• Published 9th Jul 2013
  • 1,976 Views, 242 Comments

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Stories and poems too short for individual publication (including some award-winning minifics).

  • ...

Breaking The News

Damage, Chaos Planned In Flood
By Horizon
Ponyville Gazette staff writer

Disaster will strike the town of Ponyville on Wingsday afternoon, when a massive storm is scheduled to flood low-lying areas, leaving several families dispossessed and causing tens of thousands of bits of property damage.

"It's going to be tragic," said Broken Mirror, a soon-to-be-homeless earth pony, as she cradled her peacefully sleeping foal. "We've been in this house for almost a month. I was starting to get used to it."

Every step through the future wreckage of her still-cozy cottage — the seventh she will have lost this year — brought tough decisions.

"I'm not sure it's worth saving the drapes," she said. "They probably won't match our next house's trim."

"I tried to box up the family heirlooms so we could store them on higher ground," her husband Snake Eyes added, "but I tripped and broke them carrying them outside."

Other ponies expressed concern for the impending safety of their loved ones.

"It will be the Worst. Possible. THING!" said local businessmare Rarity Belle, as she staggered backward and collapsed onto a nearby chaise longue. "When the flooding reaches us, my poor Opalescence is going to climb a tree while I'm distracted with keeping my sister safe. It's going to be so horrible, isn't it, snoogums? Yes, you poor baby. Oh, don't give me that look. It's for a good cause."

Mayor Millicent M. Mare said that the exemplary actions of several local heroes will ensure the safety of the town's residents.

"As the four-cubit-high wall of water sweeps toward the outskirts, our beloved Princess [Twilight Sparkle] is going to magically lift a cottage from its foundations, saving a family who slept through the storm warning," she said. "Then Ponyville's most dependable pony, Applejack, will lasso a mare from the floodwaters. As comic relief, Rainbow Dash is scheduled to save a panicked cat from a tree. Finally, for the grand finale, I'll point out a crack in the dam, and the magic of friendship will save the entire town just in the nick of time. It's all going to be very thrilling."

Meanwhile, dozens of ponies will gallop around, dodging floodwaters and screaming in panic.

"I know the entire troupe will turn in a top-notch performance," said Dress Rehearsal, manager of the Ponyville Theatre. "The 'Unfolding Catastrophe' is one of our most popular improv pieces."

Sheltered grandstands are being set up atop Telescope Hill for those who wish to get the best possible view of the calamity. Tickets are available through the Theater's box office, starting at ฿15 per seat, and all profits will be donated to the Ponyville Schoolhouse for the purchase of new playground equipment.

Victims' losses will, as usual, be covered by the Fund to Rebuild Equestria's Shattered Homes, and fund administrator Triplicate said via scroll from Canterlot that he anticipates no difficulty in disbursement.

"Due to unusually light villain activity this spring, fund reserves are at 137 percent of our July 1 historical average," Triplicate said.

Some ponies were more pessimistic.

"It's like pulling teeth getting our FRESH payments," Broken Mirror said. "Literally. They sent us the wrong form once and we had to go visit the dentist before getting our new house built."

One of the victims-to-be even questioned the need for the disaster.

"All I'm saying is, we picked a place our real estate agent guaranteed us was safe from falling trees, lightning bolts, stampedes, runaway carts, and earthquakes caused by magical explosions in the basement of the library," Snake Eyes said. "I was hoping we'd get at least six weeks out of this one."

In the line for grandstand tickets, though, spirits were high.

"We're really looking forward to it," said a grey mare, who asked not to be identified, as she bought tickets for herself and her foal. "There's so much suspense! You just don't know what will go wrong."

Archives of Horizon's reportage can be found at http://www.fimfiction.net/user/horizon.

Author's Note:

This was submitted to (and printed in) the 2013 Everfree NW conbook, which was laid out in the style of a newspaper.

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