• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 13th, 2013

Curio


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Long ago, Griflheim was a prosperous kingdom in the north. But due to overhunting, the foolish griffons who lived there caused it to fall in less than a century. Legend rose of The Valkyrie, a savior who would descend from the heavens. She would unite the tribes once more, and return Griflheim back to its former greatness.
Stalwart is heir to his tribe, the Eisenklauens. He dreams of returning honor to his fallen clan, which was once proud and strong. When an opportunity arises arises to make them prosperous once again, his answer is short: "I accept."

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 7 )

Nice fic. I will like.

:twilightblush: Valkyries are female mate, next time do you research, sorry. :twilightsheepish:

2859076
Antares is female.
Ohmigosh, did I mess up her gender at some point? How embarrassing...

2859106 well after skimming through this i can indeed say that you were right i was merely just misled by the discription.

2859117
Okay. I should probably try to clarify that.

I enjoyed this story- definitely good work building up the culture and history of the griffons, and a strong feeling at the end that there's more to come after this. Antares is definitely an interesting character- despite how little we know of her, there's an implicit contradiction in her being an ascended student of Celestia who specializes in battle magic, which makes me wonder how those things happened to the same pony and how they each affect who she is now. Stalwart, on the other hand, is relatively straightforward, but still complex in ways that don't quite reach the surface within the span of this short story- I can easily imagine his reverence for the legends of greatness restored to his species coming into conflict with his pride in his tribe in particular, for instance.

There are a number of mechanical errors that don't necessarily obscure your meaning but are still a bit frustrating or jarring to the reader- the use of "tussled" where you mean "tousled", for instance, or the way you sometimes refer to griffon families as tribes and other times as clans. I recommend getting a friend to proofread your work before you publish it to cut down on this sort of thing.

There's one thing I can't figure out which is still bugging me- is the story set before the Crystal Empire vanished under Sombra's curse, or after it returned in the Season 3 opening?

2864474
It is set before the Crystal Empire vanished, but at least a century after the banishment of Discord.
Thank you so much! I do have a bit of a universe planned.
Those errors completely flew under my radar. In fact, I did have someone proofread it before hand, but they must have missed those. I'll definitely give the story another look later and fix the problems you mentioned.

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