Off shoot of: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - Off the Record.
Alex and Spike, along with the Mane 6, are sent to a new, luxurious resort, named 'Haven Station,' under the pretense of enjoying a relaxing week off.
Unfortunately, things aren't quite what they seem, when everypony suddenly vanishes, leaving Alex in a dire situation.
Not knowing who he can trust, Alex, has to cut a deal with the pony he hoped he'd never have to work with, in order to save his friends.
Will they work together and save everypony? Or will the rivalry between Alex and himself, spell doom for the Elements of Harmony?
Chapters (12)
Good so far, waiting for more.
i am getting vibes of max Capricorn from doctor who.
Good start so far. And, so far, we seeing Alex being the fool again, heh. I do have to say that I want to facepalmed so hard...even if I wasn't hinted about it, I would have been able to pick up on the possibility of a trap. Though, to be fair, we humans have slightly more experiences spotting that kind of thing than they have. Can't wait to see how this play out...
I'll PM you the C&Cs...
Oh Alex, always the fool XD
I like your writing. It's proof-read and then there's the lolz...
5/5 bravo
Alex is taking Pinkie's job as the comic relief.
While reading the summary, this played in my mind, starting at 0:27
Supposedly amazing spa that turns out to be nothing more than the evil people/ponies/sentient antagonists plot to destroy the main characters. Overdone. I will read it anyways.
2856185
It works in with my other story. This isn't Some standalone thing. It was always this. I don't mean to be boring, but it's just a build up to the endgame. It works in with the series.
Sorry about that.
2856302 I am not dissing it, I trust that you will make it great. It is not bad, just overdone. No reason to be sorry.
You are amazing good sir, I applaud you. Please just take 'em, take all my happies
10/10
2859427 agreed
2859427
2862050
Thanks! Always Nice to beat some good stuff.
2862435 great stories deserve great ratings xD
is spike turning into the lumpy space princess?
2862502
Everyone has a little lumpy space princess on them.
2862855 Oh my glob like totaly like stttufff?
Somethings not right about that place, I can feel it in my gut. I'm probably over thinking it but, you never know.
I hope Alex and Dax make up, they make a kickass team
I really cant wait to see more of Dax, he seems like such a cool character.
some shit's gonna happen to one of the ponies...
...I guess it's true about hiding in plain sight. He is not even bothering to hide the truth, but rather expressed it in creative ways. Heh, I have to admit, that is a bit ingenious of Alpha, at least with the gang. As for Dax, I have to say that I was a bit surprise to find that he is actually crying. Hmmm, curiouser and curiouser...
C&C:
“Our salon, and conditioning center.”
> Remove the comma.
Well, it seems as if advanced technology has made its way to Equestria...
Man something ain't right with that spa... what spa only lets one person in at a time??? That just sounds completely sketchy to me.
2882658i have to agree with that...
Why are the chapters sooooooo short now? I liked it better when u posted the hole 30k word story, all at once. But thats just me :)
2884037
I switched it up because it used to take me a month to write my long forms. So now, I'm trying This way, to see which I like better.
Plus, people don't lose interest waiting on me to finish.
And so the fishyness begins....
Also, loved the DDR reference.
My headmeat is saying massage brainwashing
Like Whoofian said, it has began...! Can't wait to see how this will play out. Heh, I have to laugh at their reaction when they found out that Rarity was Spike's girlfriend.
C&C:
“Would you carry this play, Spike?”
> Not sure, but did you mean to say ‘play’? Because, I don't think that is the correct word to use.
2887357
It was supposed to be 'please.' You'd be surprised how often i just write the wrong thing because my mind is somewhere else. Normally i catch it, i guess i didn't this time!
Thanks for catching that for me!
2888607
You're welcome. Eh, it happens...either by human errors, or if your computer want to troll you like there is no tomorrow...just pray hard that it was the first one...heh.
1. Can't say I did catch the joke, course I'm also very tired.
2. I KNEW IT! THAT SPA WAS BAD NEWS!
Great, i know where this is heading…
Well, crap, they got Rarity first and now Fluttershy. This is not looking good. I just can't wait to see what this whole thing is about, since the brainwashing part is a bit obvious. We got some parts of what is going on, but we might be able to see the whole deal eventually.
C&Cs:
...seeing Alex open his mouth to respond, but, she stopped him before he could speak up, “ALMOST.”
> Remove the comma after ‘but’. If you want to emphasis a word, I would use bold and italic instead. Authors usually only use all cap to expressed yelling.
I know I would eat crackers in the shower! :)
2892637
It was pretty hidden in there... CTRL+F the word cookie, and read that paragraph.
2893440
Dude, best idea ever, right?
2893066
I'd remove the caps and add italics or bold manually, but i always forget. I'll put them in in word, but forget to put them in when i add the story text to the site, since italics and bold don't copy with the text itself.
2893446 you fucking know it!
2893445
I still don't see the joke...
2893680
It's fairly x-rated that one. Like... SUPER adult.
2893445
just
That was bad
2895011
Na. I think it was awesome.
i dont get the joke...
2898584
...I'll let someone else explain it to you.
2898889
That bad huh?
The first thing taht popped into my mind when they started going to the Haven Station was the episode when the Doctor and Donna were in that spa and the Doc got stuck in that rover with those other peoples and alien thing.
So I wasn't the only one.
~Sylpheed and Eli
I'm just going to completely ignore the things that I feel in my gut, simply because he hit on Twi...I need Twi and somepony to get together, it's got to happen.
Dude, you're getting overprotective, even if she's in your top ten.
How about top five.
Idiots.
~Sylpheed and Eli
Jesus, Alpha isn't even trying to hide the things wrong with this place, he's so nonchalant that they just accept it and move on...this guy is good.
I know, he's like the evil mastermind I want to be eventually.
Okay then...wait, you just did that thing to me...damnit.
~Sylpheed and Eli