• Member Since 21st Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 28th, 2015

The Keybrony Master


Epic gamer, funny, loves eating, sleeping, making people laugh, Lots of fun, music enthusiast, editor, adviser, etc. I hope you enjoy what little I have to offer...

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Spike decides to take a leaf from Big Mac's book by speaking as little as possible to see if that will finally spark Rarity's interest in him and a relationship

Yes this is Sparity; No, I'm not sure it will be clop... This is full pony, no anthro or humanized... This could be a one shot, or I could add several chapters depending on the feedback I receive.... Constructive criticism and advice strongly appreciated, and I hope that this turns out well...
Also, if I do add clop it will only be a single chapter, and that chapter will not be necessary to read to understand the rest of the story... kinda like a deleted scene I guess... -shrug- Anyway if you do feel the obligation to downvote, please at least read it first and leave a legitimate response as to why; so I can focus on improving this, it is my first fic after all... (Also, if I somehow manage to attract the attention of an artist, I would LOVE to have some artwork made for the cover. and you would get full credit for the art obviously.. that is all, please commence reading!)

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 64 )

I like this.
Write on, dear author, write on!

2855756 Thank you!! *squee* (no seriously, I actually did... which I didn't know was possibly for a dude... :twilightblush:)

I actually have not seen this idea before. You have my attention.
You get a :moustache: from me.

I have to give Spike credit for sticking by his crush all these years -- and (maybe) having it finally pay off. :moustache:

This looks good enough to stay with.

can't wait to see where ya'll take this

:moustache: is all that is needed to be said

Only two complaints from me: this chapter is a tad short and feels a tiny bit rushed.
On the other hand, it has a premise I've never seen before and it's interesting to boot. You have my attention :raritystarry:

Have an upvote and a favourite :moustache:

Nicely done, and a well-chosen premise. This seems like exactly what Spike needed to become a much stronger character. And you haven't just blindly made Spike successful without connecting it to the premise; you've shown how this change has made a difference, and as a result it comes across as quite natural.

I look forward to seeing where you take this.

Loving the story, an interesting idea indeed.
Do continue :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile::yay:

Thanks for the positive feed back everyone!! :twilightsheepish: This story is already doing better than I thought... oh, and 2856704 I just added some more to this chapter, because apparently my brain decided I needed to put more in the chapter at three in the morning... :derpytongue2:

......... Someone thumbed down.. -slumps in his chair- oh... :fluttershysad: That's fine i guess... I just kinda wish I knew why...

Short and sweet. Very good have a :moustache:

Really had to throw a doctor whoves reference in there didn't you. :pinkiehappy:
Love the story so far:moustache:

2858945 Probably not that relevant considering I'm the 60th one to give this a thumbs up. The pacing is neither too slow and verbose nor is it too brief and devoid of detail. It is desperately short though in gross length and I tend to be a fast reader, skipping unnecessarily flowery descriptions which are non-existent in this chapter. I like the conciseness of this story so far and it goes into the right kind of details that I want to see. I can tell it's in Ponyville and I know what the Carousel Boutique looks like inside and out and you've decided to focus mainly on the character's interactions and thought processes. The dialogue is readable, descriptive and concise.
Seeing the Slice of Life tag makes me think that there might not be some high flying, conspiracy drama on the horizon and I welcome that change. I like where this is going and will probably give me that WAFF (Warm And Fuzzy Feeling) I like to feel in these kinds of stories. Best of all, no glaring grammar mistakes or awkward sentence structures from reading it. The fact that I managed to read it straight through with minimal backtracking due to that makes this an enjoyable read with a potentially enjoyable premise.
I say, trudge on with this!

2862788 there's more than one... It's a challenge... I want to see if people can find all of them... :trollestia:

2865625 thanks for the review, I always like being told what people think of my work... even negative reviews are important to me because they tell me what I'm doing wrong... :pinkiehappy:

I like the premise. Thought the beginning jumped around a little too much, and Spike's introduction to the concept of staying quiet and being polite was a little forced and rushed. I might have preferred a scene of Spike interacting with Rarity before to establish that his talkativeness actually is a problem and having Mac's success with mares be an observation we get to see with Spike and the conclusion that Spike draws naturally flow from that observation. I'd have also liked to see Spike more directly crib Mac's habit of speaking with a concise "yes" or "no" and say as little as possible when he does speak, to more sharply delineate his behavior before and after. The only behavior that really seemed OOC (I mean deliberately, since he's trying to act OOC) was when he modified Rarity's sketch by hand instead of making a comment. Everything else I could see Spike doing on a normal day. Still, it's very good, and I like where it's going. Hope to see an update soon.

2869682 I hope I can improve the story as i keep writing, and i might go back later and clean it up...

2870079 Thanks...

I'll gladly read more if you write more!! :pinkiehappy: -adds to favorites-

2882471 Thank you...

As for the rest of you, thank you all for giving me such good reviews on this... :twilightblush: it's nice to know I'm actually somewhat good at writing... (and the upvotes and favs are magnificent as well...)

2894041 :pinkiehappy: Thanks, I just hope I don't disappoint anyone... Although it might be a while before I write anymore... I've been helping haul rocks from a new grave.. My friend Robby is getting buried on Saturday...

2900390 Crap man that sucks, and I'm sorry to hear about your friend. The best of luck in the future for you!

2901513 yeah.. I hope to writing again as son as I feel up to it... Assuming anyone actually wants to read more of this...

2901522 Please tell me you're joking. I like to think I speak for many other people when I say I am eager to see more of you works as soon as you feel up to it! :pinkiehappy:

2901705 What, this shite? This is horrible compared to what I intend to write eventually...

2855760 can't wait to see what you have in store. have a follow.

2901794 I'm currently looking at your fic, "A shoulder to cry on" A very nice piece, but it needs editing... Luckily, I happen to be an editor! If you wish I could look it over and work on some of the errors... It shows promise...

2901897 yeah, it's pretty shitty. I'm just trying to get a feel for it, it ismy first time writing anything before.:twilightblush:

2902128 here's a tip, don't post chapters that are less than a thousand words... If it isn't that long, then the chapter isn't finished...

2902442 No prob... Also, I am an editor, so if there are any problems with your story, I might be able to fix them if you wish...

2902512 Awesome! I appreciate it. Also after I finish the next chapter, would you mind proofreading it?

2905074 of course... I'll send you my e-mail address by DM, and you can send your works to me there.. I do not have internet at home however, so I'll work on your story whenever I get a chance.

Please finish this story.

Hold it! First, which season took place?

In the description: don't you mean "a page from Big Mac's book"?
Anyways, keep writing.

3551977

"A page from" and "a leaf from" mean the same thing in this instance.

Sorry, but I'm with the Doctor on this one... "Bowties are cool!"

3551977 and 3552170 Spade is correct in this instance, and it's also an intentional pun... leaf... apple farmer... :trollestia:

An important factor that I neglected to mention yet is two things, one ponies have a shorter lifespan than humans, so if the issue of "Spike isn't 18" is raised by someone, I'll remind them that due to their shorter lifespan, ponies would most-likely have lower legal age limits on drinking and mating.. (they typically live to 25 or 30) making them approximatly half the natural age of a human (60 to 80) the second is that in addition to a shorter lifespan, they would obviously mature faster... I put the mane six at teenage years by this ratio, but fully adult as well, given that this would make them twenty to thirty in pony years (much in the same fashion as dog years) which explains why :raritydespair: is so concerned about her appearence, she is a third of the way through her lifespan already.. Compounding the age factor further is that dragons are thoerized to have lifespans that stretch centuries with ease... meaning Spike will most likely be a "baby" dragon until he is a hundred or older... therefore, trying to compare his age with a human or worse, pony lifespan is ridiculous... At best, I place his age withing a handful of years of Twi's to begin with.. and seeing as how the ratio put her in her mid/late twenties it makes him around eighteen or so by use of pony years... I figured I should clear this up for shippers who have a guilty conscience about shipping someone who seems underage... Feel free to re-direct people who complain aboout age factors to this, I love a good scientific discussion with people who are screaming their points at me... :twilightsmile:

3552311 Okay then as I was saying, Spike wants advice to either Princess Celestia(aka his Momlestia) or Princess of Light and Love herself Cadence.

Canon is pretty silent on the actual lifespans of ponies, though certainly the equines we know in the human world do indeed live for 25-30 years. (And do we know how long the Equestrian year is?) But this is mere quibbling, of course, since you've gotten the relative proportioning where it logically ought to be.

(First story I did, I posited a typical lifespan of 70-80 years, however long those years are, and wrote Twilight as twentyish and Spike as maybe 15 but definitely underage. Of course, as Peter, Paul and Mary remind us, a dragon lives forever, though not so little boys.)

3552558 I want to actually skip the reply letter until maybe the last chapter to give a great big "oh, that makes sense moment" I'm thinking after all is said and done Spike wil pick it up and read it again and it'll make a lot of sense to everyone..

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