Rey is an unfortunate soul, prone to bullying, humiliation, and downright BAD LUCK, but he keeps a positive attitude, never letting his bad luck or rotten situation damper his optimism, until recently that is. Things go from bad to worse and just when things couldn't look any bleaker, a goddess appears before this crestfallen man but magic is tricky, even the purest intentions can go wrong, if you care to find out how, this is his story.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So cliché.
So....Stupid...Can't...Handle....THE CLICHES!
This story has potential. His power rivaling the alicorns, his fear and dread of Celestia, his general fear of almost all ponies; this is an intriguing character.
But everything is happening too fast.
Slow down, take a breath and (I'm sorry to say this) start over.
This is a good premise but it needs more character development, character interaction (his interactions with Celestia were my favorite moments).
More perspective shift, show us the story the eyes of other characters and so on.
You have a good story here, give it the effort it deserves.
2858806
Well at least this allows us to update the story on the main doc so that it's complete.
2861312
Yeah, I found my old story on Google docs, with the absolutely hilarious comments throughout the story,(or at least half of it.) And if my story made someone smile (Even if just to laugh at it.) At the end of the day, I still accomplished something good and that's part of being a brony is about. I mean the "Now your thinking with references" bit nearly made piss my pants!
2862061
Well that's nice to know.
idk i kinda like it. curious is to when the next chapter will be.