• Member Since 25th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen February 1st

Timstro59


T

A "pony" sends letters to his parents about his life in Equestria. Follow his narrations in the letters he sends to his parents. And remember, not all stories have happy endings.


note: just something I put together really quickly.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 5 )

Alrighty, the grammar nazi has arrived :pinkiehappy:

I see Canterlot off in the mountains, Cloudsdale in the sky and Ponyville off in the distance

*I can see Canterlot up in the mountains...

If wants it back, then she can have it

You just forgot she :twilightsmile:

My name is Glimmer of Hope for nothing.

*isn't

end up being a Filly. but we don't have ultrasound like you do back their.

*filly, But, there

Dawn is asking me why she can't see mommy, and it break my heart to tell her, "Mommy is sick, and if you get close to her then you will get sick too." 

*breaks

there wasn't a magical cure for this desease.

*isn't, disease

My wife passes away last week.

*passed

There is still a Glimmer of hope that My daughter won't pursue it.

*my

Wasn't I a good enough pony? Wasn't I a good enough father?

wasn't I good enough? sounds better :twilightsheepish:

As for why his parents never wrote back or replied to any of his messages. The were killed in a car crash hours after he entered the portal to Equestria.

*As for why his parents never wrote back/replied (they are synonyms, ditch one of them) to any of his letters, they were killed in a car crash just hours after he entered the portal to equestria


Now, the style in which you're writing is simple, it's great, but you could go more in depth when it comes to feelings. It would be great if we really see him pouring out his heart into these letters, and shouldn't he become even a little bit angry with his parents? Just a small letter written in caps-lock would do just fine :twilightoops: but in the next letter he would apologize and so on...

BUT, this is not a bad story. I did enjoy reading it and the plainness of the letters allowed me to imagine all the possible feelings he must feel, although he might not want to put these into print.

Just try to put yourself more into his shoes and get the feels across :pinkiehappy:

I hope I didn't upset you, I didn't mean to be harsh (if I was)

Take a cookie as my condolences :pinkiehappy::fluttershysad:

3587359
Well, I consider the general lack of grammar to be understandable. (these are letters after all)
And take into consideration that I haphazardly threw this together without consideration for a lot of that stuff. (these are letters after all)

And you didn't hurt my feeling in anyway. I'm just glad you took the time.
Also, I accept the cookie.:pinkiehappy:

3587439 here ya go :pinkiehappy: *dumps a wagon-full of vanilla cookies on you*

Enjoy :twilightsmile::pinkiehappy:

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