- Member Since 4th May, 2013
- offline last seen March 26th
NeverClever
ACAB | Kinky aroace ♠️ | All pronouns accepted
NeverClever
Joined 4th May, 2013 ·
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Oh my...
You are a beautiful person for writing this.
So rare to even see M/M human/pony, let alone when it's done right...
[Can we get more Undiluted now?]
So this is why HBWC hasn't updated. Not that I'm complaining. :3
I think you're still suffering from that stale, Tab A/Slot C thing, though. While the fresh spin on the brony teleporting to Equestria was interesting, and the device of using a hundred percent Sombra's dialogue was unique, the actual nitty-gritty was still kind of underwhelming. However, that's the only criticism I could come up with for this otherwise awesome fic.
Awesome.
3047628 thanks
Undiluted ch 4 is currently ~1900 words, if that answers your question (prolly not :P)
3047968 I figured that someone as OP as Sombra could brainwash somepony pretty fast if he wanted. Maybe he has a separate section of the dungeons for unwilling participants--like some kinda horrible buffet, depending on what he's in the mood for. Or maybe that's why he keeps Rose around all the time.
3049263 Yeah, that was me having trouble with the weird style--never written second person before, and don't read it too often either (except for the periodic fic and CoC back in the day, which is rather theatric to say the least
). Still, glad it was enjoyable despite the flaws 
3049859 thanks
Unf, those downvotes.
8/10 would fap again
Though this only partly excited me, It really is so King Sombra.
Very clever style. Gotta give you props for that.
It was also pretty well written and enjoyable to read. Nice work! 
3060008 3105558 3106413 Thanks
Like 3047968 said (kind of), I would have preferred to avoid the brainwashing bit and go for straight rape. Just me, though; it's pretty good. I'll just second 3060008 here.
3178883 I was trying to lampoon HiE fics, so I figured the human would sort of want to be brainwashed (as Sombra points out).
Also, mind control is my biggest fetish, so I basically put it in everything
Can't argue with fetish writers, 3178992, can we?
3180285 Every clopfic caters to some fetish or other
My next two stories have more emphasis on the rape and less on the brainwashing if that makes you feel any better
Oh yes, this was excellent. You did the 2nd person style rather well~
Also, I only just realized upon reading this at the utterly disappointing lack of M/M rape where the rapist is the one that takes a good dicking, rather than the other way around.
My only gripe is how short the sex scenes are, I think they could have been a bit longer and more descriptive. Then again, I can't really think of how to do that in a 2nd person narrative, it's rather hard.
3350813 Yeah, I was kind of experimenting with the 2nd person; you're not the first to notice the length. It's definitely trickier to make convincing so I sort of ran out of steam.
Still, glad it was enjoyable
And reverse butt rape M/M might be interesting, mostly because of the different dynamics (especially at the end).
3178992 I.
Love.
Mind control.
....
This fic gave me a bloody nose.
I'll assume that's a good thing, I guess.
Very well done, I like the shift in perspective at the end.
Being a female not usually interested in stallion on stallion action, I really liked this! Mostly because it is King Sombra and he's being a sadistic prick to a slave. I also like the perspective. Never tried that style of writing before, but reading this TOTALLY makes me want to! Would you mind if I wrote an homage to it in a similar vein but with his next victim as a mare and threw in a few surprises?
6946560 Go for it. I must point out that the prequel to this story also involves a lot of Sombra being a sadistic prick to slaves, but it is not written in second person.
If/when you finish your story, PM me and I can post a blog about it to help give it some exposure
6947253 You are made of AWESOME! I'll make it a point to read the prequel too!
Wish there was more in the mind control aspect of the story, it was great, hope you would come back to it again.