complete without them?
“Buck you, Silver,” Soarin said. “Look, it’s not that interesting of a story. My dad was a Wonderbolt, his dad was a Wonderbolt, and his dad was a Wonderbolt. I was practically bred for speed, what else was I going to do? Run a flower shop?”
Big Mac chuckled.
“There are worse things, to be fair,” Soarin continued. “I could have come from a long line of plumbers. Heck, before Rainbow Dash became a more public figure, Fleetfoot was the only one that could really keep up with me. So, at least until she joins up, I’ll still be the fastest on the team.”
“Well, that’s something,” Thunderlane
“Yeah, fleeting fame and a crazy pink mare definitely count as something,” Soarin smirked. “But if we’re going to be playing a game of twenty questions, then I think it’s time for somepony else to go.”
All eyes turned to Silver.
“Seriously guys?” he asked.
The stallions just smiled.
The bronze-colored earth pony started. “Fine. I guess I’ll take my turn. Trottingham born, Canterlot raised. Mother never really liked the city life, but Dad had gotten a job there, so she went quietly. Well, relatively quietly.” He smirked.
“She never let Dad hear the end of how there ‘was nothing green here,’ how ‘the city was a terrible place for a young colt to grow up,’ the usual. Mother taught me the basics of chivalry, and I used those rules as an excuse to get into fights. Became a guard, did well keeping the peace, got promoted to the cushiest job ever of being the Princess’ personal guard, and then Alan came along and ruined it for me.”
“Oh, Boo Hoo,” Alan taunted.
Silver smiled. “Alright, Thunders, you’re next!”
“Why me?”
“Cause I said so!”
“Sounds reasonable to me,” Shining said.
“Your face sounds reasonable!” Thunderlane answered.
Alan, Shining, and Spike all rolled their eyes. “Just get on with it,” Alan said.
Thunderlane snorted. “Grew up here. Joined the weather team. That’s it.”
“What?” Alan asked. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, dude, this is Ponyville. Boring as could be.”
All of the other stallions, excluding the silent giant, raised an eyebrow. “Ponyville? Boring?”
Thunderlane blinked. “Right…Pre-Twilight Ponyville. That was boring.”
Alan shook his head, sighing. “The only one here who I think would give a shorter answer here is Big Mac.”
“Eyup!” The red pony answered with a smile.
<<<|Ω|>>>
The crescent moon was continuing its slow climb across the night sky, and as it did, the girls in the library found themselves facing an old foe.
The Munchies.
“Where’d you say the candied apples were, Twi?” Dash called, her head buried into the refrigerator.
“Second shelf!”
As the Mane Six plus guest searched through the house for something edible, Cadence quickly approached the librarian. “Twilight, I...I have a question.”
“What is it, Cadence?”
“I...well...how much trouble could Shining get into here in Ponyville?”
Twilight sent her a glance.
“It’s just, it’s been a few hours now, and I’m just a little worried about them, is all.”
Twilight laughed. “Oh, don’t worry, Cadence. I’m sure they’re fine.”
<<<|Ω|>>>
“I will kill you, Alan!” Shining yelled, barely audible over the sound of his pounding hooves.
“I’m sorry!” Alan yelled. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
The Stallion Seven were now being chased by a very large reptilian canine, with green eyes and purple spines running down its back.
“What is that thing!?” Spike yelled, very much frightened after he saw it get back up after a good dragon fire-blast.
“Chupa-” Big Mac gasped, “cabra!”
“How do you know that?” Soarin said, trying desperately hard to fly up into the sky, only to be blocked by the thick canopy.
“How do you think!?” Thunderlane answered. “He’s only got a crush on a living animal encyclopedia!”
“Stop talking! More running!” Silver yelled.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
<<<|Ω|>>>
“They couldn’t have possibly gotten into too much trouble,” Twilight consoled.
“Well, alright,” Cadence said, “if you say so…”
“They’re fine,” Twilight said, before sticking her nose into a cabinet. “Now, I’m sure he hid some crackers in here somewhere…”
<<<|Ω|>>>
Knock-knock.
The girls all looked up from their snacks. It was...well, it was almost early for customers.
“Who is it?”
“Open the door, Twilight…” came a rather tired voice from the other side.
Twilight crossed the room and did indeed open the door.
Seven scuffed, sweaty, dirty and tired stallions stared back at her. Twilight blinked.
“Hi, Honey…” Alan said in a mix of a tired deadpan and a 80s sitcom happy. “Our little thing ran into the ground. We’re tired, can we just all fall asleep in the basement?”
Twilight blinked. The Basement? Why didn’t I think of that?
“Please?” Alan said, fatigue obvious in his voice.
Twilight looked back at the girls.
They looked at each other.
Smiles began to grow on their faces.
They all looked at Twilight.
Twilight smiled.
She turned to the stallions. “Yes, come on in.”
Now, it should be noted that Shining knew his sister very well, likewise, Alan knew his wife very well.
And they both knew that smile.
“Run!” Shining yelled.
“Every stallion for himself!”
At those words, however, the tired ponies ran out of options.
A magical shield, courtesy of Twilight, went up to block their escape. From inside, a lasso sailed through the air, catching not one, but two ponies before dragging them inside. Pinkie somehow stretched outside from where she sat, and grabbed three more, leaving only Shining and Alan outside in the little bubble of magick.
A sapphire blue glow encased Alan’s tail and he was dragged inside. “No!” he cried, his hooves digging trails in the dirt.
Shining quickly began to scramble for the shield, searching for some sort of opening.
“Oh Shining~!” Cadence called.
The stallion froze.
“Come here, please~!”
The Captain of the Guard sighed, hung his head and walked into the library.
Cadence smiled at him, before she led him over to the corner where the other stallions were being hogtied.
“And you call me cropped,” Alan said with a snort.
“Oh, don’t worry, boys,” Rarity said as numerous, unfamiliar makeup applicators floated above them. “By the end of this, you will look much too fabulous to care!”
It was agreed by the stallions to never speak of the next few hours ever again. To anyone.
Ever.
<<<|Ω|>>>
The house was asleep, everyone from the energy-spent girls to the dolled-up stallions lay snoring.
Well, trying to anyways.
The stallions had been re-tied into something more comfortable, but they were still not allowed to get the makeup of their face until morning.
Applejack found herself thinking that Thunderlane looked decent with long eyelashes.
Quickly banishing that thought, she snuck over to her target, it was the least she could do for the poor guy.
“Silver! Silver!” she whispered harshly.
“Huh? Wha?” the stallion began, his heavily eye-lined eyelids slowly opening.
Applejack shushed him. “Keep quiet, Ah’m gettin’ you outta here.”
“Wha? Why?” he asked, still not fully awake.
Applejack rolled her eyes as she untied the stallion. “Look, Ah didn’t like the frou-frou makeover they gave me, ah can’t imagine how much you’d hate it. Now come on, let’s get outta here.”
Silver nodded, standing.
The two ponies then silently crept their way out of the library, stepping over the bodies of their sleeping comrades.
Once outside, Applejack led Silver over by the hose, which the used to blast the makeup off his face.
He was very thankful for it.
“Alright,” Applejack said, “now let’s get ya back to the farm, the Crusaders are most probably asleep, so it shouldn’t be too bad.”
Silver nodded, dripping wet, but that was infinitely better than the alternative. “Alright, let’s go.”
Nodding, Applejack lead the way back to Sweet Apple Acres. As they walked, their eyes adjusting to the darkness, Silver noticed something.
“Is that a bow in your mane?”
“What? Where?”
“Right there,” Silver said, pointing to end of her ponytail where her hairband normally sat.
“Dagnabit, Ah thought Ah had gotten ‘em—”
“I think it looks kinda nice on you, actually.”
Applejack’s mouth snapped shut, and a deep red blush crept across her face.
She was quickly thankful for the cover of darkness.
“Ah...Ah don’t like bows…” she said, “they feel too girly fer me.”
Silver nodded, and silence reigned between them.
After a while he spoke again. “You still look good with them, though.”
Both were very thankful that it was hard to see a blush in the dark.
Of course, it didn’t help that they were nearly glowing.
<<<|Ω|>>>
Morning came.
After a short breakfast, the girls finally decided to let the guys go. After the stallions had washed their faces and left, it was just Twilight and Alan in the library again.
“You are evil, you know that, right?” Alan said, kissing his wife.
“You know you love it,” she replied, kissing him back.
“Too much for my own good,” Alan agreed, kissing once more.
Twilight laughed.
Alan smiled, before heading to the kitchen to pour them both coffee.
A knock sounded.
Both unicorns turned to look at the door.
Alan glanced over at Twilight.
Twilight shook her head and shrugged.
Alan walked up to the door, curious, and opened it.
There, in front of the door, lay a mess of grey feathers and golden fur. An eagle’s beak and tired eyes looked up at the Pendragon.
“Brother…” Julius said, tears flowing from his eyes. “Help me.”
--------------------------------
And things go to Tartarus in three...two...one…
“The Story’s picking up now?”
Yes, Pinkie, it is. The adventure is going to start.
“Is it going to be another war?”
Well, you’ll see next chapter for the answer. But I can tell you this is not going to be like the last book.
Fun fact time, chillllldren!
“You are not a post-apocalyptic DJ.”
I had originally planned to use the term “Stallion Seven” to refer to the gathered males back in A Novice Swordsman, but have been unable to slip it in naturally until now.
Next time, plans are laid and the Stallion Seven look awesome.
“We’ll see you next time, bronies!”
Bye!
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Well it looks like he ran here with hell on his heels. And considering that most of the members of the iron crown are Succubi....
A NEW CHAPTER FINALLY!
Bringing you the truth, no matter how bad it hurts.
And now its time for our public service announcement.
Don't feed the chupa-cabra. that is all.
3211214 NOT MY FAULT AT ALL!!! images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130324025631/wordgirl/images/9/92/Liarjack.png
3211381 Next up, Alan saves the gryphons while riding a deathclaw!
3211509iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/110918%20-%20animated%20applejack%20artist-Max_Gilardi%20bat%20gif%20jappleack.gif?1328632702
Wanna rethink that answer?
3211528
ALRIGHT IT'S MY FAULT! I just started working a second job and lets just say I had a rough start... 
I'm getting used to it now though, so all the edits shall be done in a far more timely matter!
SHIT!
3211161GORDO!
GO MAKE ANOTHER RESONANCE CASCADE, INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL OF DOOM AND HELP THEM!
And about the chupacabra, my grandma has the real thang at her house.
His name is My Cousin Maria
Yes, HIS
3211550 fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/033/0/c/wallpaper_vinyl_scratch_bass_hug_incoming__by_barrfind-d5tju1s.jpg
Shhhh.....shhhhhh....it's okay. Uncle DJ is here to make it all better. Does Kilokk want a dubstep?
3211562
That seems cruel to do to a boy.
3211576
I got Hoofsounds, so I'm covered. But thanks!
3211576 But I'm not Miner! I'm the editor!
3211581 I forgot to get that!
I was going to go to bed... but then I got a notification...
3211581 3211598 Hmmmm.... *puts hoof to chin in thought* I've got it! fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/344/3/6/pinkiepie_cake_cannon_by_dashfast1-d4ird5m.jpg CAKE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
3211718
fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/292/e/4/trixie_launcher_by_thepegasusbrony-d4dc4da.jpg
3211741 iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/133508279539.gif?1335166420
Is that supposed to be "a glance"?
3211847 the worst part is I noticed that... I hit ctrl-z a few more times than I wanted and erased some edits.
Brace yourselves, Winter is Coming...
Great chapter as always my good sir
I just love all the character interactions, though I am kind of missing the adventure that I fell in lo-...
nevermind. prepares for epicocity
Next time, plans look awesome and the Stallion Seven get laid... :D
I would love for there to be another epic battle scene, where the two opposing armies are in the midst of battle, then Alan looks across the battlefield and sees a whole platoon of his ponies get utterly butchered, and when his eyes fall upon the figure all he sees is a shadowy silhouette before it disappears.....a familiar looking bipedal silhouette DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Essentially I want another human that Alan has to fight.
Don't listen to Pinkie! Anyone can be Three-Dog as long as they put their hearts into it!
That, and a dollop of fairy dust applied to the vocal chords.
Besides bad radio announcer of New Vegas is bad.
3211161
HOW ARE YOU TALKING?!?!!!?
Teeny tiny pet peeve, vikings where nordic, but primarily from denmark as it was the biggest country at the time, Norway didnt exist yet if I recall correctly.
Awesome chapter though!
3211581nah, she's a girl who thinks acting like a boy makes her cool.
When in reality it makes her look like a chupacabras
You people keep forgetting the S at the end
3212997
But they settled Scandanavia in the eight century. And were the ancestors of the Norwegian people.
I suppose it would have been more accurate to say that Norwegians are actually Danish, but they would probably not take that too well.
3213250
Norwegians aren't Danish anymore, they've been their own independent country for close to 200 years now.
And you're not wrong, the area now known as Norway did have a lot of vikings, as I said it's just a tiny pet peeve of mine, I don't want the Norwegians to hog all the viking glory
I already commented, but that bit about Twilight's brain
It's not often a fanfic makes me stop in the middle of my day and laugh.
troll.me/images/american-psycho/ive-had-enough-of-these-fucking-cliffhangers.jpg
Seriously, good chapter. I enjoyed it.
Keep going, as always.
By the way, my brother comes up with that:
Post-war salacious Griffin's insult,
This chapter felt rather...I don't know. It was an okay chap, but I feel that it could have been summed up as "Chapter Sitcom."
The seven of them couldn't kill one chupacabra? I mean you have the seven best fighters in the whole country and they couldn't kill one measly chupacabra.
Maybe I'm just underestimating it. Since playing Monster Hunter unless my monster is three times my size and its body made of weapons I tend not to be bothered by it.
Case in point I give you the Nargacuga
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/420572/572/16/8978909_p0_display.jpg
The wings have blades on them and the tail shoot spikes. It also has a ninja mode and has a foul disposition. While annoying at times its not my least favorite monster. I can deal with him. He doesn't make me hate life and curse the futility that is man.
That honor belongs to Brachydios. You can go look him up yourselves.
Be prepared to astounded, Mesmerized and otherwise stupified its me Three Dog OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! And this is Galaxy News Radio, Bringing you the truth. No matter how bad it hurts.
Time to make changelings a critically-endangered species!
Then sell the last few to the Chinese for aphrodisiacs...
(Alondro practically drips distilled hatriol for the evil changelings...)
Nice chapter, but there are some things you may want to edit.
That should be "said".
And I'm pretty sure that should "off their faces". I look forward to the next chapter.
The plot! It is moving!
3212650
Some sort of phlebotinum or other, or a voice synthesizer. Take your pick. However, while this is the internet, and thus making it impossible to talk through screens without the aid of a microphone and or a voice chat client, one cannot hear another 'talking' through the internet. JFYC.
3216468
.......... Stop ruining my fun with your logic.
...
*Warning! Anger-level rising strongly! Prepare for impact*
I.
"OH GOD! NO NO NO what have you done DungeonMiner?!"
Fucking.
"You doomed us all!"
HATE.
"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOO-"
CLIFFHANGEEEEEEEEEERS!!!!
"AAAAAA-"
*Error: Transmission faced a problem, please reboot the system*
3219164
Then you are going to hate this fic.
I will do my best to keep too many from happening, but the way I planned this story out...yeah...
3221039
Don't worry, cliffhangers aren't enough to make me hate this story...
...but they do make me feel like throwing the phone through the window.
It took me longer than I'd care to admit to finaly get caught up with this story, but it was more than worth it.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
I really shouldnt stay up till 6 am catching up with these stories. Aw, who teh hell am I kidding. I love stuff like this thats at least half decent, mainly thought out, better storyboard than me, and at least takes some care to make things make sense. 8)
Pity you like to kill off your OCs horribly, I fit mine with a Predator class dead mans switch. And yes, I know how powerful that is, and I can describe to you how to do it with show level stuff.
Theres a reason I named my Vulcan class stealth aircraft, the Valley Forge. As in Silent Running.
Thats why I ended up with the job of assistant sanitation engineer. Man, how many times has the plumbers joke been done over the years? Mario, Ben 10, Spellsinger, Flinx, etc.
I wonder how many meanings others see in my cutie mark. I know Im up to 12. Oh, sorry, I just thought of a 13th. Does this look like a distraction to you?
Well, looks like the chicken has hit the rotisserie. Time to,.. Salsa.
3228361
Um...
Um...
I'm going to assume most of this was all-nighter ramblings...
3228860
Pretty much 8(
Sorry bout that.
So, no NRV? (Nuclear Roast Villain?), not even a little bit of Daisy Cutter? 8}
3230364
To be honest, I had no idea what you were talking about.
I mean, I saw words...but they didn't seem to form any coherent thought...
if the griffin that has a relatively close name to mine dies, I will hate you forever
3232702 to be honest, if anyone dies I will be kind sad
3214547 BRACHYDIOS!!!!!!! I just got into G rank and I got to fight to of them
the evil that is makeovers... *shudders*
EXACTLY!
And here's what came to mind about the Survival Trip: